Life is precious

I watched Pan Xiao's eyes turn red a little bit. Obviously, the light is very dim at this time, but his eyes are like rabbits, the redness is so obvious that it's hard for people to ignore it.

I suddenly felt badly distressed.

It's been five years, no, six years since I knew Pan Xiao, and he has never been as vulnerable as he is right now.I could even see his whole body shaking, big tears fell from his eyes, and he just stared at me without even trying to hide it.

I felt so distressed that I stepped forward and hugged him tightly.He couldn't speak, and neither could I.

Words lose all power at this moment.

I don't know how long it took before Pan Xiao hugged me tightly, buried me on my shoulder, and began to cry happily.I rubbed his shoulder and said sentence by sentence, "I'm sorry, brother was wrong."

I kept thinking on the way here, I hope Pan Xiao will not ask me where I went when I disappeared for a while, and why I didn't reply at all.Just like I never asked Pan Xiao why he got drunk in the bar back then.There are places in everyone's heart that they don't want anyone to touch. I want Pan Xiao to tacitly express his silence this time.

But he didn't.

He buried my shoulders and pulled my clothes, tears and snot all over my body.If I hadn't really gone too far this time, I would have thrown myself and my clothes into the washing machine.

Pan Xiao cried enough, raised his head, stared at the red eyes and asked: "Brother, where did you go? Why didn't you reply to a letter for so long? I thought you had an accident! Parents are holding each other every day. Xin, ask my brother if you have any news today?"

I looked at his red eyes full of worry, sadness, and resentment: "I also want to know why there is still no news today! I go to the police station every day, and every time they say they are still looking for him, there is no news yet , let me not worry."

"But how can I not be in a hurry? I often think, did I do something to make you unhappy, so you left in a fit of anger? Or are you blaming me for ignoring you and not being as close as before? I think Change it, but I can't find you! Where did you go, why is there no news at all, nothing at all!"

Pan Xiao started crying again while talking, I quickly hugged him, feeling that Pan Xiao was a lot thinner than before, and scolded Zhou Shiyun's eighteenth generation ancestor in my heart.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ah Xiao, brother didn't mean it. It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's brother. I will tell you anything in the future, and brother will never run away without saying a word. "I tried my best to coax me with nice words.Pan Xiao was so emotional tonight that he completely lost his mind.

I rubbed Pan Xiao's shoulder, listening to him muttering something, my eyelids drooped little by little.Occasionally, I would open my eyes abruptly, only to find that I was still there, and then gradually fall asleep.I fell asleep and was still muttering something, I lowered my head and listened to my ear, only to hear what he said, "Brother, don't lie to me".

Hearing this sentence, my heart throbbed again.This emotional, childish, and crying Pan Xiao was something I had never seen before.It's only because I haven't heard from me for a year that the big boy who used to be careless is crying like this now.

With Pan Xiao like this, I can't let him sleep alone, otherwise he will be panicked again the next day when he doesn't see me, I can't bear it.So I hugged him with one hand, and put the other hand through the bend of his leg, and hugged him horizontally.

Pan Xiao really lost a lot of weight, leaving only a light skeleton, which weighed nothing in his hand.I carried him into the bedroom, put him on the bed gently, and covered him with the quilt.

There is no moonlight tonight, only a few street lights shining in through the open windows.I didn't turn on the floor lamp in the bedroom, so I looked closely at Pan Xiao, his sharp-edged face, frowning eyebrows, and murmured nonsense, I felt my whole heart was churning, All in labor pains, all suffering.

Of course I know that Pan Xiao has deep feelings for me. Everything that happened just now tells me that he really loves me.

But this is not the love I want.I hope he wants to kiss me hard, hug me, want to fuck me, or be fucked by me, wants to touch me all the time, and when he reaches out, I'm there.Just like what I want to do to him.

I was getting deeper and deeper in this secret love that was destined to end without a cause, but Pan Xiao himself didn't notice it, and didn't even have the slightest sign of desire for me.Although I don't want to break him, but occasionally I can't bear the hormones.Whether I just got out of the shower and walked past him while wiping my hair in my underwear, or deliberately forgot my pajamas and asked him to come in and pass me the clothes, even once I hurt my arm playing basketball and asked him to help wipe my back.Every time he didn't feel anything, and there was no disturbance at all. On the contrary, it was me who reacted to my own actions, and it was difficult to calm down for a while.

When I think of Pan Xiao's bad "deeds" in the past, I can't get angry.This dead elm lump is really clueless, completely unaware of his brother's dirty thoughts.

I stared at Pan Xiao's face, and said in my heart: "But that's it, Ah Xiao, how can I continue to get along with you as before? I am really afraid that one day I will be completely dazzled by jealousy. Hurting your wife and children, destroying your original happy family. Ah Xiao, we can’t be together forever, and I won’t see you happy forever. Forgive me for my selfishness, I really can’t be magnanimous.”

I made up my mind to withdraw from Pan Xiao's life little by little in the future to give him a process of adaptation.Now that we know that there will be no ending for each other, it is far better to be straightforward than procrastinate.

I didn't sleep much all night, I just felt that when I squinted my eyes for a while, the sky was bright.Pan Xiao hadn't woken up yet, and he slept quite restlessly all night.

After holding back for a while, I finally couldn't help it anymore, got up and went to the toilet.When I came out, I found him leaning against the head of the bed with an anxious and exhausted face.It wasn't until those red and swollen eyes saw me that he seemed to settle down and let out a soft breath.

What should I do, Pan Xiao's cuteness makes my heart ache again.

I walked over, sat on the head of the bed, rubbed his head gently, and he leaned against me quietly and obediently.The sun shone down, and the shadows of the trees swayed slowly with the breeze.

It would have been a pretty good morning were it not for the scene that follows.

However, Pan Xiao quickly started the questioning mode that was not finished last night.

"Brother, why have you disappeared for so long?"

I looked around and said to him, "Didn't I send someone to deliver a letter to you? My supervisor has a confidential scientific research project, and no one is allowed to contact the outside world."

"Brother, you are still lying," Pan Xiao blushed, and said, "I went to your school to ask, and your tutor doesn't have any secret projects at all."

I pressed my temples with a headache. This lie was really not a good one, and I would know if it was true once I verified it.But I really have a hard time saying it. To be honest, I don't want Pan Xiao to know about my previous experience.Firstly, I find it embarrassing to tell about this experience; secondly, this incident is full of weirdness. Before I figured out the ins and outs of the matter, I neither wanted Pan Xiao to feel resentful, sad, or angry because of this incident. Involve Pan Xiao who has nothing to do with this matter.

So I tried to change the subject: "Let's go back and see my parents first. I haven't heard from me for so long, they must be very anxious. I'll give them a call first."

I don't want to face Pan Xiao and his parents with guilt, but this kind of guilt is unavoidable.When I took out the mobile phone that I hadn't touched for a long time, my hands trembled and I couldn't hold it.With a rather complicated mood, I charged the phone and turned it on.

As soon as I turned it on, I was bombarded with countless text messages, and the phone was shaking like a typhoid patient. I wondered if the phone would malfunction because of this.More than ten minutes passed before the phone stopped vibrating.There is no fault, the mobile phone is shut down due to arrears.

I looked at Pan Xiao helplessly, so I took his mobile phone and called my parents.

A few seconds later, the call was connected.

I suddenly felt a tightness in my throat and couldn't speak.

"Xiaoxiao." When I heard Pan Xiao's mother's voice on the other end of the phone, I suddenly had a sore nose.Last night Pan Xiao hugged me and cried loudly. When I cried so much that my heart ached, I didn't even feel like crying. Now, when I heard the godmother's voice, I choked up.

Clearing my throat, I said in a low voice, "Godmother, it's me, Jiang Jie."

Suddenly there was no sound on the other end of the phone, and it took a long time for a low cry to be heard.The godfather's voice came over, "Boy, it's good that you're fine. Your godmother is too excited right now. Come back for lunch. I'll cook for you."

After hanging up the phone, I stared at the phone for a long time, until Pan Xiao came to sit next to me after washing.I turned to look at him, he looked much more energetic than last night, although his eyes were still a bit swollen.

"Ah Xiao, I'm sorry." I lowered my head and squeezed my fingers, "I can't help myself this time, this matter cannot be explained by one or two things."

"Brother, I didn't mean to force you. I just don't want to experience again the feeling of you suddenly disappearing without a word for more than a year."

"I know, I understand. If you disappeared for a whole year, I would probably go crazy." I looked at him and said meaningfully.

Pan Xiao obviously didn't understand the second meaning, he just frowned and said, "Brother, does this have something to do with your biological parents?"

"I don't know either. The other party didn't say anything, just apologized suddenly, and then let me go back. Don't worry, I didn't suffer, it's just a little boring, and I miss you very much."

The author has something to say:

Pan Xiaokei is really cute.Also, I revised the previous chapters.