bad luck in love

Shen Yu's parents hurried back from other places to attend Wei Chen's mother's funeral, and then rushed to Guangzhou. He also returned to his life of reading, drinking tea, and writing manuscripts alone, and the turbulence of the outside world was shut out like this.Shen Yu would ask about Wei Chen's condition every now and then, but most of them were limited to whether he needed help, paying attention to his body and so on.A week later, Shen Yu received a call from Wei Chen: "I'm fine, I just want to hear your voice suddenly."

"Well, how are you over there?"

"It's okay. When I went back that day, she had been transported away, and I didn't see anything. I wanted to cry at the time, but it seemed that something was stuck in my chest, and I couldn't cry. Maybe this Years of tears must have dried up in the KTV toilet cubicle. I really feel that I am not a thing. On the day of the funeral, I hugged her portrait and couldn't shed a single tear."

Shen Yu didn't realize whether his phrase "KTV cubicle" was a joke, anyway, neither of them laughed: "You've done a good job".The hand holding the phone hurts a little. Wei Chen grew up differently from them. Childhood is like stars in the sky to him, both beautiful and far away.Even at this time, at his mother's funeral, Wei Chen still had to endure the flickering of the spotlight, still suppressed his real emotions, and acted out a virtual self.

When I saw Wei Chen again, the fiery summer was coming to an end, and he was still standing under the carved street lamp, quietly looking at the French windows of Shen Yu's house: "I'm downstairs, are you at home?".Shen Yu hung up the phone, threw the notebook on the sofa, stomped downstairs and brought Wei Chen up.Wei Chen didn't have much energy, and followed behind with his head down, without unnecessary words or movements.Shen Yu felt like a child who led his family to make mistakes.He couldn't help but sigh with emotion, people really grow up overnight.

Just as Shen Yu was about to reach out to unlock the fingerprint lock, Wei Chen cleared his throat behind him: "Aren't your parents here?".

Nodding gloomyly, Wei Chen leaned behind him and put his head on the other's shoulder: "I'm really tired."Shen Yu turned around, half hugged him in his arms, and raised his hand to follow his back like coaxing a child.Wei Chen's tears that hadn't shed all this time began to well up in his eyes after Shen Yu's two slaps.Shen Yu coaxed him into the door like a child, settled on his sofa, and skillfully made a pot of hot tea.Holding the jade-colored teapot in his slender hand, coupled with his gloomy and indifferent expression, Wei Chen felt that he had strayed into the paradise of immortality.

Wei Chen tentatively called him: "Xiao Yu".

"Yeah" Shen Yu didn't care what his name was, and responded lightly, and reached out to get him a teacup, and filled it up.Hot air swelled before Wei Chen's eyes, and the fragrance of Pu'er enveloped him in the steam.This time he was called by the nickname of Shen Yu, and the other party didn't blow up like before, it was like returning to the time when they were holding hands.But Wei Chen knew in his heart that no matter how hard he tried, he would not be able to catch the person in front of him, so he might as well use up the remaining tenderness left to him by depression.In this life, they can neither be friends nor lovers.Wei Chen stared at the man in front of him, slightly fascinated. The worldly gold and silver mountains on his back were not worthy of the gloomy "immortal energy", neither worthy nor enough.

Zhang Yang once hinted that depression is not the same kind of person as himself, and it is not suitable at all.Wei Chen suddenly smiled in relief. He probably never experienced what it means to "get what you ask for" since he was a child, but now he finally understands it.During this period of time, this moment was the only one that made him feel relaxed and comfortable.It seems that all you need to do is to sit quietly by the side and pour yourself a cup of tea, which is worth confiding in yourself.

Wei Chen: "She made such a choice. Not only was I not surprised in my heart, but I took it for granted. I don't know if she loves me. Anyway, she can die for Wei Qiming, but she can't live for me."

Shen Yu didn't say a word, just motioned Wei Chen to drink some hot tea first, and he obediently took a sip, with a playful smile on the corner of his mouth: "You probably don't know, Wei Qiming has a lover. I thought that person was just a wild lover , the kind that was thrown in the corner after playing enough. Later, I used some means and found that they were lovers, and they were very in love with each other. At that time, because of my mother, I hated him very much, but the more I checked, the more I hated him I can’t love it, I can’t hate it, but I can’t love it. To him, my mother is just a daughter-in-law of the Wei family to carry on the family line. What kind of responsibility and gentleman are they all public relations methods of the group. This story is not The down-and-out daughter married her destined lover and lived a happy life. Instead, the down-and-out daughter stayed alone in the vacant house all day long, depressed, and spent a miserable and short life in the "golden house". No one understood her emotions, and her depression No one cares, her lover loves someone else. Even the only son she could possibly love is the same man she hates, so she is completely disappointed in the world.”Wei Chen stared into the gloomy eyes, "I'm sorry, this is the first time I'm telling you about my family, but it's such a story."

Shen Yu shook her head, and raised her hand to rub Wei Chen's hair: "Maybe the story itself is not like this. It is because you have grown up and look so good that she is finally willing to leave you at ease. Listen to you Said, if she doesn't love you, how can she persist until now? She really tried her best."

Wei Chen blinked his eyes: "I still really want to know what my dad is thinking, at least I want to hear him say it himself. I talked about his lover a few days ago, neither admitted nor denied it, but just told me not to think so much. Don't think so much? Are people in the Wei family naturally more expensive than others? He knew it was the end, or did he destroy her with his own hands, what does he want a son like me to do? It's really selfish, giving birth to her for her own needs. Me, and I couldn’t let me live as I wanted, and even ruined her. Everyone around her who turned a blind eye to all this was a murderer, especially me.”

Shen Yu knew that Wei Chen just needed someone to confide in, so he didn't interrupt, but said that he was listening carefully, and occasionally helped Wei Chen refill his teacup.

Wei Chen took a deep look at Shen Yu, the emotion in his eyes was no longer the straightforwardness and enthusiasm of the past, it was completely different from the person who said "but I want to be with you" to Shen Yu a few days ago.When Wei Chen moved his eyes from the teacup in his hand to his gloomy face again, the complex emotions in his eyes had already settled down, leaving only reluctance and regret: "I also clearly foresaw the ending, but I still keep pestering you willfully You, pushing you and Liu Ya to a dead end. Maybe just a little bit, she will become another version of my mother. While I am afraid of those scenes that I don’t want to face, I am also worried about losing you. Because if one day, I don't know what to do when I don't have your name in my contacts anymore."

The gloomy brows were slightly frowned, and Wei Chen smiled: "You don't need to comfort me. Because I know she didn't feel relieved to leave after seeing me grow up. There is no way out. It is completely impossible to understand that despair if one does not reach out with empathy."As he spoke, he lightly pressed his gloomy brows: "Don't frown, let alone show this expression because of me."

Why do people choose to die?If his mother had left a month earlier, Wei Chen wouldn't have understood the despair he felt, and he wouldn't be in such pain as he is now.After all, he had just come to empathize with the word "death" a few days before his mother died.It was at this time that his mother left, and Wei Chen's heart was covered in blood.He remembered the night when he stood on the main road in front of the hospital, he was really determined to die and waited for the depression to turn around.Why do people choose to commit suicide?Because every time you take a breath, you will make yourself desperate to die.

"Depression, do you know why I wanted to die at that time? Because I don't know, what else is there for you to look back on as a person? You don't care about everything about me, my love, my heart, and my body. No more. Hehe, the way of death that makes you feel ugly, at least you can take a serious look at me with pity or disgust, just look at me. And why did my mother choose to be in a place where others can’t see Jumping off a building? It's very simple, because she doesn't want to be rescued at all, she doesn't love anyone, and she doesn't need to exchange her life for a serious look. For her, there is no one worth it. Death is not scary at all It’s terrible to live with everything on your back.”

Shen Yu couldn't listen anymore, he put down his glass heavily: "At this time, I didn't want to tell you about the things between us, but since we made you empathize with your mother's death, I still have to do it as soon as possible." Let me tell you. Feelings are consumables for me. We have already consumed them. This is the reality. You can’t choose between love and responsibility. This is your difficulty, and I have mine. You It’s useless for me to cherish my life. You should cherish it yourself. We all came here like this. Who doesn’t love to miss someone? Don’t think that love has uniqueness. Objectively, it doesn’t exist at all. It’s your subjectivity that makes it unique. .For me, love at first sight and love after a long time are both love, and there is no difference. Qi Nianzhi and you are both love, and there is no difference. When you are tortured by this love, you can't live without it, just treat it as a trip to this world The experience, experience and experience, maybe the miracle fell on me when I stumbled."

Wei Chen felt that depression must be comforting himself, otherwise, to him, how could he possibly be on the same level as Qi Nianzhi?Wei Chen even thought that he never loved him at all, otherwise, how could he have been so restrained all this time.He said slowly: "I once thought that the name of 'miracle' was depression".

"Your miracle may not be me. The things I didn't let you understand, the cage I didn't let you out of, may not be impossible for others to do. I used to entrust my miracles to you alone, and I always asked you for something, but It's not fair. A miracle is an unknown, it doesn't have to be you, it doesn't have to be something, it might just be an opportunity, a thought."

Wei Chen's eyes widened in surprise, "Did you really entrust a miracle to me?".

Sullen smiled and pinched the eyebrows: "Really".

Wei Chen drank all the water in the glass, and then forced himself to calm down: "I know I'm not good, and I don't deserve to be loved by you."

Sullen still smiled: "Do you think I'm good enough?".

"It's the best I've ever seen." Shen Yu heard Wei Chen say this, and continued his words word by word: "Then such a good me, when I was 18 years old, I was fascinated by you and had no principles. , and even tried to challenge the rules of this world, and offered the limited edition love at that time with both hands. You who have been loved like this, are you not good enough?".

"Then that so-and-so person is really blind. He gave me a heart in exchange for a wound." Wei Chen cleared his throat: "I'm fine, depressed, it will be hard to see you again in the future, right?".

"Well, can you hold on?"

"Can"

Shen Yu stood up and leaned over to kiss the corners of Wei Chen's eyes. The soft touch made Wei Chen feel flustered. He hugged Shen Yu tightly and leaned against the sofa, and the two of them had a long, warm, and unadulterated kiss. kiss.