Back to 1993 through time travel

"Why do you like a person, and why are you interested in him? If it's just because you've been together for a long time, why don't you try to find a woman to get along with? You haven't even tried, why do you think you can Break public order and good customs to like a man?"

"What if you regret it in the future? Is it still too late? Are you afraid of hurting someone too deeply? You don't want another Wang An in your life, do you?"

What bullshit logic and bullshit metaphors are these!Gao Jianfeng sat up suddenly from the bed, got up violently, his waist was twisted, and there was a dull pain.

At first, he didn't pay much attention to these words, but as soon as he fell asleep, Gao Zhiyuan's question after sentence began to linger in his mind, what do little brats know?He, Gao Jianfeng, was never afraid of other people's eyes. If he didn't even have this ability, why would he be the roost among the children in the courtyard back then!Of course, these are not the main points, Xia Tian is not Wang An, fragile and resolute, they are two completely different people, not to mention that he has never failed Wang An emotionally. on these.

But Xia Tian is an adult, rational and sober, especially understands what he wants.Although he was serious about his feelings, he was measured. He obviously didn't invest too deeply. Even if he failed, he believed that Xia Tian would be able to get out of it soon. Besides, there was no such deep-rooted emotion between them.

Gao Jianfeng comforted himself and lay down again, but found that he couldn't fall asleep.He simply got up and turned on the TV to hypnotize. Most of the TV at midnight was snowflakes. He had to find those difficult and obscure European art movies to pass the time. When he opened the drawer, he saw the CD he performed at a glance.

The suspicion that had been flashed on the day of the party reappeared - the videos in other people's hands were all complete, only Xia Tian edited his own part, Xia Tian did not communicate with others, and only kept a relationship with himself for four years. Intermittent contact.

Four years... the days are neither long nor short, it sounds a bit like missing...

Could it be that he liked himself a long time ago?Gao Jianfeng thought, then smirked slightly, to show some face, can you not be so affectionate?With Xia Tian's personality, he will definitely try his best to get what he wants. So far, has he ever forced himself, has he ever played tricks?Not at all, at best, just think carefully, it seems tepid, and there is not much urgency.

Just thinking about it like this is no less than having a brainstorm, and he is more energetic. If this continues, he will have a sleepless night. He doesn't want to go to work in the company tomorrow with a panda eye. He suddenly remembered that there were sleeping pills in Xia Tian, ​​poured a glass of water, and walked in uninvited for the first time.

The curtains were not drawn, and the moonlight poured in. Gao Jianfeng relied on his good eyesight, did not turn on the light, and searched for the medicine bottle on the shelf with the light. He still remembered the medicine bottle that Xia Tian took that night, it was a small brown porcelain bottle. After that, I poured out a piece and swallowed it whole with water.

Taking a casual glance, one wall is full of bookcases. How much does this person read?Gao Jianfeng couldn't help feeling admiration. He picked up the water glass and accidentally touched the book on the lower shelf with his elbow, followed by a burst of crackling.

The shelves are so overstuffed that one row becomes a row.Gao Jianfeng finally turned on the light, picked up the books, and refolded them in order. When sorting out, he suddenly saw a familiar envelope sandwiched between the two books on the inner shelf.

The signature exposed at the bottom of the envelope attracted his attention. It was the name and address of University A.

What does Xia Tian have to do with A University?It was the school he had most yearned for at one time. Gao Jianfeng couldn't hold back his curiosity. He took out the envelope and felt the contents inside, so he took it out and unfolded it. The moment he saw it clearly, he was stunned.

It was a letter of admission, just a few lines, he checked it over and over again three times, and finally confirmed that it was the letter of admission to the Department of Biopharmaceuticals of University A in the summer, and it was mailed in early August of 94.

Didn't Xia Tian go to H University?Is there not?

Gao Jianfeng felt a sense of confusion in a trance, and the images of that day flooded into his mind.When he himself received the admission letter from University A, Xia Tian happened to be with him, as if he was afraid that he would be unhappy, Xia Tian just smiled lightly and didn't say anything unnecessary.

At that time, Gao Jianfeng had no special feelings about giving up the university, and he no longer regretted it after making a decision. He saw that Xia Tian was a little cautious, so he asked Xia Tian with a smile if he had received an admission letter from H University.

"Well, received." Xia Tian answered very concisely.

When saying this, Xia Tian lowered his eyes and did not look at him.Gao Jianfeng thought carefully about his reaction at the time. He felt that Xia Tian was too sensitive. He mistakenly took Xia Tian's "sorry" as a fear of arousing his own sadness, and laughed and said a lot of careless jokes. Coming over, he knew that Xia Tian's reaction was not only because he was afraid that he would be sad, but because he couldn't tell the truth to himself.

H University is the logical first choice for Xia Tian, ​​everyone thinks so, Gao Jianfeng himself has confirmed it many times, so this is enough to prove that Xia Tian has already made up his mind when he applied for volunteers, and A University can only be His first choice, otherwise with his score, it is absolutely impossible to be admitted by the second choice.

Xia Tian didn't tell anyone about this matter, was he planning to reunite with himself in University A, leaving a surprise?So Xia Tian didn't receive the letters he sent to H University afterwards, of course, he left his address on the letter, if he saw it, there was no reason to go to Wang Yang to ask for it.

After that, Xia Tian hurriedly left University A and went to the ocean.When they got in touch with each other, he once asked Xia Tian why he didn't finish his undergraduate degree in China. After all, H University is the best choice in this field. In terms of further study, he believed it was true, but thinking about it now, with the second-rate major of A University, of course he is not worthy of Xia Tian.

And besides that reason, maybe it's also because the reason for choosing A University in Xia Tian no longer exists.

Gao Jianfeng figured it out, and he couldn't help but feel shocked in his heart. What this means is self-evident. Xia Tian half-jokingly talked about wanting to continue to be his classmate, but it turned out that he was serious. It was so true that he would rather give up the best and choose to retreat. Secondly, Gao Jianfeng's hand holding the letter trembled slightly. Those feelings really didn't arise after the reunion!

For a person who has always been stable, the rhythm of his heartbeat suddenly became chaotic.If Xia Tian didn't tell about this erroneous past, if he didn't see it himself, he might never have the chance to know about it. He was so slow to his grandma's house. He couldn't detect any clues in his life, so how could he judge Xia Tian's use to him? The depth of love?

If I think about it, my heart panics even more.He stuffed the acceptance letter back into the envelope, tidied up the dropped books, stood up again, and his eyes fell on a stack of neatly stacked cassettes.

There is no logo, it looks very similar to the one he recorded for Xia Tian back then.Is it still there?However, with the incident just now at the bottom, it is not surprising to keep a few tapes.

Picking up the three disks above, he walked back to his room, he couldn't fall asleep anyway, listening to his own voice back then, thinking about those reasoning logic questions, maybe he could calm his mind.

However, he was wrong again. The moment he pressed the Play button, the voice of Xia Tian came from the earphone.

"July 1998, 7, today is my 28nd birthday. A few close friends held a party together. It was a celebration. It should be the most lively birthday I have ever had. I received a lot of gifts and put a lot of There, I was too lazy to open it. I still have the pharmacopoeia you gave me, and it is almost rotten. I am thinking, this may be the best gift I have received in my life. If there is a better one, then You can only wait until the future, and then you will give it to me with your own hands."

"This year, City X is really hot, and there have been several heavy rains in the summer. I saw the news on TV in China, and there were floods in many places. Every time I saw those pictures of emergency rescue and disaster relief, the camera captured the young soldiers I will stare closely at your face, as if you will suddenly appear in the picture. I know it is impossible, but at the same time I am looking forward to seeing you, but I am also worried that you will really participate... For you, That may not be a big deal, you have your responsibility and mission, if you hear me say that, I'm afraid you will smile and say "it's nothing to worry about", but how dangerous and difficult is that? I don't want to see you Facing danger, I don’t want you to have any sacrifices, but selfishly want you to be a hero, it’s better, just be my hero... How ridiculous, but I can’t help not thinking like this.”

"In the autumn of 1995, you started school, and finally you went to study your favorite major. I have known for a long time that you can excel no matter where you are. Remember what you said, gold always shines. It is more suitable for you, I know you will be able to find a way by yourself, just like I know that you gave up A University not because you obeyed your father, but because you want to prove to him that you can live a good life anywhere You did it, I'm really happy for you, but if you praise you, I won't write it in the letter, lest you be proud, you are already proud enough in your bones."

"1995 is here, and a group of friends and I are counting down in Times Square. There are still five years left, and the century will be crossed. I don't know if I can count down with you at that time. It snows heavily tonight. Night owls don't sleep, look at the snowflakes on the window, count the ones with six corners and five corners, and then think of last year's New Year's Eve, I stood outside your house."

"It was also through a window. I saw you and Xiao Gao together, smiling purely and brightly. At first I was watching the fireworks, but then I just watched you. You disappeared. I guessed at that time that you must have come down." You are looking for me, and you will definitely invite me in when you see me alone, because you are like this, you can't bear to see people lonely, and you can't bear to see people alone. I will wait until you open the door and smile at me."

"There was no moon and few stars that night, but strangely, I always felt that there was moonlight shining on you. I had just done something that I thought was successful. I was trying to control the situation, trying to borrow people's Selfish desires, director of a farce, I feel like a savior, finally have the ability to influence others, but in the end, there is still nowhere to go alone. The joy of self-inflated, under your smile and invitation, all It's not worth mentioning, but making dumplings is much more difficult than playing with people's hearts, because your mouth is really picky if you want to make dumplings until you feel delicious, even if you eat cheap snacks, you have to find the best tasting ones... Seriously Yes, I am a little worried about your life in the army, are you used to eating in the cafeteria, but I also know that you still have an amazing ability, that is, you can bend and stretch."

"That night, I rejected your invitation and didn't stay to watch the new year. I guess you can't think of the real reason until now. In fact, it's just because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of staying. I won't be willing to leave in the future."

"...Did you hear it? It's the sound of the waves. I recorded it specially. Of course, the sea is similar in every place. The first time I saw the sea was with you. The first time I faced the calm sea at night, You just slept next to me, how long you slept, I endured it for as long as I resisted the urge to kiss you. If you don’t believe me, you definitely won’t have the heart to expose me. Who told you that you always take into account other people’s feelings and don’t make people feel embarrassed. But it’s a little regret that I didn’t kiss you... When you fell asleep, I took the time to face you Xingkong Haihai made a wish, that he would love Gao Jianfeng for the rest of his life, and now that I think about it, that promise has not faded, I think, I should be a person who has gone all the way to the dark."

"In Christmas 1994, I was already in the western hemisphere, separated from you by the widest ocean in the world... The Three Heroes of Moyan held a concert in Hung Hom. I listened to the live recording brought by my Hong Kong classmates, and it was not very clear. But it was still shocking. He Yong greeted the Hong Kong audience in Beijing dialect before singing the Bell and Drum Tower. He said, have you eaten? I laughed at that, but now I really want to ask a question, Gao Jianfeng, you are you OK?"

……

Are you okay... just three ordinary words, accompanied by a gentle voice, as if whispering to the ear.

A wave of heat rushed from the heart to the top of the sky, and those tiny bits and pieces gathered together, in front of his eyes, to construct a complete, clear-faced summer that he still doesn't know.

Gao Jianfeng is a little hard to imagine how Xia Tian was full of longing, recorded these words in the dead of night after another, and how he buried the longing for four years. No, the calendar has turned a page and entered the fifth Years pass, time goes by, Xia Tian has been persistent, but also tolerant, facing his delay in making a decision, he can still wait "not in a hurry".

Looking back on the previous 20 years, it is not that Gao Jianfeng has never imagined the role of a lover. He knows that for himself, the nostalgia and dependence of his lover are his obsessions, and even to a certain extent, it is more important than a lifetime It was even more difficult for him to let go.

At one time, he thought that he couldn't ask for it, but unexpectedly, Si Ren was already by his side, but he hadn't noticed it all the time...

The heat wave continued to invade and spread, setting off a surge of emotion in his body, followed by a sudden and violent reaction below him, just when he was thinking about that specific person, it broke out uncontrollably up.

For the first time in my life, I have a reaction because of a specific person. The body is always more sincere than the heart, and it will not lie!

Without the slightest surprise, without the slightest perfunctory, and without violent venting, Gao Jianfeng sketched a clear face in his mind for the first time, and poured out all his desires and longings in the bathroom.Then he turned on the shower, cleaned himself up, and rested his head on the cool tiles that were wet with hot water. He thought, he was right. I'm afraid that he will really fall into someone's hands in this life.

Just plant it, he slightly raised the corner of his mouth, he...willingly.