This may be a slap letter

Duan Lian felt that he might not be good enough.

It's just not good enough on the surface.

So he is working very hard now.He even felt that his head had been occupied by the word "hard work", and the long repetition almost made him feel unfamiliar with this word.

He has been in Beijing for the past few years, in a bright and tall office building, condescendingly watching the people on the ground bustling about, as weak and incompetent as ants.He was crazily exhausted, using thousands of sleepless nights and a seemingly full work schedule to cover up the fact that he was actually weak and incompetent.

A lot of people say he's already fine.Colleagues and friends envied his life, company leaders admired his talent, and even his father, who was strict with himself when he was a teenager, began to mean "take a break properly and don't care too much about grades".

Everyone rushed to make up an "excellent" dream for him, and sometimes he would be confused by this nightmare-like excellence, thinking that he was really good.But after all, that kind of situation is just like a cloud floating in the air, and it will disperse when the wind blows.He still woke up from the dream countless times, sweating profusely, leaning against the bed weakly, and then opened the drawer to find sleeping pills.His sleeping pills have always been in the first column of the drawer.

He's not good, it's a fact.

Immature and unsteady, to say the extreme, it doesn't even conform to the moral norms of the public at all. Duan Lian always felt that if one day he was run over to death by a car while walking on the street, he would not feel innocent, because he really deserved to die.

He was indeed guilty of this, but he could only feel guilty.He sometimes feels frustrated, he has worked hard for so long, and wants to get rid of his incompetence and guilt.But from beginning to end, the curse has never been far away.

Sometimes he feels decadent again.Frustrated to the end and found that the result is the same no matter what, it is better to immerse yourself in decadence, as if taking sex as enjoyment, and treating yourself as a useless person-a useless person, it is natural to be bad.But when he woke up, he fell into the vortex of hard work. He was angry at his cowardice, so the endless chain of hard work → guilt → decadence → hard work locked him firmly.He felt that he might need to find someone to give him a solid slap—just like he did to Su Sheng back then.

It is so clear and merciless, it is best to give yourself a resounding slap in front of many people, so that those who admire and praise you can see clearly that Duan Lian is just an ant.

How will the world see us?With surprise and ridicule, the excitement of watching the excitement and the vulgarity of the philistine, he stabbed him one by one with the most vicious language, shot him with crazy eyes, made him feel heartache and despair, and felt that the world was about to end with him For the enemy.

Then, Duan Lian thought, he could sigh tiredly, thankful that he had finally entered the cruel reality and had to start fearing the life that everyone would hate in the future.He could lean on a park bench, listen to the cicadas, and count the stars in the sky with boredom—if the park security guards didn't chase him away.

He dragged his luggage and walked step by step in the middle of the road.The street lights in the city will go out at twelve o'clock in the evening, and the world will be really dark at that time.Even if he died at this time, he would only witness the stars in the sky and the woods beside the road.He thought of the concept of a "road movie". The protagonist walks along the endless road, and then meets countless strange people and things. He thinks that he may also go on this road. It seems quite poetic to think so. Yes, you can comfort yourself by saying that you are not trying a new path, all you have to do is do something that others have already done.

He thought he would definitely not die, why should he die.That year when the small town experienced an earthquake, the roof of the building fell down with a clatter, like a sandcastle castle knocked down by a naughty child. He hid in a corner, and God left a triangular space for him.It is said that surviving a catastrophe will bring blessings, he thought it was his fate, he deserved to die but he couldn't die, and he didn't know if it was a kind of blessing.

Duan Lian wants to cry whenever his mind thinks of this far away.It's not that I'm afraid of the life in my imagination that turns my back on the world, nor is I helpless for the blessing that I can't die but die.He just felt very distressed, how did his Su Sheng survive the world where he would cry just thinking about it.

·

After that slap, the whole world fell silent.The sound of skin touching skin was really crisp and loud, erupting in the dark space without warning.No one in the room dared to turn on the lights, Duan Lian didn't see if Su Sheng's face was red, he thought it must have turned red, it was paler than Su Sheng's skin.

What was Su Sheng's expression like, what was he thinking in his heart, did he cry or hate, felt heartache or despair, did he count the stars alone in the park, or walked the wrong way on the road, Then he thought about whether he needed to die, whether he could die...he didn't know anything about it.The most helpless scene he could imagine was nothing more than this, but what exactly Su Sheng experienced, even if his imagination was extremely rich, he couldn't possibly know.

I just remember that in the suffocating silence, Su Sheng turned around and slowly walked out of Duan Lian's line of sight. His thin body seemed to show a kind of firmness and ease, supporting him to walk to the gate, and gently opened the door. Then close the door gently.

It was only a few seconds, Duan Lian recalled it, but it was like a slow motion in a movie, playing frame by frame, delaying endless sorrow.

It wasn't until Su Sheng closed the door and left that the voice of whispering in the room spread and became out of control.Someone pulled the main switch, and the room was magnificent and bright.Everyone is well dressed and the makeup on their faces is in place.There are colorful balloons and flowers, as well as a cream cake filled with chocolate, and a yard of candles neatly placed beside it, red and oily, waiting to be lit.Noodles are served in the small kitchen, and a fried egg is spread on top, which is steaming.

It's a very lively birthday party.

Su Sheng actually kissed very lightly, like a feather slowly drifting across Duan Lian's lips.It's not asking for it, but more of a hesitation of asking for advice, as well as a vague expectation and courage.All in all, it's so light that it doesn't leave a trace at all.If Duan Lian smiled and explained to everyone at this time, he just agreed with Su Sheng to tease everyone, and then rushed out quickly to call Su Sheng back, and the two of them accepted the laughter and curses of others as if nothing had happened.In this way, there is no problem at all.

But he wasn't good enough.

24 years old is the stupid age when he thinks he has matured, Duan Lian closed his eyes and thought, at that time, how did he respond?

His mind was so messed up at the time that he couldn't think of a better solution at all.His heart was full of Su Sheng's soft kiss, and he couldn't tell what kind of feeling it was, maybe he was angry or surprised, maybe he planted a foreshadowing for himself very early, and every minute and every second in the future, Reminding myself that there used to be such a Su Sheng.

That strange feeling guided him to take a radical path. Perhaps at that moment, the selfish nature of human beings was finally exposed, and he subconsciously cleared himself up: "He, he is crazy! He, he—"

Duan Lian himself didn't realize how much disgust there was in his tone, that kind of subconscious exaggerated performance made him completely ashamed, he tapped his lips with his hands, his eyes were full of horror.

Everyone looked at each other for a few times, and finally came to their senses. Su Sheng, who should be comforted, and who should be scolded, has become an obvious target, with sharp arrows from all directions staring at his back.In fact, some people whispered, "It's not possible", "Maybe it's just a joke", but the mass effect of human beings quickly took effect.

Many of Duan Lian's friends are also Su Sheng's friends. It's not that he abandons his friendship and ignores it, but that this excuse is too unconventional, too eye-catching, and too much.If you don't stand in a good team, who can say that the next "tiger falls in Pingyang" is not yourself?Just like in a group fight, no one is really serious, winning or losing is a collective win or loss, and losing face is not as important as a single fight.If an accident happens, with so many people around, who will be responsible for it?

At this moment, Su Sheng was like a lone horse among the crowd, an existence that "if you beat him, no one will find him, and if you don't beat him, you may be beaten instead".

In those few years, the concept was not very developed, and it was still in small cities in South Korea.Two men...too much.

The author has something to say: It may feel that the change is a little bit fast...but... indeed, if it really happens, everyone's reaction must be like this.

So comrades, it’s best not to confess your love between relatives and friends, really, hey QAQ