slow and quick

Regarding the concept of homosexuality,

Zheng Man understood very early.

That was still in 2012.

2012 12 Month 21 Day.

The rumored end of the world.

That day, he was dragged to the movies by Ji Lin, and after watching, he had to go to the bathroom.

I don't know if the food is not clean, he has some diarrhea.

After squatting for a while, the sound of someone talking came from outside.

It's two men.

The two walked into the toilet and talked.

Later, the voice of speaking became smaller and smaller, more and more vague, and almost lost his voice.

Then with a bang, like a man, he pushed the other against the wall.

The man who was held down let out a muffled grunt.

Zheng Man's first reaction was that someone was fighting.

He was hesitating what to do when he heard the man who made the sound gasp for breath and snorted again.

There was something wrong with this sound.

Then there was a "snap", very crisp, as if hitting some firm meat.

The other man restrained himself and said, "Don't be a fool."

The voice was hoarse.

The sound of pushing and shoving, the friction of cloth, the sound of water tucking, and the sound of rapid and ambiguous breathing.

And Zheng Man was holding his breath, not daring to move, so excited that his heartbeat was pounding on his forehead.

The people outside were panting, and they were all a little anxious. The man who made the sound first protested softly: "Someone will see it."

The tone was regretful and ready to move.

In the next second, the door of the toilet next door was slammed open and closed again.

A hoarse male voice said, "Kneel down."

Zheng Man looked at the next door, from two pairs of standing straight legs to one standing and one kneeling.

Then there is the sound of a zipper.

The one standing, the pants gradually piled down.

Zheng Man saw a small piece of pure black fabric piled up on the black outer pants.

His eyes widened, and his head exploded instantly.

The hoarse male voice endured, and said to the other: "Hey, you know what to do."

Then came an ambiguous voice.

Zheng Man squatted next door, separated by a wall, listening to the movement over there.

My head exploded.

His palms were completely wet with cold sweat.

Gritting his teeth, he wiped it casually, quickly put on his pants and ran out quickly.

He was completely confused and his head was buzzing.

When Ji Lin stopped her, she still couldn't return to normal.

Ji Lin asked him what's wrong, and he was about to answer in an instant.

Fortunately, it stopped immediately.

After returning home, he told Ji Lin that he was going to bed, but he couldn't sleep at all.

He is not completely ignorant.

Although he couldn't be sure, he also vaguely guessed it.

But he never thought that men and men also...

When I got home, my parents were not there.

He wanted to take a nap, but ended up lying on the bed, and his head was full of those sounds and those pictures.

He couldn't help composing the picture in his head: what kind of scene was it just now?

Zheng Man's head was in a mess.

He fell asleep in a daze, and those shameful voices were still in his dream.

He seemed to be trapped in a disturbing fog, unable to break free.

When he woke up sweating profusely, Zheng Man realized his abnormality.

He froze.

It took less than three seconds for him to realize it wasn't bedwetting.

But what is this?

Zheng Man had a bad premonition in his heart.

He changed his clothes, came back, closed the door, opened the computer carefully like a thief, and started searching.

The search results made him a little confused.

He still remembers his dream.

In the dream, two men are entangled together.

Such a scene made him feel uncomfortable just thinking about it.

He took a deep breath and searched again.

Gay, gay, AIDS, pervert.

And in the pop-up window that pops up, it is purple and black, and it goes in and out there.

Zheng Man was so frightened that he immediately closed the computer.

But the sound was not turned off.

There was a rough gasp from the computer.

It was so similar to the voice he heard today.

It was so similar to the voice in his dream.

Zheng Man didn't want to turn on the computer again, so he hurriedly unplugged it.

The moment the socket was pulled out, the whole house was darkened.

There was an exclamation from outside, saying that there was a power outage.

Zheng Man grabbed the plug in his hand, at a loss.

He groped and sat back on the bed, his head still full of the horrible scene he had just seen.

and the information he found out.

gay?

Zheng Man sat on the bed blankly, unable to recover.

He felt panic for no reason.

The endless darkness, like a monster, wanted to swallow him up.

He didn't dare to move.

for a long time.

It seemed that the darkness gave him solace.

Tears ran down his cheeks.

Zheng Man finally couldn't help crying out suppressedly.

On this day, mankind has not ushered in the end of the world.

Zheng Man, however, seems to have walked through the doomsday.

He didn't know how long he cried, and the more he cried, the more desperate he became, until the phone rang suddenly.

Zheng Man suddenly stopped crying, wiped away tears, her eyes were red and swollen, and she walked towards the cell phone while trying to hold her breath.

Be steady, don't be heard crying by the people over there.

Don't let others worry about me.

With that in mind, he turned on his phone.

It's Ji Lin's call.

Zheng Man couldn't hold back his tears, and another drop rolled down.

He dried it off quickly, then switched on.

Ji Lin's concerned voice came over, and Zheng Man finally broke down.

Ji Lin kept babbling over there, but Zheng Man couldn't listen at all.

He just wanted to cry, he wanted to cry because he was wronged, he wanted to cry because of fear.

Want to cry hard.

After crying until he was finally tired and happy, he went to listen carefully to what Ji Lin said.

Then he made me laugh out loud.

But still couldn't hide the sadness.

At that time, he didn't know why he was sad.

But he began to resist the contact of others.

It was just that his hands touched his hands, and he felt as if he had been pricked by a needle, feeling uncomfortable all over.

He couldn't stand it.

The approach of people other than Ji Lin is completely unacceptable.

Although he tried his best to conceal it, he was still discovered by Ji Lin.

When asked, Zheng Man denied it.

He had to deny it.

He didn't dare to let Ji Lin know his reasons.

He knew that it was very wrong for him to be so clinging to Ji Lin.

Especially after learning about such things.

It should have been avoided.

But no, he couldn't do it.

At the age when Ji Lin was still ignorant and thought that holding hands would make her pregnant, Zheng Man found out in despair that he could no longer be a "normal person".

Like a masochist, he searched over and over again, went to various places, and read other people's views on homosexuality.

Most of them are insults, contempt, like watching a mouse in the gutter, avoiding it.

It’s over.

I am done.

Zheng Man told himself over and over again.

Why is this happening?

He looks at the experience of those gay people.

Disgusted, excluded, and despised by those around him.

Betrayed, lied to, abandoned.

At the end of the road, struggling in the sea of ​​bitterness, you can't survive but you can't die.

This is my future.

he said to himself.

So I should stop now.

I should find a way to get myself back on track.

You should also stay away from Ji Lin.

He knows how possessive he is.

I didn't think there was any problem before, I only have Ji Lin as a friend, so I only allow Ji Lin to have me as a friend.

That's right, it's an equal exchange.

It was Ji Lin who said it himself, he said that I am the most important.

So what's wrong with me making the dim sum trick the others around him a little further away?

A crying child doesn't always have candy.

Because crying too much is useless.

The other party will get bored.

But Zheng Man couldn't accept his own candy, so he wanted to share it with others.

He watched his parents give some of their candy to Zheng Fengju.

Then he coaxed him, saying that my brother only has a little bit, and you have so much, so give him a little bit, okay?

And then bit by bit, from him, taking his sugar away.

Zheng Man has already lost his exclusive candy once.

He couldn't accept that he was given candy away again.

So Ji Lin is not allowed to have other friends.

Don't do it to anyone, like him.

I don't want to ask anyone for candy, I want him to only give me candy.

I want no one else to touch my candy.

Similarly, he can give Ji Lin his complete candy.

I don't take it for nothing.

This is an equivalent exchange.

Zheng Man said to himself.

He made himself think rationally and calculate.

Calculated very clearly.

That's fair.

No?

It wasn't until he realized his sexual orientation that he suddenly came back to his senses.

This is not right.

At least not.

He kept showing himself the painful consequences of homosexuality, and told himself, no.

can not do this.

You shouldn't get close to Ji Lin either.

"Don't you want him to be one of these miserable people?"

Or, just let yourself suffer alone?

But why?

Why did he have to suffer so much by himself?

Zheng Man was not reconciled.

So the best way to get the best of both worlds is to stay away from him.

If you have to like men, don't like Ji Lin.

don't touch him.

It would be great if people could really control their hearts.

Even if I had made a psychological warning from the beginning, I should like it, but I still liked it.

I love it hopelessly.

I like it so much that seeing him get close to anyone is like rubbing sand in my eyes.

Can't stand it at all.

He tried his best to maintain his superficial calm, but in his dream he yelled at the people around Ji Lin again and again, hoarse, embarrassed and powerless: "Stay away from him! He is mine!"

But Ji Lin is not his.

They are just friends.

In the future, he will have someone he likes, form a family with others, do intimate things, and have children.

He will be someone else's family.

Family members who are countless times closer than "friends".

He can't even have just one friend.

Zheng Man is just one of Ji Lin's best friends.

The tricks I used when I was young are not easy to use when I grow up.

People of the same age are no longer stupid kids who will believe everything in just one or two sentences. They will have their own judgment and understanding.

And Ji Lin will slowly notice it.

Will one day, he will tell himself, I know all the bad things you do.

Could it be that you can't even be friends?

And even if she was by his side safely, it still couldn't stop everything from happening.

He will know many, many people.

He will grow up and have his own interests and hobbies.

We don't have much in common, and he'll find someone who has something in common with him.

When that person appears, does the childish promise from childhood still count?

Zheng Man is afraid every day.

He hates himself.

Jealousy, ugliness, greed, and clinging to others to absorb the nourishment of one's own existence.

He sometimes feels that he is pathetic and ridiculous.

You can't get what you want.

You can only cheat, steal, and rob.

to gain attention.

Try to draw your eyes to yourself.

Like a jumping clown, gouging out his own heart, laughing and shouting: "Come and see, come and see."

If no one is watching, he will throw away the gouged out heart with a blank face.

Ji Lin has been watching.

And he didn't notice his ugliness at all.

She kept looking at him tenderly and whispered to him, "I'm here."

you are here.

how long will you be here

when are you leaving

Tell me, can I be mentally prepared?

But after a long time, Zheng Man couldn't help thinking about it.

Why do you want to leave?

Like a demon whispering in his ear.

Bewitching him.

"Leave Ji Lin here."

Lover or something, can't I?

I'm his best friend and I'm going to be his only love.

Is it not good?

"only".

How great.

Not the first, but the only one.

unique.

Let me be unique to him, okay?

Zheng Man said to himself.

Make me unique to him at the cost of making him unique to me.

Equivalent exchange.

No one loses.

good or not?

Once this thought arises, it cannot be suppressed.

He thought of many reasons to refute.

But it can't match the sentence "but I really want it".

Really want to be unique.

Really want to be unique to him.

I love him so much, nobody loves him more than me.

why not?

I will be good to him, I can be with him.

I can give up everything for him.

I can trade everything for his love.

Before the high school entrance examination, my mother took Zheng Man to the temple to pray for blessings.

Zheng Man kowtowed devoutly to the Bodhisattva.

I would give everything in exchange for my boy to love me equally.

No, not even equivalent.

Just change him to love me.

If there is a God?

Can you help me?

I don't want anything, I just want to be loved by him.

He was still laughing at being delusional, how could there be such a good thing.

Like him, wearing a gentle mask, pretending to be approachable.

How can a double-faced man like him deserve it?

So when he noticed Ji Lin's change, after a moment of confusion, he was overwhelmed by ecstasy.

The surprise of seeing the bright moon when the clouds opened.

After various trials, seeing Ji Lin flustered and panicked, Zheng Man smiled sullenly.

How stupid.

very nice.

Great.

Zheng Man had never been so happy.

But it was too late to be happy for too long.

Zhang Shanshan was the first to notice.

She talked to Zheng Man and asked him if he liked Ji Lin.

Zheng Man readily admitted.

"But why..." Zhang Shanshan was both shocked and worried, "What if someone finds out you are together? You..."

"Isn't it good to be discovered?" Zheng Man said with a blank expression, "Then he won't be able to escape."

In fact, he has endless uneasiness in his heart.

I have been suppressing it, telling myself that as long as we like each other, it will be fine.

Zhang Shanshan suddenly punctured Zheng Man, making Zheng Man a little embarrassed and annoyed.

Zhang Shanshan was stunned.

She didn't expect Zheng Man to say that.

She was dumbfounded: "Aren't you afraid of being discussed? How will you and Ji Lin survive at school and at home? Have you ever thought about it?"

Zheng Man asked her back, "What does this have to do with you?"

"It's because you guys are too obvious!" Zhang Shanshan frowned, "Manman, I'm not here to throw cold water on you, I just want to tell you that you shouldn't be like this."

Zheng Man said indifferently: "But I want to."

He knew that Zhang Shanshan liked Ji Lin.

Known since childhood.

"He shouldn't be with me, should he be with you?" Zheng Man looked at her with a very aggressive tone.

He asked Zhang Shanshan what he wanted to do, seeing that he and Ji Lin looked good, so she was jealous, and came here to drive him away, so he could take the opportunity to do it?

"What do we have to do with you? In the final analysis, you are doing it for your own selfishness, right?" Zheng Man raised his lips sarcastically, "It sounds nice."

Zhang Shanshan stayed there.

She explained at a loss, saying that she didn't mean that.

But Zheng Man blocked him again and again.

Zheng Man's words became heavier and harsher.

Zhang Shanshan collapsed when he spoke to the back.

She cried and scolded Zheng Man: "You must be sick! What did I do wrong? You want to say that about me?"

"You shouldn't like Ji Lin." Zheng Man looked at her coldly.

People who like Ji Lin, people who are close to Ji Lin.

All sins are unforgivable to him.

Zhang Shanshan was shocked.

She looked at Zheng Man's expression and tried to reason with him: "You are exaggerating..."

"Is that an exaggeration?" Zheng Man smiled, "I even want to lock him up, so that you can't see him, and you can't covet him anymore."

"he's mine."

The following words were interrupted by Ji Lin's arrival.

But Zhang Shanshan's appearance of seeing a monster still hurt Zheng Man's eyes.

He knew that his thinking was abnormal.

Of course he knew.

There is a reason for not choosing what to say out of embarrassment.

There is also a reason why the more guilty one is, the harder one speaks.

But after saying it, his first reaction turned out to be: It would be great if only it could be done.

So he realizes.

Even if it is angry words, it is also a thought deep in his heart.

He really wanted to lock Ji Lin up.

Let him see only himself.

Only you can see him.

This is sure to last forever, right?

While scorning himself.

On the one hand, he couldn't help being excited about it.

Want to lock him up.

Totally just for each other.

Zheng Man thought countless times, I am really a selfish person.

How can the human heart be so ugly?

But about cousin Taozi.

After Ji Lin came back, he looked devastated.

And the discussion of Ji Lin's parents.

It made Zheng Man panic.

He brainwashed himself, saying that as long as there is each other, it will be fine.

But no.

He couldn't accept that Ji Lin was pushed out.

He is so sunny, so smiling, and such a lovable person.

How can it be reduced to this point?

Absolutely not.

When Ji Lin fought for him, Zheng Man finally collapsed.

not like this……

Ji Yan is not having a good time, he suffers more than anyone else.

Can the wishes I made be taken back?

He couldn't be as cruel as he imagined in his heart.

Don't be loved without being loved.

I can actually not be so greedy.

Give me back the carefree fool.

This road is too difficult to walk, I overestimated myself.

I can not care about myself, I can not care about him.

I can't bear it.

I don't want to drag him away.

*****

On the first day of school, a few people in the dormitory were still envious of the friendship between Ji Lin and Zheng Man.

As a result, before the end of the first semester, the couple suddenly became estranged.

Ji Lin's practice time is getting longer and longer.

After school, I don't go back to the dormitory at all, practice ball, eat, and then go back to the classroom.

After evening self-study, I came back after almost turning off the lights, took a quick shower, and then covered myself with a quilt to sleep.

And Zheng Man spent all day in the classroom.

When Ji Lin returned to the dormitory, Zheng Man fell asleep early.

A few people didn't dare to ask, and they couldn't get a result.

The two didn't talk at all.

Zheng Man didn't talk much in the first place, and now he is even more taciturn.

Ji Lin was elusive, and when chatting with him, he changed the subject.

This winter vacation, there is good news that Zheng Man's parents bought a house in the city.

Fine decoration, elevator room, bought with a loan.

Zheng Man's mother's breakfast shop, as well as the fish pond and lotus root pond contracted by Zheng Man's father, all earned a lot of money.

The two husband and wife have saved more than half a million yuan, so what should they do together?

At first I wanted to build a new house at home, but I heard that a relative of Zheng Man's mother's family also built a house in his hometown, and the decoration was very good.

As a result, we talked about friends, and the girl said that there was a house in the city.

"It can't be said that her idea is wrong. Both of them work in the city, and they are far away from home. It is impossible to drive back to the country every day, right? The cost of transportation and gas is second. The time spent on the road is troublesome to go to work. .”

In the end, the house in the countryside was lived by the parents, and the young couple rented a house in the city.

All kinds of trouble.

The relative told Zheng Man's mother that he should never build a house in the countryside.

It's not that there is no place to live at home, and it's a good place to live.Man Man is not too young, is he?What if he talks about friends early?

"Now college students can get married."

Is it possible to let the children stop working and return to the countryside to farm?

"Besides, if you buy a house in the city, you can coax the child back in the future. Otherwise, he will run far away, and no one will see him. Parents, how worried are you?"

Zheng Man's mother came back to discuss with her father, and the two made a final decision.

It is also to urge people to pay off debts, and to borrow money, and bought the house before Xiaonian.

The loan is for 15 years, and the monthly repayment is more than 3000.

During the winter vacation, the family moved to a new home lively.

There are three rooms in the new home.

Both Zheng Fengju and Zheng Man are in the master bedroom, and their parents occupy the second bedroom.

Zheng Man's room has a toilet, but the other rooms do not.

After moving here, Zheng Man left the bedroom less often.

Zheng Fengju, on the other hand, called his friends over to play from time to time.

This year, I went back to my hometown during Chinese New Year.

Originally, it was said that they were in the new home, but the new home was too deserted, and there were no acquaintances.

After doing all kinds of messing around, I went back to the countryside with the new year's goods.

Zheng Man's family eats New Year's Eve dinner at noon.

We ate very early, it was only eleven o'clock, and we had already finished our meals.

After Zheng Man finished eating, he went back to his room and read a book there.

Then I accidentally got ink on my finger.

He opened the door and went out, ready to wash his hands.

Zheng Fengju's friend was talking to Zheng Fengju in the toilet at the toilet door.

Zheng Man glanced at it and walked towards the faucet.

After he washed his hands, Zheng Fengju had already left with a smile on his face.

Zheng Man glanced towards the front door.

My mother happened to come over, saw him, and smiled: "My boy, his classmates are quite interesting, the two children are like conjoined twins, they go together wherever they go."

As he spoke, he couldn't help laughing at Zheng Man: "Just like you and Xiao Lin."

He laughed again, saying that in previous years, Xiao Lin called you out, and my son stayed at home to watch TV with us.

Switch sides this year.

Ji Lin and his family went to Ji Lin's grandmother's house for the New Year.

Said to be back on the fourth day.

Mom asked Zheng Man again if he wanted to go to another classmate's house to play.

"I have an appointment with your Aunt Wang to play mahjong, and I won't be home later, so you should go out to play too."

Zheng Man shook his head, and said flatly, "No, I want to read a book quietly at home."

Mom had no choice but to tell him to remember to rest.

Zheng Man hummed and went back to the room.

Open the textbook, facing the book, but can't read it.

And over there, Ji Lin was standing by the lake.

The lake was frozen, and a bamboo pole was frozen in the middle of the lake.

Heavy snow weighed on the leaves.

Fall down from time to time.

There was a rustling sound.

Ji Lin looked at the lake, wondering what he was thinking.

It was his suggestion to come here for the New Year.

It's been a long time since I saw my grandparents, so I'm thinking about it.

Mom originally smiled and said that she would come over on the second day of the new year, but Ji Yan insisted that she wanted to spend the winter vacation here.

Grandson misses grandpa and grandma, how can mother stop it?

He smiled and said that he was filial, so he sent him here.

Ji Lin is hiding here.

Want to escape this winter vacation.

He didn't know how to face Zheng Man.

I don't know how to keep myself from losing my temper.

Only hide.

But I can hide from people, but I can't suppress my heart.

He pressed his heart and could hear a strong beating.

Every sound is telling: But I miss him very much.

The cousin came out of the house and found him after searching for a long time, and asked him why he was here.

Ji Lin shook his head: "It's too warm in the room, the fire is strong, the smoke makes people drowsy, come out and wake up."

Cousin nodded sympathetically, as if wanting to meditate with him.

Ji Lin stood for a while, then turned and went into the house.

The cousin followed him into the house.

When the people in the room saw Ji Lin, they smiled and said they were talking about you.

"How skinny was Xiao Lin when she was a child? Now that she has really grown up, she is much quieter and more like a scholar."

Everyone laughed and said that it is good to be quiet, and quiet children are safe.

Ji Lin didn't speak, just sat there looking at the fire, continuing to be in a daze.

The first day of school is the Lantern Festival.

Ji Lin didn't return to school until the afternoon.

I found out from Ling Sheng that Zheng Man didn't live in school anymore.

After all, he bought a new house very close to him, how could he feel comfortable living in his own home while living on campus?

Ji Lin hummed and didn't talk about it.

It gets dark early this season.

After six o'clock, the street lights have been turned on one after another.

When Zheng Man passed by the basketball court, Ji Lin seemed to notice something, turned his head, and saw the long, lonely shadow under the street lamp.

Zheng Man stepped on the shadow of the camphor tree and the leaves on the ground.

rustling.

He heard voices coming from the basketball court.

The ball slammed on the ground, and it was thrown into the basket with a crisp sound. Some people were laughing and calling Ji Lin, saying why did our handsome Ji Linji make such a big mistake?

Zheng Man lowered his head and walked forward quickly.

No one recognized him until he walked into the light.

Li Meng watched him pass by, and then called Ji Lin in a low voice: "Brother Lin, what's the matter with you two?"

Ji Yan kept watching him walk away, and when he heard this, he turned around in a daze: "Huh?"

He sighed and shook his head: "Nothing."

Having said that, the whole person seemed to be covered with a layer of dust, lifeless.

Wu Hongbo hastily held his respect, saying that it is actually very common, when people grow up, they will slowly bid farewell to everything they used to be familiar with.

surrounding.

Nothing stays there forever, forever.

Ling Sheng was very touched and said that he was too.

"My family raised a native dog before, and my relationship with me is very good. I always carry it with me. If my parents didn't allow it, I would want to sleep with it."

But in the end they got separated.

"I didn't go back for more than ten days. When I came home again, I found out that it was stewed into a hot pot by my dad." Ling Sheng sighed.

After thinking about it, he said, "But the taste is quite good."

Tao Wenxuan was speechless: "You can eat it."

"I didn't even know it was dog meat when I ate it! I didn't even know it was my dog. After eating it, I asked my mother where the dog went and wanted to feed it bones, so I realized that what I ate was my dog. .”

Ling Sheng still feels a little uncomfortable thinking about it now: "I cried all night, and my father beat me, saying that it was unlucky for me to cry at home."

This pitiful appearance made everyone feel compelled to comfort him.

Several people were talking about their own affairs there.

The snacks I liked when I was a child, but I didn't have to buy them later, maybe the snack factory has closed down.

The comics I used to love are all over, and I feel like my childhood is ending with it, which is quite disappointing.

My favorite childhood game, now available, but never played again.

I always feel that it is not that taste.

Growth, that’s how it is, as you walk, you fall.

Some things can be picked up, and some things can't be picked up.

Some you'll be sad you won't be able to pick up again, and some, you won't even realize it's gone.

After a long, long time, I suddenly remembered, only to realize that it had long since disappeared.

And the things that you once cherished so much, now you feel that "if you lose it, just lose it".

Who can tell clearly about this kind of thing?

Some people come, some people go.

Some people you thought would be eternal, but they disappeared as they walked.

Ji Lin listened to them in silence, dribbled the ball, and layup.

He jumped up, grabbed the rim, and shot the ball in.

The basketball fell from the basket, bang bang, and bounced so far.

Ji Lin stared at it, let go, and fell down.

I was thinking in my heart.

But I still like it.

Just not anymore.

Don't want to be hated by him.

In other words, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

Love can't be hidden.

If my liking makes him feel sick...

I always have to make a choice.

But still like it.

Eyes involuntarily chased his figure.

When he appeared, no matter how hard he tried to divert his attention away, he would still find that all his attention was on him.

Not just because I like it.

Also because of getting used to it.

So many years.

They grew up together, lived together, and shared joys, sorrows and joys together.

But it's still coming to an end.

How can it be so easy to let go?

Ji Lin stood there, his figure pulled far away by the light.

Several people were talking and talking, their voices became smaller and smaller until there was no sound.

They looked at Ji Lin's back, a little uneasy and worried.

Zheng Manxin's home is not too far from the school.

It takes about ten minutes by bus.

There is a porridge shop downstairs, and the porridge made with mushrooms and lean meat is very fragrant.

In the morning, he would go to buy a bowl of porridge and go to school after drinking it.

Mom and Dad originally planned to live here.

But one is that there are no acquaintances nearby, and I am not used to it.

The second is that it is very troublesome for Zheng Fengju to transfer to another school, and the school here does not accept him.

It's not easy to find a relationship.

Mom and Dad discussed it, and told Zheng Man that they should go home and live.

As for him, he can live on campus or at home, it's up to him.

Mom also suggested that he should call Ji Lin over, and the two of them would live together so that they could take care of them.

Saying that Xiao Lin is here, she is also relieved.

Zheng Man refused.

But my mother didn't take his words seriously, and went to Ji Lin's mother to tell her again.

Of course, Ji Lin's mother said no.

But his son seems to be a little taciturn recently, which is worrying, so he wonders if it is because Manman can no longer live in the dormitory, and the relationship between the two brothers has weakened, so the son is a little depressed.

Just tell Ji Lin and ask him what he thinks.

"Actually, you can live there. You can study at home with Manman. It's quieter. If you want to move there, you won't be too polite with Uncle Zheng. I will give you Uncle Zheng and his accommodation. You see How about it?"

Ji Lin shook his head and said no.

He said that he lived in school very well.

Ji Lin's mother told Zheng Man's mother Ji Lin's answer again.

Then pass it on to Zheng Man.

Zheng Man listened, nodded, hummed, and said nothing.

He went to school alone, after school, and made a fire at home to cook.

Sometimes, he would look at the pressure cooker on the stove, gasping there, in a daze.

The house is too much space.

It's not just the house space either.

His whole heart is empty.

In the empty space, when a needle falls, the sound can be heard, echoing.

What does the future look like?

Are endless, such days?

He envisions his own future.

Alone, in an empty room.

One person goes to work and one person goes off work.

No one to talk to, no one to talk to, no one to keep company.

too frightening.

Get used to it.

Maybe it will be fine if you get used to it?

Now I am used to having someone to accompany me, I am used to having someone I can rely on, and someone chatting by my side, making me happy at any time, that makes me feel so difficult without being accompanied by anyone.

But sooner or later, you will get used to being alone, right?

He sank into the sofa, hugged his knees, and watched the little girl in the movie and asked, "Is life always this difficult? Or is it only when I was a child."

Zheng Man silently followed the man and said, "Always like this."

He covered his eyes and smiled weakly.

Crazy laugh.

Laughed until tears flowed down his cheeks.

Want to catch a ray of sunshine, but how can the sunshine be caught?

It just goes through your fingers.

Then leave it out.

Can't catch anything.

Cling to nothingness.

With the warm spring breeze coming, the cold winter is gradually leaving.

On my uncle's 40th birthday, he called all his relatives over for dinner.

After Ji Lin finished his meal, he refused his uncle's move to send him back to school.

He sat on the bus, watching people coming and going outside the window, and the traffic was busy.

The bus arrives at the terminal, which is a square.

Ji Lin got off the car, walked to the square, sat on a stone pier by the river, basked in the sun, and looked at the river.

The water surface rippled with the wind.

From time to time, fish poked their heads out of the water and disappeared.

Someone was fishing by the river, carrying a small bench, laughing and laughing.

Some couples were holding hands, whispering, secretly blushing.

There are kites in the sky, and someone is riding a bicycle on the ground, stepping fast.

The clothes are facing the wind, as if they are about to spread their wings and fly.

Unknown flowers exude a fragrance, and the wind blows the willows on the embankment, gracefully.

Ji Lin plugged in his headphones and listened to the song.

Just staring blankly at the river.

Xiao Yaxuan's voice lingered and circled in his ears.

Ji Lin clicked on the playback over and over again.

But he has been stubbornly refusing to order singles to play.

He felt he had to find something to do for himself.

Must find something to do.

What should be done?

He took a deep breath, stood up, and walked towards the square.

There are still many people in the center of the square.

Ji Lin shuttled through the crowd, and when he reached the sidewalk, it happened to be a red light.

Someone across the street sells bean curd, which is beautifully fried.

Ji Lin thought about it and decided to buy one.

Xiao Yaxuan was still there asking: "I'm crossing the road, where are you?"

Who knows?

Ji Lin thought.

He took money out of his pocket and paid.

Then take the bean curd and walk along the road towards the bus station.

In front of the bus stop sign is a supermarket.

There is also a small tobacco and alcohol kiosk outside the supermarket.

In addition to tobacco and alcohol, drinks and popsicles are also sold.

Ji Lin hesitated for a moment, and decided to buy a bottle of Coke in the past.

When he stepped up the steps, someone pushed open the door of the mall and walked out.

Ji Lin stood on the steps, raised his head, and the sun shone through the ends of his hair on the face of the person opposite.

Ji Lin looked at him, stunned.

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