the world in which he exists

Lao Chen also set up some free and idle study groups.

Gu Chaoming helped him switch to a group with him, and Lin saw Fan laughing while sleeping in the quilt at night holding a note with Gu Chaoming's name on it.

Maybe since Gu Chaoming praised him in the corridor, he has already been moved.

His heartbeat is silent but there are traces to follow, maybe it started when he met Gu Chaoming, when Gu Chaoming stepped back and waved at him...

When Gu Chaoming said he was fine, Lin Jianfan's heart dropped.Gu Chaoming's words are like a warm hug for a traveler in the cold weather, telling him not to leave, I will take you to stop.

Lin Jianfan felt very warm in his heart, as if surrounded by all the vitality of spring, just because of Gu Chaoming's words.

Lin saw that Fan Zhi was moved. He once felt that Zhu Shengquan's feelings for him were disgusting, but he couldn't help falling in love with Gu Chaoming.

He understood his love for Gu Chaoming prematurely. Gu Chaoming said that he would become a child when he was drunk, and he pretended because he wanted Gu Chaoming to send him home and let his mother see that he thought their class was the best for him. My classmates also reassured my mother that there were no people in their class who bullied him like before.

His drunkenness was faked, but his happiness was real when Gu Chaoming let him lean on his shoulder in the car.

Lin Jianfan wanted to get close to him.

Lin Jianfan wanted to go back to the past and tell himself that he was afraid of the endless darkness in the distance. There is not only darkness in the distance, but also the young man holding the light.

Ever since he realized his love for Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan became involuntary in many actions.During the sports meeting, his camera followed Gu Chaoming for a lot of time, and Gu Chaoming's action of flipping the camera strap for him made him feel excited for a while.

When Chu Yao asked him to learn to take pictures for a rest, he couldn't help but look in Gu Chaoming's direction, watching him fight with Su Bing.

He ran to cheer for Gu Chaoming, and he couldn't help hugging Gu Chaoming after he won the game.

It is unbearable to like someone, even though Lin Jianfan thinks he is humble, but Gu Chaoming's sunshine gave him too much courage, let him have the courage to approach him, to be close to him.

After the sports meeting, when Gu Chaoming helped him take pictures, he said, "Imagine smiling like someone you like standing in front of you", which made Lin Jianfan understand that Gu Chaoming had no other thoughts about him.In his eyes, he might just be a new classmate transferred in, a new classmate who pleases others.

Knowing that Gu Chaoming didn't like his heartache, but after the photo shoot was over, Gu Chaoming exchanged dirty drinks with him, and he still couldn't help but feel his heart flutter.

The heartbeat cannot be stopped by suppressing it, it will only suffocate you, and it will only make it resist and jump faster and faster.

Lin Jianfan couldn't help but went to the supermarket where he worked to find him, and was asked by Gu Chaoming if he liked him. Lin Jianfan was a wolf whose tail was caught, and he stammered uneasily.

Lin Jianfan kept that sentence in his heart all the time, but Gu Chaoming had already forgotten it.

"Do you like me?"

"Yes, very much."

After being told by Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan didn't dare to express his feelings.

Saying goodbye to Gu Chaoming and leaving the supermarket, Lin Jianfan kept thinking about it, thinking about being bullied before, he was still very unhappy.He couldn't forget, couldn't forgive, but when he thought of Gu Chaoming's words, Lin Jianfan felt that that kind of life seemed to be far away from him.

Gu Chaoming also asked himself if he liked him, and Lin Jian Fanming could clearly hear his own heartbeat.Thinking of Gu Chaoming asking himself if he likes his appearance, Lin Jianfan secretly laughed, and cried while smiling.

He lied to his parents and pretended to be a cheerful kid, not wanting to worry his parents.

He pleases others just to make others like him and not bully him.

Since pretending to forget, Lin Jianfan felt that he was in an isolated island, he was alone, and no one could understand.

He lived a very depressed and painful life, but he still survived, and there was nowhere to express all the burdens. Gu Chaoming asked the depressed him to poke a little crack to let him breathe.

He has another secret, another unspeakable secret.

Warm, bright, secrets that guide the lost.

His love for Gu Chaoming is careful and secret, and he doesn't believe that Gu Chaoming is someone like Zhu Shengquan.

When Gu Chaoming was injured, the medicine he bought for Gu Chaoming had been kept in the drawer and he didn't have the guts to give it away. Seeing Su Bing buying medicine for Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan felt relieved.

He never thought that Gu Chaoming would run away from home, nor did he think that Gu Chaoming's father was such a person.

He didn't know that Gu Chaoming laughed in the hospital because of his concern, and he didn't know that because of his concern, Gu Chaoming cried on the side of the road at night when he ran away from home.

He held Gu Chaoming's wrist when he needed it. Looking at Gu Chaoming's back at that moment, Lin Jianfan seemed to feel that he understood him.

He seemed to know that he should hold Gu Chaoming's wrist and tell him not to do stupid things.

Lin Jianfan guessed that Gu Chaoming's liking for him should be due to the holding of his wrist this time.

Gu Chaoming's liking came from the wrist he held this time, but Lin Jianfan's heartbeat never stopped.

The action of Gu Chaoming putting a hat on him from behind, the action of teasing him, Lin Jianfan's heart was beating non-stop for such a small action.

He also tried to tease Gu Chaoming. When he got off the car, he saw Gu Chaoming wearing a hat in front of him. He remembered that Gu Chaoming was pulling his hat, so he wanted to try it too.

Pulling off Gu Chaoming's hat and seeing the expression on Gu Chaoming's face, Lin Jianfan was startled, did he do something wrong?

He didn't choose a good time, he chose the time when Gu Chaoming avoided Gu Tao.

Every time in physical education class, Lin Jianfan would pay close attention to Gu Chaoming, and when he found him playing rock-paper-scissors with Cen Xili and Su Bing, Lin Jianfan smiled.

He likes this kind of life, likes to see them live like this.

Seeing Gu Chaoming washing his face with water in the sink, Lin Jianfan also kept paying attention to him. He controlled his eyes not to follow him, but his heart beat with him forever uncontrollably.

Seeing that Gu Chaoming was so close to Cen Xili, he even felt a little jealous. He wanted to leave, but Gu Chaoming bought him yogurt instead.

He will never forget the scene of Gu Chaoming holding yogurt and running towards him in the sun on that hot afternoon.

The yogurt in Gu Chaoming's hand was for him, and the vinegar smell seemed to fade a little.

At that time, Lin Jianfan suddenly felt that he was very greedy. He not only hoped that the yogurt in Gu Chaoming’s hands belonged to him, but he also hoped that the sunshine shining on Gu Chaoming’s body belonged to him, and he hoped that the shadow behind Gu Chaoming belonged to him. He hoped that the drops of water on Gu Chaoming's arms belonged to him, and he hoped that everything about Gu Chaoming belonged to him.

Gu Chaoming calling his name downstairs is no exception, and it belongs to him.

Sweeping the floor upstairs, he heard Gu Chaoming calling his name downstairs, Lin Jianfan walked to the corridor and saw Gu Chaoming waving at him downstairs.

Three teenagers under the sun, Lin Jianfan was taken aback by the beauty.

A gesture of waving made him happy even though he was cleaning alone, cleaning very vigorously.

Later, Gu Chaoming sent a message, and he replied immediately. He was a little flustered when talking about pleasing others, and he couldn't stand himself.

He didn't dare to explain the reason, so he made up a random reason in one person's classroom - not very good at rejecting people.

After the chat, Lin Jianfan couldn't stand himself anymore, he hated himself, Gu Chaoming told him the method, and he wanted to try.

He has been thinking about Gu Chaoming's words, even before going to sleep, reading the messages sent by Gu Chaoming on the bed, and using Gu Chaoming's messages to give himself strength.

Gu Chaoming is encouraging him, encouraging him to get rid of this hypocritical shell, to get rid of this loathsome self.He decided to try it, and he decided.

He looked at Gu Chaoming's message and secretly made up his mind.

He was still scared at first, but once he refused, he could feel their attitude towards him change, and seeing the man's face thought he might hate him.

The best request was because someone asked him to change seats because of a class change, and he happily agreed because it was by Gu Chaoming's side.The yogurt that Gu Chaoming gave him was like a reward for him to break through himself.

Going home with Gu Chaoming is an even bigger reward.He walked ahead alone and wanted to go home with Gu Chaoming, but he didn't know what to do.

Su Bing and Cen Xili didn't say anything, he just walked ahead alone, then he looked up and saw Gu Chaoming lying on the railing and said, "Let's go back together."

His heart is extremely joyful and warm.

When Gu Chaoming fell, he also went to help him up. Later, he realized that what Cen Xili had told Gu Chaoming was that Gu Chaoming fell into his heart.

Indeed, Gu Chaoming had already entered his heart.

He would be secretly happy because Gu Chaoming omitted his surname to call him, and he would also be jealous because Cen Xili asked Gu Chaoming to bow his head, and Gu Chaoming was so obedient.

Cen Xili told him "they weren't so crazy before", and his jealousy became stronger.

Compared to Cen Xili, I don't seem to know Gu Chaoming at all.

He wanted to know Gu Chaoming better, and his instinct made him care about Gu Chaoming.Gu Chaoming was taken away by Gu Tao, he sent Gu Chaoming a message every 5 minutes, Lin Jianfan was waiting for Gu Chaoming's reply, and called Gu Chaoming before he got the reply.

He was too scared, because he had been bullied before, and he knew the feeling of being treated violently. He felt that it should be the same, and he wanted someone to accompany him.

When he got on the phone, he was infected by Gu Chaoming's joke, and Gu Chaoming didn't live in fear like him.He is always serious to others, he doesn't know how to joke, doesn't know how to get along, always reads the air when he is with others, and always pays attention to other people's expressions, but when he is with Gu Chaoming, he doesn't, he is very relaxed, and he does it for He was worried that when he was with Gu Chaoming, he could joke with him and chat happily.He needn't worry.

It was Gu Chaoming who taught him not to please others. He could be himself here, but he still didn’t dare to reveal the past. He was afraid that everything would disappear and it was just an illusion of his.

He was sore and joyful in his heart, it was the luckiest thing for him to come to this city and meet Gu Chaoming.

He doesn't need to tell lies, just say what he has to say, he seems to think that someone understands him, someone pierces into his heart, knows his pretense, that's why he said these things to him, but he clearly understands that those are just his The fantasies, romantic and beautiful fantasies, only he knows, and he dare not let Gu Chaoming know.

Gu Chaoming brought him the beauty he had never imagined, and bloomed an unfailing fireworks in his dark life.

At night and in the morning, Gu Chaoming never spared surprises for him.

That morning Lin Jianfan thought it was just an ordinary morning, but this morning was destined to be extraordinary with Gu Chaoming.

He just went upstairs steadily, never thinking that someone would stop him, and it was so funny.

"Hey, the top student in front."

The people around him all looked at him, the top student who turned his head.He turned his head, and what he threw at him was a box of yogurt, which was full of energy from the young man in the early morning, and it was Gu Chaoming's enthusiasm.

He threw him, brought him enthusiasm, on that ordinary Monday morning, on that extraordinary day in his life.

Walking into the classroom, Lin saw that Fan was looking at Gu Chaoming because he wanted to take a peek at Gu Chaoming. There was no other reason, and he didn't expect that Gu Chaoming was also looking at him.

When he saw Gu Chaoming's smile, he used the thank you yogurt as a cover to cover up his peeping.

He kept peeking at Gu Chaoming. Gu Chaoming bent over to find the steamed bun, which was scalded by the dumpling. He saw it all, and laughed in his heart.

When stopped by Wu Shan, Lin Jianfan wanted to change himself.He knew it was difficult, but he refused to buy water for Yu Hangwei.

Gu Chaoming came to help him, no one had ever helped him before, every word Gu Chaoming said was branded in his heart.

Someone reached out to him in the dark, and it was the first time someone helped him.

When Gu Chaoming climbed over the fence and jumped down, the raised school uniform was his cape.

Chu Yao confessed that when Gu Chaoming rushed out suddenly, Lin Jianfan was surprised.Seeing that Fan didn't know what to do, Lin even thought that Gu Chaoming rushed to take him away, but Gu Chaoming didn't.

Lin saw that Fan looked at him with the intention of taking me away, but Gu Chaoming didn't understand at all.

After rejecting Chu Yao, Lin Jianfan raised his head when he heard Gu Chaoming calling him upstairs.On the day he jumped out of the window, he was lying in the undergrowth of the school. At that time, he saw frightened faces, but now he saw Gu Chaoming's smiling face.

He heard Gu Chaoming calling his name, so he ran upstairs in a hurry, hugging Gu Chaoming as soon as he wanted to go upstairs, but he held back.

When talking about butterflies, he thought of the stuffed butterflies in the biology class at school, and the disgust they felt when they stuffed the plastic butterflies they bought into his mouth.Lin saw that Fan felt nauseous, but he also controlled his emotions very well. According to what Gu Chaoming said, he said what he had to say and didn't hide it. He told Gu Chaoming that he hated butterflies, but he still lied and said A lie is hidden behind the truth.He only said he hates butterflies, but he didn't say why he hates butterflies, that's the key.

He didn't want to repeat the same mistakes and bring up the past again.He just wanted time to stay in the present and stop moving forward.

He suddenly wanted to drink yogurt, drink it wantonly, and enjoy the moment wantonly.

They spent Christmas together, spent New Years together, and they were together on the first day of New Years. They had many opportunities to express their love, but they all missed them.

The chorus competition was for old Chen Qingsheng. Lin Jianfan wrote a lyrics and dared not publish it, but Gu Chaoming "tough" snatched it and let the song be sung on stage for old Chen to listen to.

Old Chen cared about him very much, and he paid special attention to his past affairs, Lin Jianfan liked Lao Chen very much.

When he belittled himself, Gu Chaoming solemnly said to him: "You are very good, much better than you think, you know? Maybe others think you are not good, but in my heart you are the best."

He also relied on Gu Chaoming during the chorus competition, and he stayed close to Gu Chaoming when facing the eyes of everyone on stage.

Lin Jianfan wanted to say to him: "Can you come to me, I'm a little scared."

But Gu Chaoming didn't walk ahead of him, but walked beside him and walked with him.

He never thought that he would meet Gu Chaoming in his future life, and meet Gu Chaoming who took him out of the shadows.

The confession in the toilet in the chorus competition exhausted all his courage. At that time, he wanted to confess to Gu Chaoming, confess his past, confess his pain, because he trusted Gu Chaoming, believed that Gu Chaoming would not hurt him, and would not laugh at him he.

He started with "I have a friend". As Gu Chaoming said, the friend he was talking about was himself.When Gu Chaoming said this, he simply spent all his courage to say that sentence to Gu Chaoming, and let Gu Chaoming be with him in an open and honest manner.

On the day the confession was successful, he sat in the bathtub after returning home and was still thinking about his confession to Gu Chaoming.

He laughed, put a lot of water in the bathtub, he soaked in the water, laughed and cried.Tears slid down his cheeks into the bathtub, he didn't know why he was crying, he obviously felt very happy.

Maybe it's because the previous pain has been compensated.

Falling in love with Gu Chaoming is the most romantic thing in the world. He will pick the most beautiful little yellow flowers for you, play with his temper, and cook to satisfy your stomach...

Gu Chaoming is too kind, his youth is beautiful but covered with scars.

He himself is also full of scars, but every time he gets up from the night to accompany Gu Chaoming and help Gu Chaoming heal.

All it takes is a phone call from Gu Chaoming.

The day Gu Chaoming was harassed and choked again by Gu Tao after he moved into his new home, Lin Jianfan had actually fallen asleep, but Gu Chaoming made a phone call.

Lin Jianfan guessed right, except for Gu Tao, Lin Jianfan couldn't think of any other reason to make Gu Chaoming like this.

Lin saw that Fan could guess that it was Gu Tao, but he couldn't guess what Gu Tao had done to Gu Chaoming. He hurriedly changed his clothes while checking whether there was anyone outside the room and whether he could escape smoothly.

It was dark outside the door, and there was no movement. My parents were already asleep. Seeing that Fan was a thief at home, Lin took the medicine box at home lightly.

Tie up your shoelaces, stand on tiptoe with the medicine box in hand, and open the door lightly, without disturbing the sleeping parents.

The door opened and closed, and Lin Jianfan stepped out of the house carrying the medicine box, and the moonlight outside the door immediately attached to his shoulders in groups.

He felt sorry for Gu Chaoming. Later, when he found out that Gu Chaoming had lied to his mother and said that Gu Tao was very good to him, Lin Jianfan thought about how uncomfortable it was for him not to be able to tell the truth to his relatives. He felt sorry for Gu Chaoming. His tears couldn't stop.

The hug given to Gu Chaoming on the flyover is trying to tell him that he is with him, that he is not alone anymore.

He seemed to empathize with everything, so he hugged extra hard.

"Go to hell!"

Lin Jianfan shouted with Gu Chaoming at the beach.

He was yelling for Gu Chaoming, and he was also yelling for himself.

"To hell with everything! To hell with everything! To hell with everything before!"

Sea waves, sea breeze, please take away all my previous memories!

The moment he yelled at the beach, he wished for a moment that he had really lost his memory instead of pretending to forget it.

How good would it be if it wasn't for pretending to forget?He doesn't have to carry such a heavy memory alone.

Gu Chaoming confessed his terrible thoughts to him, and Gu Chaoming completely cut himself open, allowing him to see the darkness under the sun.Gu Chaoming completely believed in him, but what about him?He has never dared, never dared to speak, even if the memories of the past take root, germinate, and rot in his heart, he dare not speak his heart like Gu Chaoming.

He always felt that he felt the pain of Gu Chaoming. When Gu Chaoming just hugged him without explaining the reason, what he thought was that he could wait until Gu Chaoming wanted to say something.

He didn't confess what was hidden in his heart, and he knew it would be difficult to speak.

He knew it all, so he chose to wait.

He can wait until Gu Chaoming expresses his heart, but can he wait until himself?

Will you have the guts?

He knew very well no.

Lin Jianfan thought about living with this secret all his life, without telling anyone, without trying to win sympathy from anyone, without Gu Chaoming knowing about his pain, and without worrying about him for his parents.

Get more in one fell swoop.

so be it.

Let the secret of faking amnesia rot in your own heart.

He felt very happy at the beach on Gu Chaoming's birthday. He was not only happy that Gu Chaoming finally spoke his mind to him, he was happy to meet Gu Chaoming, and he was happy to be able to laugh after meeting Gu Chaoming.

He met Gu Chaoming on Gu Chaoming's adult birthday.Once, when he thought of such things, he felt disgusted. He never forgot Zhu Shengquan and that male classmate.

He was afraid, he was terrified, but that night Lin Jianfan was not afraid at all, and he didn't think of Zhu Shengquan at all, everything seemed logical, and he didn't feel sick at all.

With Gu Chaoming's company in the long night, there is no way out in loneliness. On that night when Gu Chaoming was an adult, Lin saw Fan tightening his grip on Gu Chaoming's neck, and felt that he could overcome all fears.

That was the courage that Gu Chaoming gave him, and he seemed to melt into Gu Chaoming's arms.

Seeing Lin Jianfan's tears, Gu Chaoming thought that Lin Jianfan was being hurt by him, so he kissed Lin Jianfan's earlobe and licked away the tears on Lin Jianfan's cheek.

Lin saw that Fan hugged Gu Chaoming tighter, and put his ear close to Gu Chaoming's.

He laughed and said, "It hurts."

It hurts, it hurts, it really hurts.

The wheels of the past crushed him repeatedly, and when he made the decision to hide that secret in his heart, he knew that the wheels of the past would never stop.

But he found it too.

He finds the one person who gives him renewed hope in life.

Lin Jianfan believes in love for a long time, and also believes that love comes suddenly.Before meeting Gu Chaoming, he never thought that his love would come so quickly, like a sunny day after a sudden heavy rain, everything is foggy, with a fresh smell floating in the air, everything is extremely quiet, and the long-lasting Unseen sunlight broke through the clouds and told him—he was coming.

Gu Chaoming once told him not to apologize all the time, multiple apologies will only make your sorry cheap.Lin Jianfan didn't apologize again, but what replaced the apology was the unchangeable observation of words and deeds.

He knew he shouldn't be like this, he shouldn't frown the other person, or change his face or tone, so he would pay attention to whether he did something wrong, but he couldn't help it, the thought of automatic self-blame had been engraved in his mind, engraved in his flesh and blood.

He discovered this problem when he was traveling, and Gu Chaoming also discovered it a long time ago.Gu Chaoming held his hand, silently comforting him.

He knew that the people here had no ill intentions towards him, and that the people here could accept his shrinking, but he still couldn't help hiding himself, hiding himself.Only when he was with Gu Chaoming could he forget that feeling of self-blame.

He is the most comfortable in front of Gu Chaoming, he is the real him, he doesn't have to worry about other people's eyes, and he doesn't have to worry about other people's distance.

Because he knew that Gu Chaoming would never leave him.

Because he is Gu Chaoming.

Because it's him, so he can mess around

Because it is him, he can be the truest self

Because it is him, he is willing to take the initiative to take that step

Because it is him, he can carry the darkness forward.

He walked through the last semester of the third year of high school with a dark shoulder on his back. Gu Chaoming's romance and teasing thoughts made him forget the weight on his back. The time with Gu Chaoming made him arrogant and made him think that he could completely break away from the past.

He was so arrogant that he didn't even notice that Zhu Shengquan was right behind him.Zhu Shengquan met him by chance and called out his name.

The voice from the nightmare sounded again in the soft and sweet real life, Lin Jianfan's body froze.No matter how harsh the wind is in winter, it cannot freeze people for a moment, but the wind of memories can.

The wind of memories whizzed by, blowing Lin Jianfan back to the previous hell.

His first reaction was to drag Gu Chaoming to escape. He ran and ran, trying to take Gu Chaoming to a place where no one would find them again.

He couldn't find it, there was no such place in the world, he would never have anywhere to hide.

His body with nowhere to hide was embraced by Gu Chaoming, who told him he was fine.

There is a place in the world where he can hide, close at hand, in Gu Chaoming's warm embrace.

Gu Chaoming embraces everything about him, his concealment, his silence, and his timidity.

Gu Chaoming filled his gray life with colors, and when Zhu Shengquan erased those colors, he filled them with a hug.

Standing at the entrance of the alley, seeing someone being bullied, Lin Jianfan seemed to see himself in the past.Gu Chaoming gave him color, gave him the color of flowers and brocades, and he also wanted to apply the color Gu Chaoming gave himself to the person who was bullied.It's fine at all, as long as he knows that the world is bright and colorful.

His footsteps rushing into the alley, the power of swinging his fist, and holding the hand of the man who was running away were all courage given by Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming is the light that guides him, he breaks through the wind and snow, holds that person's hand, hoping to give him a little light of life.

He wanted to give light to that life, maybe he gave too much, leaving only darkness to himself.

The darkness of the past repeats itself.

He fell into the river, he drowned in the water, and with the same weightlessness, he returned to the window of the previous school.

He jumped down like a kite breaking free from a thin string, like a bird too lazy to flap its wings to fly.

He fell, fell, fell into the thousands of flowers, fell into the thorn bushes, fell into the arms that God prepared for him.