monologue

Chu Xingmu stood by the window and watched Wen Ti and Jennifer walk out of the gate of the Public Security Bureau and got into the car together. The quit smoking candy box was thrown in the trash.

Wen Ti said to go to the party, but he didn't even change his clothes. According to his personality, he would definitely dress neatly when he went to see his friends. friend.

It doesn't matter whether it's a party or a car show, how could Wen Ti drive a car that's not as expensive as Chu Xingmu's?

"Little liar, I don't even bother to make up a whole set of reasons for deceiving people." Chu Xingmu walked to the work station with the lunch box.

Xia Ci ran in from the outside in a hurry and asked, "What little liar?"

When Chu Xingmu saw Xia Ci, his face quickly darkened, and the chopsticks in his hand were broken by him. Xia Ci heard a "click", and stopped at the door involuntarily. Chu Xingmu looked like he was going to die Like eating him, Xia Ci's heart skipped a beat.

"You fucking dare to come back?" Chu Xingmu gritted his teeth and said.

Xia Ci didn't know who Chu Xingmu was driving crazy, and he didn't know what Wu Huanshan and Chu Xingmu said before he came back. After hanging out with Chu Xingmu for ten years, he knew him well. Why did Xia Ci make a move, before Xia Ci could say anything, a book flew straight towards him, Xia Ci quickly tilted his head to avoid it, and shouted: "Who the hell do you want to talk about with?"

"You lied to me for five years!" Chu Xingmu said angrily.

Xia Ci was afraid that he would pick up the chair and smash it over, so he stood at the door and didn't dare to go in. He already knew what Chu Xingmu was talking about.

Back then when Wu Huanshan led the team to catch Zhou Jinlin, he followed him. When Wu Huanshan pointed his gun at Chu Xingmu and pulled the trigger, he could only watch the bullet hit Chu Xingmu. He couldn't believe that Wu Huanshan would shoot at all. Later, Wu Huanshan told him that it was Li Yaomin's order to shoot Zhou Jinlin no matter what price he paid, even if he sacrificed his own people, he couldn't let Zhou Jinlin escape.

"You stayed in the hospital for half a year and almost didn't make it through. After leaving the hospital, you went to a drug rehabilitation center for three months. How dare I tell you? You know!" Xia Ci suddenly lowered his voice and approached, "You know why Uncle Yang Is the relationship with Li Yaomin so deadlocked? It’s not just because Ju Li is determined to think that Zhou Jinlin is the murderer, because Ju Li doesn’t even care about his own life in order to catch the criminal. Ju Wu and Uncle Yang don’t tell you the truth because they are afraid that you will quarrel with Ju Li It’s too stiff! I said what can I do? Do you still want to ask him for that shot?”

Although Xia Ci explained, Chu Xingmu's face was still ugly. He wanted to smash the office when he came out of Wu Huanshan's office. He didn't want to scare Wen Ti when he saw that Wen Ti was outside. Wen Ti lied casually and wanted to leave immediately. Agreed, Chu Xingmu felt that he had lived in vain for the past 30 years. He was such a shrewd person who was calculated, used, and treated as a victim. Maybe he should listen to Li Yaomin's explanation. Maybe he also had difficulties at that time. But when he thought of some recent events, he hesitated.

Although Li Yaomin participated in the whole process of the case between Cheng Hai and Wang Yuemin, it was at that time that he asked Wu Huanshan to take over the work of the criminal investigation team. Chu Xingmu thought that the relationship between him and Wu Huanshan had eased. So he and Li Yaomin are no longer the same as before?

If the person standing behind him was a terrorist who died in the line of duty, he would have no complaints, but the person standing behind him was Zhou Jinlin. Although he also pointed a gun at his head, he knew that Zhou Jinlin would not hurt him. Zhou Jinlin once said : "The life of the police is to make society better, not to be sacrificed."

Those who ordered Zhou Jinlin's death were his uncle who had watched Chu Xingmu grow up, his leader, and his father's good brother. His leader didn't think about how to save him, but only wanted the prisoner to be arrested and brought to justice. not hesitate.

This is the difference between Li Yaomin and Zhou Jinlin.

"I'm leaving first, you can calm down and save yourself. I'll add performance to Han Yang in the dead office today." Xia Ci bypassed Chu Xingmu and took something from his desk, running like clockwork on the soles of his feet. up.

Chu Xingmu kicked the chair to the ground in a hurry, and the lunch box on the table was also shaken off. Chu Xingmu caught it quickly with his eyes and hands. He was the only one in the office. He could only hold back when he was angry. The plastic spoon, the chopsticks were broken by him, so he had to make do with the spoon to eat. Wen Ti ordered the meal, so it would be a pity not to eat it.

When he was going to wash the spoons, he passed by Wen Ti's desk and found that the anti-inflammatory medicine given by the doctor was still on the table. Chu Xingmu's cell phone rang at the right time. He tilted his head and looked at the caller ID. It was Zhong Changxin.

Looking at the increasingly familiar streets, Jennifer couldn't help asking Wen Ti, who had been silent since getting in the car: "Boss, isn't this the way to Yingang?"

"It's because a driver friend is leaving, and he did invite me to the farewell banquet, but I declined." Wen Ti stared at the road ahead without squinting, keeping a distance of one meter from the car in front, if it wasn't for Jennifer Knowing that Wen Ti had just come out of the Public Security Bureau, she thought that Wen Ti had a problem with the car owner in front, and that he was looking for an opportunity to deliberately rear-end him for revenge.

"If Captain Chu calls you, just say I'm going home today." Wen Ti warned.

Jennifer asked: "You guys were affectionate just now, boss, are you going to put a hat on Captain Chu?"

Wen Ti: "..." At this time, if he said that his salary would be deducted, would he appear stingy? He had to learn to be as handy as Chu Xingmu.

"This month's salary will be deducted according to the wrong word." Wen Ti glanced at Jennifer.

Jennifer hurriedly shut up, did Wen Ti learn badly from Chu Xingmu?I also learned to threaten people with wages.

Wen Ti sent Jennifer to the studio, Xue Ning had been waiting for them downstairs, Xue Ning thought that Wen Ti was going back to the studio, but Wen Ti said he was going home, they didn't ask which home Wen Ti was going back to, Even Xue Ning could tell that Wen Ti's mood today was very abnormal.

Seeing that Ti left, Jennifer took a long breath and said to Xue Ning, "I'm suffocated to death, I'm almost out of oxygen, I need artificial respiration."

Xue Ning asked, "What's going on? The boss is in a bad mood today?"

"I've worked for him for such a long time, and it's the first time I heard him threaten me not to speak with salary deductions today! It's still counting words!"

Xue Ning: "You deserve it, don't you know how to read people's faces?"

Jennifer said: "I just think he is unhappy, are you kidding? It seems that Captain Chu is not very happy today. They won't quarrel, right?"

"I really can't imagine how they quarreled." Xue Ning dragged Jennifer upstairs.

Wen Ti galloped all the way, and drove the car back to the underground garage of his home. He sat in the car for a while, and the missed calls on the phone could turn over two pages, including calls from Wen Xiangqin and Zhong Changxin. Ti didn't want to pick up any of them. His mind was filled with those lingering images all afternoon. Even the minor operation couldn't bring him back to his thoughts. After all these years, he was still the same as before, unable to calm down and Afraid of being discovered by Chu Xingmu, anxiety and uneasiness prevailed.

Wen Ti opened the door and walked into the deserted and empty room, then locked the door behind her, retracted her fingers when they touched the chandelier switch, there was a pile of medicines on the table, Wen Ti counted the pills and placed them one by one palm.

None of the lights in the room were turned on, the only light came from the high-rise buildings at night, Wen Ti sat on the sofa with loose hair, and the silhouette on the floor was so lonely, he seemed to have dreamed of this scene before, but There was no light in the dream. In the dream, he held a handful of pills, stuffed them into his mouth non-stop, and vomited while taking them. The pills were very bitter, so bitter that he couldn't help shaking. Wen Ti woke up from the dream and went to the bathroom After rinsing his mouth again and again, the bitter taste seemed to grow on his tongue, no matter how much he gargles, he couldn't make it go away. Since then, Wen Ti has never taken medicine again, and he is afraid that he will lose his sense of taste.

Wen Ti picked up the water glass and stared at the pills in her hand. The phone she put aside lit up. Wen Ti kept looking at the phone and waited for it to hang up automatically. After a while, she called again. Suddenly there was a knock on the door in the dark and quiet room. The people outside knocked on the door in the most penetrating way. Wen Ti didn't want to be found that he was secretly hiding and taking medicine, so he had to sit quietly without making a sound.

He heard the sound of the clock coincide with his own heartbeat, and the knock on the door lasted for a minute, and the outside became quiet. Wen Ti thought that the other party had left, but heard Chu Xingmu say outside the door: "I know you are at home, Listen, open the door."

Wen Ti put down the water glass, threw the pills in his hand on the table, and walked to the door, he turned around and glanced at the things on the table, and felt that there was no need to hide it from Chu Xingmu, he just opened the door, Chu Xingmu Squeezing in all of a sudden, the clothes hooked on the door lock and made a long cut, and ran straight to the living room, Wen Ti closed the door and followed without haste.

Chu Xingmu saw a table of antipsychotic drugs and various pills scattered on the table, looked back at Wen Ti, Wen Ti said: "Let me see if they have expired."

Speaking of that, Wen Ti picked up a medicine box and showed Chu Xingmu the date on it: "It's all expired, if you eat it, you will die, I don't want to die yet."

Chu Xingmu's tense nerves relaxed, Wen Ti handed him the undrinked water to Chu Xingmu, "I just came back to get something."

"Do you need to lie to me to go to Yingang to get something?" Chu Xingmu put the cup on the table and hugged Wen Ti, "Why do you want to hide?"

"I didn't take it, I didn't miss a single pill, you can count it, or you can smell my mouth again to see if there is any smell of medicine?" Wen Ti took the initiative to stick to Chu Xingmu's lips, this trick has been tried repeatedly.

Chu Xingmu is not much better than Wen Ti now. In just one day, he experienced first-hand what it means to be frightened and survive the disaster. He saved Wen Ti, escaped the flower pot that fell from the upstairs, and knew that he had been shot. The truth, who has he been working for all these years?He couldn't even protect himself, how to protect Wen Ti.

Chu Xingmu let go of Wen Ti's shoulders and sat on the sofa, with anger on his face. Wen Ti crouched in front of Chu Xingmu and looked at him, only to realize that Chu Xingmu was really angry this time.

Chu Xingmu has been asking Wen Ti to try to trust him and tell him some of his own little secrets. Wen Ti often talks about his time in the mental hospital. At first, he wanted to deal with Chu Xingmu's sympathy. Chu Xingmu remembered everything he said, and later Wen Ti told him the truth and didn't make up stories to lie to him. He became Chu Xingmu's little follower and followed him to the scene of the crime. How dangerous to be busy.

The most devoted person in this relationship is actually Chu Xingmu. He is older than Wen Ti and more mature than Wen Ti, and he knows how to love someone better than Wen Ti. He carefully maintains Wen Ti's self-esteem and always believes that Wen Ti has no love. Mental illness, when danger comes, he will always protect Wen Ti behind him. He is only careful about the case, and he also puts this seriousness on Wen Ti. The two have never quarreled after being together for so long, because Chu Xing Mu has long avoided those issues that would cause conflicts and conflicts between him and Wen Ti, but he still feels that he doesn't know enough about Wen Ti.

Wen Ti used to feel that he was not insensitive to feelings but indifferent. His family relationship was fragmented, and he abandoned his friendship like shoes. He could not integrate into the society and the collective. Alone, he thinks he is a very selfish person, so he never asks about other people's past, only asks about their current predicament. If someone asks him for help, he will definitely help him. He trusts others but he never trusts others.

Now he finds that he knows very little about Chu Xingmu, and when he decides to get to know him, he has no way to start. He doesn't know anything about his past, and he doesn't take the initiative to ask him. He is so observant and considerate of others. , but never really observed Chu Xingmu who had lived with him for several months.

He also wants to be serious about this person and be responsible for this relationship.

"Brother." Wen Ti called softly, but Chu Xingmu didn't look at him and was still angry.

Wen Ti squatted beside Chu Xingmu's legs and tugged at the skirt of his clothes, and gave it all up, calling out coquettishly: "Brother."

Chu Xingmu couldn't hold back when he heard this, even a man couldn't help it, he pulled Wen Ti up, and asked him angrily, "What are you going to do if I don't come here?"

Chu Xingmu's eyes fell on the pile of medicine boxes, and Wen Ti said: "I am used to finding a place where there is no one to sit all night. The premise of not being afraid of fear is to overcome fear."

Chu Xingmu sighed deeply, not knowing whether he should blame himself or be thankful, he softened his voice and asked: "I have experienced danger for the next few decades today, are you afraid?"

Wen Ti saw that his expression was relaxed, so she sat cross-legged on the sofa regardless of her image, and asked, "Do you want to tell the truth?"

Chu Xingmu: "If you confess, you will be lenient, if you resist, you will be strict."

"Mr. Zhong Minglou said that death is inevitable, but if you escape once, you will live more vigorously and enthusiastically than before. Desire is a natural thing. The more you lack in life, the more you want something. If the fire in the fireplace is too hot Lighting the firewood outside, fighting the fire is a human instinct, not a responsibility, and what is lost is a shelter, not a life."

Wen Ti turned her head and found that Chu Xingmu was staring at him blankly, Wen Ti laughed a few times: "I even live such a bad life in my own life, and I still tell you such things."

Chu Xingmu flicked Wen Ti's forehead, then picked up a lock of his hair and poked Wen Ti's face, saying, "We are just as bad."

"Wu Huanshan said that it was Li Yaomin who made him shoot me. Who do you think I should believe?"

Wen Ti paused. He remembered that Chu Xingmu had a very good relationship with Li Yaomin in private. Li Yaomin and Chu Xingmu's father were friends for many years. It will always touch the interests of some people, but he is unwilling to restrain and compromise. If it is not for Li Yaomin's protection, the criminal investigation team may already belong to someone else, so Wen Ti is not good at judging this matter.

Wen Ti accurately found the old wound on Chu Xingmu's chest. The wound felt a little prickly when he touched it carefully. Chu Xingmu grabbed his hand and asked, "If you were me, what would you do?"

Wen Ti withdrew her hand and replied: "This assumption is not valid, because I have to consider the meaning and weight of my existence in Li Yaomin's eyes."

Chu Xingmu thought so too. He treated Li Yaomin as an elder, and he trusted him so much since he was a child. Now that he knows the truth, he feels betrayed and abandoned. How can he tell his father that he watched him grow up? In order to catch a fugitive, the uncle chose not to rescue him and ordered someone to kill him?

If Chu Xingmu really died that year, how would he explain to Chu Xingmu's father?

Wen Ti leaned against Chu Xingmu, Chu Xingmu hugged him as soon as he raised his hand, and said with a wry smile: "I am a 30-year-old and I still want you, a brat, to comfort me, a failure."

Wen Ti tore off the tie and threw it on the sofa, grabbed Chu Xingmu's neck and said, "Everyone has said since I was a child that if I have difficulties, I should go to the police uncle. Now that I have difficulties, can I go to the police uncle?"

His eyes are shining like stars in them, beautiful.

Chu Xingmu asked: "What should the police uncle do if he is in trouble?"

Wen Ti: "I want to hear your answer."

Chu Xingmu said: "We have faith, and we carry the expectations of many people on our shoulders. It is very heavy and barbaric, but in the future, more and more people will share the burden for us, so no matter what happens now, we must wait for them to come."

But if faith is eroded by boundless desires and reduced to a lackey of power and wealth, faith will become a stain at any time.

Wen Ti's eyes showed some appreciation, "Brother, are you always so optimistic?"

"I'm not optimistic. I'm afraid I'll die in a drug rehabilitation center long ago. The hallucinations and stimulation that drugs give people are like a man-made mental illness. Once you get infected, you can't get rid of it."

"Then how did you quit?"

Chu Xingmu's eyes dimmed, "I'll tell you later."

He is not going to tell Wen Ti now, everyone has a painful and dark memory, and he will tell Wen Ti after he sorts it out.

Speaking of mental illness, Chu Xingmu knew very little about these things, so he asked, "How are mental illnesses classified?"

Wen Ti said: "In the eyes of normal people, aliens are mental illnesses."