you are my youth

I am Xiang Xiaoqiu.

I chose arts and sciences.

Since my class is a liberal arts class, I stayed in class 12.

The first semester of high school started, and I was sitting in the classroom reading Tanmei novels as usual, and I was raising my head to move my stiff cervical spine.

A girl with short hair broke into my sight, wearing a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and black sneakers.The neat short ear-length hair made her face look chiseled and handsome.

I feel a little regretful that she sat in the middle group?

It was only later that I found out that her name was Song Wan, and she had good grades.Her name was next to mine on the ranking list.

My No.2, her No.3.

In the midterm exam, she got No.1 and entered the top [-] in the grade.It made me appreciate her even more.

She has always been among the best in the subsequent exams, so she should be a very good person, right?I think.

In the first term of the second year of high school, the head teacher re-arranged the position.Arrange the groups in order of achievement.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Song Wan and I were placed in the first group.

She sits in the front and I sit in the back.

She looked a little indifferent, exuding an aura of not getting close to strangers all over her body.

I remembered my schoolbag and the taffy I bought this morning, so I mustered up the courage to talk to her, "Song Wan, do you eat candy?"

She turned her head and smiled, "Thank you."

She had such a nice smile and was so warm.

Later I was at the same table with her again.I found that I had a lot of common hobbies with her. Over time, we became good friends who talked about everything.

Song Wan is really a very gentle person, and I am always taken care of by her when I am a fool.Sometimes I feel embarrassed, afraid that she will find me annoying.But after thinking about it, she thinks that if she is so nice, she shouldn't find me annoying, right?

One day Song Wan asked me what I think about homosexuality in reality.I said that I do not support or oppose it.

In fact, I don't really know. Although I usually read Tanmei novels, there is a gap between novels and reality after all.Just like I know that the reason why Qin Fang and Qin Ran are at odds is because Qin Fang likes Qin Ran.

Since then, Qin Fang and Du Meimei's relationship has improved.Get into pairs together every day.

When I saw how intimate they were, I would sometimes fantasize about Song Wan and I, and feel ashamed of the situation I imagined.

Song Wan is my friend and always will be.I can't have the slightest thought of her.

After entering the third year of high school, for some reason, Song Wan's grades dropped.She was assigned to another group.

I can no longer talk to her at any time, and I spend less time with her.

I look forward to get out of class and having dinner with her every day.I used to eat alone all the time, but since Song Wan appeared, I realized that eating is also a pleasure.

I began to rely on the peace of mind and warmth Song Wan gave me, until I realized that this friendship had a tendency to go astray.

If Song Wan knew, would she be like Qin Ran?I dare not take the risk of letting her know.

And what I have to do now is to divert my attention as soon as possible, focus on my studies, and stop thinking about those complicated problems.

My former tablemate He Hao started chasing me, and I told Song Wan about it.Unexpectedly, her reaction was so violent.

My mood is both happy and worried.I am happy that she defends me like this, which shows how important I am to her.What worries me is my unspeakable expectation of her, and my ridiculous delusion.

I had a cold war with her for a month, but she never came to me.It seems that I was indeed delusional.

Two days before the college entrance examination, she told me that she liked me.I could hear my heart beating, as if it was about to jump out of my chest.

I asked her cautiously, is she serious?

She said it was a joke, and I was angry.

On the night after the college entrance examination, she kissed me on the cheek with an excuse.I couldn't suppress my emotions and kissed back.

I thought she liked me too, but then she didn't say anything.

Am I delusional?

I know it's impossible for us.

After going to college, she always joked with me on the phone, saying that I was her girlfriend.I happily replied to her: "You are my girlfriend."

However, all of this seemed to be just a joke on her whim. Like a clown, I went back and forth between hope and disappointment countless times.

After half term, I told her that I have a boyfriend.I hope she can respond, even if it's like saying a few words of persuasion like when she was in the third year of high school.But no.She just said: "Congratulations, you have successfully left the order."

That time she came to school to look for me, but because of my boyfriend's cold, she made a fuss.But she forgave me anyway.

Later, she asked me to go to her school to play, and I was so excited that I couldn't sleep all night, and I didn't fall asleep until the early morning.Naturally, I slept until noon the next day before waking up.

Just as I was about to call her to say that I had overslept, she called.She seemed very angry, and I was too guilty to speak.

After the winter vacation, we had no contact.

I controlled myself not to contact her, until later in the summer vacation, she told me that she liked me before, but now she doesn't like me, she likes someone else.

My heart dropped, what else can I say?I can only say that I thought the liking she said was between friends.The evil thoughts that haunted me for two years can finally be let go.

Qin Fang and Du Meimei went to the same university, but I am not Du Meimei, and Song Wan is not Qin Fang.We can't be them after all.

The author has something to say:

I declare this article officially over!sprinkle flowers