The hero does not look back!

A few years later, when Lu An sent Chen Yuan away, Chen Yuan, who was already quite mature, said with a wry smile, "It's my fault too, too much greed, I can't stand you and can't devote 100%."

After getting along for several years, Lu An was grateful for the good gathering and separation at this moment, and said gently: "We will always be family."

Chen Yuan said helplessly: "You just regard me as a family member, from the beginning."

How can there be so many [-]% emotional enthusiasm in this world, it is only once in a lifetime, and it has been given to someone else, so naturally it cannot be given to another person.Lu An's feelings that drained his youth had already been given to Xue Rong, as if they had drained his life's energy and enthusiasm for love.He is willing to love Chen Yuan and take care of Chen Yuan, but he really can't give an equal and fiery feeling.

That was a few years later. At this moment, Chen Yuan is still a young man full of confidence in the future. He doesn't have so many worries and expectations about the helplessness and separation in the future. He is very satisfied with the current situation and prefers the lover around him.

Trying to figure out what Lu An likes, Chen Yuan pondered over the menu of the Chinese restaurant and ordered. After talking to the waiter, Chen Yuan raised his eyes from the menu and looked at Lu An who was standing by the counter in front.Not far away, Chen Yuan clearly saw the solemn expression on Lu An's face, and also saw that Lu An carefully folded a newspaper and put it in his pocket.Chen Yuan wanted to get up and go over, but Lu An had already walked towards him calmly, Chen Yuan asked, "What's the matter?"

Lu An raised his eyes and looked out of the window, his eyes drifted past Chen Yuan, he shook his head, and said, "It's okay."

Chen Yuan saw that he didn't want to talk too much, so he didn't ask any more questions, poured tea for Lu An, waited for the food to be served, then brought some food for Lu An, and told some interesting local stories.Lu An was obviously absent-minded, and he misheard a few times, and made the wrong conversation.Chen Yuan thought that Lu An was tired, so he said, "Do you still want to go out after dinner? Seeing that you are a bit tired, why don't you find a hotel to rest first?"

Hearing this, Lu An involuntarily pressed the newspaper in his pocket, and after hesitating to speak, he said, "Okay, let's find a place to rest first."

Chen Yuan booked a room online, and drove Lu An there. After entering the room, Lu An went directly to the bathroom. Chen Yuan was a little puzzled, and stared at the bathroom door for a while, but still restrained himself from going in to disturb her.

Across a door panel, Lu An held his mobile phone and searched for some news on domestic websites.

Xue Rong, suspected of drunk driving, lost control of his car on the seaside road, hit the fence, fell off the cliff and rushed into the sea.

Lu An took out the folded old newspaper from his pocket and stared at the black and white photo of Xue Rong.Xue Rong's face is handsome and heroic, even if he looks at it today, Lu An still feels that it fits his own aesthetics very well.Xue Rong is a good-looking man, but his temper is bad enough, selfish and domineering, he is not easy to get along with.

Lu An was numb in his heart, he was even thinking that since his old friend passed away, based on the entanglement between him and Xue Rong, should he shed a few tears to send Xue Rong alone? Just as he was thinking, he suddenly saw the newspaper in his hand covered with water. The stain got a little wet, and Lu An raised his hand to wipe it away, only to belatedly realize that tears were already falling.

"Why would I cry? There's no need to cry." Lu An thought dumbly.

Are you crying for Xue Rong?Lu An thought, I obviously don't care about him anymore, his life and death is the life and death of a stranger, so I shouldn't be emotional and sad.But he was uncontrollably sad, Lu An wiped his eyes, took a deep breath, calmed his emotions, and thought: "I'm probably just sad for myself, after all, I've spent so many years."

Lu An thought, how Xue Rong felt when he heard the news of his death.

Lu An suddenly wanted to go to Xue Rong's cemetery to take a look. Faced with such a hasty end of life, he always felt a little bit unbearable.He chose to use feigned death to free Xue Rong, without even thinking about the impact it would have on Xue Rong, and left cleanly. In a word, he hoped that Xue Rong could live a better life.

Lu An held the crumpled newspaper in a daze until Chen Yuan knocked on the door worriedly. Lu An sighed, folded the newspaper again and put it in his pocket, opened the door, smiled at Chen Yuan, and said He said: "You wash it first, I'll make a phone call."

Chen Yuan wanted to say something, but Lu An was already walking towards the outside of the hotel in a hurry with his mobile phone in hand. Chen Yuan frowned, but did not follow him wisely. He was always used to giving Lu An space and time.

Lu An's phone call was to Dr. Tan Fengtan.

After nearly two years, this is the first phone call between Lu An and Tan Feng.Tan Feng was a little surprised when he received the call, and asked, "It's really you? An'an?"

Hearing Tan Feng's voice, Lu An said with a stagnant heart, "It's me, Doctor Tan."

During Tan Feng's silence, Lu An asked, "I want to ask about... Xue Rong."

Tan Feng sighed obviously a little tired, and said: "I haven't contacted you for so long, did you call me to ask this? An An, I said you are really... ungrateful." Tan Feng paused for a while, as if to be Sighing, he continued: "Yes, he's dead, terribly dead, and it's been three or four months."

For a while, Lu An didn't know how to answer the conversation. There was the sound of a lighter from Tan Feng's side. It should be a cigarette being lit. Lu An heard Tan Feng's slightly hoarse voice saying, "You just know now?"

Lu An whispered "um", and said, "I just found out."

Tan Feng said: "It's been almost two years since you left." Tan Feng said with some emotion in his words, "Since it's already like this, let's do it like this, but if you want to come back, you don't have any scruples , but I guess you have no plans to come back."

Lu An also sighed inaudibly, and asked, "He... Xue Rong, has he been okay for the past two years?"

However, Tan Feng smiled and said, "Everyone is dead, why do you still care about what to do when you are alive? Do you want him to have a good life, or do you want him to have a bad life?"

Tan Feng's words obviously had a tit-for-tat meaning, not to mention being mean or ironic, but Lu An felt sad when he heard it, and he said, "Yes, everyone is dead."

Lu An didn't want to say anything more for a while, he hung up the phone after a few greetings, and stood alone outside the hotel, and he didn't know how long it had passed.

The next day, Chen Yuan offered to end the trip early, saying that there was something in the school that needed to be dealt with back home. Lu An secretly heaved a sigh of relief, and followed Chen Yuan's wishes, and set off back together.Lu An knew that Chen Yuan probably saw something, so he specially gave him time to buffer.

I'm afraid that everyone around Xue Rong knew about Xue Rong's death, but they didn't tell him.

It was right not to tell him. After returning to the small town, Lu An started to suffer from insomnia again.When Xue Rong was alive, it was Lu An's dream at first, and then it became a nightmare he could not avoid. Now, a belated death news has turned into a chaotic dream that Lu An suddenly felt uneasy.

Unable to fall asleep all night, when Lu An closed his eyes, he seemed to see Xue Rong standing in front of the darkness. He saw many Xue Rong, some neat and tidy in formal attire, some casual and comfortable Some were smiling at him, some were frowning at him, and standing at the end of all the images was Xue Rong covered in blood.

Broken clothes, hideous wounds, bubbling blood, Lu An looked into Xue Rong's eyes, his eyes seemed to be questioning with anger, and seemed to be the silence of mourning after death.

Everything that had been deliberately forgotten suddenly became alive again. From the initial emotion, to the cohabitation that was preoccupied, to the discouragement of falling in love, and finally the support and confinement in the desperate struggle, he even began to remember The warmth and heat of skin-to-skin contact.

Through these suddenly revived memories, Lu An looked at Xue Rong who was covered in blood in front of him, looked at his heavy eyes, and watched him walking forward.

Lu An suddenly sat up in shock, his whole body was dripping with cold sweat, and his face was wet.He stared at the gloomy everything in the dark night with wide eyes, sat for a while, and then slowly turned his mind, and said to himself: "Xue Rong is dead."

Suffering from insomnia for several days in a row, Lu An's condition was obviously not right, but he didn't want to rely on drugs again, and just resisted. Fortunately, Chen Yuan went to school to work, and no one was staring at him, and he didn't have to deliberately explain.He couldn't sleep at night, and he was so dazed during the day that he couldn't lift his spirits. He promised Chen Yuan to go to the city on weekends, but when he walked to the station, his mind was always distracted, and his eyes flickered and he fell on the steps.

He didn't know how he stepped on the air, and when he realized it, the blood on his forehead had already dripped on the back of his hand. Lu An stared at the back of his hand, and remembered that Xue Ronglai, who was covered in injuries and soaked in blood, appeared in his mind at night. .

He crashed into the sea, hit, injured, drowned, and probably suffered a lot before he died.

Lu An simply wiped the blood from his head, went to the bathroom and changed his clothes, then changed his itinerary, went directly to the airport, and bought the nearest flight back to China.

Xue Rong is his demon, they need a farewell.

Lu An used to complain that Hughes was a free-spirited person, but in fact he is not. For Xue Rong, except for the days when he was responsible for the family and could not leave, after all, he always wanted to come and go. A farewell was missing, a peaceful farewell.Lu An sent a text message to Chen Yuan and Qin Yan at the airport, saying that they would go out for two days to do something. I don't know if everyone already knew it. Qin Yan just replied to be careful, and Chen Yuan wished him a good meal.

Back in a familiar city in China, Lu An contacted Tan Feng. Tan Feng was probably undergoing surgery, but he didn't answer the phone, so Lu An sent the address of the hotel he booked. The road from the airport to the hotel was a little traffic jam. After getting into the taxi, I found that Tan Feng was already standing at the door of the hotel.

Tan Feng put his hands in his trouser pockets and held a cigarette in his mouth. He still looked at ease before, but when he came closer and looked closely, his face showed the tiredness of a middle-aged man. Tan Feng smiled at Lu An and said, "I'm back. .”

Lu An nodded, Tan Feng took the luggage from Lu An's hand, and walked in front, waiting for Lu An to finish the formalities and enter the hotel room, Dr. Tan stood in front of the French window and said, "Have a good time?"

Lu An drank a few sips of water and said calmly: "It's good. I've almost recovered in the first half a year after going out. I ate well, slept soundly, surrounded by relatives, and lived a solid life. I also made a new boyfriend. Really, It’s all good. I just didn’t know something happened to Xue Rong, and when I got the news suddenly, I felt a little uncomfortable, and I started to lose sleep again, thinking that I should come back to see him, it’s a final settlement, otherwise... I’m always a little uneasy.”

Lu An always treated Tan Feng as a doctor, so he reported his situation as if he was explaining his medical records to a patient. Tan Feng nodded after hearing this, and said, "Just live well."

Lu An hesitated for a while, and asked, "Where's Xue Rong? Is he doing well?"

Tan Feng looked at Lu An with a bit of teasing in his eyes, and asked, "What do you think?"

Lu An shook his head helplessly, and said honestly: "I never thought about it, he belongs to the part of my subconscious that I deliberately forgot."

Tan Feng refused to comment, and said: "It's nothing good or bad. At first I didn't believe the news of your death. I checked everywhere, and after checking it all came back to the same result. After I stopped checking, I should do what I should do. I have always been single and been accused of death. Thanks to you, I don't have much contact with him, and I heard some rumors that he was drinking or something, no matter how many, I don't understand."

Lu An sighed, and said, "Take me to his graveyard tomorrow."

Tan Feng turned around suddenly, walked up to Lu An, hugged Lu An vigorously, and said, "You..."

In the middle of the conversation, there was no more to say. Tan Feng patted Lu An on the back, then let go, and said, "Take a good rest today, and I will take you there tomorrow morning."

That night, Lu An continued to suffer from insomnia without any accidents. He just got up and sat in front of the TV, watching various programs broadcast late at night, and stayed up until the next morning, waiting for Tan Feng in the hotel lobby with a haggard face. .When Tan Feng drove him to the cemetery, he passed the Crown Hotel, and Lu An asked casually, "Is the hotel still managed by the Xue Rong family?"

Tan Feng took a meaningful look at Lu An and said, "Xue Rong passed away. Some people in his family were very happy and thought they would get a lot of property, but the lawyer announced the will that Xue Rong had drawn up a long time ago. Most of them have been donated. I don’t know who is running the Crown Hotel now, it should be bought by someone else.”

When the car reached the entrance of the cemetery, Lu An came down to buy flowers, after thinking about it, he actually picked a bouquet of red roses.Tan Feng stood aside and was obviously surprised. Lu An smiled and said, "I should pick a handful of white chrysanthemums, but I think Xue Rong would prefer me to send roses. When I chased him shamelessly back then, every time Send flowers, but he didn't throw them away."

Tan Feng also smiled, and said: "You guys really made a lot of trouble back then, let's go."

"Back then", Lu An thought about it, but it wasn't that many years had passed.Walking to the tombstone, Tan Feng leaned over and pulled out a few stalks of dogtail grass nearby, and said, "The ashes are not inside. After he fell into the sea, no body was found."

Lu An was a little surprised, and asked, "No one was found? Isn't there still hope for survival?"

Tan Feng shook his head and said: "The cliff is too high, the car exploded when it fell, there is no way to survive."

Lu An lowered his eyes and said, "That's right, he's not like me, so there's no need to play tricks of feigning death."

Tan Feng patted Lu An on the shoulder, and said, "Then you wait for a while, I'll wait for you in the car outside."

Lu An nodded, and when Tan Feng walked away, he squatted down, put the flowers in front of the tombstone, looked at Xue Rong's young and handsome photo on it, and said, "I'll come back to see you, or I won't let it go." After finishing speaking, Lu An quietly sat aside for more than ten minutes before continuing to say: "I forgive you, you forgive me too, this life is like this, if there is a next life, or else, let's not know each other again .”

After Lu An finished speaking, he stood up, looked back at Xue Rong's photo, and said, "Goodbye."

When Lu An got up, he felt that something had happened in his heart. He looked around and even felt that Xue Rong was using feigned death to trick him into appearing. Xue Rong was really capable of such a thing.Lu An looked around suspiciously, thinking about the scenes in those movies and novels, maybe in a black car in the corner, there would be a man wearing sunglasses watching him.

Lu An was really suspicious. He carefully looked at the vehicles around the cemetery for a long while, but it was still dead silent with few pedestrians.He bowed his head and smiled to himself, and walked down the hillside.When he got in the car, Lu An shared his thoughts with Tan Feng, and Tan Feng also smiled and said, "I really can think about it, I thought it would be the same as you."

Lu An smiled and said: "If he is really alive, I will forgive him. I have never cursed him. He is still so young..."

Tan Feng still looked a little tired, and said: "Yes, a person like Xue Rong, who would have thought that he would disappear if he said nothing, a person who is usually so domineering."

Now that the matter of worshiping Xue Rong was over, Lu An asked Tan Feng to take him directly to the airport, and Tan Feng smiled wryly, "You don't even want to have a meal with me?"

Lu An apologized, "I'm afraid my family members will be worried, so I dare not procrastinate. I'll treat you to coffee at the airport."

After arriving at the airport with more than an hour left before boarding, Lu Anzhen asked Tan Feng to drink coffee. Tan Feng took a sip of the bitter drink and added three packs of sugar to the cup before taking the second sip. , chatting: "Because Xue Rong is in the middle, it's not even convenient for me to express my feelings to you."

Lu An smiled a little embarrassedly, and said, "I've always regarded you as a doctor."

Tan Feng didn't want to bring up this topic again, so he just smiled bitterly and said, "Go back and continue to live a good life. Forget everything that should be forgotten. After a long time, everything is just a passing cloud."

Lu An nodded and said, "That's not true."

Before leaving, Lu An stopped and said, "Every Qingming, help me to visit him."

Tan Feng said: "It's really hard to say, I probably have to leave, go to another city. But I will ask a friend to take care of it."

Lu An was a little surprised, but thought it was reasonable, and waved goodbye to Tan Feng.He walked to the entrance and still looked back, wondering if it was the plot of the novel, if Xue Rong was still alive, should he appear at the airport to block his way, should he be trapped again as forcefully and domineeringly as before.

The flow of people was in a hurry, and there was an endless flow of strange faces, except Xue Rong would not appear again.

Lu An finally fell asleep on the plane. During several hours of deep sleep, he did not dream of Xue Rong, but at the moment before falling asleep, he wondered if Xue Rong would feel lonely. Without a lover, even friends have to leave.By the way, I used to be his lover, and we were married. Where is the ring?What about the wedding ring?Hey, probably lost it long ago.

Chen Yuan went to pick up Lu An at the airport. After receiving the person, he didn't ask much questions, just hugged him tightly.Lu An said: "Sorry, I made you worry."

Chen Yuan shook his head knowingly, took Lu An's hand and walked out of the airport together.As if Lu An was finally released from the mental tension, he began to feel sleepy. He sat in the car and fell asleep in the dark. Even when he entered the door, Chen Yuan half-supported and half-hugged him into the bed. Chen Yuan looked at the tired and lethargic Lu An. , also sighed softly.

Chen Yuan thought that the story of Xue Rong and Lu An might finally come to an end.

The following days are the same as before. Some things have not been mentioned before, and no one will mention them again in the future. Lu An no longer suffers from insomnia. Having dinner together, and going out with family and friends when you have free time, it seems that this kind of peaceful and serene life can last a lifetime.

The peaceful life gave Lu An the idea of ​​writing again, and he began to write something intermittently.One day three months later, in order to find some information, Lu An logged into the mailbox he had used before, and there were a lot of unread emails accumulated in it. Lu An hurriedly glanced at it, ready to search for the information that was previously placed in the mailbox.

As the mouse rolled over, his eyes fixed on an unread email from half a year ago.