sick redemption

I am the fog, you are the star.You are but a point in the light, but I am the eternal darkness in the night.

I am the mouth that blows out the lights in the dark.

You, leave quickly!

——by Juncker

Chapter1

When Ni Rui came to his senses, he was standing on the balcony on the eighteenth floor.

He leaned forward even a little bit, and he became one of the practitioners of free fall.

Below is the river of lights flowing into a curve.

He took a few steps back, holding on tightly to the balcony door and window.

From the most secret place in his heart, flexible vines grew crazily, piercing through his internal organs, twisted and tightened, and tightened again, and the vines burst out with a blade-sized chill, spreading, and spreading again.Ni Rui pressed his chest and gasped for breath, ignoring the rising dizziness and nausea, hurriedly closed the balcony door as if fleeing.

Locked up.

The haze of another brush with death enveloped Ni Rui, and he turned on all the lights in the room and everything that could make a sound with trembling hands.

The warm yellow light could not save his trembling and pale lips.

The fear of death is like tarsal maggots, crawling numbly and numbly all over every nerve ending.

Unable to hold on any longer, Ni Rui vomited profusely while hugging the toilet. The antidepressants that had been forced into his mouth were all spit out by Ni Rui without being digested.

This is the first time to commit suicide?

Fifth or No.15?

When is the next time?

Why commit suicide?

He doesn't want to die now, not at all.

Why did I send my escort to come to this simple and empty house?

As if afraid that the sound of footsteps would disturb something, Ni Rui kicked off his slippers, and hid himself in the private theater step by step with his bare feet.

A video is playing on the large LCD screen of the private theater.It was a charity night hosted by a certain TV station. Ni Rui stood in the center of the stage, and together with other corporate philanthropists, stuck a crystal ball to start a certain charity event.The camera gave Ni Rui a close-up, and he smiled slightly at the camera.

Ni Rui buried half of his body in the soft sofa, staring at himself in the video without blinking.

Ni Rui in the camera, like other tycoons, is full of confidence, poise and courage.

The breaking point is that he is not an ordinary hero.

A good-natured appearance, 1.8 meters tall, well-proportioned, unmarried.

The last point leaves enough room for fantasy for the prospective wives in their teens and twenties.

The corners of the mouth that are habitually pulled down, the slightly cold facial expression when smiling, the humble appearance, the brown eyes covered by long eyelashes, and the sophisticated and conservative custom-made clothing are boasted by the gossip media as Ni Rui's nirvana.

He was clearly in his thirties, and looked similar to a fair and clean guy in his twenties.Even though Ni Rui dressed himself up as an old man, standing among business leaders who were mostly out of shape, Ni Rui was still too immature.

Ni Rui, who is in good spirits on the screen, is just Ni Rui from four months ago.

Ni Rui rubbed her dry face, what now?I look like I'm 50 or [-] years old... more than that.

Four months ago, Ni Rui, standing in front of the public and the media, was a prey temporarily freed from the clutches of depression.Barely able to support the illusion of high spirits.

This illusion won't last long.

To this day, his depression cannot be concealed.

Ni Rui stared at the white cotton socks on his feet and stroked his short and smooth nails. The subconscious obsession with cleanliness allowed him to live like a human being.

like a person.

Ni Rui is very sober at the moment.

He is soberly aware that he is like a human being.Dominating the lifeless body, controlling a pair of white to bloodless skin.

Sober enough to acquiesce in the reality that I have been reduced from an entrepreneur to a useless person, sober enough to foresee the next attack.

Repeatedly, until death.

Thanks to Ni Rui's active cooperation with the treatment, his depression symptoms have been alleviated a lot. A few months ago, he was no different from a normal person. Even after he realized that the illness was showing signs of a comeback, he never gave up on himself.Thinking is slow, but not slow to the point of answering difficult questions. People are lazy and clumsy, but not to the point of being numb.

He has struggled with depression for several years, and the people around him have been exhausted by his capriciousness.

He clearly knew that his father, Mr. Ni, and mother, Ms. Jiao, were mentally prepared to accept his sudden death.

It's hard to guarantee that everyone won't look forward to his disappearance, so as to get rid of the suffering that he has endured for too long.

Actually, I've been looking forward to it.

Mr. Ni had a hot fight with a girl who was younger than Ni Rui, and he had already secretly had a son, and planned to train him to be the successor to replace Ni Rui; Ms. Jiao turned a blind eye to this, No interference, no divorce.

Speaking of which, that girl is Ni Rui's junior, and she has been chasing Ni Rui for several years, because Ni Rui met Mr. Ni indirectly.The girl and Mr. Ni have been able to come to this day, and Ni Rui has played an important role as a matchmaker.

Although he was unintentional.

Ms. Jiao's refusal to see her own son is not unreasonable.

It's not unreasonable that the "prospective stepmother" didn't give Ni Rui a good look at him.

He has had many ups and downs in his half life, and the people around him won't be too surprised when he dies.

After all, there are not many experiences like him.

He likes mathematics and business-related things, but his parents insisted on training him to be a Beijing opera artist specializing in Danjiao. After having a younger brother, he was neglected at home and bullied by his classmates at school. His childhood was miserable; He is not his own, he is the child entrusted to Ms. Jiao by Ms. Jiao's first love, not to mention any blood relationship with Mr. Ni;He found a girl he liked to date, chatted and chatted and became his younger brother and sister. He was humiliated, and since then he has accepted the love of love. After a few years, he has just developed a heart of compassion for the beautiful school girl who chased after her. , Xuemei turned around and followed Mr. Ni.Forget it, he must be self-improving and focus on his career, but this lingering depression has crippled him.

Live without love.

Can't die!

A voice suddenly sounded.

Ni Rui was shocked, dense fear activated every trace of cold air in his body, dense frost particles floated in the air, and surrounded him tightly, his body was covered in frost, his pores were blocked with ice slag, and his body was sunk in the The dark bottom of the ocean.The long, flexible algae entangled him, bound him, dragged him down, and down.

He can't die.

At the time of the attack, there was an urge to end his life to seek relief. At the last moment of suicide, there was always a force that dragged him back from the death line, shaking his nerves.

Let him not want to die, be afraid of death, tell him he is guilty.

Being sober for a period of time with a sense of guilt, and then falling ill again, committing suicide, attempting, waking up, falling ill again, endless mental torture.

He is subjected to moral condemnation all the time.

He has a heart disease.

Ni Rui curled up on the sofa, wrapping the blanket tightly in a kneeling posture, revealing a weakness he never allowed himself to show.

He battled depression for over a decade and never gave up any hope of a cure.

He wanted to cure this critical "heart disease" and gave it a go.

Or, at this point, he conceded defeat.

I don't want to waste it like this anymore.If you want to live, live well, if you want to die, just forget it.

He wants to do a "last good deed" and experience an alternative life that he dismisses.

For others, for yourself.

While still sober enough to control myself.

Ni Rui took good care of himself from head to toe, went to the garage to pick up the car, and thought about another phone call to call the driver over.

The weather is bad, damp, stuffy, and wet with a pungent earthy smell.Ni Rui dismissed the others, put the bouquet of flowers on the tomb of his younger brother Ni Changlong, called his brother, and didn't know what to say anymore.

Ni Rui didn't say anything else.

Ni Rui and his younger brother Ni Changlong were strangers to each other.

Ni Rui ordered people to drive the car to the mental hospital, when a patient ran out to make trouble, the delirious patient was struggling desperately, with a hole in his forehead, half his face was bleeding, biting and scratching like a wild animal, several people made a fuss Hold his hands and feet, and hold the syringe alone. After a while, the patient stopped howling, collapsed, and was carried on a stretcher.

Ni Rui seemed to be choked by someone and had difficulty swallowing.

What would happen if normal people were locked up here and in such an environment?What about a child who has endured tremendous stimulation and trauma psychologically?

Will, what will happen?

The person in charge looked through the records and told Ni Rui that the child named Jing Zhe had already been picked up.

Ni Rui has a vague impression, it seems that there is such a thing.

The child who was sent to the mental hospital by him accepted everything that was imposed on him quietly at first, but then he was stimulated by some kind of stimulus and turned upside down. Ni Rui casually assigned the child to a villa in Ni Changlong's lifetime, and arranged for someone to "look after" him. It wasn't a big event of the sky falling, so he didn't need to report it to him.

When everything was arranged properly, it was already dark when we arrived at the villa.

Ni Rui arranges Jing Zhe here, seemingly casually but with deep meaning.

This villa is far away from the urban area, built on a mountain, and the surroundings are terribly barren. It is the "Golden House Hidden Beauty" built by Ni Changlong behind his wife's back, and it is also the birthplace of the nightmare of Jingzhe.

Jing Zhe stayed here, and the shock she received was not much less than that of staying in a mental hospital.

Ni Rui only needs to ensure that people are alive, as a backup weight for him to be wise and protect himself, and who cares about the rest?

But things are different now.He's going to make it up to that kid.

Ni Rui didn't care about Ni Changlong's affairs, and Ni Changlong didn't care about Ni Rui either.Ni Rui has never entered this villa.

There is a nearly ten-year age difference between their brothers. Calculated as a three-year generation gap, there are at least three generation gaps between them.When he graduated from university and started from the grassroots level of his own company, little Ni Changlong was already a core member of the company.Brother and Brother Gong did it face-to-face for Mr. Ni and Ms. Jiao.No matter how Mr. Ni and Ms. Jiao raised Ni Rui, Ni Rui transferred all his dissatisfaction to Ni Changlong, who was favored by him. The younger brother was cornered, after all Ni Changlong called him brother for so many years.

That Ni Changlong's villa had already belonged to the child.When he dealt with Ni Changlong's funeral, he just followed suit and strengthened his charitable image as a philanthropist in front of a group of people.

It was raining heavily, and Ni Rui sat on the slightly bumpy car, clasped his hands and rubbed each other's thumbs.

Regardless of age, experience, or work ability, Ni Rui is superior.

He organized a group of think tanks to make suggestions, put pressure on Mr. Ni, squeezed out and replaced his younger brother Ni Changlong, and took the position of CEO. He turned the company with declining performance into profit, promoted the growth of the city's GDP, and solved the problem. More people's employment problems were solved, the business grew bigger and bigger, and his soaring net worth pushed him into the ranks of the rich.

When the media talked about him, they all mentioned praiseworthy words such as being young and promising, and giving back to society.

This is Ni Rui's dream, and he has been working hard to make it a reality.

After a brief sense of accomplishment, unhappiness follows.

His depression, good and bad at times, doesn't happen overnight.

Is such a life successful?

There are too many things in his heart that he can't talk about.Depression pushed it step by step to the brink of collapse.There is not much family affection to speak of, no friends who can be treated with heart and soul, no love, and "heart disease".

When the car stopped, the rain had stopped, only the raindrops drifted from the trees or somewhere when the wind passed.

The driver opened the door and moved the long-handled umbrella that was still open: "Please be careful when you get out of the car, there are puddles on the ground."

The shadows of street lamps were cast in the puddles, and there were a few streaks of dim yellow oil in the thick black.

On the steps of the villa, several people stood respectfully amidst the lights surrounded by the night.The boy had a pure black umbrella on his head.

Ni Yuan put his hands into his trouser pockets, he was a little nervous after seeing big scenes.

The boy should not be able to see his appearance clearly, just like he couldn't see the boy clearly.

"Mr. Ni, your trousers are wet, should you go to the room to deal with it or..." the driver reminded.

Mr. Ni is no longer Mr. Ni, and the driver still retains the title he was told when he was hired.

It rained heavily again.

The raindrops hit the umbrella above his head, making a dull sound.

Ni Rui still feels repulsive to this villa.

"I won't go in, you call them to come over and talk. In this way, let Jing Zhe come over alone, and I will take him away. The rain is heavy, so the others don't have to come over."

After Ni Rui finished speaking, he planned to return to the car and wait.

"Wait, please wait."

Jing Zhe ran over in the rain, in Ni Rui's eyes, Jing Zhe was just a leaping dark night beast rushing towards him, causing Ni Rui to freeze in place.

A huge hole bubbling thick black viscous liquid was torn apart in a certain part of Ni Rui's body, and it was hard to tell where the hole was.As if he had been cursed, he could clearly feel that the hole in his body was getting bigger and bigger, and the slowly flowing, thick, dirty, unknown stuff poured into his blood.

There is no place in the body that is not blocked.There is a fishy smell.

daunting

Disgusting.

The feeling of nowhere to escape.

A hand grabbed Ni Rui's wrist, which was cold and greasy. At that moment, Ni Rui almost pulled his hand out of his trouser pocket, and threw away the hand holding his wrist.

Ni Rui restrained himself.He maintained the posture of pocketing with one hand, adjusted a standard smile, and turned his face away.

This turn is shocking.

With the boy in front of him growing up like this, it's no wonder his younger brother was possessed by demons back then.

Although it was the first time for Ni Rui to see the young man clearly, since the incident four years ago, the young man appeared in his nightmares from time to time.

In the dream, the young man was doing terrible things, clamoring for revenge, his face was blurred, his voice was also blurred, everything was because of Ni Rui scaring himself.

I never thought that the boy would look like this.

No matter how good-looking it is, it is a man after all, the same gender as Ni Changlong.

Some disharmonious images surfaced, and the desire to vomit made Ni Rui unable to maintain a smiling expression anymore. He seemed to feel a little motion sick.

The viscous and dirty liquid flowing in the body is not black, but milky white, and patches of blood.

The dirty memory from the eyes to the heart made Ni Rui strongly reject something psychologically, coupled with the increasingly severe depression, Ni Rui was not sure whether his ability as a man had degraded to useless.After being ill for so many days, his mind is so dull that he can't recall the last time he had a physical need.

After all, he would never do such rebellious and unreasonable things as Ni Changlong did.

Ni Rui disdains to be like Ni Changlong who does not follow the righteous path.

The strength of holding Ni Rui's wrist increased: "Today is my 16th birthday, are you here to celebrate my birthday? No one has been here for a long time."

Ni Rui broke away from the young man's hand, his sudden action startled the driver who was holding an umbrella beside him.

Jing Zhe held onto it persistently, and this time the grip was even tighter: "Have I made you unhappy? I don't want to celebrate my birthday, I'm a good boy. I won't argue about eating western food, and I won't touch knives and forks. Don't be angry. , I’ll change it, I’ll change it, don’t send me back to that kind of place! I’ll be obedient here, I’ll be obedient. Jingzhe is obedient, Jingzhe listens to everything.”

Ni Rui forcibly pulled herself out of Jing Zhe's tight grip.

Upon hearing Jing Zhe's voice, Ni Rui knew a thing or two.Before he came to this villa, someone must have confessed or threatened the boy.

It was his intention to send Jing Zhe to the mental hospital at the beginning, and it was also his instruction to transfer the young man to the villa.During this period, Ni Rui didn't show his face, otherwise, how would the young man know it was him?

He carefully looked up Jing Zhe's information.Jing Zhe is an orphan from a black family, mentally handicapped.He ran away, but he was caught by his younger brother at a glance.

Jingzhe is the victim, the most innocent person in the whole incident, Jingzhe is not clean, isn't it caused by their Ni family?

Thinking of the purpose of his trip, Ni Rui regretted that he had shaken his hand, endured the discomfort and took the initiative to pull Jing Zhe's hand, but Jing Zhe flinched.

"Give me your hand, Jing Zhe, be good, I was wrong just now."

After all, it's a teenager, use me, my awkwardness.Let Jing Zhe call himself what?

Mr. Ni?too formal.

Ni Rui?It's not a foreigner, so it's not good to call them by their first names.

Uncle Ni?It's strange, this is absolutely not acceptable, it will remind him of Ni Changlong.

Then Ni Ni is fine.

"You can call me Ni Ni from now on."

"Ni Ni..." Jing Zhe is as good as he is, "Do you want to hold my hand and give me an injection?"

Ni Rui choked for breath.

Sure enough, the experience in the mental hospital and the distorted education in the villa finally left Jing Zhe with psychological trauma.

He never imagined that one day he would try to salvage these.

It's like he never thought that he would face death in the glory of his career.

Seeing Jing Zhe, he inevitably thought of Ni Changlong's decadent state in prison.

His younger brother Ni Changlong kowtowed to him, banging the floor so loudly, begging him to let Jing Zhe go and not hurt Jing Zhe.

Ni Changlong repeated those few words, and Ni Rui listened unmoved.

How well his dear brother spoke!It's as if he, Ni Rui, killed the child first.

Ni Rui once thanked Jing Zhe for appearing, without him, Ni Rui's first victory would not be so smooth.

First, buy off the core members of the company as much as possible, hold the company's secrets and resources in his own hands, evade Ni Changlong's influence, guide and expose Ni Changlong's private life scandal, and cause the stock to plummet. Leaving the board of directors, while negotiating acquisition matters behind the scenes, Ni Changlong's personal gray income was exposed one after another, which made him entangled in lawsuits.When the company was in ruins, he came forward to preside over the overall situation, activated the public relations team, and tried his best to turn the tide.

Ni Changlong's reputation has been discredited, and he will spend at least a few years in prison. Even if he is paroled early, it is difficult to make a comeback.

Knowing the importance of Jingzhe to Ni Changlong, Ni Rui threw the child into a mental hospital without thinking about it, and gave him a psychiatric evaluation. No one could pinpoint Ni Rui's fault.This was not exciting enough, so Ni Rui found someone to forge a video of the abuse, and released the news to Ni Changlong. Nothing else, he just wanted to anger Ni Changlong and vent his anger for himself who had been aggrieved for many years.

Ni Changlong committed suicide that night.

Ni Rui excused himself: There must be other reasons for Ni Changlong's suicide.It doesn't matter if you can't stand the psychological gap, or you can't stand the condemnation of public opinion, or even because you realize that you have no chance to stand up.After all, it won't be for love, who would believe in dying for love?How is this popular these days?The special effects of the video are only worth fifty cents, making it look like a funny video, can it really scare his brother?

Anyway, Ni Changlong's death had nothing to do with him directly, it was none of his business.

Ni Rui forgot that his younger brother was soaked in a honeypot since he was a child, and when the sky fell, Mr. Ni carried him on his shoulders. What a big setback.

Waking of Insects is a bane, uprooted, the roots can bring out a series of fresh or dried dirty memories.

Extremely unpleasant.

How many times did he dream at midnight that Ni Changlong came back to demand his life, and the child followed Ni Changlong, complaining in a high-pitched voice: I'm not mentally ill, don't arrest me!It's not my fault, I'm a victim too.

That voice told him bluntly that he, Ni Ruian, was guilty just like his younger brother.

"We don't need injections, we're going to celebrate your birthday."

"Okay! I want to eat western food, hold the knife and fork, just eat obediently, don't hurt others. I'm not sick, Ni Ni, Jing Zhe is not sick."

"Okay, okay, I believe you. Tell Ni Ni, who taught you to use a knife and fork?"

Jing Zhe stopped talking, and instead held Ni Rui's hand, tilted his head, sucked his thumb, his face lost his expression, his frightened eyes were out of focus, showing a blank look with insufficient IQ.

Ni Rui secretly scolded himself for being inappropriate.Eighty percent of them were taught by Ni Changlong, so why not ask?

He is not very good at chatting with Jingzhe.

Jing Zhe squatted down violently, pulling Ni Rui to bend over.

"Your trousers are wet, twist them."

Ni Rui Ren Jingzhe twisted his trousers.

"Mine is wet too, can you twist it for me too?"

Ni Rui obediently squatted down to touch Jing Zhe's trousers symbolically, then took the umbrella from the driver's hand, put it on Jing Zhe's head, and took him to the villa: "We will be fine in the future, the Ni family owes you, I Everything will be returned to you. If you want to eat Western food, I will take you there, and if you want to eat sweet cakes, you are fine. I will treat you as a child of a good buddy."

Jing Zhe stopped and didn't leave, she lowered her head and glanced left and right, pursed her mouth and smiled slightly, looking happy.

"Not enough." Jing Zhe pursed his lips, the lights in the night shone in his eyes, revealing a crystal black.

"What you owe me, you pay back. The Ni family owes me what the Ni family owes."

Jing Zhe hugged Ni Rui: "I don't want you to be wronged. You, pay off the debt, if it's not enough, you want more."

Ni Rui was seldom hugged by anyone. On the one hand, he was a little surprised, but on the other hand, he was a little happy. He found that Jingzhe's way of speaking and actions seemed very mentally handicapped, but he saw things from a special angle, so he analyzed them differently. Transparent taste.

After talking to Jing Zhe a few words, Ni Rui's speech speed slowed down by a beat, word by word slowly.Every word has a solemn taste.

"I'll take care of you as long as I live, huh?"

"Well! I allow you to live to me."

Ni Rui was taken aback.Thanks to Jing Zhe's lack of intelligence, if he is smart, how terrifying it would be to say that!

Ni Rui shook his head, he still wouldn't compete with Jing Zhe in words.

Jing Zhe took a step ahead of Ni Rui, and bounced up the steps. Jing Zhe turned his face and faced Ni Rui. His whole face was dark against the light. Jing Zhe seemed to announce or joke: "You pay the debt, I allow you to live to me, and the Ni family will pay off the debts, do I have to allow the Ni family to live until then, Ni Ni?"