Tentative

Qu Zhe held the timetable, corresponding to the teaching building, looked up for a long time.The daylight at ten o'clock was dazzling, and after watching for a long time, my eyes began to feel astringent, and tears began to flow unconsciously.Unable to bear it any longer, Qu Zhe lowered his head, wiped his tears with the back of his hand, and nervously walked into the teaching building.

This is the class schedule of Shen Yizhuo's class, which was obtained with the help of the female student Qu Zhe met in the coffee shop.

It is rare for him to wear a baseball cap—this is Jiang Yuzhao's hat, and he said it fit him well, so he gave it to him.The little bit of calm that he had cultivated in dealing with people outside in the past few years seemed to have disappeared again. Qu Zhe panicked, and lowered the brim of his hat as he went upstairs, so low that no one coming from the front could see his eyes.He looked at the classroom numbers one by one, and didn't stop until he found the one written on the schedule.

He stood at the back door, carefully hiding his figure, only showing half of his head, looking inside.

The middle position in the third row was the person he was looking for.

Qu Zhe swallowed, and became a little obsessed with watching.

Shen Yizhuo still held the pen seriously, listening to the class with his head up most of the time, and occasionally lowered his head to write a few notes.The teacher, Yue Mo, also liked him, and was the first to call him when he asked questions.

Many girls in the classroom were looking at Shen Yizhuo who stood up to answer the questions. His voice was charming, not too loud, and he was born with infinite charm, which made people unable to help but concentrate on listening.Qu Zhe was also attracted. He listened, his heart was beating violently.

It seems that the time has gone back to a few years ago.

Peeping at his every move is the most persistent thing Qu Zhe has ever done in his life.

After the teacher nodded repeatedly, Shen Yizhuo sat down after answering the questions. The teacher on the podium glanced at the students in the back row, and happened to see Qu Zhe: "Student, come in even if you are late, and roll calls have not yet been made."

His voice sounded like a reminder, and the students looked back in unison.

Qu Zhe was stared at by many pairs of eyes all of a sudden, he took two steps back in fright, and ran away in a hurry.The footsteps in the corridor were extremely loud, Shen Yizhuo turned his head, but there was nothing at the back door.

The teacher joked a few words, then turned back to the topic and continued the class.

Qu Zhe didn't stop until he got downstairs, gasping for breath.This amount of exercise is nothing to Qu Zhe after all kinds of exercise with Guan Tian.But now he feels out of breath, as if he just ran 2000 meters.All of this is Shen Yizhuo, and the word Shen Yizhuo has great magic power, which will make it difficult for him to breathe and make him feel difficult to control himself.

He stood behind the lush trees at the exit of the teaching building until twelve o'clock, when the bell rang for the end of get out of class, and people streamed from all directions. He watched carefully, lest he miss that figure.

On this day, Qu Zhe followed Shen Yizhuo, keeping a distance he could not detect, watching him eat in a small shop outside, standing downstairs in his dormitory waiting for his nap to finish, and watching him go to another teaching building Attend class.

During class break, Qu Zhe saw him smoking in the spare part of the corridor with his friends.Shen Yizhuo happened to be the last cigarette in the pack. After he took it out and lit it, he crumpled up the pack and threw it on the ground.There were Band-Aids on Shen Yizhuo's forehead and neck, as if injured.

After the class bell rang and Shen Yizhuo went back to the classroom for class, Qu Zhe walked over and picked up the crumpled cigarette case—"Lucky" was written on the soft pack.

Qu Zhe took the cigarette case and looked at it for a long time in a daze.He took out half a pack of Seven Stars from his pocket, the black soft pack was Shen Yizhuo's previous cigarettes.

All illusions are shattered by "Lucky".The strangeness is not because I haven't seen him for a long time, nor is it because I haven't contacted him for a long time; it's because when we meet again, the habit that I keep in my heart, the other party has long since lost.People change. Shen Yizhuo used to draw seven stars, but it doesn't mean he still wants to draw seven stars now.Only the stupid Qu Zhe would think that by smoking Qixing, he would get closer to him.

So stupid.

It wasn't until the alarm clock in his pocket rang that he left in a daze and went to the milk tea shop at the south gate of S University to start working.

There is no business in the store, and Qu Zhe spends most of his time sitting in the front desk in a daze, occasionally receiving customers and making a few drinks.

His mind was full of Shen Yizhuo's back.

The more I think about Qu Zhe, the more I regret why I wrote that damn diary in the first place, and why I didn't carry it close to my body.

Without these things, maybe now, they would have a different ending.

At twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, Qu Zhe ran to several convenience stores, and finally found "Lucky" with the same packaging.While deeply despising himself, he bought a pack and went back to Guan Tian.After exchanging a few simple greetings, Qu Zhe finished washing and went back to the storage room.

He opened the cigarette, and on the surface it looked not much different from Qixing.Qu Zhe put the cigarette in his nose with fascination, and took a deep breath.Unlike the familiar taste in the past, this taste is very strange.But he felt vaguely familiar in his heart - this was probably a psychological hint, if it was Shen Yizhuo's favorite cigarette, then he "must" like it too.

After waking up from the hospital, he went back to Guan Tian's shop and recuperated in his room.He has almost no emotion, and all kinds of thoughts are chaotic in his mind.The matter with Shen Yizhuo was so suppressed by pain and confusion, his whole body showed a state of numbness.

But can it really be numb?I'm afraid no one can do it.

Qu Zhe leaned against the window and sat on the bed, the wind blowing in outside messed up his hair.In this small storage room, the lights were not turned on, and all the light was given by the lights outside.With trembling fingers, he put the cigarette into his mouth, picked up the lighter on the table and lit it.

The orange light flickered with breathing, Qu Zhe tasted the taste carefully, feeling the difference between it and Seven Stars.

He closed his eyes, and Shen Yizhuo's face that night flashed in his mind.

These days, he thought of that night countless times, including the pain in his body, Shen Yizhuo's heavy breathing, and the joy he couldn't restrain when he was galloping in his body.

He wanted to be with Shen Yizhuo.Being together doesn't mean falling in love - Qu Zhe has always been a very self-aware person, how could someone like Shen Yizhuo like him.As long as he could look at Shen Yizhuo as before, he would already feel lucky.

But that night was full of violence and pain, which brought out Qu Zhe's thoughts that had been hidden in his heart for many years and were desperately suppressed.

His thoughts were in a mess, just recalling the details of that night, Qu Zhe's legs were already swollen and stiff.

Tears flowed out uncontrollably, whether it was because of shame or the sadness of not being able to ask, Qu Zhe was crying, smoking a cigarette, while reaching into his underwear, holding something that needed to be comforted.

The subtle choking sound echoed in the storage room, gradually changing from meaningless to Shen Yizhuo's name.

"Shen Yizhuo... Shen Yizhuo..."

His voice was kept quiet, tears were all over his face, the cigarette was finished quickly, Qu Zhe threw it on the ground in confusion, and let the bit of tail continue to burn, and the smell of smoke filled the whole space.

Until the accumulation of pleasure reached its peak, Qu Zhe suddenly remembered what Shen Yizhuo had asked him back then.

"Qu Zhe, are you a bitch?"

The viscous liquid got on his hands and bed, and Qu Zhe cried and panted, shrugging his shoulders from time to time.

He knew now that Shen Yizhuo was right, he was a bitch.

When Qu Zhe told Jiang Yuzhao and Guan Tian that he was working in the coffee shop at the South Gate of S University, Guan Tian said it was good, good, good, but Jiang Yuzhao didn't say anything, as if he had something on his mind.But Qu Zhe has never been a person who likes to ask questions. After chatting that night, he felt that he and Jiang Yuzhao had really gotten to know each other a lot better.

Originally, Jiang Yuzhao's position in his heart may have been more like a benefactor - this is not an exaggeration at all, Jiang Yuzhao and Guan Tian's sister and brother are kind to him, in ancient times, that is the kindness that should be repaid with life.

Qu Zhe's life has become very busy. During the day, he almost followed the over-kneaded schedule to spy on the current Shen Yizhuo; at night, he worked in a coffee shop with peace of mind, and when he returned to Guan Tian, ​​he would help her clean up. Clean up, clean up.

The days passed slowly, Qu Zhe asked for leave from the milk tea shop during Qingming, and went back to Qiaocheng to pay homage to his parents.

It was past three o'clock in the afternoon when he arrived, fresh words were placed in front of his parents' tablet, and the tombstone was wiped clean.

"... Xiaoyu has been here." Qu Zhe squatted down and put down the flowers.

He didn't get up after squatting down, lit a cigarette, and chattered far from usual: "Xiaoyu is fine, I've been with her all the time. Well... I'm fine too, I met Sister Tian , and Jiang Yuzhao...they are all very nice to me...

"Maybe I did something wrong...

"But why can't I control myself.

"Dad, Mom, I... miss you very much."

He was talking to himself, and he didn't notice anyone approaching behind him.He didn't turn his head until the man's shadow completely enveloped him.His vision was blurred by tears, but he could still tell that it was Jiang Yuzhao, and he was a little surprised for a while and asked, "Why are you here?"

"Come and see my uncle and aunt." Jiang Yuzhao was holding a large bouquet of white flowers in his hand. After saying this, he bent down and put the flowers down, "... just came from my mother, I guess you are here side."

"thanks……"

"Don't keep saying thank you," Jiang Yuzhao said.

Qu Zhe stood up and stood shoulder to shoulder with him.Today is Qingming, whether it is over there or here, it has been drizzle.The two of them stood in front of the tomb for a long time, Qu Zhe finished smoking one and lit another, and finally he spoke first: "Let's go."

"Ah."

No one minded the rain. Qu Zhe lowered his head all the way, as if he was thinking about something.

Jiang Yuzhao suddenly said: "...you work at S University, is it because..."

"Ok?"

"Do you know where Shen Yizhuo is?"

"..."

Qu Zhe didn't say a word, Jiang Yuzhao continued: "I know he is studying at S University, but there is no connection, if..."

He seemed a little difficult to say: "If you want to see him, I can make an appointment for you."

"No need," Qu Zhe suddenly raised his head and smiled, "I'll see you when I should."

Qu Zhe has really changed, Jiang Yuzhao thought.

He was timid and helpless before, but his thoughts were clearly written on his face.If it weren't for this, Jiang Yuzhao would not have noticed the difference between him and Shen Yizhuo early in the morning.

But now——if he hadn't seen Shen Yizhuo holding a mask asking the employees about something when he went to the store, based on Qu Zhe's attitude, he would never have guessed that the person who acted like a beast to Qu Zhe that night was Shen Yizhuo.

"Qu Zhe, don't remember that person anymore." Jiang Yuzhao said, "He doesn't like you. He didn't like you before, and he won't like you in the future. It's not worth it for you."

"I know." Qu Zhe said with his head down, but the second half of the sentence was the same as before, and he just couldn't say it.

He knew it, but he couldn't control it.

This kind of love seems to be innate, it has been hidden in the blood, until it meets Shen Yizhuo, it bursts out, and it is no longer controlled.