the culprit

21

Cyril lay on the bed tossing and turning until late at night before realizing that he was going to tell Felix the news that he could continue his studies.The joy and joy at that time were real, and so was the eagerness to share it with Felix.

If only Felix wasn't such a monster.

But what was entrenched in my heart was not loss, but a pain that almost paralyzed my organs.

He didn't understand.

The stolen book of poetry lay under the pillow just as it lay in Felix's room.He put his hand in, stroked the rough edge of the book cover, then withdrew his hand guiltily, turned over, and forced himself to fall asleep early.

Uncle was still in the manor at breakfast the next day, and they sat face to face at both ends of the dining table. Heken glanced at the small hole on the side of the young man's neck, and he no longer showed the mean and evil smile as before, but his eyes looked sinister instead.The young man didn't speak, he held the tableware and ate breakfast in silence, but there was always an urge in his heart to ask how Felix was doing.He held back.

Then Uncle Heken left again and didn't come back for a long time.

The monster didn't show up either.

It seemed that only the boy and three dumb servants were left in the huge manor.

Before school started, I received a letter from my father, saying that the school had been confirmed and everything was in order.The father's words were cold and alienated, with a bit of hypocritical politeness. The boy didn't know who he was going to show, and he didn't feel sad at all, but felt a little funny.

Before leaving, he packed his suitcase again and again, and when he got to school, he found that he still forgot his poetry collection under his pillow.For no reason at all, he suddenly felt an inexplicable impulse and longing for some reason.

He also chooses to stay at the school to manage the school building during the holidays, and the school will pay him some extra remuneration, although it is meager, it is better than nothing.He saved these incomes in the old money bag, and whenever he saw it, he would think of Mary who had passed away for many years, and when thinking of Mary, he could not avoid thinking of Felix.

that monster.

He always thinks of him inexplicably, and even dreams of him.The monster in the dream always appears in the wind and snow, with green eyes, red lips, only pale cheeks, as if to blend with the overwhelming whiteness.In his dreams, he always looked up at the monster, full of strange yearning, and wanted to get close, but couldn't move.Whenever he woke up from such a dream, he would always be sleepy and in a trance that day. He patted his heart, unable to figure out what was hidden in this beating organ.

He once picked up an old black cloak on a certain path in the school. At that moment, he thought it was a monster coming, and his heart suddenly became eager.Clutching the cloak in his hand, he ran across the campus, panting for it, only to learn that it belonged to a priest.At that moment, he couldn't tell whether he was disappointed or grateful, and when he accepted the thank you, he lost his mind and couldn't even remember what he said.

Later, it became even more extreme. People with blond hair would think of Felix, and people with green eyes would think of Felix; It's similar to Lix, as long as his face is pale and his fingers are cold, he will also see a little bit of the monster's shadow from this complete stranger.

It was like a monster biting his neck open with its teeth, not only sucking his blood, but also quietly sucking his soul.

But he just didn't want to go back, just didn't want to face the monster.He couldn't forget what happened that afternoon, he couldn't forget the screaming of the horse, and he couldn't forget the feeling of retching until his whole body ached.

Later, he simply stayed away from the crowd and became a bystander. In that way, he didn’t need to get close to the blond people. In his world, there were no people with pale faces or cold fingers, he told himself, nothing could Reminds him of monsters.

He won't think about him anymore.

Although there are still people who try to ridicule and bully him because of his appearance, he is no longer the boy who was bullied in the past.The trick of pretending to be well-behaved and pitiful to let the dormitory supervisor stand out for him is outdated for him. The bystander looks lonely, but he can also find many things that others cannot see through. He holds the "handle" that actually does not exist ", scaring away many people who just want to bully him for fun.

For three whole years, the teenager maintained the coldest relationship and the most alienated distance with his surroundings, obsessed with poetry and history.That year, his roommate with freckles eagerly told him that he wanted to go to the Royal College of Medicine. Although the exam was difficult, he wanted to try.He hummed coldly, and casually said "good luck" while drawing a map in front of the book.

After three years of not going back, the whole family seems to have completely forgotten him.For him, this is a good opportunity to escape, to go far away when no one cares.I have almost saved money, and if I save a little, I can support it for several months. It would be nice to find a job during this period.

Thinking of this, the young man stopped writing, and looked back at his roommate who was sitting at another table and copying something.

In fact, he also wants to go to university, but the tuition fee is a problem.

He could ask his father for money, but that would mean he had to go back to the manor again.

Can't go back.

Not only because of fate.

Cyril felt as if his chest was being pressed by something, and he couldn't breathe.

The ink gathered on the stagnant pen tip, and when he regained his senses and bowed his head again, the half-drawn map had already been stained by the dripping ink.

He froze for a moment, and finally had to sigh and crumpled the whole paper.

Two weeks later, Cyril still hired a carriage to take him back to the manor.On the day of his arrival, Heken waited at the door to greet him, which was rare.After not seeing him for three years, Hucken looked older and thinner, with deep wrinkles on his face, and most of his hair had fallen out.Cyril calculated the age of this uncle, and heard that he was seven years younger than his father, and he was only in his early forties now, but from his appearance, he looked like an old man over fifty.

Seeing him coming back, Heken first looked up and down with a sullen face without saying a word, then went up to him uncharacteristically, and hugged him intimately.

The young man struggled uncomfortably in his uncle's arms, and gently pushed the elder away. He took half a step back, with a cloudy expression on his face.

"You've grown taller again." Heken, who was pushed away, made a smirk, and reached out to grab the suitcase for the young man. "You've grown your hair longer, and you look more like Lilian."

Cyril doesn't like others to repeatedly mention his appearance. Compared with other boys of the same age, his facial features and even the outline of the whole face are indeed more delicate and beautiful, and some people even describe his appearance as "gorgeous".But he was born like this, and he couldn't use a knife to destroy his face just because of other people's remarks.What's more, someone once told him that his body inherited all the love from his mother, and his own appearance made him believe this even more.He doesn't hate how he looks, the exact opposite of his father.

Glancing sideways at Heken, Cyril avoided his outstretched hand and strode into the mansion carrying a suitcase that wasn't too heavy.

He told his uncle that he came back to ask his father to pay for college. The old man was taken aback when he heard this, and asked in confirmation, "Do you really want to go to college?"

"Well, I have been admitted to the Faculty of Science of Bolton University." Cyril said lightly, and wanted to go upstairs, but was pushed by his uncle into the room where he and Mary had afternoon tea together.

"A new cook is here, and I have prepared some snacks for you."

Cyril paused when he heard the words, and wanted to ask where the original cook had gone, but after thinking about it for a while, he finally didn't speak.

"Old Jack is dead too, and I'm the only old man left." Heken laughed unnaturally as he spoke, and shouted a name at the door.But after a while, a short, red-faced man came in pushing snacks and tea. He arranged everything on the old round wooden table, made tea for Cyril, and then left.

Young people don't want to stay.

But seeing the hot tea with the curling water mist and the snacks on the table, the thoughts drifted involuntarily to the long past.He thought of the afternoons he had spent with Mary, sitting quietly together without talking, but had been the happiest and most carefree of his life.

He hesitated.

Looking up, he saw Heken's earnestly smiling face.

He silently put the suitcase against the wall.

The uncle and nephew sat down at the round table, still talking to each other.Heken kept drinking tea and pushed the snacks in front of the young man.Xi Ruier reluctantly ate a few yuan, really couldn't figure out the reason why his uncle was so courteous all of a sudden, and felt that the current scene was too embarrassing and uncomfortable, drank a cup of tea, and finally got up and left.

The room was still the same as three years ago, but no one cleaned it. There was a thick layer of dust on the bed, the cabinet, the table and the floor.The young man put down the suitcase and walked to the bed, endured the dust that hit his face and picked up the pillow. Sure enough, the book of poems was still in the old place.Maybe no one has come in for three years.

He held the book in his hand, hesitated, and finally started to walk towards the room at the end of the corridor.

He didn't go to college.Bolton University also looked down on mediocrity like him.The matter of begging for tuition from his father is naturally false.All the rhetoric just now was a lie to Uncle Heken.

The place to go has already been decided. It is very remote at the border between the two countries. I guess my father will not waste energy looking for him.He doesn't care who will replace him after he disappears, but occasionally he thinks that the monster will forget him completely in a few decades, and he will feel pain in his heart.

But that illusion is only temporary.

The youth knew very well that he would not accept being with a monster day and night.

He pushed open the door that had always been ajar.

He lied so much, but just wanted a crowning reason to come back and get one thing done.

For something that he regretted back then, he later regretted it.

Poetry should be left under the monster's pillow.

He came back to do this.

Present the book "For Felix" to the monster named Felix.

After three years of not seeing each other, Hucken has become old and changed his appearance, but Felix is ​​still as young and handsome as when they first met 13 years ago.

Perhaps in another 30 or 300 years, he will still be this young skin, still living in this old manor, and still maintaining a contractual relationship with the Mueller family, but he does not remember the names of those Muellers in the past at all.

The young man gently pushed the poetry collection under the pillow.He lowered his head and stared for a long time, the fragmented memories were entangled again, the monster seemed to break his leg, the doctor whispered to coax him crying under the quilt, he was dragged into the moonlight by his uncle, finally the monster used its long The nails tore open Uncle's throat.

He may have gone mad.

"Goodbye, Felix."

He called out the monster's name one last time.

Cyril resisted the urge to touch Felix's hair, and was about to turn around and leave, when suddenly there was a pain in his belly like a blade spinning, he bent down and covered his stomach hastily, before he had time to make any other reactions, He opened his mouth and vomited a mouthful of blood.

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