the culprit

Cyril had a dream on the train.When I woke up, I couldn't understand it.It wasn't that he couldn't figure out why he was dreaming, but he couldn't figure out how he could fall asleep.Felix sat beside him and said nothing throughout.This state between them lasted no less than ten hours, and it was late at night when they returned to the hotel. Cyril returned to the room, obviously very sleepy, but lay on the bed but couldn't fall asleep anymore.

He has always believed that life is a very serious matter. Everyone's life goes from nothing to something and finally returns to nothing. There must be a unique meaning hidden in it.The flames of revolution spread across this continent like a prairie fire. Young people ran on the streets, gave speeches, and gathered in taverns to plan. They shouted that life is for freedom and for what you choose. After many times, I was insensitive, until now I suddenly started thinking, what should I do if I made a wrong choice.

The first 13 years were wasted on my father, the blood relationship is false, if you don't love, you don't love.

And then all of life is refracted on another person.

If he is selfless, he can bear the burden of a martyr, say no to the unreasonable with a broad mind and extraordinary courage, even if he is martyred, he will never turn back.

And he is not.

He is not selfless.He wants everything to be fair, everything to follow justice, and if he pays, he should be rewarded.

This is wishful thinking.

He is not a begging dog, and his father's gentle words can't restore his cold heart.

Neither is Felix.

What he gave, Felix was under no obligation to return with the most fervor.

This is where the pain comes from.

It was the first time that Felix rejected him so flatly, and even declared that he was not even qualified to be a stand-in.He knew the result after hearing that sentence, Felix obviously still had something to say, maybe it was comfort, slapped and wanted to be coaxed by two candies, it was too embarrassing, he didn't want to make himself look like So unseemly, Felix was stopped.

What else could he choose?

Cyril couldn't think of an answer.

He guessed it must be because his world and vision were still too narrow.

After tossing around in the middle of the night, pain began to appear on both sides of his forehead. He sighed and rubbed it, but with little effect.Finally he simply got up, put on his coat and went upstairs with a candlestick in his hand.

Felix's door was closed.I don't know when this habit was changed, and Cyril doesn't know what he has experienced in the past few years.

I'm afraid I won't tell him the details of tracking EG this time, although he can finally read the whole story from the Brotherhood's archives, but after all... After all, it's not what Felix said personally. Same.At this moment, Cyril suddenly realized that since he was a child, he had never hidden anything from Felix, but Felix had never shared anything about himself with him.

Not once.

It was ridiculous to say that he didn't even know Felix's age, not even a rough estimate, let alone an exact age.

The young man had never liked anyone, had never loved anyone but Felix, and standing outside Felix's door looking back, he suddenly found himself so careless and blind that he dared to fall in love with someone he knew nothing about. monster.

The raised hand hesitated again, and the bent joints did not dare to knock on the closed door.He stood outside the door with a candlestick in his hand, didn't make a sound, and didn't leave.The sky outside was still dark, and the moonlight was bright, but it couldn't make up for it.The young man was at a loss, and the flickering candle seemed to be his unsteady heart.

The door opened unexpectedly.Felix stood behind the door, looked at Cyril who still had injuries on his face, and let him in sideways.

Cyril was stunned for a moment, but finally shook his head and refused.Felix didn't seem to have expected Cyril's reaction, so he was taken aback for a moment, but soon returned to his usual calm and indifferent.

He didn't ask anything.

Didn't ask Cyril why he wasn't asleep yet.Did not ask him why he came to him at this time.I didn't ask why I didn't go in since I came.

Like he knows everything.

No need to ask, the answer is all clear.

So they looked at each other in the faint candlelight through a door.Cyril still looked so righteous, as if he was born with such a right, as if he was never afraid of other people's eyes, nor was he afraid of other people's feelings—whether it was good or bad, he seemed to have learned it from his father A complete countermeasure, a heart is armed by itself like a fortress of iron and steel.

So Felix was defeated again.

He never dared to look at Cyril for a long time.There are flames in the young human's eyes that can burn the sky and the earth. What he is afraid of is not getting burned by the fire, but that the human being will be burned by himself.He cannot help rejecting humans.

Silence built a solid wall between the two, and neither had the will to break it.

Felix lowered his eyes and moved his eyes from the young man's feet to his abdomen. Worried about his injury, he finally stretched out his hand in compromise, and pulled him into the room without any explanation and pushed him onto the bed.He took the candlestick and put it on the table. The coat slid onto the bed. He didn't care about it. He grabbed the hem of the shirt with his fingers and pulled it off. The burn hadn't been bandaged yet, but the bleeding had stopped, but the wound was bloody. Terrible.

He leaned down and kissed the wound.The body that was immobilized by him shook violently, but no sound came out to stop.

He was acquiesced.

He didn't guess what the young man's expression was like at this time, nor did he raise his head to look, his attention was all on the open and turned flesh.Kissing and licking are all cautious, he tried his best to push his hair back, and tried his best to endure the desire for blood, just wanting to make Cyril's injury heal faster.

The wound spread from the side to the groin, and part of it was hidden in the pants.Felix's fingers were clasped on the waistband of his trousers, and finally he looked up. The young man looked down at him, his blue eyes shining with a moving light in the dark night.He noticed the sweat on Cyril's forehead and the tip of his nose, and also noticed his slightly parted lips. His moist breath was like a rain in the evening, pattering in the long night, like some kind of breath that could be compared with eternity. sign.

beautiful you.

This praise suddenly jumped into Felix's mind. He felt familiar, but he couldn't find a similar fragment from his memory.

That must have been a compliment to Cyril.

Felix is ​​so determined.

"what happened?"

Cyril finally spoke.

Felix was still staring at him, seeing a scrutiny in his eyes, perhaps examining the reason for his hesitation.He rejected Cyril, so now also refuse to continue?Or should he pretend to be frank—he can be frank, he can frankly help Cyril heal his wounds, he can frankly investigate other cases with Cyril, he can even frankly stay in the By Cyril's side, do everything frankly.

It is not he who needs to be frank.

They are very frank with each other, but the other party also bluntly refuses.

They are in conflict.

Felix didn't speak, he lowered his trouser waist and continued to kiss the wound on Cyril's thigh.

Cyril's breathing was broken and heavy, and he knew it wasn't just the pain of the wound.But he continued to ignore it calmly, since he wanted to refuse, he simply did it cruelly.

The silence continued to ferment, and the taste of blood spread in the mouth.The fangs that got in the way hooked the flesh of the wound several times, he heard Cyril's suppressed panting, and when he thought of the young man who risked his life for him, he felt guilty and pity.

At first, what he couldn't let go of was his feelings for his relatives, so he took Cyril as a consolation, and let the boy take him as a consolation.But between the boy's departure and return several times, he found that their meaning to each other had changed. He clearly knew that Cyril could not be Aaron anymore, and he was worried that Cyril was no longer because of Aaron. ——When you get along for a long time, you will have feelings. They continue to give each other thin but almost hollowed-out kindness, as if each other is their only one.

They are the only one for each other.

But this is not the result Felix hoped for.

After missing it once or twice, Felix couldn't help but sigh in frustration.

Cyril heard it.

He jerked Felix up, rolled over and pinned him down on the bed, lying on top of him indecently.He breathed very restrained amidst the pain and longing, and his eyes, which had become sluggish in the darkness, were still fixed on the blood-stained vampire, but they were sharper than before.

If you choose the wrong option in your life-related choices, do you still have to go back to it?

But what if there is only one option in the choice about life?Whether right or wrong, the only one he can choose?

Felix was the only option.

Hesitated, struggled, and escaped, thinking that we would never see each other again in this life, we went around and went around, but we met again in the dilapidated hotel room.

He wondered why Felix couldn't just leave him alone in the first place.

Wondering why Felix had to reach out to him again and again.

Wondering why Felix would save him from guilt by saying something like that.

To Felix, he is just a living creature that provides blood.

Cyril wondered why Felix was willing to risk burns and even death to save him.

He wanted to know too much, but when he opened his mouth, what he said was "love you".

His classmates commented on him being gloomy.

Mr. Bray said he was restrained.

Presumably he saved all the clarity and straightforwardness until this moment.

There are many things he wants to know, and they are important.But at this moment, it no longer matters.

He doesn't care anymore, he doesn't care about the why, he doesn't care about the reason, he doesn't care about the original intention, and he doesn't care about the purpose.

In the mist, he saw the choices related to life, there is no fork in the road, just a straight road.So he chooses to go on, regardless of whether he will reach the valley, the coast, or the abyss in the end.

He stared at Felix.

"Just treat me as a substitute for the shadow."

He is calmer than yesterday, his breathing has calmed down, and he speaks every word clearly and forcefully.

This is not begging, let alone begging for food and begging for mercy.

It's what he chooses to do, and it's what he chooses to always do.

Nothing to do with Felix's acknowledgment or refusal.

"You can't replace him."

"You did. I know," he said, leaning down and kissing Felix.