Do not touch without permission

During the winter vacation, Yang Xi and I still follow my own habits, exercise, read books and study every morning, study textbooks, write articles and contribute.It's just that after four o'clock in the afternoon every day, I always receive voice and video calls from Song Yuan's WeChat, which is a continuous bombardment.Song Yuan chatted endlessly, from the weather to clothes to sports and basketball.

Song Yuan always looked sleepy when he called, lying on the quilt and yawning in a low voice, and said: "Little monk, what did you do today? I was so sleepy when I was doing the problem yesterday, I'm so lost." You fell asleep in a daze, and you hung up directly. You put your phone away, and I can't even see you. "

"You didn't even open your eyes, your schedule is messed up..."

Song Yuan stretched his waist and opened the window. The sun was shining warmly into the room. He took off his pajamas and slowly went to get a suit of clothes, while saying: "I'm not studying hard, pretending to be the flowers of the motherland, the flowers are not easy to make, I'm about to wither I don't understand how you can study every day?"

I didn't see Yang Xi's nakedness, only his underwear, and scolded: "You idiot, show me how you change your clothes?"

Someone knocked on the door of Song Yuan's room: "Zai Zai, come out for breakfast."

"Mom, I got it, I'm here." Song Yuan put on her clothes, and said to Yang Xi, "I'm going to eat, I'll chat with you later."

Yang Xi and I calmly said: "The clock in your bedroom shows 8:24, and mine is 4:24 pm. We are East Eighth District time, and you are eight hours behind me. That is England, France , Spain, Algeria and other areas. And you pronounced it in English from primary school, are you in the UK?"

"Fuck, little monk, if your other half cheats in the future, you will definitely find out immediately. No, even cheating will be killed in the cradle. I hung up, wait, I will chat with you again!"

Song Yuan put on her clothes and walked out of the room. Ms. Lin Yin, who was holding an apron, looked at Song Yuan thoughtfully, and asked curiously: "Zai Zai, who do you chat with in the room every day? Which girl? A classmate?" ?”

"Just a classmate."

Ms. Lin walked down the stairs slowly, and said warmly: "How is it possible? You can't finish chatting every day. Mom cares about you. Which teenager doesn't fall in love? Mom will definitely support you."

The corners of Song Yuan's mouth twitched, and he went straight to the dining table to eat bread, but Ms. Lin was still very curious: "Which one? Let my mother have a look. My mother is a little bit prepared and wants to know what kind of look you like? Long hair? Short hair? Cute? Lolita or Yujie?"

"Mom, don't ask."

"Okay, I'll ask Uncle Li to tell me, by the way, on Labor Day in May this year, I happen to have a performance in the provincial capital. You can bring her over to see, and I'll meet her."

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"That's fine. I'll go to your school to see. Mom is just curious. Mom is very open-minded. The children here are in love at a young age. Mom just wants to see, not to tear you apart."

Song Yuan found out that his tuberculosis was inherited from her.Holding the bread tightly in his hand, he wanted to blurt out, but his throat was blocked and he couldn't speak.He hesitated for a moment, then said softly, "Mom, he's a boy."

Ms. Lin blinked her surprised eyes, thinking that she had heard it wrong, and said in confusion, "Say it again? Boys? Do you like boys? No, no, did you secretly have a crush on girls in junior high school before? How is it possible? Don't you like boys?" .”

"Like is like, there are so many reasons."

Ms. Lin's face darkened in an instant, and she threw the scarf in her hand in displeasure, and said tremblingly, "Don't talk to me these few days, let me take it easy, how is it possible? Why do you like boys?"

Song Yuan took a breath, his eyes were clouded with mist, he put down the bread in his hand, his head was heavy, he couldn't swallow the bread in his mouth, and his chest seemed to be blocked by a big stone.

Sure enough, there is no way to communicate!

Song Yuan paralyzed on the bed helplessly, with a wry smile, caressing the little pendant Zhong Yu gave him.The little monk struggled with his hands with a flushed face, very cute and endearing.

He knew that no one could understand this feeling, and no one could listen to him. Just like him before, he was always facing the empty room alone.No matter how much he yelled in the room, screaming hysterically, there was no response, no one told him what to do, which way was the right way.

Jiangjing City is a small city, especially the urban area where he was studying, and there are not many divorced families.Every time he makes a mistake, everyone will look at him with strange eyes in the end, and leave a pitiful sentence at the end: "Oh, I guess it's because I was not happy in my childhood, that's why I'm like this."

Why did he not think about it?Because he didn't dare, because he was afraid, he always kept his thoughts in his heart, afraid of other people's eyes, afraid that the boy would find him disgusting, so he could only muddle along like this.

When was he not in pain or suffering?But I can't help thinking about it, and I can't help wanting to get close to that boy.

If the person you love the most doesn't accept it, how can you expect others to forgive you?

I just like someone, but I don't want too much, don't make too much effort, what's wrong?

This is the first time to announce his secret, and also the last time.Later, others asked about him, but didn't mention a word.

"I expected this earlier, why are you still talking?" Song Yuan choked out of pain as she thought about it.

Song Yuan couldn't sleep well for a long time, and every time he woke up, he felt depressed and irritable.At 03:30 in the morning, the cold wind was freezing to the bone. Standing alone on the balcony, he was so cold that he lost consciousness. Looking at the buildings in the distance surrounded by mist in early spring, he felt as if there was a bottomless pit in his heart, and inside the cave was an abyss.

A few times he couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, and he really wanted to call Yang Xi and me, but he was afraid that he would lose control of his emotions, so he put down his phone again, and sat on the bed in a daze.

Ms. Lin's mood eased a lot, and she insisted on taking him to visit her performance dance troupe.The dance troupe is basically selected from China, and tours all over Europe.Most of the dance forms performed are classical dance, folk dance and modern dance.There are mostly girls in the dance troupe, and only a dozen or so boys.

Ms. Lin is the deputy head of the group. She has learned Chinese classical dance since she was a child.

When Ms. Lin dragged Song Yuan to the theater, she even took him to the rehearsal room and asked him to accompany her to finish the rehearsal.

"Zai Zai, go to the dressing room and help mom get some dancing shoes."

Song Yuan said softly: "Isn't it in your bag?"

"I want the one in the dressing room. I can't use it in my bag."

Song Yuan shook his head helplessly, went back to the dressing room and searched for a long time but couldn't find it, and the call to Ms. Lin was not answered.

A girl came in from the outside, tall and innocent, wearing a practice suit.Seeing Song Yuan, the girl knocked on Song Yuan and said in surprise, "Song Yuan, it's you! Long time no see."

Song Yuan turned his head to look at the girl, and then remembered that it was Wu Ruolin, the daughter of Ms. Lin Yin's best friend, whom she had met several times when she was a child.Song Yuan nodded politely: "Long time no see."

"what are you doing?"

"Looking for my mother's dancing shoes, do you know where?"

"It's in the closet. Let me take it. Aunt Lin also said she wants to take a fan."

Song Yuan stood up to give her a seat, and asked confusedly: "My mother asked you to come?"

Wu Ruolin searched through boxes and boxes, wondering, "Yes, it's strange, why are these dancing shoes missing?"

Song Yuan said softly: "Don't look for it, go back to dance practice. Please tell my mother, I'll go first, thank you." Song Yuan twisted her neck, took out a mint candy from her pocket and swallowed it, sighed He breathed a sigh of relief and walked out of the theater helplessly.

He wandered the streets alone for a long time, went to the bookstore to find a few books that he couldn't understand, forced himself to read but couldn't, and felt even more depressed.

The toy business next door is bleak, and there are very few customers.He walked in and took a look around, and finally fixed his gaze on the five figurines. Figures of the five characters of "Inside Out", I don't know why, watching one of the characters suddenly has a deep understanding of worry.Sure enough, when people are sad and depressed, they will prefer to be sad, and it will be okay to cry a lot.

He took the subway to 221b Baker Street alone, took a picture of the manuscript and showed it to Yang Xiwo, thinking that the little monk would like it.

After walking for three to five minutes, he came to Regent's Park, where the sun was warm, the fields were green in spring, and the grass was fragrant.A dozen or so sparse people are having a picnic in the sun, and there are also football teenagers who are laughing and playing.

Yang Xi sent my message at 02:30 pm: Are you busy?

Busy, busy thinking about you.

He bit down a mint candy, his head was shaking, his lips and teeth were cool.My heart was much calmer, I typed a lot of words and wanted to have a showdown with him, but I was so cowardly that I deleted the words, and I replied softly to Yang Xi: "Recently I have been playing a little crazy, I always stay up late, and my spirit is not good, you can't learn Me. I'll be fine in a few days."

Yancy Me: I haven't seen Sherlock Holmes.

Song Yuan: I can't understand such a brain-burning thing, but I guess you will like it.

Yang Xiwo: You are not stupid

Song Yuan laughed lightly, the coolness in his mouth permeated into his mind, as if it was bright, touched the "youyou" in his hand, and replied with a smile: "little monk, good night."

He stood quietly by the lake and fed the ducks and squirrels all afternoon. The mints in his mouth made his teeth ache. He lay lazily on the grass, and the evening wind was a bit cold.

The lit street lamps, the dimming sunset, and the slanting shadows of the trees make everything seem silent.

When Song Yuan returned home, night fell, and the laughter of Ms. Lin and the girls came from the living room.Song Yuan took a deep breath, and went in to change his shoes. Ms. Lin immediately called out, "Ah Yuan, come here, mom bought a cake, you can eat with us."

Song Yuan walked into the living room slowly, Wu Ruolin and her mother, Ms. Jin, looked at him.He called someone politely, and said, "Eat, I'll go back to my room."

Lin Yin grabbed Song Yuan's hand and forced him to say, "Ah Yuan, you stay and chat with us. Ruolin doesn't need to practice dancing tomorrow, and I'll let her go shopping with you. She knows what you young people like to play."

Song Yuan withdrew his hand, holding the figure of "You You" tightly in his hand, and said softly to Wu Ruolin: "Don't bother, I went out for a walk today by myself and I'm very tired. It's rare that you don't have to practice dancing, you still Get some rest and don't waste your time."

Lin Yin hurriedly explained: "How can it be called a waste of time? A Yuan, I also specially asked Ruolin, you don't have any friends here, get to know new friends more."

Song Yuan knew what Ms. Lin was thinking, nodded displeasedly and said: "Mom, you can accompany them, I will go upstairs to rest." Song Yuan went straight upstairs and locked the door tightly, not wanting to say anything more to Lin Yin, so he did. It doesn't make sense, and it's useless to say it.

After an hour or so, Lin Yin angrily came over and knocked on the door, and said sharply outside the door: "Come out, let's talk, I've figured it out, Song Yuan, if you don't open the door, I'll get the key."

Song Yuan immediately opened the door, with a serious face, and said in a cold tone: "May I trouble you not to do this? If you match Wu Ruolin and me, you will only harm other girls."

"You just haven't had much contact with girls. If you try to fall in love with girls, you will know the charm of the opposite sex instead of liking a boy. If your father knows that you are like this, he might as well beat you to death .”

"It's really funny..." Song Yuan laughed loudly, with tears in the corners of his eyes: "It's too funny, you husband and wife, you really should be together, hahahaha, you put me in Jiang Jing for so many years, no matter what, I have someone I like Instead, come to control me, ha, you are really good to me, you are really my good mother and good father."

Lin Yin was trembling at what he said, his face turned blue, and he tried his best to explain: "Zai Zai, you have problems with mother, I know, but mother is for your own good. People like your father value face more than Everything is important, why do you have to do this?"

When Song Yuan got emotional, his eyes were red, and he said angrily: "Do you think I'm not in pain? He doesn't like me, and I have to pretend to call him brother and brother every day. Do you think I like this? I can't control my feelings. I I told you not to let you stop me, but to let you help me, comfort me, and tell me what to do. You will only make me suffer." He took a deep breath, his voice trembling, and said in an extremely heavy tone: "Mom... ...If you are like this, I will not discuss anything with you or tell you anything in the future, anyway, I have been living on my own."

Lin Yin was yelled into tears, and said dully: "Mom is not like this. Mom told you to associate with girls just to help you..."

Song Yuan panted deeply, stroked Lin Yin's back, and said calmly: "Mom, I am like other children, I am kind-hearted, optimistic and cheerful, but the difference between me and them is that that boy is the one I like. Mom, I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'd better go back to my country, you see, I don't feel bad."

"Ah Yuan, don't go back to China, how can you miss mom so much? Mom wants to help you, so she doesn't want you..." Lin Yin's eyes were red, and tears fell down.

"Mom, go to bed earlier, I'm tired."

He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling blankly, his mind was in a mess.

Only he himself is fighting, fighting alone.Because I was afraid of losing, and my heart was weak, I dared not speak up and face it directly.The whole person is as low as the dust, struggling to get up from the mud, humble and uncomfortable.But when I think of the person at the top of my heart, young shoots slowly emerge in the desert, and it is obviously a small leaf of young shoots, but it seems to have a garden.

He didn't know where his courage came from, and he was looking forward to the future with Yang Xiwo.On the first night when Yang Xi and I came to stay at his house, the image of the two standing in the bathroom brushing their teeth together was still lingering.It would be great if I could hug him tightly and talk softly in the future.But this is just a distant dream.

He dared not tell Yang Xi about this.

The warmth is hidden in the bed, and I just want to give it to you.

The milk straw is inserted, and no one else can bite it.

The atrium is sorted out, enough to store your name.

No reason, my love is you.