sleep in your heart

When Zheng Zhi was standing at the door of the kitchen, he felt as if he was being pushed forward by the waves. He had reached this point, and he didn't want to retreat, but when he raised his hand to open the door, he found that he didn't have enough strength to support him to push the door open.

At this moment, he finally admitted that he also had times of fear, and times of weakness and timidity.

What is he afraid of?

He thought, afraid of his mother's disappointment, resistance and confusion, afraid of You Zeyi's guilt, sadness and self-blame.

He is also afraid that he will not be able to do what he wants to do, that he is not capable enough to comfort his parents and not capable enough to protect his lover.

At this time, he was willing to admit that he was not a hero.

"Oh, I was shocked! What are you doing here!"

It didn't take him to muster up the courage to open the door, the door had already been pulled open.

Mother Zheng was taken aback by her son standing there, and patted him: "Get out of the way! I have to clean up the living room."

Zheng Zhi turned his side and let her pass.

"Tell me, you kids are outside, and you don't clean up the house yourself." Zheng's mother pretended to complain while hanging up Zheng Zhi's clothes left on the sofa, "You said you can take care of yourself! I think Enough."

"Mom," Zheng Zhi walked over and hugged her, "Thank you for your hard work."

Zheng's mother frowned, with an inexplicable expression on her face: "What's the matter with you? Suddenly your conscience finds out? If your conscience finds out, quickly bring your little friend back and show me, let me be more at ease, than you say Ten thousand words of hard work..."

"Mom!" Zheng Zhi interrupted her, his heart was beating like a drum, and he said, "You have already seen it."

Zheng Zhi finally experienced what is said in the book, "the air seemed to freeze", no one spoke, and each other's breathing became very clear.

He felt that the air around him was getting thinner and thinner, and in the end, he was almost suffocating.

"What do you mean?" She didn't move, her voice was so calm that he was shocked, "Why didn't I see it?"

"Mom, I'm sorry." Zheng Zhi lowered his head and buried his face in her neck, "Mom, I love him."

Zheng's mother was silent, her breathing gradually became heavy, like a wild beast about to get angry.

She opened her eyes wide, but she couldn't find a place to rest her sight. She breathed hard, trying to keep herself calm.

"Mom, say something." Zheng Zhi got up and found her crying, "I'm sorry, Mom, but I..."

Unexpected and expected, a slap landed on Zheng Zhi's face, which made him feel hot and numb.

Zheng Zhi held her hand, rubbed her palms and asked with red eyes: "Does it hurt?"

"Are you asking me if it hurts?" Zheng's mother finally opened her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

Zheng Zhi seldom saw his mother cry. The last time was when he left home for college, his mother was reluctant to let him go away, but she had to let this little eagle fly to a wider sky.

Every time children grow up, not only are they in pain, but their parents are also in pain. Even, because parents love more deeply and thickly, their pain is often several times that of children.

"I knew..." Her voice was choked up, her body shook a few times, and she was helped by Zheng Zhi to sit on the sofa.

"Mom..." Zheng Zhi had already prepared the draft, and prepared all the gorgeous speeches, but at this moment, they were all forgotten, and he could only keep calling her and apologizing.

He apologized not because he thought he was wrong, not because he felt sorry for the world being gay.

He apologized because he made her cry, he made her sad.

Mama Zheng sat there, leaning against the back of the sofa and crying non-stop. She clenched her fists and beat the sofa hard.

"Mom, don't do this." Zheng Zhi felt sorry for her, but felt powerless.

"Why..." Zheng's mother wiped the tears on her face with both hands, Zheng Zhi quickly took out a paper and wiped it gently for her, "Why are you doing this?"

"Mom, I..." Zheng Zhi stopped his hands, lowered his head, and said with a deep breath, "I know it's hard for you to accept, but I liked him since high school."

Mama Zheng laughed so much that she couldn't stop her tears.

She has never been a strong woman. She is doted on by her husband and son at home, and she always takes the lead in everything she encounters.

But this time, the son stood opposite her, and her husband was not by her side.

She felt sad, but she couldn't tell what the sadness came from.

Because the son is gay, yes, but what more?Are homosexuals not human?If he's gay, isn't he her son?

She was dizzy from crying, and her palms were still hurting.

She used all her strength for that slap just now. For more than 20 years, she has never spanked her son. Whether it was before or now, Zheng Zhi has always been her proudest child. Except for the peace of mind, I never let her worry about it.

It's not that she didn't think that her son might not like girls, and she also accidentally saw a lot of reports about homosexuality, but she always felt that it was impossible. The world is so big, it is impossible for her son to be gay.

But the world is so big, it happened to be her turn.

"Tell me, how is he good?"

Zheng Zhi looked at her worriedly, then sat back and sat on the sofa beside her.

"Maybe, some people think that he is just an ordinary person, but in fact, he is better than anyone else." Zheng Zhi said, "In high school, that is, when I was repeating my studies, I was at the same table with him. He came from another place, and he wasn't that smart, so he couldn't keep up with the teacher's lecture progress. However, he was able to improve from the last dozen in the class in the first monthly exam to the top 17 in the grade in the last mock exam. He knew that He is not smart enough, but he believes that as long as he works hard, he can get better. Something happened to his family, and this is why he came to school here. His father was an alcoholic since he was a child, and beat him and his mother. Later, his father was imprisoned for fraud, His mother died. He was [-] years old and he became a child without a home."

Zheng's mother never knew that You Zeyi's situation was like this, she frowned, and the tears that were about to stop began to flow again.

Situations of people can be very different, she began to suspect that the reason why Zheng Zhi was attracted to You Zeyi was nothing more than the sympathy of the strong for the weak.

Compassion is not love.she thinks.

"During the college entrance examination, he returned to the place where he was a student, and we never contacted again." Zheng Zhi also had a sore nose when recalling, "Actually, during that year, our relationship was hazy. Who can tell if he likes it or not? What's more, we at that time were also panicked and scared when faced with the possibility that we might be gay. Especially, you don't know, someone rumored that he was gay in school Things, he was bullied badly."

Regarding that paragraph, Zheng Zhi only skipped it lightly, but he knew how much harm this kind of campus violence had brought to You Zeyi.

"Then we broke off contact for eight years."

Having not seen each other for eight years, Zheng Zhi thought that You Zeyi had a good life, and thought that if he met again one day, he would look like a "young boy returning home", but he didn't expect that the sky would not come true.

"I like the energy in him that would rather be broken than give up," Zheng Zhi told her what happened to You Zeyi when he was in college, "If there is no such thing, he will definitely have a better future, the point After graduating from university, at least he can have a decent job. However, he chooses to stand on the side of the truth. He wants to maintain his dignity. People can abandon everything, but beliefs cannot. Once there is no belief, a person is no longer a person. "

Zheng Zhi gently hugged his mother beside him, and said to her: "I really love him, he makes me feel that my journey is so smooth, lucky and small."

"But, are you sure it's not sympathy?" Zheng's mother said, "Are you really sure that you are in love with him?"

"I'm sure." Zheng Zhi closed his eyes, imagining You Zeyi's appearance, "You know what I am, except for him, I can't imagine myself being with anyone else for the rest of my life, I can only accept him to go into my life and disrupt my pace."

"I'm a selfish person," Zheng Zhi said, "but I'm willing to pay for him. Isn't this love?"

No one spoke for a long time, and the mother and son sat on the sofa, watching the time from nine o'clock to one o'clock in the afternoon.

"Mom, are you hungry?" Zheng Zhi squatted next to her lap, "May I go make you something to eat?"

Mama Zheng had calmed down, she shook her head and sighed.

"Mom, can you not be angry with me?" Zheng Zhi held her hand, "Seeing you like this makes me really uncomfortable."

"Seeing you like this makes me very uncomfortable." Zheng's mother said to her son with red eyes, "Just now, I finally figured it out."

Zheng Zhi became nervous, like a prisoner waiting to be sentenced.

"I know why I cried." Zheng's mother said, "You don't know how uncomfortable I was when you told me that you fell in love with a man."

Zheng Zhi wanted to say that he knew, but he didn't open his mouth. He knew that what he knew might not be one percent of the truth.

"At first, I thought that I was suffering because you didn't follow the masses and you were deviant, but after a few hours, my mind finally cleared up." She said, "The real reason for my discomfort was that I was afraid that you would be punished for this in the future." Bullied by others."

Tears welled up in her eyes again, and this time, she cried with him.

Zheng Zhi hugged her harder and harder, and said hoarsely, "Mom, thank you."

He is also uncomfortable, he is also depressed, and he is also afraid of the future. In front of her, he is also a child.

Zheng's mother hugged her son, stroking his back, as if coaxing him to sleep when she was a child, and said softly: "Thank you, I am your mother."

Zheng Zhi hugged her and cried for a long time. He heard her say: "Actually, I told myself a long time ago that no matter what kind of person you like, I have to accept it, because I have to respect your own choice. But I didn't expect , when that day comes, you will tell me that you like a man. Because you are different from others, you have to bear more things, but, in the final analysis, what is the difference between you and others? You are all Mother's children are all excellent men, and they are mother's pride."