after the blind date

Her tone was too cautious, and Yu Fei even suspected that she was not talking to herself, but to someone else.

Miss Liu is such a nice person, why would she talk to her in this manner?

Obviously she is the most humble person.

Yu Fei was in a daze for a moment, then blurted out: "Why do you ask that?"

"Because I'm afraid of losing you. I have a bad temper and don't have many friends. I finally met you. I don't want to lose you because of my bad temper." After Liu Zhixia finished speaking, she blushed shamefully.

Apologize and apologize, what's going on like a confession!

But if she doesn't speak bluntly, I'm afraid that Yu Fei, a girl who likes to make ends meet, will come up with something else in her head!

When Yu Fei heard her words, she almost threw the phone away.

Is Ms. Liu saying this to comfort her, or is she expressing her true feelings?

How could anyone in this world be afraid of losing someone as bad as her? Shouldn't they be afraid of themselves?

Her eyes suddenly blurred, and she seemed to hear those whispers from more than ten years ago.

"She's so dirty, she's so shameless, she can do things like seduce a teacher!"

"It's disgusting... This kind of thing is done in elementary school. She won't be a lady until she graduates, right?"

"But I heard from her mother that Teacher Huang moved first..."

"Forget it, our teacher Huang is so nice, how could he do anything to this ugly monster. She must have lost her father, her family is poor, and she wants to extort money from the school."

"Yes, Mr. Huang is loyal to his wife. I have seen him go shopping with his wife. They are very affectionate."

"Hmph, isn't it just that my father is dead and lacks love? Dress up for compensated dating, why do you harm our teacher?"

It's not like this...it's obviously not like this...

She tried to argue with her classmates, she wanted to say that the man pulled her into the office, she wanted to say that he took off his pants and rushed over, she wanted to say that it was not an accident that she jumped from the second floor, but to avoid his grinning approaching face.

But no one cared what she said, because the class teacher said that she jumped off the building in shame and anger after being rejected by him.

The only person who believed in her was her mother. The woman who lost her husband firmly shouldered the responsibilities of the whole family. She came to the school over and over again to ask the head teacher to apologize and ask the school to expel him, but the school also stood by the head teacher. Switch classes for her.

Yu Fei didn't fall hard, and she was discharged from the hospital a week later, sitting in the classroom in a daze.Everyone in the class can come and bully her, tear up her homework, throw away her schoolbag, push her to stand in the corner, and be laughed at by everyone.Some people tripped her on purpose and laughed out loud watching her fall and eat shit.

She really wanted to leave here, but she needed a sum of money to transfer to another school, and her family couldn't afford it.

She wanted to drop out of school, but seeing her mother's sad face, she endured it.

Later, she was terribly afraid of being bullied, and when she saw someone coming, she would pick up the things at hand and play with them, as if this could make people ignore her existence.Gradually, she began to have more movements, and every time she made these movements, she would feel at ease for a while.

She thought she could survive the remaining years like this, but suddenly one day, the class teacher came to her again.

That day, everyone went out for physical education class, and she was isolated by the whole class and hid in the classroom to sleep on her stomach.A strange feeling in her body caused her to open her eyes. The teacher's hand had already reached into her neckline. Seeing her wake up, she said lewdly, "How is it? Do you know who is at the disadvantage this time? Be obedient this time, I asked the principal to change classes for you—”

She was frightened and stupid, until that bumpy face approached and was about to kiss her cheek, she screamed and cried, pushed him away, and fled the classroom frantically.She ran home regardless of the guard's obstruction, and hid in the bathroom alone, holding her head and crying.The smell of the middle-aged man's body mixed with grease and smoke still lingered on her side. She didn't quite understand what the teacher meant to her, she just felt disgusted instinctively.

When she was a child, her parents taught her that it was wrong to let others touch her private body parts.But the person who did this to her was the teacher who taught her knowledge, so is it wrong?

She was terrified and a little helpless.She was obviously not the one who made the mistake, so why should she bear all the consequences and sufferings now?

That night, after hearing what she said, my mother picked up the kitchen knife and went to find the beast desperately.Yu Fei stopped her and cried, "Mom, I want to live".

She ran away from everything, but still wanted to live.

Dad is dead, if mom also kills someone, I will definitely not be able to survive.

Mother hugged her and cried bitterly, and asked her to drop out of school. The mother and daughter worked part-time jobs together, and after earning enough money to transfer to another school, the dark clouds in life were cleared away.

Successfully transferred to another school at the age of 10, Yu Fei thought her nightmare was over, but when she came to the new school, she found that she was still excluded.

During this period of time, she has long developed the habit of doing certain actions when escaping, and everyone looks at her like a monster.

When she was 11 years old, her mother's job improved. She saved a little money and opened a store by herself. Life was no longer so difficult.Just when Yu's mother thought her life was getting better, she discovered her daughter's illness.

The money for medical treatment is not a small amount, and the heavy burden fell, so she gritted her teeth to treat her daughter.

A rule is more than ten years.

After entering junior high school, Yu Fei understood more things, knowing what the teacher did to her at that time represented what it meant, and felt even more disgusted.

She knew that what the teacher did to her was for "sex". Since then, her views on this kind of thing have become more and more extreme, and it has developed to the point where she feels disgusted when she sees sex.

Yu Fei's eyes were completely blurred by tears. Looking back on herself these years, although Dr. Lu played a certain role in her treatment, she just couldn't get over the hurdle in her heart.

She will never forget all the things her beloved teacher did to her for that perverted desire, but she can't do anything.

Over the years, she and her mother had tacitly avoided that incident.But the thorn has already taken root in my heart and cannot be pulled out.If it is really pulled out, the heart will also be broken.

In fact, she is not completely unacceptable to these things, such as Wang Caimo's paintings, because they are already familiar with each other, and she knows that there is no malice in the other's paintings, so she will not be too entangled.Although she would feel disgusted at first, but after a long time, she can accept some sexual things on the drawing paper.

But Ms. Liu's matter was different, she found that she really wanted to touch each other in reality.

This thought was too terrifying. Every time she thought about it, she felt as if she was going to be swallowed by the abyss, and a deep sense of fear came to her heart. She was afraid and disgusted, and felt that she was no different from a beast.

However, at this moment, when she heard Miss Liu say that she didn't want to lose herself, she felt aggrieved suddenly.

There was no reason for this kind of grievance. She didn't know what she was being wronged for. She only knew that she didn't want to leave Miss Liu either.

Could it be, could there be a slight possibility—Miss Liu doesn't care about her dirty thoughts?

Yu Fei was frightened by this wish, she raised her hand to wipe her tears, choked up and said, "I'm sorry, I'm really not angry, don't think too much about it."

She was silent for too long, from complete silence to weeping in a low voice, Liu Zhixia was anxious when she heard it, but she didn't dare to speak easily.Now that the other party finally spoke, she hurriedly said, "But your tone seems to be saying goodbye to me."

——No one can guess what other people really think, so if you have anything you want to express, just say it directly.

Yu Fei suddenly remembered what Wang Caimo said. She still remembered how desperately she wanted to be friends with Miss Liu at that time, but she didn't expect that when she used this sentence again, it would break with her.

She was so sad that she opened her mouth, tears fell down, and she spoke intermittently: "Liu, Liu Zhixia, I really, really want to be friends with you, but I'm too dirty, I, I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry, I-I said before that I wouldn't be mad at you, and I'm really not-not mad at you..."

Liu Zhixia's pupils dilated suddenly when she heard her say that she was dirty.She almost fell off the bed, and asked her almost in a broken voice: "What happened to you when you went out this time? Did someone bully you? Who did it? Tell me quickly! Let's go to the police and never let him go! "

After all, Yu Fei's psychiatrist is a man. Because of her shame, she seldom discusses this matter with him. The treatment mainly focuses on obsessive-compulsive disorder.She didn't know what was wrong with herself. At this moment, she really wanted to tell Miss Liu the truth.

She sat up and wiped her tears vigorously: "No one bullies me, it's me, I want to be close to you. I know it's disgusting, I don't want to continue to stay by your side with such dirty thoughts... I'm sorry for you... ..."

Liu Zhixia's thought of "I'm going to chop off that grandson" was instantly shattered in his head.She was a little confused, what did Yu Fei mean by saying that, just because she wanted to touch her, she wanted to break up with her?

Are all artists exaggerating like this? !

But it's good that Yu Fei is fine... She breathed a sigh of relief, and said helplessly, "What a big deal, what disgusting and dirty, don't use such words on yourself, you are a good girl."

For a while, Yu Fei's tears kept falling. She wanted to say something, but she didn't know what to say.

Liu Zhixia continued: "Stop thinking about it, don't you just want to get close to me, and I want to get close to you too, if you say that, I'll feel sick too."

Yu Fei held up her phone and shook her head frantically: "You didn't."

"Then neither do you."

Yu Fei clenched the quilt on her knees and bit her lower lip.

Something landed on the thorn in her heart, quietly melting the thorn she thought was extremely strong.

Liu Zhixia thought it was fun to make her happy, and now that she knew she wasn't angry with her, she was a little proud for a while: "Do you think I'm so cute in a sailor suit, that's why you want to get close to me? Oh, I also feel that I Wearing sailor suits looks good, actually I still have a lot of suits, I will show you all of them in the future, you can touch them if you want, don't be shy. We are all girls, take it easy!"

Yu Fei's eyes widened slightly, yes, they are all girls, even if they have the desire to touch, maybe they are not so dirty.

Furthermore, Miss Liu didn't have that frightening smell of grease and smoke at all, only a faint fragrance, and I wasn't afraid at all by her side.

Yu Fei seemed to really understand something. Slowly, she smiled a little and said softly, "Thank you for not despising me. Sorry, I made you worry just now."

She paused, thinking of Miss Liu's cautious questioning before, she followed her example and asked rather pitifully: "Zhixia, can you forgive me and give me a chance..."