Is the actor hot on the search today? [Entertainment]

It was the suicide note written by Bai Muyun biting his fingers when he was trapped under the rocks in despair two years ago.

At that time, he thought about his relatives and friends, and found that everyone was accompanied and loved by his side. He didn't need to worry about it, and he didn't need to worry about it.

After thinking about it, he began to indulge himself in thinking about the person he never dared to think about - Lu Yan.

Anyway, I'm going to die, so I can think about it a few times and earn a few times.

He thought, Lu Yan didn't know where he was, how he was doing, and whether his father would beat him or not. If he beat him, Bai Muyun hoped that Lu Yan would resist.

I don't know if Jin Feifei took good care of him. Jin Feifei doesn't look like someone who can take care of others. Can Jin Feifei be considerate of Lu Yan? Will she always be angry with Lu Yan...

Are they married and have children?

They might be happy, three meals a day for four seasons, with Lu Yan by their side, how could Jin Feifei be unhappy.

Jin Feifei really had shit luck in her previous life and saved the common people, so she will be liked by Lu Yan in this life.

Bai Muyun thought about it, and felt like crying.

I don't know if Lu Yan will occasionally think of him in a flower-blossoming spring, a windy summer, a rainy autumn, or a snowy winter?

If you see yourself dead, will you feel a little sad?

Would Lu Yan pull her child and tell him that her father had a very good friend before, and his name was Bai Muyun.

Bai Muyun thought a lot, and finally admitted that Lu Yan was the one he cared about the most before he died, so he pulled a towel from the side, bit his finger, wrote a bloody suicide note, and gave all his inheritance to him. Lu Yan, he believed that his family would handle it well.

In fact, Bai Muyun had bad intentions. He did this only to let Lu Yan remember him for the rest of his life. Every time he remembered him, he felt a little bit sad, just a little bit, not too much, he didn't want to make Lu Yan feel too sad.

Bai Muyun: "I bit my finger and wrote it during the earthquake. I have always loved him, whether it was 12 years ago, or after we separated, or now, I have never let go of Lu Yan. I just... I never dared to find him."

Jin Feifei was moved. She lowered her head and sniffed, "I lost completely. Lu Yan didn't love the wrong person, and he didn't waste his bravery."

Jin Feifei took a sip of coffee and said slowly, "Twelve years ago, when you went to City B to participate in a physics competition, someone reported Lu Yan's puppy love, and the object of the puppy love was a man."

Bai Muyun was startled, "It's me?"

"Yes, it's a photo of you and Lu Yan kissing. The light in the photo is very dark, and only Lu Yan's side face can be seen clearly, and the appearance of the other person is blurred. The person who reported didn't recognize you, but recognized Lu Yan. Smoked."

"But the head teacher noticed it. You and Lu Yan are very close to each other, and the head teacher is familiar with everyone in the class, so he can tell it's you at a glance."

"The head teacher originally planned to wait for you to come back to deal with it together, and he planned to call the parents. It was Lu Yan who begged the head teacher not to tell you, don't call the parents. If you called the parents, it could be said that the whole school knew about it. He said he would break up with you, he Will handle it myself."

"At the beginning, the head teacher refused to agree. At that time, the understanding of homosexuality was not as open as it is today. Even today, many people still regard homosexuality as heresy and abuse and insult. Lu Yan knelt down and begged her, kowtow, and begged her not to destroy You. I hid by the office window and watched him cry and beg the head teacher, and I cried too, but I couldn’t do anything. Finally the head teacher agreed."

Bai Muyun seems to have seen Lu Yan who is only 17 years old, that Lu Yan who always smiles brightly, that Lu Yan who is a little mischievous by himself, the one who shouts in high spirits, "There will be times when the wind and the waves will break, hang straight to Yunfanji" The proud young man in the sea, knelt on the ground, lowered his head, bent the young man's pride, humbly, humbly, and fearfully, begging for help, begging for him.

"Why...why did you hide it from me?" Bai Muyun felt pain, heartache, the pain of a sharp stone scratching a soft heart.

"Later, I asked Lu Yan why he asked the class teacher to hide it from you. He said that you are a future actor, a top student in the class, and your future has a bright future. An actor, a profession that is highly anticipated, cannot have any stains. At that time, in In the eyes of the public, homosexuality is a 'stigma'"

"At first, Lu Yan thought that this was only temporary, and he would change his words so that you would promise to keep a distance and not let you know the truth of the matter, and would not really leave him. But later, his father found out."

"No one knows where his father found out, maybe the rumors got out. Lu Shenyan is mentally ill and always hits Lu Yan, but do you know why Lu Yan doesn't resist?"

"……why?"

"We all know that Lu Yan's mother passed away when Lu Yan was young. But what we don't know is that Lu Yan's mother's death is related to Lu Yan." Jin Feifei wiped her tears and continued, "I also I heard it from Lu Yan's cousin a few years ago."

"One night when Lu Yan was a child, he pestered his mother to buy ice cream, but met a robber in a dark alley. The robber wanted to rob sex after robbing the money. Lu Yan's mother struggled and took Lu Yan to escape. As a result, Lu Yan's mother was arrested. After one stabbing, the robber killed someone and fled in a hurry, leaving only Lu Yan and Lu Yan's mother, Lu Yan... watched Lu Yan's mother die."

"This is also the reason why Lu Yan helped me block the knife at that time."

Bai Muyun covered her face with her hands and remained silent.

"At that time, Lu Yan was too irritated and had stress-induced amnesia. After Lu Yan's mother died, Lu Shenyan also became mentally disturbed and began to be violent to Lu Yan. He blamed Lu Yan's mother's death on Lu Yan's head. Every time I force Lu Yan to think of Lu Yan's mother's death... Every time I commit violence, let Lu Yan recall it once."

"After Lu Yan was forced to think about it, he was even more unwilling to resist. He blamed himself, and he also blamed himself for his mother's death. He didn't resist, and used this method to atone for his sins and pay off his debts."

"Lu Yan's first resistance to Lu Shenyan was because of you."

"After Lu Shenyan found out about Lu Yan and you, he beat Lu Yan up and forced Lu Yan to break up with you. If Lu Yan didn't break up with you, he would spread the news that you were gay. Lu Yan was very helpless and painful. He readily agreed, and he came to beg me to play with him.

"On the day you broke up, Lu Yan had a mobile phone on the phone in his pocket. You may not have noticed, but Lu Shenyan was watching from not far away."

"Later, Lu Shenyan saw the camera you gave Lu Yan and smashed it in Lu Yan's face. That was the first time Lu Yan resisted Lu Shenyan. He and Lu Shenyan fought. He," Jin Feifei paused, "almost Kill Lu Shenyan."

Bai Muyun's hands trembled, and he said in a hoarse voice, "What happened next?"

"Later, I happened to come to find Lu Yan, and inadvertently prevented Lu Yan's next step."

"Thank you."

Jin Feifei shook her head, "I'm also very lucky. I called an ambulance and took the two of them to the hospital."

"The two of them lay in the hospital for a week, and I also asked for leave to see Lu Yan. At that time, Lu Yan's mental state was very bad, but I didn't pay attention, I thought it was only temporary."

"Later they were discharged from the hospital. I told Lu Yan that you were leaving. On May 12th, Lu Yan ran out of the house and wanted to see you, but she didn't notice that Lu Shenyan chased you out with a knife... ..."

"Lu Yan got into the car. I didn't follow. I saw Lu Shenyan slashing people with a knife like crazy. I hurriedly called Lu Yan... I shouldn't have called him," Jin Feifei said with a sob, " Otherwise he wouldn't have seen that scene."

"He watched Lu Shenyan hack someone to death, and he also watched Lu Shenyan being shot dead by the police in the street..." Jin Feifei covered her face and cried bitterly, "Since then... Lu Yan has been talked about behind his back as a little mentally ill, a lunatic, He was dodged away. Then, rumors that Lu Yan was gay spread out from nowhere, and someone texted him or scolded him face-to-face that homosexuality was perverted, sick, or disgusting... all of Lu Yan's negative emotions rushed away. Come up, he's broken...he's got major depressive disorder and stress-traumatic syndrome...he's mentally very, very bad."

"Later, Lu Yan didn't go to school directly, and only took the exam on the day of the college entrance examination."

Bai Muyun's eyes were also red, her heart was sore, she couldn't help but imagine how Lu Yan survived later, those self-harm scars kept flashing in her mind.

"I used to be secretly happy for Lu Yan to leave you. I thought that as long as I gave Lu Yan time, he would forget you, and I would be able to take advantage of it. Later I realized that I was wrong. It was so wrong. When he was seriously ill Just remember you, only you can pull him out."

"Lu Yan has tried to commit suicide many times. Instead of saying that I found out and saved him every time, it is better to say that you saved him."

Bai Muyun raised her head in shock, her eyes trembled, and her voice trembled: "Suicide?"

"Yes," Jin Feifei seemed to recall the scene at that time, trembling with fear, "the first time was when he was a sophomore, he lived alone off-campus. I noticed that he was self-harming before, so I gave him the keys of his house. Prevent him from doing stupid things."

"That day, when I opened the door, I saw him sitting on the window sill, looking in pain, looking into the distance with tears... My legs suddenly became weak, and I cried and begged him to come down, but he seemed to have never heard of it. I don't get close to him, he said he was in too much pain, he didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, he said he wanted to leave like this, he said that death is actually not as terrible as imagined, he wanted to be free..."

"I really don't know what to do...I'm afraid, I'm so scared...I'm afraid he'll jump in front of me, I'm shaking with fear just thinking about it...He doesn't listen to what I say, he comforts me Said he was just going to another place and told me not to be afraid."

Bai Muyun was only imagining, and he couldn't breathe well. The huge fear wrapped around his heart tightly like a barbed wire, tightened and split.

"I thought of you in a flash in my mind. I think he cares most about you. How could he be willing to leave?"

"Lu Yan! Lu Yan...don't, please, don't jump...Bai Muyun! Bai Muyun! Have you forgotten him?!"

Lu Yan was stunned, and smiled, stiffly like a wooden man: "He's gone...he won't know, maybe he will be sad, but he will have someone better than me by his side to accompany him."

"No no no no... There is no better person! Bai Muyun is so sad without Lu Yan in the world! Please think about him, if he knows you are dead, die after he left you , he will definitely be in pain... Do you understand, Lu Yan? Are you willing to let Bai Muyun be sad? Are you willing?"

"Will he cry?"

"Yes! He will be very very very sad!"

Lu Yan cried and said: "It will pass, the sadness will pass... Xiaobai will live well without me in the future... I just left this world and took those people away, so they won't come to me again It's..."

"I broke up with him, he must hate me, he won't be sad when I leave..."

"No! Lu Yan! Don't do this..." Jin Feifei cried and slumped on the ground, "Have you forgotten how much Bai Muyun likes you? Do you really think he won't break down like you!"

The wind blew Lu Yan's thin body to the point of collapse, as if Lu Yan would turn into the wind and leave in the next moment.

Lu Yan's body was halfway out, and someone below was looking up and pointing...

I don't know where the sound of the TV came from, it was entertainment news, it was the report of the Golden Cypress Awards that day, this reminded Jin Feifei, she quickly took out her phone, clicked on Bai Muyun's Weibo to show Lu Yan , "Lu Yan! Tonight, Bai Muyun will be at the Golden Cypress Award Ceremony! Don't you want to see him? Don't you want to know if he can win the award? Don't you want to see him win the first award?!"

Lu Yan was about to fall, she paused, and looked back at Jin Feifei's phone, "Xiaobai... win the prize..."

Jin Feifei has been surrounding Bai Muyun to attract Lu Yan's attention, saying what Weibo Bai Muyun posted, how fans commented, how the new movie he acted in was rated, and how many fans he gained...

Until the firefighters took advantage of Lu Yan's inattention and rescued the person.

"Later, I watched him more closely and prevented him from committing suicide several times. In the next few years, you gradually appeared in the public eye. Lu Yan looked at you, and suicides were less. He also saw a doctor, but he It’s difficult to recover.” Jin Feifei collected her mood and exhaled, “For the past three years, except for the time when you were injured and hospitalized due to the earthquake and you went crazy for a few days, you are in relatively good condition.”

Jin Feifei tried her best to smile: "Since you were injured, I don't know what he thought of, as if he suddenly had a direction and a goal to work hard for. He said that he would be with you, and he wanted to be the first time when you were hurt and sad. by your side."

"The doctor said this is a good sign. He has a clear goal to pursue, which is a manifestation of his increased desire to survive."

The author has something to say: I cried several times while writing this chapter today, if you don’t think it’s cruel, either I’m a little bit cruel, or my writing skills are not good...

I am a real mother, my cp will definitely be sweet!