give me a good card

Xie Mian saw the appearance of this body through the transparent cabinet wall in the kitchen.

In fact, when he is an adult, he is not very similar to when he was a child and has not yet grown up. Only a little familiar outline can be seen from the immature eyebrows.

He was seven years old this year.Because when he was born, he had some congenital defects, and the couple didn't raise him very well. He looked as thin as a four or five-year-old child, with arms and legs as thin as chopsticks.

The counter in the kitchen is a bit high, and the kettle is placed inside. He has to step on a bench to reach it.

Xie Mian looked at the thin and small child, and lifted the kettle filled with hot water unsteadily, then got off the small bench and walked into the living room.

What do children know, they don't understand anything.

He cried when he was very young.Sometimes when he cried badly, his mother was sometimes patient and would wipe his face with a hot towel and feed him warm water, which was very comfortable.That was one of the few warm memories he had drawn from this home.

So he watched his mother lock himself in the house at a loss, from howling to silent, and he also wanted to take care of her.

But I don't know why, the spout that I usually use for drinking water at home can't get water no matter how I dial it.The nanny at home also left early because the hostess and hostess were about to quarrel.

The child thought of the kettle at home.

Of course he has never used this before, but he has seen others use it, and this thing is simple, after tinkering with it for a while, the water boiled smoothly.

When Xie Mian first regained consciousness, he thought he was in this body, but now, he felt more like a ghost, a bystander, who could do nothing even though there were countless screams in his heart.

He seemed to be completely cut off from this small, past self.

He watched as the little child dried two cups of water thoughtfully, then poured the remaining hot water into the washbasin, soaked the towel in it, and then walked to the mother's door with the basin in both hands.

This is a porcelain basin, which is a bit heavy with hot water and towels. For a child with a congenital disease, it is a bit laborious to put it down and pick it up again.

So he went to the door, didn't put down the basin to knock on the door, but called "Mom" softly outside.

He was full of expectations, hoping that his mother would feel better because of his care.

He didn't know what was going to happen next.

Footsteps approached the door.

Xie Mian obviously couldn't control this body and only had nothingness left, but he seemed to be able to feel his sudden rapid breathing and violent heartbeat.

Xie Mian seldom recalled the fragments of life with Xie Huai and his wife when he was young. He only had a simple impression of many things. For example, he remembered that he poured water for his mother, but was scalded instead, so he was picked up by Xie's family.More specific details are unclear.Otherwise, it wouldn't be hard to recognize where it was at first.

He never knew that his subconscious actually remembered this day so clearly.

It turned out that he remembered the flower decorations on the lamps here; the cabinet walls in the kitchen that could reveal the shadow;

Xie Mian suddenly understood what this illusion was.

Just like those monks who chose to stay outside the cave because of the disappearance of the guardians, who were terrified.The demon master also attacked the monks who entered the cave.

This is his fear.

Should not be ah.

He shouldn't be afraid.He has grown up and is no longer the ignorant and ignorant toddler.He has experienced many things, and suffered a lot of flesh and blood.Just talking about the pain of forcibly running the meridians in the past is thousands of times more painful than pouring hot water on the body.

He didn't pay attention to the pain of running his meridians back then, how could he be afraid of the pain of hot water being poured on his body?

He shouldn't be afraid anymore.

But watching the moment the door opened, Xie Mian found that she was so frightened that her whole body froze.

The washbasin was overturned.

The scalding hot water poured on his body, but Xie Mian didn't feel any pain, because of fear, he even covered up the pain on his body.

The sound of the washbasin falling to the ground, and the woman's sharp reprimand echoed in the room together, echoing in Xie Mian's ears.

The child couldn't support himself and fell to the ground.

The woman was also taken aback, so she leaned over to take a look.

As a result, he was doused in hot water, and the child, who was so painful that he couldn't speak, opened his eyes wide.He didn't cry, there was still a trace of expectation in his eyes, and he said softly, "Mom, I'm in pain."

But seeing that he was still able to speak, his mother put away the emotion in her eyes and walked past him indifferently.

Xie Mian closed her eyes.

He thought to himself: It's over.

And so it was over.

Bright lights seeped in from the slowly opened eyes again, and he returned to the origin of this illusion.

Xie Mian suddenly understood why those monks who had sacrificed their lives in the past chose to retreat before the final cave entrance.

Because when the fear reaches the extreme, not only the body becomes stiff and unable to move, but even the soul seems to be tightly curled up into a ball, unable to think at all, so a subconscious decision to escape is made.

Xie Mian watched the reenactment of everything he experienced just now.

He understood what was going on in this illusion.

It's a plain illusion, caged with past memories, from which you can get out if you're no longer afraid.

If you want to get rid of fear, you must first understand what you are afraid of.

He couldn't possibly be afraid of hot water pouring on him.

Xie Mian smiled wryly.Among other things, he is really talented when it comes to enduring pain.

Even when he was seven years old, he couldn't hold back his tears. Could it be that he is still afraid because of the pot of hot water?

So what is he afraid of?

Xie Mian watched as the child carried the water basin and walked towards the closed door step by step.

This time, Xie Mian didn't close his eyes, nor urged the end, but let the illusion continue to develop.

The child fell to the ground again.His mother would beat him before, but after all, she was usually taken care of by the nanny, she was too lazy to take care of this son, so naturally she didn't beat him much, just slapped and pushed him a few times.It's not as serious as being scalded this time.

He had never been in such pain, but he didn't cry, just opened his eyes and looked at his mother's back quietly.

So he watched helplessly as his mother adjusted her makeup and went out in high heels.

Even at the age of seven, he knew that she might have gone out to find that man, or she might have gone shopping, but it was impossible to find a doctor for him.

He knew he should get up, call for help, or put some medicine on himself.There is medicine for scalds at home. The aunt who cooked before burned her hands, and she wiped it off.But he didn't want to get up.

It hurt so much, he didn't want to move, he just wanted to lie down for a while.

This scene was actually a bit scary, the child who was severely burned and could cry no matter how loudly, just lay quietly, the expression on his face was almost blank and numb.

Xie Mian thought in a trance: I am afraid, do I still have expectations for the so-called parental love?

This is something Xie Mian can't accept more than the fear of physical pain.

He actually understood in his heart where his indifference and resistance to intimacy came from.

Not only because he had seen that woman pleading hard, almost crazy for love; he had also seen himself humble and lowly, obviously being hurt again and again, but still looking forward to his mother's love.

This is the shame of his life, and the past he is least willing to look back on.

Even thinking that I may still care a little bit, it is unbearable.

So the illusion stopped again.

Start all over again.

This time, Xie Mian didn't call to stop midway, and the illusion finally finished completely.From when he stood in the living room to find the water boiling, to when the nanny opened the door and found him lying on the ground.

Xie Mian went through this process over and over again, fear over and over again.

Xie Huai never looked directly at this son from the beginning to the end, so Xie Mian didn't have any feelings for him.As for Zhong Tingyu, there were times when he was kind to him.

Is it just a little bit of sweetness and he is stuck here like a dog?

Xie Mian didn't believe it.

He stared at Zhong Tingyu in the illusion.

After seeing each other again and again, Xie Mian was finally convinced that he really didn't care about Zhong Tingyu's love anymore.Her face has long faded in the long years.This is by no means his real fear and obsession.

But the problem is still not resolved.

Why on earth was he trapped in this memory?

What was the fear that filled his head and made it difficult for him to shake off?

As time passed, Xie Mian felt that her feelings were getting closer and closer to her seven-year-old self. Pain and fatigue gradually came up.

Xie Mian didn't even know how many times it took until something happened.

When he was lying alone on the floor, a golden bird flew in from the window.

The little sparrow had bean eyes and couldn't see any expression, but Xie Mian knew that he was terribly angry and distressed.

He flew around, probably trying to find medicine for Xie Mian, but found that he couldn't touch anything, so he could only fly back trembling, and snuggled up to Xie Mian's neck carefully.

In fact, Xie Mian couldn't feel his touch, but he still carefully avoided Xie Mian's burn.

Xie Mian wanted to raise his hand and touch Lu Feizhi's down feathers, but this had never happened in his past, so he couldn't move.

The nurse's voice sounded, and the goldfinch disappeared.

The illusion begins again.

The child wobbled over with a basin in his hand.

Footsteps sounded.The door was opened, and the woman reprimanded again for overturning the basin.

Xie Mian waited for the pain to come again.

But this time, the hot water did not pour on him.

Because the moment the basin was overturned, a red light suddenly exploded from the room, completely covering Xie Mian inside.

Someone blocked the pot of hot water for him.

The author has something to say: Ah Mian no longer expects Zhong Tingyu's love. Strictly speaking, his fear has nothing to do with Zhong Tingyu himself.In fact, it's not that Ah Mian is too hard to think about or is weak, it's just that everyone has fear in their hearts, which is infinitely magnified by the devil.

Good night……