[Wen Ye] Ghosts and Notes

"Fetal Dream II"

——This is a memory from a long, long time ago, not yet born.

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The cold water squeezed the chest, the air in the lungs was squeezed out little by little, and the unbearable suffocation choked his throat.The instinct of the body made the limbs convulse and wave, but to no avail, the deep river bottom was like a dark mouth, swallowing the boy's figure bit by bit.

In the dim vision due to lack of oxygen, the world is squeezed upside down, and the gradually blurred consciousness has a strange scene.Seeing colorful and staggered streamers—like peering into a kaleidoscope, strange colors that cannot be described in words bloom and expand, filling the vision.

The vitality gradually dissipated from the body, and the young man submerged in the water was stepping towards the edge of death step by step.Perhaps these intoxicating hallucinations are the brain's false self-help, an attempt to alleviate some pain.

In the chaotic, sticky and entangled consciousness, something quietly opened its eyes and woke up.Through the boy's body, something felt the world for the first time.

"Human disqualification".

this is my name.

With the breath of death, a new will was "born".

Looking through someone's eyes indifferently, like a villain in a bottle, through a thick barrier, observing the outside world in a misty way.

In No. 1's perspective, I saw someone's nimble fingers tie a knot, and then tremblingly put the rope around his neck.I don't know whether it was fear or excitement, the owner of the body exhaled a few breaths, then swept away the previous fear, and kicked the stool under his feet gracefully.

It’s like a radio with a bad signal is repaired, and you can feel all kinds of information from the outside world more clearly—the faint smell of ink in the air, the breeze blowing from the window, and the pain of bondage on your neck that cannot be ignored.

These sensations were so new that I tensed up and focused on them.

This gradually transparent sense of suddenness became clearer and clearer, and the feeling of lightness permeated my consciousness, creating an illusion that I was about to fly.

"Dazai!!!" A roar mixed with shock interrupted this wonderful experience, like a signal station that lost its power, with a "click", it cut off my connection with the outside world.

Ah, it looks like it's over.

Osamu Dazai failed to commit suicide again.

Through the collation of information during this period, I know some information.

"I am a supernatural body "Disqualification in the World"" or "Disqualification in the World is Osamu Dazai's supernatural power. "

"Disqualification in the world, disqualification in the world..." Chewing on the name over and over again, I chanted it as if to pass the time.

Having said that, why does the supernatural ability have its own consciousness? This feeling is like a stone giving birth to life and becoming a "living stone".

I have been thinking about it for a long time, but I can't figure it out, but one thing is certain - even if it is a "living stone"...it is just a stone after all.

The fact that I am a human being with superhuman abilities cannot and cannot be changed.

After all, I was just born from the existence of "Osamu Dazai", just like a small bug in the program.

Without Osamu Dazai, I am nothing.

Hmm... like an artificial intelligence with a will of its own?Of course, I will not destroy human beings as written in the novel.Frankly, I'm not interested in this.

Because, I am not a human being, nor a creature, I cannot understand life.

Life and death don't make much sense to me.I can't understand the human fear of death, so I don't do things that don't make any sense to me.

Will supernatural powers have life?Well, this question is like asking "do stones have life".

A "living stone" is not really a "living stone", such a thing cannot exist at all.

Well, it's back to the rock again.

No matter how human I am at this moment, I am not human after all.In the end, my personality and thinking at this time were also felt through Osamu Dazai's memory and body, and then I obtained bits and pieces of information and patched them together.

I am a poor learning product produced by absorbing Osamu Dazai's life.

Once I understood this, everything suddenly became a little dull.

But I understand that the depression in my heart at this time is also based on the law of "human beings will feel lost when they discover that they are not "unique" existences", so I simulated this negative emotion.

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The supernatural ability cannot be connected to the owner's body for a long time, to feel the outside world or memory.

But I'm a little different. Every time Osamu Dazai commits suicide, he keeps me awake longer.

Conjectures are gradually taking shape-there is a chance that the dying will make the supernatural power conscious, and it can even deepen the connection between the supernatural power and the supernatural power user.

Well, although the effect may not be significant, but that guy Dazai is not the same as ordinary people... He is a suicide fanatic. In my impression, there are about [-] suicides, so the real number is unknown. One can imagine.

That's why I'm unique - I can stay awake and acquire the five senses and memories of the owner's body for as long as six hours.

Gaze greedily at everything outside through someone's iris eyes.

Then he carefully shaped his own consciousness and personality, just like children stacking their own toy building blocks.Although he didn't understand the meaning of doing this, his instinct told himself - to do this.

That's it.

Disqualification in the world thought silently.

Curled up in this small dark space, peeping quietly through the small hole.

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"Why are humans afraid of death?"

"Well, I think it should be because... unknown." The man casually leaned on the back of the chair, took off the weight on his body, and relaxed.

Like the dark brown of the remains of burnt firewood, the dark hair curled up slightly following the movements of the owner of the body.

"Because I don't know, I'm afraid—well, if the world after death is happy and beautiful, there will probably be quite a few people who will die calmly."

Because of sitting indoors for a long time, the white fingers that lacked light slowly pulled the sleeves, exposing the wrists that were heavily wrapped in bandages under the fabric, and stroked the sleeves to the elbows.

"Because of the fear of the unknown, I began to pursue eternal life..." Rolling my eyes, I looked casually at the dark red carpet on the ground, lost in thought, "Well, but if we really get eternal life, human beings will probably fear eternal life, or even Tired of eternal life, he began to seek death instead."

"What do you think?" Osamu Dazai said softly to the empty room, as if to someone.

With a self-deprecating laugh, the sluggish man sitting on the chair sat up straight, resumed his usual serious and low look, and began to deal with the paperwork on the table.

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"...I don't know." In a dark corner, he replied in a low voice.

However, this weak answer is destined to be unable to be heard.

Is he, talking to me?

I'm a little confused.

Although rationally told myself, this is impossible.But inexplicably, there was a little joy in my heart.

"Life is made up of desire satisfaction and dissatisfaction. You look forward to a certain happiness in the future, but you may not realize that it is short-lived rationally. The essence of human life is pain... Really interesting View."

I closed the book in my hand, "Is it a painful life? If it is you, what is painful for you?" With one hand resting on his chin, with empty and deep eyes, he looked at the dark night sky outside the glass.

"Ha, what are you talking to yourself again?" The brown-haired man next to him raised his eyebrows, and looked at someone in the distance, "Are you talking to the air?"

"It's nothing~" the drawn-out ending whirled in the air and disappeared.

The atmosphere fell into dead silence again, and for a long time, Osamu Dazai spoke at a volume that could only be heard by himself.

"Probably, some illusory existence."

The author has something to say: private setting: in a certain suicide of Osamu Dazai, the disqualification in the world produced his own consciousness.

After the ability produces its own consciousness, it is probably only when the owner falls into a deep sleep that he will be awake. During this time, he can see fragments of the memory of the person with the ability, and link the body's senses to feel the outside world.

However, disqualification in the world is not the same. Even if Osamu Dazai is sober, the dementia in the world can still keep himself sober.

This leads to Xiaodezhi constantly improving his thinking, learning from Osamu Dazai, and fabricating his own personality.

Osamu Dazai didn't realize the disqualification in the world at first, after getting the "book", he vaguely spied traces of the other party - but he was not sure whether the other party really existed.

So I often mutter to myself and say some unfathomable words (?) for my little dementia (I feel like I’m being fed poisonous chicken soup)

Inexplicably associated with prenatal education (wait a minute)

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In fact, Osamu Dazai has a complicated attitude towards the existence of small dementia.