I Want to be Alone, Beautifully

Xu Jiao still doesn't know Ye Zhen's plan.

But she must quickly suppress the warm emotions in her heart——

Because according to Xu Hankai's habit, he will come back home soon.

He is a very cautious man. He abused Xu Jiao secretly and made her condition worse. At the same time, he also hooked up with women who were richer than Xu Jiao's mother. If he wanted to avoid being discovered, he had to be very careful.

He doesn't have much patience to deal with Xu Jiao, a sick child. It is not easy for him to serve a child who hardly gives feedback and is like a bomb that will explode anytime and anywhere, especially He also had to not be injured by Xu Jiao's sudden illness, which was not an easy task.

Xu Jiao has always been reluctant to recall childhood events, one is because of her poor mental state at that time, and the other is because her childhood memories are incomplete. She only remembers that she deeply hated this family, this environment, and her family. Stepfather, the only impression I have is that when Ye Zhen came to her house by chance one time, she saw Xu Hankai's evil deeds, and the two had some disputes——

The result is.

Ye Zhen fell from upstairs.

The clearest picture in my memory is that figure that I have never looked at carefully, disappearing by the window like the wind, that beautiful face was just a flash in the sky, and Xu Jiao remembered it, and immediately, there remained in her vision. The most beautiful color is when the window is wide open, the extremely beautiful sky outside, the spectacular scenery of burning clouds is reflected in Xu Jiao's eyes, and it is deeply burned on her retina.

When she realized that Xu Hankai was taken away, her mother hurried back to her, hugged her and wept bitterly. At that moment, she seemed to hear voices from all over the world.

As if the hard shell covering the soul was knocked open, the world smiled at her slowly and said to her, hello, welcome to the world.

But it was too late.

She could only stare at the sky in a daze, without moving or blinking, and before she even had time to really look at Ye Zhen, she had already lost the qualification to know each other forever.

Only the sky outside the window was magnificent, which she never saw again in the following years.

Because they were afraid that she would be more stimulated, so everyone including her mother didn't let her see Ye Zhen's appearance when she died. They covered her eyes, so that Xu Jiao could only listen to that person with her ears. story:

"I just said that the Xu family's wife must not be suitable for such a tender-faced guy.

Shi, this sloppy mouth can't do things well, hooking up with a 20-year-old girl in the next room behind her back in broad daylight, who knows what happened..."

"This little Xu is also pitiful. She divorced her ex-husband at a young age and brought such a child with her. She finally thought that she had found a confidant. Who knows that knowing people knows faces but not hearts, tsk tsk tsk. I heard that this child was also there at the time. In the room, I don't know if I saw anything..."

"You can keep some virtue in your mouth, Xiao Xu's family is miserable enough."

"Hey, divorced women are like this, it's really miserable..."

Those gossips are still fresh in Xu Jiao's memory for many years to come, even though many years later in the tube building, no one remembers what happened to the murder case back then, even when she bought the house, there were neighbors He smiled and said to her that it was unlucky to live in this house, but it was much better than the next door. I heard that someone died a few years ago.

Residents in the tube building came and went, and no one even remembered that Xu Jiao was the autistic daughter of the "poor little Xu" they talked about back then.

Later, when she saw strangers no longer screaming, nor did she behave strangely in crowded places, she just acquired a habit of staring at the sky in a daze, and then learned to communicate with others through a computer, expressing in words own heart.

Until she slowly learns to use language to construct her own world.

In her world, women with the same appearance as Ye Zhen appeared one after another as the protagonists. Xu Jiao outlined them with the only one-sided impression. She thought that what she wrote was just the shadow of Ye Zhen, but she never thought about it. This word is also the expression of her soul, she unconsciously poured her own stories into it, so the protagonists all had a childhood like her that was as scary as a shadow, but they were as kind as Ye Zhen, and they were always willing to be in trouble for others It is time to come out to rescue and be the light in the lives of others.

However, as she was writing, Xu Jiao realized that what she was writing was not Ye Zhen's re-enactment of a happy life, but those characters themselves, and those protagonists who had the same eyebrows as her benefactor were not her after all.

At first, Xu Jiao thought that she was not strong enough to write, so she was writing without interest, and abandoned the pit unsatisfied, unfinished, and wanted to write a more perfect story.

But the stronger the narrative ability she mastered, the more she realized that these protagonists all carry strange shadows, it is those slightly different pasts that make the protagonists gradually break away from the original in the process of telling the story. settings——

like in

Do it right with her.

Xu Jiao wants to give her benefactor a good enough story in her own kingdom.

But she couldn't even describe the appearance of her benefactor.

So the story failed again and again, and she was not even willing to give those replicas a perfect ending. She intentionally changed the outline and messed up the direction, causing herself to be posted on the website's forum time and time again and scolded by readers.

Only she doesn't care.

If it weren't for the system, Xu Jiao didn't know how long she would continue in this countless failure cycle.

It is true that when she first entered the system space, she was depressed. She didn't want to know what kind of life these replicas lived, because those stories had long been familiar to her heart, and she didn't want to see how she was. Failure.

until……

Xia Jingzhe slightly surprised her.

Then came Shen Yelan.

It seems to be repeating the same mistakes that she was unable to control at the beginning, repeating in her ears over and over again, wake up, your story is destined to be irreparable, because you have never carefully looked at the characters in your pen.

Xu Jiao was perplexed by Xia Jingzhe's act of going to death, and was also burned by Shen Yelan's fanatical feelings towards her. She saw her own shadow from Shen Yelan's body. Only then did she understand that no matter what a creator wants to Still unwilling, there will always be her shadow in the text, she is so paranoid about her benefactor, she unilaterally leads the other party as her inner spiritual support, the gods she believes in, the voice that wakes her up, just because her benefactor once saved her-

So Shen Yelan, who was also miserable, saw her as a benefactor who extended a helping hand, and fell in love with her fanatically and unscrupulously, just like how she hid Ye Zhen's appearance in her heart back then.

Shen Yelan is her mirror.

It seemed to indicate that she would never be able to get out of the tragedy and shadow of her childhood in her whole life, and even death would bear the imprint of her youth and she would not be able to struggle.

She sympathized with Shen Yelan, and she also sympathized with herself.

And this time-

She met Feng Qingyu.

It was Feng Qingyu who told her how true love is. It is true that Feng Qingyu had a disdainful attitude towards her at first, but when she first fell in love with her, because she was a legal wife, she followed the little prairie fire in her heart. Huo, wanted to hook her to confirm the status of this wife and wife, but in the end...

Feng Qingyu didn't do that.

Sometimes people's good and evil are only in one thought.

Feng Qingyu chose to respect Xu Jiao in the most critical thought countless times.

When she knew that Xu Jiao didn't love her, Feng Qingyu thought about fighting for her and trying to keep her, but in the end she just silently appeared by Xu Jiao's side to accompany her when Xu Jiao needed her, and quietly accepted her life. They couldn't get Xu Jiao's facts.

From her, Xu Jiao understood what love is and what respect is.

She began to be uncontrollably attracted to the heroine in her writing, and she truly took the initiative to accept the mortal world, letting the fireworks in the mortal world stain her clothes, and truly distinguishing Feng Qingyu from her former benefactor, she finally accepted It is a fact that the heroines she created are not substitutes for anyone, they already have their own souls from the moment they were born.

A soul that is not at the mercy of anyone.

Xu Jiao unconsciously applied this respectful attitude to Lilith in the next world. For the first time, she regarded the protagonist in her pen as her own child, just like the person who tried to teach her these things back then, patiently and meticulously , sincerely want to give Lilith a different life, and want to see her create her own story with her own hands.

Just a little accident.

Lilith also fell in love with her.

But Xu Jiao at this time can no longer feel the heroine's pursuit of her indifferently like in Xia Jingzhe's world. When she was tempted, her heart wavered and struggled repeatedly. When Si was doing those things, what kind of earth-shaking happiness rose in her mind.

In her subconscious, there is a kind of excitement and joy——

Why can't Xu Jiao refuse Lilith?

Because she also hopes in her heart to assume that if her benefactor is still alive, if this spiritual pillar is still there, when she grows up, will the other party treat her differently because of the specialness of this personal teaching, and then let her become What about the most important person in your life?

The truth was unknown at that time, but her sinking without resistance time and time again was the answer to everything.

But it's not over.

She thought she hid it well, but her protagonist has already seen through it. Her love is just a reflection, a kind of empathy, and she is as proud as the other person. How can she endure that she is still a shadow in Xu Jiao's heart?

Time and time again, her protagonist covered Xu Jiao's longing for her benefactor with her own thick and colorful traces, and finally made her understand that those sustenances and fantasies are all in the past, and now only this lover who has already had his own soul .

she loves that book

The souls born in the story belong exclusively to the protagonists.

What she loves is not Ye Zhen.

That's just a little nostalgia and nostalgia when I was young, it's not what love looks like.

……

"Ding dong."

Through the wooden door, Xu Jiao with sharp ears heard the sound of Xu Han driving back. She shouldn't have remembered it so clearly, but her body seemed to have developed full fear and disgust for the footsteps, so much so that the conditioned reflex in her mind had a memory.

Xu Jiao hooked her lips and called out in her mind: "System."

"?"

Xu Jiao: "I can't remember some things clearly. Since this is the world you can come to, why don't you help me consolidate my memory? Send me all the content of my childhood, I know you can."

system:"……"

It works.

Xu Jiao just stared at the door helplessly, while accepting the content of the dark and dark stories of her childhood, while thinking casually in her heart:

What method should be used to make Xu Hankai experience the feeling that life is worse than death?