Haiyan

Time is the strangest thing. No matter how long the interval is, what shouldn't be changed can't be changed.

The herdsmen's tents are naturally not as good as the tents of the golden tent. Although they are a bit crude, they are very clean.

Chang Sheng sat cross-legged on the lambskin blanket and his hands were shaking nervously. It had been three or four hours since just now, and it was getting dark, but he still couldn't suppress the uneasiness and excitement in his heart.

He never thought that one day, Li Su could still stand in front of him alive.

There are not many years in life, and they are separated by ten years and three years.

For some people, ten years may be just a matter of fingers, but for him, three years can be a lifetime.

Because... it's been too long.

It was so long that he almost forgot the meaning of his life, so long that he forgot everything around him, so long that no matter where he went, he always felt that there was a Li Su waiting for him at the end, but he couldn't grasp it. , can't touch it.

Before, he never thought that time was so precious. It wasn't until he came to the present in the past three years that he realized that it was really too long.

This feeling is like the heart is dead but the person is still alive. He can't find the direction to move forward, but he still has to live and move on.

He has deeply complained about this world twice, once when Ye Bei died, and once when he thought Li Su was dead, but he also understood that he has no right to complain about this world, because this world preceded him. As for existence, he is not qualified, but he can't help it.

The day after day longing mixed with endless despair tormented him for three years. It is strange to say that during these three years, every night in his dreams, there was no figure of the person he missed. When those trance fragments in the movie passed through his mind, he realized that in his previous life, there was such a person who really existed.

Be it the past, the present, or the future, he has already made up his mind to live in this world with the memories he buried, but he never thought that God would give him such a great gift to see him again He, the living him.

Changsheng said what it was like not to appear in his heart. He didn't have much joy. Maybe he was too afraid that this was a dream, too afraid that this was a huge joke made by God with him, and he hadn't recovered from the dream yet. walk out.

"Why are you sitting on the ground?" When Li Su came in, he saw that Chang Sheng was in a daze, so he hurried over to pick him up and put him on the bed, squeezed his hand, his brows were cold, and said with a frown, "Is it too cold?" , I’ll ask someone to bring in another brazier.”

Chang Sheng hugged him from behind, buried his face on his thin back, and said in a muffled voice, "Don't go."

Li Su turned around and squatted down in front of him. There was a trace of icy cold on his body, and a trace of snow water that had just been melted by the heat fell on his head. Those little braids squeezed and asked Chang Sheng: "Is it cold?"

Chang Sheng shook his head: "It's not cold, don't go."

He felt like he was dreaming now, even if the person in front of him appeared so real in front of him, he felt the familiar feeling when his warm hands brushed his skin, but it still made him feel uneasy, he was very afraid It was a dream, and when I woke up, I found out that it was all fake.

"I do not go."

Li Su stood up and sat down next to him, Chang Sheng hugged him suddenly, he didn't know what to say now, he didn't want to say anything, he just wanted to hold him like this, feel his body temperature and heartbeat , let him feel that he is right next to him.

Li Su stretched out his hand and patted him lightly on the back. The two of them maintained this posture for a long time. When Li Su felt the heat in his chest, he stretched out his hand and tried to tear it away, but found that the man was like a dog's skin plaster. Didn't let go of him.

"Changsheng."

Li Su called him.

"kindness."

His voice was so muffled that Li Su knew he was going to cry again without even thinking about it. Hey, why does it always make people feel so distressed.

"Li Su." Chang Sheng took a deep breath with a trembling voice.

"I'm here," he said, bowing his head and kissing him on the head.

"Li Su." Chang Sheng said again.

"I'm here."

"Li Su, Li Su, Li Su." He called over and over again, as if he was constantly confirming that the people around him really existed.

"I'm..." He suddenly chuckled, and finally pulled him out of his arms this time.

"Li Su... are you there?"

"Changsheng." Li Su stretched out his hand and wiped away the tears on his face with his fingertips, and said softly, "I'm always here."

"You lied." Chang Sheng said with red eyes, "You lied to me."

"I won't lie to you, I'm always here." Li Su stretched out his hand and gently pulled him into his arms, tilting his head and kissing the tip of his ear, brushing the tip of his tongue over his cold and delicate skin, feeling in a trance for a moment It seems that tens of thousands of years have passed.

"Is this real?" Chang Sheng asked, "Is it really you?"

Li Su looked at him deeply and said, "It's me, Chang Sheng, it's the real me."

He raised his hand and put it on his chest, feeling the powerful heartbeat under his hand, one by one, as if he began to breathe in accordance with his rhythm at this moment.

"You hug me." Chang Sheng sniffed, only feeling sore eyes.

Li Su sighed and hugged him tightly in his arms.

The lamp on the table was flickering and flickering, stretching the two figures who were close to each other for a long time. The tent was extremely quiet, they could hear each other's weak breathing, and neither of them would let go.

After a long time, Chang Sheng suddenly put his hand in along his collar. Li Su didn't stop him, but felt that the buttons on his chest were being undone one by one. As his thin skin slid gently, he could feel Li Su's goosebumps.

He turned his head sideways, put his fingers on the very obvious scar on his chest, and said softly, "I'm sorry..."

Li Su was taken aback for a moment before he understood what he meant, turned his head and kissed his side cheek, and said, "I don't even remember."

"You must have been in pain at the time." Chang Sheng said, tears streaming down his face again. This wound was when Li Su went to the Eastern Han Dynasty to look for him, and when they were besieged by assassins sent by Liu Fei, He stabbed in with a dagger, but he actually forgot about it later, because his mind was blank at that time, and he didn't even know what he had done.

For so long, Li Su never mentioned this matter in front of him.

"It doesn't hurt." Li Su said, "It doesn't hurt at all."

"But I'm in pain." Chang Sheng's voice was trembling, he thought, I'm in pain, my heart is in pain.

"It's all over, Changsheng." Li Su said, taking his hand up and putting it on his bare skin, motioning him to unbutton it.

"Miss me?" he asked.

Chang Sheng was a little speechless, his hands were shaking but he couldn't untie the remaining cloth buttons. After a while, a warm hand grabbed him and guided him to solve the unfinished business. He didn't know when he was crushed under him, but he heard the man whispering in his ear repeatedly: "I miss you, Chang Sheng, I miss you."

Due to slight pain and numbness, he raised his back and was stroked over and over again until he felt that he was stuffed to the brim, then he struggled with a bit of strength, and finally said: "Me too, Li Su, I miss you. "

The wind at night runs across the vast wasteland, and the sound insulation of the tents is not very good. When the whistling whistle passes through the ears, it carries a strong sound of desolation and sorrow. This is what the Northland is used to. , There will never be such a strong wind.

It was very dark in the tent, but it didn't affect the line of sight. Li Su stared at Chang Sheng who was sleeping beside him with half-supported arms, and couldn't help sighing in his heart. Chang Sheng didn't seem to be sleeping well, and his brows were furrowed. Just as he was about to stretch out his hand to loosen his thick knot, he saw Chang Sheng suddenly tremble violently, and the moment he opened his eyes, he immediately hugged him tightly, and his whole body trembled.

"Have you had a nightmare?"

Li Su asked him in a low voice, and patted his back continuously to comfort him.

After a long time, Chang Sheng said, "I thought you were gone."

Li Su smiled and said, "Then did you touch it?"

"En." Chang Sheng said, "Fortunately it's not a fake."

Li Su sighed.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Chang Sheng asked, "What time is it?"

Li Su said: "It's time to be ugly, I can't sleep, I just want to look at you."

Chang Sheng raised his head from his embrace, "Then I won't sleep either, and I'll watch you too."

Li Su smiled and said, "Then shall we just stare at each other all night?"

Chang Sheng nodded and said, "Don't you want to?"

"I'm afraid you're tired." Li Su said, reaching out and rubbing his face: "Are you tired?"

Chang Sheng shook his head: "Not tired."

Li Su thought for a while, and suddenly said seriously: "It's okay if you don't want to sleep, and if you're not tired, then wouldn't it be better for us to do something meaningful to spend tonight?"

Before Chang Sheng understood what he meant, he heard the man suddenly laugh and turn over all of a sudden.

Chang Sheng couldn't help laughing along with him, "Ah, then don't sleep tonight."

Because the two really didn't sleep all night, Chang Sheng was so sore in the morning that he almost couldn't get out of bed. Li Su was in good health, and an indescribable night had no effect on him. Chang Sheng was not a particularly active person. , the under eye circles are dark, it looks like I didn't do anything good at night.

They didn't really do anything good either.

"You..." Chang Sheng wanted to ask him too many things, but when the words came to his lips, he didn't know which one to ask, so he picked the one in front of him and asked, "Will you be here all the time?" ?”

Li Su knelt down in front of him, looked at him, nodded and said, "You can stay as long as you want."

Chang Sheng asked: "Aren't you going back?"

not going back?

Both were stunned.

Three years ago, because of the disappearance of him and Li Su, Taiwei Manfu was imprisoned and exiled to Pingshachuan for life, and he was not allowed to enter the king's domain again. At that time, Li Zongyao and Li Huai were with Liang Xiao, and Emperor Yuanqing did not execute them. It is already the greatest gift, now Li Su is a man without a home, where will he go back?

Chang Sheng thought, where has he been these three years?

"Not going yet." Li Su said.

Chang Sheng squeezed his palm and asked: "Then these years..."

"Uncle, let's eat."

A child outside yelled through the curtain, and Chang Sheng recognized that it was the child who built a snowman with him yesterday, and he asked, "Who is this child to you?"

Li Su pulled him up and left, "I just met a month ago."

Only then did Chang Sheng realize: "You came a month ago?"

Li Su looked at him: "I came here two months ago."

The early meals at the herdsmen's house were nothing unusual, they were nothing more than some Hokuriku products, goat's milk with oil cakes, and a pot of steamed beef. The child saw the two of them coming out of the tent together. At the dinner table, he asked Li Su : "Did uncle sleep with brother last night?"

Li Su: "..."

What uncle and brother's? !

"What did you call me?" Chang Sheng couldn't help laughing.

"Brother." The child said, "You are an elder brother, and he is an uncle. Judging by your appearance, you should be a few years older than me, right?!"

"Then how old are you?" Chang Sheng asked him.

The child counted with his fingers: "Seven years old, or eight years old... Mom, how old am I?"

Busy on the side was the child's mother, her face was black and red due to the perennial wind and sand, and she looked simple and honest. At the moment, she was busy turning over the dried beef on the stove, and said without looking back: "How many times?" How old are you? I don’t know how old you are, have you eaten so much meat for nothing these past few years?”

The child curled his lips and said to Changsheng: "Then you can treat me as eight years old. By the way, are you fifteen? You are quite tall, do you drink goat's milk?"

Li Su almost laughed, Chang Sheng said with a dark face, "I don't look like I'm 15 years old?!"

The child said: "Just look alike. Look at my uncle. He is not our age. By the way, will you sleep together at night? If you have no place to go, you can live with me at night. I will sleep with you." That bed is huge."

This time it was Chang Sheng who laughed out loud, Li Su said with a sullen face, "Don't squeeze!"

The child said: "Didn't uncle say that he doesn't like sleeping with other people?"

"When did I say that?"

The child said: "Just before, I told you to live in my tent at night, but you said you don't want to sleep with others, so my grandma made another room for you, otherwise we would store groceries in that tent in winter. "

So now he thinks Li Su is occupying the place!

Chang Sheng asked him: "What's your name?"

"My name is Lu Feng, you can be called Lu Xiucai." The child said proudly.

"Ha, why Lu Xiucai?" Chang Sheng asked him with a smile, thinking that this kid was very funny.

"I just thought that I would be a scholar in the future." Lu Xiucai said, "When I was in Donglu a few years ago, the Yanxiu who lived in the same village as us was very good. The village chief and the others liked him. If there is any good thing, I think of him first, I am envious when I see it, so when I grow up, I will also take the exam to be a scholar, so that everyone will like me in the future, and give me everything that is delicious and useful I."

Chang Sheng nodded in agreement, look, he has such an idea at the age of eight, what a great ambition.

"Hey, I don't know your name yet?" Lu Xiucai asked again.

Chang Sheng said: "My name is Shang Yu, you can call me Chang Sheng."

"Shang Yu, also called Changsheng?" Lu Xiucai couldn't understand this relatively profound question for a while, and after thinking for a while, he suddenly realized: "Ah, I see, is it the kind whose name is Huangfu Tieniu and whose nickname is The kind that can be called a dog egg?"

Chang Sheng: "...That's right."

"Then your name sounds nice, it's as good as Lu Xiucai's."

Chang Sheng: "..."

Lu Xiucai asked a few more questions that can only be asked by a child. His mother brought some crisp tea. Chang Sheng had no appetite. He groaned and ate a lot, and finally wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and asked Li Su, "Uncle, are you still going to the mountain today?"

Li Su: "Ask your brother."

Lu Xiucai looked at Changsheng: "Does brother often go to the mountains?"

Chang Sheng was puzzled: "What mountain?"

"It's Fenglan Mountain," Lu Xiucai said, "Uncle always likes to go to the mountain these days, saying that the plum blossoms on the mountain are blooming well, and he folded a lot of them a few days ago and gave them to me."

Chang Sheng had an inexplicable feeling in his heart, looked at Li Su, and replied to Lu Xiucai: "I will go as soon as uncle goes."

After all, Lu Xiucai was young, so he didn't see the difference between the two of them, but his mother had sharp eyes, and she always felt that there was something interesting between these two big men, and Beilu was originally open-minded. , I didn't feel anything, and pulled Lu Xiucai's back collar fiercely and said: "Hurry up and go back to do your homework after eating, don't take up space here."

Lu Xiucai frowned and said, "Why are you in a hurry, I have class the day after tomorrow, so I can do it tomorrow."

His mother said: "Don't you want to get fame? Scholars are all fond of reading. Children who love to play can only go to Shuofangyuan's horse farm to collect horse manure for others. Didn't the teacher tell you? "

Lu Xiucai thought about it carefully with the lofty ambition of being loved, and felt that this made sense, nodded and said: "Well... By the way, will uncle go to Philadelphia today? If so Can you bring me some more of that thing from last time?"

Li Su pushed the cup in front of him and said calmly, "Yes."

Lu Xiucai happily said thank you, greeted the two of them, and went back to do homework. His mother exchanged a few words with Chang Sheng. After a while, Li Su came out with Chang Sheng. It was a bit cold outside. He stretched out his hand Putting away Chang Sheng's collar, and then took off the fox fur scarf around his neck and put it on Chang Sheng, saying: "You didn't go back last night, are you going to talk to Yin Ping and Yin Kang?"

Chang Sheng nodded and said, "En, otherwise they won't be able to find me, and they will be in a hurry...Will you go with me?"

Li Su thought for a while: "I'll take you there."

On the way, Chang Sheng said, "Lu Xiucai and his family seem to like you very much."

Li Su smiled and said, "That kid is very smart." He paused, as if remembering something, and added, "It's very similar to when you were young."

Chang Sheng raised his eyebrows: "Didn't you always say that I was stupid when I was young?"

Li Su: "Just kidding."

Chang Sheng asked him: "Do you go to Fenglan Mountain every day?"

Li Su: "Almost all of them, the plum blossoms on the mountain are blooming very well."

Chang Sheng: "Do you often go to Philadelphia?"

Li Su: "I don't go often, I have been there twice these days, and I always feel that it is completely different from before."

Chang Sheng sighed: "After all, it has been occupied by the Western Han Dynasty for so many years, and it's not something that can be relieved all at once."

"En." Li Su nodded, and neither of them spoke.

It took a long time for Shuobei to walk to the northern capital. The two of them had a tacit understanding that they didn't want to ride a horse. They stepped on the thick snow and walked slower than usual. The weather was still very cold. Li Su held his hand He walked very slowly, and attracted many people to look at him along the way.

Chang Sheng's mind was not on this, he wanted to ask Li Su, but he was beside him at the moment, but for some reason, he couldn't open his mouth.

"Why don't you ask me why I came two months ago?" Li Su finally opened his mouth to break the silence, and Chang Sheng immediately breathed a sigh of relief.

"I want to ask." Chang Sheng said, "I don't know how to ask."

"Why don't you know how to ask?" Li Su looked at him and said, "Changsheng, I don't want you to distance yourself from me."

Changsheng was taken aback, yes, when he saw Li Su who was alive again, many things seemed to be different from before, he started to be a little more cautious when facing him, this feeling made him feel very bad , it shouldn't be like this between them.

"En." Chang Sheng nodded and said, "Why?"

Li Su said seriously: "The reason why I haven't come to see you is because I have never been ready to see you, and I don't know how to explain to you what I have done all these years, but I look at you every day. When you came to Shuobei by yourself, many times I wanted to ignore you and tell you that I was back, but after thinking about it, I gave up again, Chang Sheng, I always felt like I was dreaming to see you again, so Every step I took, I was terrified."

The snow fell on the eyelashes, and it flickered twice before falling off. The wind blew the skin a little cold. Chang Sheng looked at him through the wind. Li Su was still the same Li Su from before, and he was still the same him from before. Nothing has changed much, even the other party's thoughts are the same, they are both cautiously afraid of something, that kind of feeling, only two people who are tied together can synchronize.

He stretched out his hands through his hanging arms and hugged Li Su close to his waist, buried his head in the crook of his neck and said, "Actually, I'm also very scared. I'm afraid that I'm just having a dream. I don't dare to wake up when I see you in the dream." I'm afraid that after waking up, these are just a dream come true, but now I'm not afraid, because I can feel you, you who are alive."

In fact, compared to Changsheng, Li Su is more worried about what he sees and feels. Maybe they have been separated for too long. In these years, there is not a day when he does not live in the pain of longing. , when he finally came here to look for him two months ago, he actually had a sense of fear, even now that Chang Sheng was holding him and clinging to him, he still felt very uneasy, as if letting go of his hand a little bit, The people he misses will disappear.

The intermittent light of fireflies, one on and one off for one foot, how lonely it is.

No wonder people say that there are tens of thousands of words in the world, but the word love is the most heartbreaking.

"That's why I'm back." Li Su gently kissed his forehead.

It took Changsheng a long time before he let go of his hands, then raised his hand to touch his face, and asked, "Where have you been all these years?"

The author has something to say: Note: The intermittent light of fireflies, one on and one off for one foot, how lonely it is.Quoted from: Tachibana Kitaeda "Firefly"