yesterday night

After Xie Chengwen watched the game recording during the day, Lin Zhoudu also endured the humiliation and finished the math problems. It was already very late at night.

When people are in the middle of the night, they are always prone to lose their minds and blurt out some things that should not be said.Lin Zhoudu thought for a long time how to start his statement, but finally said without thinking: "My mother is sick."

This sounded too much like a curse, so Lin Zhoudu had no choice but to repeat: "My mother is really sick."

It still doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Lin Zhoudu gave up, and he decided to start directly: "I didn't realize it until a long time later. She worked very hard, her father passed away, and she had to bear a lot by herself, so she got sick. It can't be her fault. She was too tired. It’s not wrong to just want to be praised by others.”

"She has Munchausen's disease, and she doesn't know it."

"I have been sick since I was a child. People say that it is my mother who takes care of me every day. She tells me that I should be filial to my mother when I grow up. But I don't understand why my mother will treat me after I get sick. Take medicine?"

Lin Zhoudu would always think of those moments. The nightmare came late, haunting him when he was awake, and cast a shadow over the love he felt in childhood.

"She will give me expired food, and I will be sent to the hospital when I vomit, have diarrhea, and collapse," Lin Zhouwa recalled. On the side, pinching the watch, changing my towels after a while, and taking care of me. She wants to be present, and she wants others to praise her as a good mother. Later, I will take care of myself, and I will not get sick so easily. She would still let me take medicine, very bitter traditional Chinese medicine, she endured it for a long time, and she said I needed medicine when I was sick."

"Later, when I was admitted to high school, I didn't have enough money. She told others that selling blood also required me to go to school, and then she really sold blood. People told me, look how much your mother loves you, no People knew that she would get up in the middle of the night and put things in my water glass. I couldn't understand, couldn't figure it out, and finally ran away. Others thought that I didn't want to burden the family too much, so I gave up studying. Only she and I knew, I don't want her love anymore."

When Lin Zhoudu said it, he didn't know how Xie Chengwen would react. It was the first time he told this story to others, and he had no experience in getting feedback.During this time he was always introspective, and then, like a coward who achieved nothing, he blamed his failure on his childhood.His estrangement from the crowd, his uncertainty about love, just couldn't include why he slept with Xie Chengwen.

Xie Chengwen didn't have all the reactions Lin Zhoudu expected, he just kept looking at Lin Zhoudu when Lin Zhoudu was talking.

"I don't know how to build an intimate relationship." But Lin Zhoudu continued, he wanted to tell Xie Chengwen, "I don't know where the correct measure of love is. But I can learn, and I'm learning."

This is Lin Zhoudu's confession with all his strength, and he hopes that Xie Chengwen can understand.

The sudden darkness made Lin Zhoudu stunned. At this time, he and Xie Chengwen were both on the bed, and it was Xie Chengwen who threw the blanket at his hand to cover Lin Zhoudu's sight.Xie Chengwen was hugging him, and his trembling back was against Xie Chengwen's chest.

Xie Chengwen said: "Let's stop talking about your mother while undressing."

This unfunny joke made Lin Zhoudu almost burst into tears.Xie Chengwen understood what he was talking about, and surrounded him in the most gentle way.Lin Zhoudu didn't want others to see his emotions, and he didn't know how to express them. He could only escape and pretend, but Xie Chengwen softened his shell. In the dark, he could shed tears for his lost relatives, For those loves whose tools are blades that make him bleed.He can cry, not to show others, but because he is also human.

Lin Zhoudu thought, it's over.

Xie Chengwen didn't sit up until Lin Zhoudu was completely asleep.He put on his shoes very lightly, went to the study and turned on the light.

The documents taken out of the cabinet were Lin Zhoudu's mother's medical records, which had been delivered for a while, but they had not been opened.Xie Chengwen hesitated for a long time before, but put it back.No matter how detailed the written information is, it is impossible to truly understand a person. This is the experience he has learned these days.What's more, this may touch on the past that Lin Zhoudu is completely unwilling to tell. He can no longer study Lin Zhoudu's past like he used to explore the history of an antique.He could never forget Lin Zhoudu's blood red eyes that night.

After tonight, Xie Chengwen was even more fortunate that he didn't take this thing apart.

Looking at the medical records alone, he will only come to a completely different conclusion.He would think that Lin Zhoudu's indifference was because he hated his mother.This is not unreasonable. A woman who is so lonely that only her son is left is using harm to emphasize her contribution, which is so excessive that people would rather give up their studies and run away.The story of the bracelet, when you think about it carefully, is only creepy, it is a dedication that completely ignores Lin Zhoudu's needs.Lin Zhoudu, who was in his teens, couldn't tell others. Many people would only say that your mother loves you because of her repeated repetitions.

When Lin Zhoudu told him personally, he understood that it wasn't hatred.According to the date written on the cover, if you really hated it, you wouldn't take your mother to see a psychiatrist when you just had some money.Lin Zhoudu just didn't understand, but wanted to understand.No one taught Lin Zhoudu how to love others correctly, the only way he knew was wrong.The doctor cured Lin Zhoudu's mother, but forgot about the child.

Xie Chengwen remembered that in those interview videos, it was always someone else who was crying, and Lin Zhoudu just sat on the side, just sitting there.When the partner mentions Lin Zhoudu, he has always been well-received, but he doesn't seem to have many real good friends, only Qian Letian has a better relationship.There are no scandals, no dating partners, and no complicated social circles.Lin Zhoudu probably didn't realize it himself, he chose not to be emotionally involved in people and things, because if he didn't love, he wouldn't hurt others.It's really a paradox. People who are afraid of expressing their emotions choose a career that most needs to express their emotions.Throw all the fierce love and hate that cannot be shown in reality into virtual stories and characters.

But now that Lin Zhoudu was willing to tell him, Xie Chengwen naturally understood what that meant, and he sighed.

How did things get to this point.

In the end, Xie Chengwen didn't destroy the medical records. After all, it was Lin Zhoudu's past. When he put it back in the bookcase, his cell phone rang suddenly.

Calls in the middle of the night always make people irritable, not to mention that the name of the contact is Chen Jingcun, Xie Chengwen answered impatiently: "You never finish, why do you come to me after sending a message to Lin Zhoudu, you can take care of things yourself?! "

The injustice Chen Jingcun felt extremely baffled: "You must be fucking sick!"