Run in the opposite direction

Click to open the first video.

As soon as the video started playing, Qiao Qianyan remembered that this was the "Spring Bridge Cup" college debate competition in his sophomore year.He remembered that Xing Chen had said that the first time he met him was in this debate.

Qiao Qianyan fast-forwarded to finish, and clicked on the second one.When he saw himself clearly in the video, a chill came out from the top of his head.

In the video, Qiao Qianyan is standing in the center of the podium and speaking, wearing a white shirt with a blue ripple on the right side of the shirt.

It was the exact same shirt he had worn last Saturday.

Qiao Qianyan sat quietly in front of the screen for a long time, many things and speculations rushed to him, he was at a loss and scared.Luo Jiang's first meeting seemed to be a previous life. He and Xing Chen had gone through an autumn and winter. At this moment, he once again recalled the past time, starting from the moment Xing Chen stepped into the inn.

The things he doubted at the beginning were forgotten inadvertently; some strange emotions, he never studied them carefully, and of course he couldn't study them carefully.

——We met a few times at that time. For me, it left a deep impression on me and I will never forget it for many years.

——How did you become like this?

——Speaking of which, it's self-inflicted. These years, I have been tortured by you.

At that time, he wondered why Xing Chen hurriedly confessed to pursue him as soon as he saw him. Later, Xing Chen said that the two had a previous relationship. If it was just a secret love that he gave up voluntarily without even telling his name, would Xing Chen miss it so far?

He was constantly troubled by big and small things, and Xing Chen accepted them all.

Xing Chen didn't ask about his conduct, nor did he care.

Even occasionally... Qiao Qianyan would feel like an outsider in this love.

Since the two met, Qiao Qianyan can say with certainty that Xing Chen loves him very much, even beyond his own imagination.But at this moment, Qiao Qianyan suddenly wanted to ask, is the person Xing Chen loves the current self?Or to put it another way, how much does Xing Chen love the past?

Xing Chen got off work at 05:30, and it was already dark. When he entered the room, the lights were not turned on, and there was the sound of cooking in the kitchen.He walked into the kitchen, pressed the light switch and said, "Why don't you turn on the light?"

Qiao Qianyan was staring at the frying pan, but when he heard Xing Chen's voice, his body trembled and he came back to his senses.

Xing Chen stepped forward to look at the dishes in the pot: "It's all fried. I'll come."

The shovel in Qiao Qianyan's hand was taken away by Xing Chen, and he stepped aside.Xing Chen put the dishes on the plate, turned his head and touched Qiao Qianyan's forehead and said, "Are you feeling unwell again? I told you at noon that I will come back to cook. You have repeatedly had a fever these two days, so you shouldn't touch cold water."

Qiao Qianyan has been sick since last Saturday and has not recovered yet. These days Xing Chen does not let him go out or do housework. He cooks every meal when he comes back from get off work.

After Xing Chen cooked two dishes, he turned on the rice cooker to serve porridge. When he lifted the lid, he saw that the rice was rice and water was water. It turned out that Qiao Qianyan only plugged in the power, but forgot to press the cooking button.Xing Chen smiled helplessly, turned around and took Qiao Qianyan into his arms, stroked the hair on his forehead: "Why are you out of your mind today?"

Ready to kiss him.

Qiao Qianyan avoided Xing Chen's lips: "Let's cook some noodles as a staple food."

After dinner, Xing Chen went to wash the dishes, Qiao Qianyan went back to the study and sat by the computer in a daze.

Xing Chen walked to the door of the study and saw Qiao Qianyan sitting behind the desk with his knees hugged.The study room was dim, and Qiao Qianyan stared at the computer screen in a daze, motionless.

Xing Chen turned on the light, walked up to Qiao Qianyan in a few steps, bent down and called him: "Qianyan?"

Qiao Qianyan came back to his senses.

Xing Chen found that Qiao Qianyan was in a bad mood when he entered the door. He wanted to ask at the dinner table just now, but Qiao Qianyan kept his head buried in eating and didn't even answer the conversation. At this moment, he looked like his soul was out of his body again. Xing Chen bent down to look Looking at him: "What happened to you today? Tell me something."

Qiao Qianyan's eyes shifted from the computer screen to Xing Chen's face, his eyes were deep and far away, and he said, "Xing Chen, I want...to have a good talk with you."

Seeing his expression, Xing Chen moved a stool from the side and sat next to him: "What do you want to talk about?"

Qiao Qianyan moved the mouse, and the computer screen that had been on standby lit up.In the center of the screen is Qiao Qianyan's video pause page. Qiao Qianyan clicked on the full screen, and Qiao Qianyan in a white shirt looked at them through the screen.

Xing Chen: "Heh, this is the video I downloaded from the campus forum."

Qiao Qianyan pursed her lower lip slightly, as if mustering up the courage to speak: "Xing Chen, I ask you a question, you can think about it before answering, but you must tell the truth."

Xing Chen: "Okay."

Qiao Qianyan: "If it was the first time you saw me in Luojiang, would you still fall in love with me?"

Xing Chen looked at him in astonishment.

Qiao Qianyan stared closely at Xing Chen's eyes, and after a few seconds, he saw hesitation in those eyes.The corners of Qiao Qianyan's mouth twitched, and the eye sockets instantly filled with tears.

Xing Chen quickly said: "To be honest, I have never thought about this problem."

Qiao Qianyan: "So I asked you to think about it just now. I also know your answer."

Xing Chen: "Qianyan, is it necessary to pursue these issues now?"

Qiao Qianyan leaned back in his chair, and his voice was full of exhaustion: "After my grandma passed away, I felt that I had finally completely cut off all the things in my past life, and I could finally see the past 20 years again. But I didn't expect...you It also belongs to the past."

The last few words came out of Qiao Qianyan's mouth with great difficulty. His voice was flat and his emotions seemed normal, but Xing Chen could hear a strong sense of loss from these words, even approaching pain.

Qiao Qianyan: "Everyone who knows me will say how good I was before, what I did and what achievements I made. If I were a bystander, I would say the same. But in fact, for me now , I don’t miss it and it’s a pity. I don’t want to deny my past completely, but I don’t want to carry it for more than 20 years.”

Xing Chen couldn't refute his words, because he was a bystander, he admired the 20-year-old Qiao Qianyan, and he often... would miss Qiao Qianyan at that time.

Qiao Qianyan turned to look at Xing Chen: "Let me ask you another question, as long as I stay by your side now, no matter what I do, no matter what my character is, even...whether I love you enough, you don't know." So you care?"

Xing Chen thought about his words for a long time, and then said, "Qianyan, I admit, I have no demands on you."

Qiao Qianyan tried to smile, but it was uglier than crying: "Then what if it was five years ago? Is there... a request? Xing Chen, the 20-year-old me and the current me are not the same person at all. You know better than me, Isn't it?"

Xing Chen said in a hoarse voice, "You've put yourself on the edge of a horn."

Qiao Qianyan shook his head, and pressed Xing Chen's left chest with his palm: "It's not that I'm a fool, it's that you have never recognized yourself. Ask yourself, do you love me now?"

Qiao Qianyan's staring eyes were like a dazzling ray of light, illuminating the vague corners of Xing Chen's mind, things he had never delved into, his occasional regrets and melancholy, the dazzling things that lingered in his mind. juvenile……

Xing Chen fell into deep self-doubt. He thought back on his past years, and looked at Qiao Qianyan who looked tired at the moment. He couldn't help asking himself, who is he in love with?

"In these years, growing up all the way, no matter in the past or in recent years, I have gradually learned how to deal with the world calmly and forged myself to adapt to this society." Qiao Qianyan blinked slowly, "But I I still often think about my childhood, and the disposition I have had since I was born. Xing Chen, in my bones, I will never accept the choice of second best.”

Xing Chen understood the meaning of Qiao Qianyan's words, but he was not in a hurry to redeem him. Qiao Qianyan had so straightforwardly and sharply pointed out his feelings for the past few days, and he also wanted to see his own thoughts clearly.

What's more, Qiao Qianyan's frown was enough for him to feel distressed, but at this moment, Qiao Qianyan was in great pain because of him.It seemed that Xing Chen's soul had been stripped from his body at this moment, and he stood by Qiao Qianyan's side, blaming himself for being so confused.

Qiao Qianyan turned her head and looked at Xing Chen: "Xing Chen, I think we need space and time between us to see our own hearts clearly, I don't want to live in such a muddle."

Xing Chen frowned, watching Qiao Qianyan get up and walk out, but he didn't call him after all.

Qiao Qianyan went to the bedroom to put the clothes in the big bag at will, put the keys on the living room dining table after packing, opened the door and left.

Qiao Qianyan sat in the taxi and looked at the street lights flashing by outside the window, various fragments appeared in his mind chaotically.Qiao Qianyan thought of Luo Jiang's life. At that time, he thought that since he was free, it would be no big deal to have a relationship with Xing Chen to pass the time. He never thought that in the end he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with Xing Chen, let alone being a When he handed over his whole heart, this heart was not really important to Xing Chen.And he himself is just a shadow.

Qiao Qianyan couldn't help laughing wryly, how ironic and fantastic.Should he blame himself for being reborn and become another person, or should he blame Xing Chen for passing through self-paralysis?

Xing Chen sat in the study, he clicked on the video again, he looked at the young man in the white shirt on the screen, and thought of Qiao Qianyan who was also wearing this dress a few days ago.The bits and pieces of the past few months kept reappearing in his mind. When Xing Chen saw Qiao Qianyan in Luojiang, he thought that God had given him a chance to get what he wanted, and he thought that God would not see him through these years. Live in a muddle.

But why, he didn't tell Qiao Qianyan his secret love for many years at the beginning, otherwise he wouldn't have spent so long getting into Qiao Qianyan's heart.He doesn't want to say, is it also because the 20-year-old Qiao Qianyan is a hidden love for him, and he doesn't want or agree to be replaced by the later Qiao Qianyan?

That boy and the current Qiao Qianyan are two completely separated people.Qiao Qianyan