God's New Clothes

Chinese people like to talk about life, old age, sickness and death, and a person's life can be summed up in just four words.

From "birth" to "oldness" is actually a very fast process. In a blink of an eye, the vicissitudes of life are already gone, but from "sickness" to "death" can make life feel like years.For a person, life is hope, old age is law, illness is torture, and death is liberation.But the same thing may be another matter in the eyes of others - life is a burden, always disgusting, illness is a nightmare, and death is a knot in the heart.

For grandma, this illness was like a nightmare. In order not to become Tong Yan's nightmare anymore, after careful consideration, she chose to end her life to put an end to all this.But for Tong Yan, the death of grandma has become a knot in his heart that he can't get rid of.

In the past few days, he has been like a puppet, either being carried by Xu Shi'an or Zhou Mo, if you tell him to go east, he will go east, if you let him go west, he will go west, don't say or ask, the only one The only thing he could do was to sign. After signing in the hospital, he was dragged to the crematorium to sign, but he didn't even glance at the contents of the document.

He seemed to be able to move from one place to another without moving his feet, and then watched Xu Shi'an and Zhou Mo talking to some people, he only saw their mouths moving, but he didn't know what they were talking about.

Until the end, Xu Shi'an shook him out of the chaos, and he said to him: "Go and say goodbye to grandma."

Hearing this sentence, Tong Yan's tears flowed down immediately, even if he didn't want to face the reality anymore, he couldn't continue to escape now.

Tong Yan looked at Xu Shi'an, there was no expression on his face, his indifference was almost cruel, he didn't understand how Xu Shi'an was always so calm and restrained.Xu Shi'an saw that he was not moving, so he and Wei Shichen placed him in the middle and took him to the farewell room.

The room was empty, the walls were painted pale, only some potted plants and chrysanthemums were placed at the foot of the wall, and there was a stainless steel bed with wheels in the middle, on which the old man lay alone.

Lying on such a bed, grandma must be very cold!This was Tong Yan's first reaction when he saw grandma.

With tears streaming down his face, Tong Yan was approached with the help of two people. Grandma was lying peacefully like this, obviously she was asleep!How is this any different from grandma on her lunch break, except her cheeks are a little shriveled?Tong Yan still couldn't accept the fact that grandma had passed away, and what was even more unacceptable was that grandma was so sick that he didn't even notice the slightest clue!

He wiped away the tears on his face with his sleeve, and finally his vision became clearer, without the double image caused by the tears. Tong Yan found that when grandma was lying like this, she looked thinner and smaller than usual.But in his memory, grandma has always been the one who can prop up the family alone, and can't beat her no matter what!Since when, how did she suddenly become such an old lady like a handful of dry sticks?

Grandma's shroud is a purple-red double-breasted jacket, cotton-padded shoes and cotton trousers. Maybe the elders are a little superstitious, thinking that the underworld is cold, so they should wear thicker clothes.Tong Yan saw the buckle on grandma's neckline and felt it tremblingly. He was very familiar with this handwork. This was the shroud his grandma made for himself.

Tong Yan's tears flowed into a river, and his grandmother's body became blurred again in his sight, but the picture in his memory gradually became clear: the first time his grandmother taught him to make buckles, he used old black shoelaces , she tied a knot at one end of the shoelace, picked it up and showed it to Tong Yan, but Tong Yan didn’t see clearly, so grandma tied another one, so there were many knots on one shoelace, Tong Yan used the shoelace as a necklace Hang it around grandma's neck, saying that she will buy a real necklace for grandma when she earns money in the future.He had forgotten to buy this necklace, but now he finally remembered, and grandma was no longer there.

Tong Yan choked up and said: "Grandma said that there was no colorful rope before, so she could only use black shoelaces as buckles. Why does she still use black shoelaces now that there are colorful ropes? Can't she use some good ones for herself? "

Zhou Mo put one arm around his shoulder and patted him hard, really not knowing how to comfort him.

Xu Shi'an looked at everything coldly. The accident happened too suddenly. He felt sorry for Tong Yan, for the loss of his only relative in the world, and for his self-blame, but he had to push him forward. After stopping, Tong Yan could no longer walk.

Xu Shi'an flirted with the staff, and immediately two people came over to push him away.

Tong Yan yelled as if breaking down: "Don't touch her, let me see her again!"

He stretched out his hands tremblingly, and held the back of grandma's hands crossed on her abdomen. Besides being cold, it was still cold.

Grandma is really gone!

While crying, Tong Yan helped grandma rearrange her clothes, from head to toe and from foot to head. There was no big pleat on the clothes, but Tong Yan still didn't let go.

Another bed was pushed out next to it. Unlike the strangely quiet side here, the family members over there began to cry loudly when they saw the body, beating their chests and stamping their feet, laying on their bodies, slipping and kneeling on the ground, and the whole room was filled with the crying of family members one after another. voice, distraught.

It's normal for someone to cry and someone to stop you.On the other hand, Tong Yan, he won't cry like other women, he won't stretch out his arms, and make gestures like grabbing the sky and the ground. His sadness is hidden in his heart, and two lines of hot tears will overflow when he is full.He still has a lot of incomprehensible question marks and deep self-blame, mixing into a swamp, gradually swallowing him invisible.

The staff looked at Xu Shi'an in embarrassment, Xu Shi'an decided that the villain would go to the end, grabbed Tong Yan's hand and said, "It's okay, don't miss the time for grandma to go on the road."

Tong Yan turned to look at him, there were few people in this world worthy of his trust and dependence, Xu Shi'an was one of them, he finally let go under the firm gaze of the other party.

The harsh sound of the wheels, from near to far, finally disappeared at the end of the narrow corridor.

The person was pushed away, and turned into a small box when he came out. Tong Yan was holding the urn, and Xu Shi'an and Wei Shichen continued to lead him. The person holding him seemed to be holding his breath.

Several people returned to grandma's house and offered the ashes. It seemed that everything was over.

It had been three days since Tong Yan came back to his grandma's cremation. During these three days, Xu Shi'an and Zhou Mo took turns to accompany him.Aunt Zhao was worried about Tong Yan's health, so she quickly served him the porridge that had been prepared in advance. Tong Yan rarely drank up a large bowl of porridge, and then said to the three people: "It's been hard for you these days. It's okay, you go back and have a good rest, I want to stay by myself."

Xu Shi'an was originally unwilling. How could he rest assured that Tong Yan was left alone, but his father suddenly killed him and made a series of calls. Since he came back from abroad, he has never shown himself in front of the old man.Fortunately, Tong Yan also ate and spoke quickly, and Aunt Zhao was at home, so he felt that it was okay to follow him once, so he left with Zhou Mo and Wei Shichen.

Tong Yan sent everyone away, and went into grandma's room by himself.The room was empty, Tong Yan put grandma's portrait and grandpa's portrait together, straightened them up, and murmured: "You are all gone, what if I am left alone?"

No one answered him, and no one nagged him anymore, he became an isolated island in the sea of ​​people, everyone else was connected by blood, only him, wandering alone.

Tong Yan's eyes accidentally fell on his luggage in the corridor, which still contained all kinds of nutritional products he brought back to grandma.

He unpacked the luggage and placed these bottles and jars in front of grandma's photo, and said to each one: "This is fish oil, which can prevent Alzheimer's disease. This is glucosamine, which can prevent joint diseases. This is vitamins. Supplementing nutrition..." Tong Yan couldn't continue, his hands rested on the table, his shoulders kept shaking, he couldn't understand why grandma chose to give up the treatment, couldn't understand why she didn't tell him a word, couldn't understand Why did she choose to end her life in this way? What she couldn't understand the most was why she was so stupid, so stupid, and didn't even notice the abnormality of grandma's body!

The door of the room rang a few times, and Aunt Zhao pushed the door in, holding two small red notebooks in her hand.

"Tongtong, this is left to you by grandma. She is afraid that her memory will not be good, so she has asked me to keep it for her. One is the real estate certificate and the other is her passbook. You keep it."

Tong Yan slowly stretched out his hand, and took two red books, one large and one small, the color was so red that it was hot to touch.At this moment, Tong Yan suddenly understood that grandma's refusal to speak, her death, and her refusal to live were all in order not to become her own burden.Not only should she not become a burden, but she must also make the rest of her life as comfortable as possible.

But, grandma is gone, what's the point of him wanting the money and the house?

Aunt Zhao comforted him a few more words, then closed the door and went out. Tong Yan sat on the bed and threw two small books into the drawer of the bedside table.Looking up, Tong Yan inadvertently found that there were many small white dents on grandma's walnut-colored headboard, which were curved and as long as fingernails.He rubbed his eyes in disbelief, and had a guess in his heart, how painful it must be for grandma to grab the head of the bed like this!

The Chinese always say, "Don't be sick if you have nothing, don't have money if you don't have anything", and also say "There is no filial son before a long-term sick bed." The old man may not have much education, but he knows the world. Struggles—whether to treat, how much it will cost, what to do if the cure fails, and the extent of the cure are all out of consideration.

Tong Yan was lying on the bed, seeing the whiteness of the roof, he understood what grandma wanted, but he couldn't accept it.He couldn't bear the kindness that grandma bought with his life, and he couldn't forgive himself for ignoring grandma's condition. These emotions were so overwhelming that he couldn't breathe.

Tong Yan suddenly sat up from the bed. He remembered that there was some wine hidden by grandpa under grandma's bed. He opened a bottle recklessly and downed half of it in one breath. Finally, the feeling of suffocating him disappeared. The hot liquid crawled all over the body along the blood vessels in the stomach.His body was warm, as if he was floating up, to a very high place, and he finally caught up with grandma, but grandma didn't go anywhere, and returned to the bungalow where they lived in the first place. Shining ice, the windows in the house are bright and clean, the kettle on the stove is gurgling and emitting white smoke, grandma is sitting in front of the old-fashioned sewing machine, sewing clothes, while reciting a familiar song: "Pull the big saw, pull the big saw, grandma sings Big drama..."

Tong Yan laughed, it turned out that grandma didn't leave, but just went home...

The author says:

Tongtong is about to start drinking again, and there are two options: A. He tells the truth after drinking, and confesses his love to Xu Shi'an;If you want me, I will choose B, after all, he is a small worker.