poorer than

Shortness of breath begins.

It's green again...

He slowly squatted down and hugged his head, his temples were throbbing with pain, his nerves seemed to be pulled violently by an invisible and cruel hand, he gritted his teeth, and at the same time countless pictures appeared in his mind, it was him Never seen and forgotten by him because of too much pain.

His father's face, his mother's blurred face, and Xia Xingche's still immature appearance flashed through his mind, but once everyone was in the same frame, the picture seemed to be torn apart. He was in pain either physically or in his heart.All the forgotten images gradually emerged, and none of them told him the gap between the past and the present. The home was already the home of the past, and the present home was just a shell.

A body full of sorrow.

The voices of please sounded like a nightmare, this request was so frightening that it was stained with blood and tears.

Why does he love painting so much? It turns out to be like this.

Why did he hate Xia Shangzhe so much, why did he hate Xia Xingche so much, because at that time he was the only one facing such a fragile and extreme mother, he called for help and no one came in, so he forgot in pain.

But why did it remind him, why did he destroy his last bit of humble desire for family.

At the same time, there was also that fire, with such memories burning wantonly in his mind, he didn't see Xia Xingche's face or his father's face, but he thought their faces were all relaxed Well, thought it was over.

Didn't expect him to remember.

"elder brother……"

Xia Xingche saw Xia Xingcheng leaning against the door slipping and sitting on the floor, and immediately stepped forward to support him. When he saw Xia Xingcheng; when his face was pale, he suddenly realized what he had done. Was Xia Xingcheng injured?

"Brother, I'm sorry, I didn't push you on purpose, I'm sorry..." He squatted in front of Xia Xingcheng, trembling all over, clasping his hands together in an apologetic gesture of begging for mercy. Such a tall boy squatted down and shrank suddenly into a helpless child.

He has been denying that he has no problem, but his problem lies in Xia Xingcheng, he has a problem as soon as he sees Xia Xingcheng

It's all his fault, he's a sinner.

This appearance is completely different from Xia Xingche who called just now and calmly said that he has no problems. It seems that after Xia Xingcheng appeared, he suddenly split into two people. The alternation of calmness and mania is terrifying.

The dormitory was so quiet that only the sound of whimpering could be heard, as if he was holding back his hysterical screams, not daring to make a sound, which made his scalp numb.

Xia Xingcheng buried his face between his knees, he closed his eyes and did not dare to open them, his eyelashes trembled violently, why did this happen, and what should he do about it.

The brain is blank.

"Brother, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

This sound of sorry is like a knife cut on the heart, it is a pain poking at the heart, a pain that is slightly suffocating.

Why why why why endless loops in my head.

It was a mess.

The only one he could react to was Xia Xingche, so Xia Xingche was watching from outside the door, right?

"Are you outside the door?" When he spoke, his throat felt dry and his voice was slightly hoarse.

He didn't even have the strength to open his eyes now, and his head was still terribly messed up. He raised his head to meet Xia Xingche's appearance, and now Xia Xingche was crying like a fool.

Crazy for a while and stupid for a while, just like the mother in my memory.

Terrible.

When Xia Xingche heard this, he knew that Xia Xingcheng had remembered. He looked at Xia Xingcheng's red-eyed and dazed look, and his heart had long been broken by the pain. He raised his hand to wipe away the tears from the corners of his eyes:

"Brother, I'm sorry..."

The voice kept trembling, and the three words trembled as well as the hands.

The secrets that have been buried for many years can no longer be concealed, his cowardice back then, his father's ruthlessness back then, and his mother's madness back then.

They have not lived with their mother since they were young, and their mother lives in another house, and their father does not allow them to go there. One day Xia Xingcheng missed his mother so much that he ran in regardless of his aunt's obstruction. He knew that if his father found out that they ran in He would definitely punish them, so he didn't dare to enter the studio, only dared to stand outside the door.

On that very day, he watched helplessly as his mother picked up a knife and stabbed him, watched Xia Xingcheng who was terrified by the strangulation of his neck not step forward, watched helplessly as his mother who jumped off the building didn't speak up, and he didn't speak until Xia Xingcheng passed out. If you dare to come out, it will be too late.

They were six years old that year, already a sensible age.

He didn't know why he didn't dare to make a sound, as if he lost his voice. He cried and shouted without making a sound. These years, he thought every day that he could be braver, walk in, just walk in, or just shout If she comes out, maybe her mother won't have the chance to commit suicide, and Xia Xingcheng won't lose all her memories because of being scared.

He knew that Xia Xingcheng had always remembered that this guy was holding a grudge, otherwise he wouldn't hate him so much after waking up.

"Then what about you, where are you?" Xia Xingcheng looked at Xia Xingche who was squatting in front of him, almost crying. The boy who was originally so tall shrank into a ball, and the violent tremors in his pupils seemed to be greatly stimulated.

The shadow at the door is Xia Xingche?So this guy watched the whole thing?The blood splattered was terrifying like a murder scene... Finished watching?

Then the chest hurts badly.

"I'm sorry..." Xia Xingche felt that the crack in his heart became more severe. He knew that he could hardly hold on anymore, but he still endured it desperately.

He just endured without taking medicine, because he knew that the worst result would be death.

"Who said the difficult childbirth?"

Xia Xingcheng thought it was miraculous that he could calmly raise doubts at this moment, but he also knew that he was about to lose his temper and wanted to find a place to hide.

Think again about how all this is going on.

"...Dad said it."

He let out a heavy breath, shook his head and smiled silently, so it was so.

It's all hidden from him, and they're all using things he doesn't remember to hide their humble fears.

blue green……

And bright red.

The matter is no longer about how his father handled it back then, nor whether Xia Xingche came in to save him, but they wanted to pretend nothing happened in silence, and they tried to impose their love of painting on everything that might stimulate them to remember Among the past factors, it is obvious that he has no problems, and it is obvious that they themselves are afraid.

Thinking about it carefully, he didn't remember anything, so his father tried to erase what happened before, and Xia Xingche also chose to escape because of guilt and fear.

Originally, he couldn't blame Xia Xingche for this matter, but there was such a big fire that burned everything, plus he didn't know anything, how could he not be resentful?He even felt that the family seemed to be taking revenge on him.

They thought that after a fire was over, everything would be over for them, as if nothing had happened, and their mother died of dystocia.

Wipe everything clean.

His father didn't let him paint because his mother was afraid that painting by himself would be stimulated.And Xia Xingche felt guilty because he didn't call and didn't come in to rescue him when he was a child, so he always wanted to protect him cautiously, but he took himself away from the burning studio in that way a year ago, probably because he was greatly hurt. The irritation has since become cautiously more severe.

Why did these two people treat him in this way? To some extent, it seemed like protection, but what they thought they were protecting was hurting him time and time again. He was obviously innocent.

Then should he be lucky that he is not crazy?Should he laugh at Xia Xingche as crazy?

Little by little, his heart was slowly accumulating anger and was on the verge of explosion. He gritted his teeth and stretched out his hand to grab Xia Xingche's lapel, forcing him to look up at him. He was holding the collar very hard, and a silent roar rang out from the depths of his eyes. , panting as if brewing something.

"Brother, hit me, I was wrong, I shouldn't have gone in to save you, I shouldn't have stood at the door and couldn't say anything, I shouldn't have put you in danger... I shouldn't have alive."

Xia Xingche's words seemed to instantly detonate the nerves that had been tugging in Xia Xingcheng's mind. He ruthlessly pushed Xia Xingche down on the floor, his eyes were red, and the tears in the corners of his eyes could no longer be contained.

"Xia Xingche, you are so fucking crazy, you dare to say such things to me now?!!! If you can bear it so why don't you bear it yourself, why tell me why you tortured me like this, what you did to me Isn't it too much!!!" He couldn't hold back his hysteria anymore, and yelled at Xia Xingche who was below him.

The roar was almost broken, and the voice trembled into a mournful cry.

Xia Xingche felt the moisture dripping from Xia Xingcheng's face. He reached out to wipe away the tears, but Xia Xingcheng slapped them away.

His hands hurt from the beating, and his heart hurt even more.

It's over, it's really over.

Xia Xingcheng was so angry that he clenched his fist tightly, and grabbed Xia Xingche's collar with the other hand, making a gesture to smash his fist down, but Xia Xingche just opened his eyes and looked at him, the tears in his eyes seemed to be violently surging. Waves, self-engulfed torment.

He said to himself in his heart: Don't be soft-hearted, beat him up, this guy deserves to be beaten up, maybe he will feel at ease after a hard beating, if you want to beat Xia Xingche to pieces, let him know what is right and what is right Incorrect.

But the hand that clenched the fist was delayed.

Looking at himself reflected in Xia Xingche's tearful eyes, it was like a mass of burning anger, which surrounded Xia Xingche's whole body and made Xia Xingche cry continuously.

The clenched hand began to tremble.

In fact, it has always been like this. Every time Xia Xingche made him angry, he was really angry, but he couldn't do anything. Deep down in his heart, he still felt that this was his younger brother, even though his younger brother had done a lot. Happy thing, but it's his brother.

"what!"

Roaring in a low voice, he pushed Xia Xingche away and quickly got up to escape from this place.

"Brother, where are you going!"

Xia Xingcheng didn't stop when he heard the call from behind, he just responded lightly: "Skip class."

He figured he needed to be quiet.

Close the dormitory door heavily.

The sky that was still clear just now seemed to be shrouded in a layer of haze, and it seemed that a heavy rain was about to hit.There were only a few people on the bus, and Xia Xingcheng sat in the last row, staring at the hanging rings shaking with the bus, in a daze.

The memories that kept popping up in his mind caught him off guard, as if the memory that disappeared in childhood was so important, if he still remembered it, he might not be what he is now.

He always thought that he was born with a love for painting, but he never thought that it was such stimulation that made him fall in love with painting when he was a child. He still remembers that when he was learning painting in France, his teacher taught him A word I said:

——Mad, there is a demon in you manipulating you, and you are really scary when you paint.

Now he seemed to be able to understand why the teacher felt that he was controlled by a devil. It should be that terrible nightmare that made him live with a devil in his body. It was a devil with resentment trying to attack Xia Shangzhe.

But who knows what kind of devil this devil is, and whether it is the devil that finally drove him crazy.

And why does he regard oil painting as a very ceremonial thing, that is, he can't paint in a specific place, only in the studio. It turns out that his mother committed suicide in the studio. Ask him to paint in such a cruel way before committing suicide.

He also understood why Xia Shangzhe treated him differently from Xia Xingche, was it because he was too similar to his mother, afraid that he would think of the past and take revenge on him, so he used this method to prevent himself from remembering anything.

But after all the calculations, they wouldn't think that they would suddenly remember it, would they?

Will they be afraid?Will panic?

Will they make up for the harm they have done to themselves?

But why did he want to run away? He wanted to hide in a place where there was no one, because he could digest it slowly, just like he would hide every time he quarreled with them.

How cowardly.

useless.

Leaning his head on the car window, his eyes fell outside the window. He watched the trees on the side of the road receding quickly behind him. Such green trees seemed to turn bright red after a few more glances, and then he saw the reddish blue strip. Colored dresses, and a last request from my mother, who has a crazy memory.

Overwhelming fear swept over the nerves along with the color, the amber eyes were gradually covered with moisture, tears slid down the cheeks, obviously very sad but there was no expression on his face, like a numb puppet.

He held the bag with the painting tools in his arms, hugged the things in his arms, trying to find a sense of security, his chin rested on the drawing board, and the tears falling from his face dripped on the drawing board. He didn't have time to take care of it. Remembering things he had forgotten before.

His eyes were once again covered by large green light spots, and he closed his eyes hard, but it was difficult to relieve his dizziness and nausea at this time.I finally understand why there is this problem, most of it is the sequelae of being scared out.

Xia Xingche didn't knock him out on his fault, it just got worse after Xia Xingche knocked him out.

The bus drove slowly towards the direction of Huangcheng Old Street.

Now he just wants to hide himself.

No one can find him.

Art Department Office——

Wei Lu has been waiting for Xia Xingcheng's reply after he finished arranging the house, but he has been waiting for a long time. He has waited for an afternoon and still hasn't received a reply.

But no, that's not the guy's character.

After class ended in the afternoon, he didn't receive Xia Xingcheng's reply and felt that something was wrong. He called Xia Xingcheng again after class, but the answer on the other end of the phone, "The owner has turned off the phone", made him feel vaguely uneasy.

Why does it shut down?

"Teacher Lu!"

Just as he was about to walk out of the teaching building, someone behind him stopped him, and he turned his head.

"It's you?" He saw that Xia Xingche was in a mess, as if there was still dirt on his body, he could only hear the person breathing heavily, his eyes revealed anxiety, as if he had found him in a panic, as if he knew the uneasiness in his heart Where did it come from.

"Did you see Xia Xingcheng this afternoon?" Xia Xingche handed over the phone in his hand, which was a black phone case with a puppy pattern on it: "At noon, he left without taking his phone. Did you see him?" The voice I couldn't hide the panic, and the whole person was in a panic.

Lu Wei looked at the familiar phone case, isn't this Xia Xingcheng's phone?

Frowning slightly: "He didn't come to see me."

How could Xia Xingcheng go out without his mobile phone?

"I've been looking for him at school and I don't know why. I've searched every corner..." Xia Xingche's anxiety and annoyance became more and more obvious, and he looked at Wei Lu begging for help: "You know Xia Xingcheng might go Where? I'm worried about what impulsive things he might do now."

"What's the matter with you?" Wei Lu was upset by Xia Xingche's anxiety, and now he was very worried about Xia Xingcheng.

Xia Xingche didn't answer for a long time: "...he."

Wei Lu didn't ask any more questions. Now he just wanted to find Xia Xingcheng, so he took the phone in Xia Xingche's hand and said, "I know where he is."

"where?"

"It only belongs to me and Xia Xingcheng." After Lu Wei finished speaking, he turned and walked to the parking lot.

If you look carefully, the pace has begun to be a little chaotic.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Lu Wei: Going to comfort Chengcheng at this time can have an unexpected effect.

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Starting tomorrow, there will be two shifts at noon + one shift at [-]:[-] p.m.