Han Yanru

"Now that I think about it, it's all fate. I struggled when I was young, but now I'm happy with the situation.

When I was young, the social atmosphere was not as open as it is now. No one wants such a body when I grow up.

My health is the most worrying thing for your grandparents, so I came here from my hometown to see the doctor.

This kind of operation cannot be cured once or twice, and requires continuous treatment and surgery.

Your grandpa and grandma simply opened a clinic here, while saving money, while consulting various technical updates in this area.

Your grandfather is a medical student, so he naturally knows what is good and what is bad. He felt that the surgery at that time was not perfect, and he was always waiting for better technology to appear.

In this way, take root in this city.

I studied here, Chinese medicine, orthopedics.

When I graduated, I went to a hospital for an internship.At that time, it was very difficult to arrange internships, and no accepting unit could be found. Therefore, there was a private hospital with a quota. went.

There is a patient in the hospital who is now said to be in the VIP ward. He is an old man with a particularly bad temper, and the nurses have been scolded.

No one wants to serve him anymore. I'm an intern, so it's not my turn to take care of him, but no one in the hospital wants to.

The dean asked me to be his attending doctor.

That old man, surnamed Zhong, is a jeweler with a very bad temper. The first time I went to see him, he stared at me and said, "Huh? I changed you today? You have no hair on your mouth, and you can't do things well. Change it."

I said: "Since ancient times, heroes have been born in youth, and ambition is not based on age. There are plenty of people who are too old to do business.

Therefore, when looking at people, don't look at age, but look at character. "

Finally the old man looked at me and thought I was right, but I found out later that he had several sons who were not in tune.

He has been thinking about how to divide his family property all day long, and no one wants to make the family business bigger.

He said, "I think you're okay, come and let me see how you're doing."

I think he is in good health, so just rely on the movement of his words.

Going forward to take the pulse means stagnation of liver fire, and some common diseases of the elderly, such as cervical spinal stenosis, old dizziness, and no major problems.

In fact, he was pissed off by his sons, and he regarded himself as a person, but the children didn't respect him except to count his money.

So he was even angrier.

I massaged him, blossomed the stagnation in my chest, and prescribed Chinese medicine that strengthens the liver and soothes the liver, and watched him drink it.

He felt much better the next day, and after the consultation, he chatted with me.

Massage him while listening to him talk about his life.

In fact, no one listened to him, let him relax.He has a big temper, everyone is afraid of him, but I am not afraid of him, and I also have real skills, not to curry favor with him.

He also gradually liked me, and the two of us became acquainted and became friends who hadn't been together for years.

He married two women, and the first woman gave birth to three sons, each of whom got married and started a career.

After the age of 60, he married another woman and gave birth to a young son, who was very fond of this child when he was old.

The eldest son is in his 40s, and the younger son is just born, so he is naturally not close and has conflicts.

The youngest son was raised arrogantly and pampered by him, he didn't know the heights of heaven and earth, even he didn't pay attention to him.

More importantly, his youngest son likes men, ah likes men, this is his biggest unacceptable place,

The child he loves the most has become a tool for others to laugh at him. He wants to discipline him strictly, but at this time, the conflict between the two has intensified.

Finally, a girl was willing to marry him and gave birth to a son, but the younger son didn't like his jewelry business,

I like to tinker with watches all day long, and buy all kinds of watches when I have money.The whole family is going to be ruined!

Old man Zhong is already 90 years old. Even if there is no serious illness, at this age, even a flu can kill him, and his most beloved youngest son is still missing.

Da Fang's son came up a few times, and said after seeing him, "Ah, Dad, you are already so old, it's better to prepare the will early."

The other said: "Dad, when I was young, I suffered a lot with you. Later, they suffered like that. You must remember me."

The other said: "Dad, you must be fair. A bowl of water is level. If it is not level, it will not work."

Old man Zhong's chest was bulging angrily; "I'm not dead yet, and I'm not confused! You don't want my money! I know very well what you are thinking."

The eldest son said: "That's hard to say. You have always been very partial to your younger son. But he is like that, and you raised him yourself."

The old man finally said: "You are me saying that I have brought it on myself, get out!"

The second son said: "Dad, don't be angry. If we don't come, you will say that we have forgotten you. Now that we are here, you will drive us away again."

I happened to pass by, and seeing that they were outrageous, I went in and said, "The patient needs to rest, please go home, family members."

"Who are you to take care of us?"

"I am his attending doctor, and I am fully responsible for his life and death, so please go out."

After several people went out, old man Zhong was still angry: "Look, I love him the most. In the end, he became my shortcoming and was read all day long. He doesn't even come to see me."

I said, "Old man, if you want him to come to see you, just give him a call. Save yourself the embarrassment here."

"I won't fight. He doesn't have my father. I'll see when he thinks of me as a father. I won't fight."

"I said, there is a man who stops me every day after get off work and asks if the old man is still alive."

Old man Zhong: "Who? Ask who is still alive?"

"Long, tall and handsome, looks very manly, but a bit sloppy, and I think it's cool. It makes people look uncomfortable."

"What did he say?"

"Obviously he cared a lot, but he didn't come in. He waited at the door of the hospital every day. I deliberately teased him. Today was very bad, and he almost went to the emergency room. He also threatened me, saying, if I don't take good care of you, I dare to abuse you You, just hit me.

I don't know that the relationship between doctors and patients is so tense now. If he does this, it is easy to be misunderstood.

Next time he dares to stop me at the hospital gate, I will call security! "

Old man Zhong said, "You don't want security guards, and he has no bad intentions, he just cares about me.

He is just a child who hasn't grown up and doesn't know how to care for others. "

"How old is he, or a child? What about me? Isn't that still in the mother's womb?"

"You are a good boy, don't be as knowledgeable as him."

"Well, for your sake, forgive him for his rudeness."

"Which, next time, when he stops you again, can you let him come and see me?"

"He's amazing, I can't order him."

"Just lie to him and say, I'm in the emergency room."

"If he hits me, you have to protect me."

"Okay. You just have to trick him into coming here."

So, old man Zhong and I tricked his youngest son into coming here.

Old man Zhong lay on the bed and pretended to be dead. His youngest son threw himself on the bed as soon as he opened the door;

Old Dou, I didn't mean not to come to see you, because men have face problems.

I also don't want to quarrel with you, old man, you have to wake up.

Obviously two people who love each other very much and value each other very much, they have to bow their heads, succumb, and speak their minds only when they are at the critical moment of life and death.

Old man Zhong also pretended that he wanted to hear from his youngest son that he couldn't bear him.

The father and son's knot was untied, and the two had a thorough talk.

The father didn't care about his son's sexuality anymore, he just wanted to live happily through the last few days of his life.

Later, your father sent flowers, saying that he thanked me for taking good care of his father.

Another gift, saying that it is thanks for reconciling their father and son.

Give jewelry again, if you say it is a friend, you will take it, if you look down on him, you will throw it away, and run away on a motorcycle.

Your dad was very different then than he is now.

I don't understand his thoughts?If you like me, you still don't say it clearly, it's awkward.

Later I talked to him; "You have a family, a wife and children, and I will not wrong myself to be someone else's mistress. You choose yourself."

Hey, when I was young, I made the same mistakes as you. I couldn't help but be nice to others, and I couldn't help being kind to myself.

In the end, there is you, and he hasn't divorced yet.

I was very angry, angry with him, and also angry with myself. At that time, I was so angry that I secretly went back to my hometown and gave birth to you in my hometown.

You don't know, when I gave birth to you in the old house in my hometown, I hated your father to the core.

Vow to never see each other for the rest of my life.

In the few months since I left, he has been looking for me like crazy, and your grandparents don't want to see him.

When I came back with you in my arms, he came over immediately, knelt down to your grandpa and grandma, and swore to treat me well for the rest of his life.

I ignored him, but you, how old you are, stretched out your arms and babbled, and he stopped making trouble when you hugged him.

Still laughing.

My heart suddenly softened.You and him are always a father and son, connected by blood, broken bones and tendons.

Even if I don't stay with him in the future, find someone else, but what do you do?

But it was awkward to forgive him, and the child was born if he didn't forgive him.

It's been so awkward for so many years. "

"Little Daddy, when will you and Dad get married? I'll be your best man."

"Let's talk about it after I give birth to my second child."

The little daddy rubbed his big belly, "If I can give birth to my second child, nothing will happen.

In case, don't worry, listen to me. "Little Daddy gasped for a while.

"If something happens to me, keep the child.

Yan Ru, if I can't get out of the operating room, I can raise this child for you.

Don't tell your dad.If your father knew that I had an accident because of giving birth to this child.

He will feel guilty, and every time he sees this child, he will think of me, think that this child is bought by me with my life, and worry that he will not like the second child.

It's better not to tell him, just say that the child was born by you.

Let him call you Daddy. "

"No. I'm not ready to be his daddy yet. Be his daddy yourself."

"When I gave birth to you, I wasn't ready to be someone's daddy, and I've been doing well for so many years.

Beat him if he doesn't listen! "Little Daddy rested for a while.

"Also, you may not be able to have your own child in the future, so let this child be yours.

If you can have another one in the future, tell him the truth, if you can't, just be his daddy.

I am also thinking about you. "

"I'm his brother."

"Brother, in the future, he will always get married and have children, and have his own family, but his son will always be his own family."

"Little Daddy, stop talking, you will be fine."

hug him.

"Okay, let's not talk about it. Anyway, there are still two weeks until the due date."

The two bought newborn baby products, feeding bottles, milk powder, small clothes, small quilts, diapers, and small towels online.

Little Daddy taught me how to choose and use these things, and even made an appointment for a nanny online.

I looked up the dictionary again and gave him a name. The nickname is Yu'er, and the name is Zhongyu.Both of our brothers' names have a sense of history.

It didn't take long for little daddy's body to fail, and Zhao Xiaolong and I had to send him to the hospital.

After a comprehensive examination, the doctor made a diagnosis and said: "Cesarean section immediately. The pregnant woman is in poor health, and it is dangerous to procrastinate. For the safety of the fetus in the womb, arrange an operation immediately."

Little Daddy held my hand, with complex eyes, not as calm and calm as usual:

"Baby, forgive little daddy for beating you, and I feel wronged too. After beating you, I feel bad."

"Little Daddy, don't tell me, I'll wait for you to come out. From now on, if you hit me again, I'll hit my little brother."

He smiled, "Although my life is as short as a shock, it is worthwhile.

If I don't come back, you don't have to miss my body, just cremate it right away.

Your little daddy is the most beautiful, how can he tolerate himself becoming stiff and ugly?

Or turn into a handful of ashes, come and go naked without any worries. "

"Little Daddy, don't talk about it, you will be fine." Enduring the eyes that were about to burst out.This is very unlucky.

He smiled sadly; "You must do as I say. Zhao Xiaolong is a witness."

He was pushed into the operating room, and our eyes were lingering and entangled, and we couldn't bear to separate until we were blocked by the door.

Seeing that the situation was urgent, Zhao Xiaolong said, "I'd better tell Secretary Shen. It's not good to drag on like this."

"But, can Dad bear such a fright?? Don't tell him about having a second child, wait until the operation is over."

I'm lucky, maybe, little daddy will come out safely.

And my little brother.

I walked back and forth anxiously in front of the operating room. About half an hour later, the nurse opened the door and pushed out a little baby. I just glanced at him hurriedly. His little face was purple and black, his eyes were closed, and his little mouth was purple.

"What's up with him?"

"The newborn is hypoxic, send it to the neonatal emergency room immediately." The nurse hurriedly pushed it away.

The little brother didn't even cry!So little.

Before I finished worrying about my little brother, the doctor opened the door and handed over a list; "Notice of Critical Illness."

I don't sign: "People go in and it's fine, why is it that the sign is critically ill after a while?"

Zhao Xiaolong hugged me who was jumping, "Yan Ru, calm down. Maybe it's not that dangerous, it's just a hospital routine, if you don't sign, the doctor won't be able to continue the rescue!"

Panting and trembling, I signed my name on the critical illness notice.

"How about the little baby?"

The doctor said: "Ask the neonatologist." He turned around and walked in quickly.

I said, "You wait here for little daddy, I'll go and see Yu'er. Call the nanny."

I ran after the nurse and rushed to the neonatal emergency room. The two operating rooms were on the same floor, and the lights were on.

I grabbed a nurse, what happened to the baby inside?

"Patient's family?"

"Yes, how is he?"

"The baby is hypoxic in the abdomen, and the amniotic fluid is polluted for the third time. It is suspected of inhaling dirt from the lungs and is being rescued."

His head buzzed, as if there were countless planes circling overhead.With no one to rely on, I just feel that the world is as small as me.

At the end of the corridor is my younger brother, and at the other end of the corridor is my little daddy. They are both struggling on the line of life and death.

And I can only wait here, nothing can be changed, I can only wait for the judgment of fate.

Desolation, despair, loneliness, anxiety, helplessness.

If there is a god, whether you are God, Jesus, Allah, Guanyin, Bodhisattva, please, please, don't take them away.

Please return them to me if you can.

I have already lost Dongzi, the first love that should have been the most beautiful in the world, please, don't take my little daddy and little brother away.

Please, just leave me one, okay?

What do you want in exchange?I can give it to you, please.

Such suffering, all words are pale and indescribable.

After an unknown amount of time, the lights in the neonatal operating room went out.

I was afraid to take a step forward, afraid that the doctor would say sorry, and just looked at him.

The doctor with a high nose came over and patted me on the shoulder; "The operation is over and it was considered a success. Now we are waiting for him to wake up."

The nurse pushed Yu'er, who was intubated, into the neonatal intensive care unit.

Through the glass, I saw a small body in a glass box, with his calves curled up, wearing the smallest diapers on him, which looked huge, and needles stuck in his thin arms.

The skin is red and wrinkled, like a little monkey, not good-looking at all.

But it hurts so much, being inserted full of tubes at such a young age, does it hurt?

Zhao Xiaolong rushed over, eyes reddened; "Yan Ru, my condolences."

I turned my head and couldn't believe what he said, "Little Daddy?"

He resisted, and said in a calm tone as much as possible: "The doctor's rescue is ineffective, and the whole body's organs are failing, Mr. Han..."

I said, "Call Secretary Shen and ask him to come over.

Contact the funeral home and go to work to cremate the remains.

Don't tell Dad, let Secretary Shen tell him slowly.

Yu'er is my child, don't tell anyone.

Ask cici to come over and look after the child, and I will wipe and change the little daddy. "

Little Daddy has been transferred from the operating room to the morgue.

His body was still warm, I brought a basin of hot water, twisted a hot towel, and wiped his face and neck.

Little Daddy didn't show any expression. He passed away under anesthesia. He was fine and didn't feel any pain.

His eyebrows and eyes are beautiful, his skin is soft and clean, without any spots.

There was still blood on his incision, and the doctor had already sewed up the incision for a caesarean section.

He took his favorite Dior summer silk shirt and black trousers and put them on for him.

Many years later, I can't remember what I said or did that night, I just know that the sky fell and I was never a child again.

From now on, I can't rely on anyone, I can only rely on myself to move forward in this boundless world, just like this.

I moved slowly, and when the tears were about to fall, I raised my hand to wipe them away, because there is a saying in my hometown that if the tears of relatives fall on the dead, he will feel burning pain and walk unsteadily.

I don't want him to be put into a cold freezer with these foreign strangers, sitting next to him and watching him all the time.

Waiting for someone to go to work, waiting for the funeral home's car to come.

Very well, foreign countries are not like domestic ones. When one person dies, a large group of people gather around.

No matter whether it is related or not, everyone is performing, performing sadness to the living, exaggerating and falsely exerting force.

Very good, I will accompany my little daddy to the funeral home, cremated, issue a certificate, and collect the ashes.

There is no need to leave photos, his most beautiful moments are imprinted in the hearts of my father and me, and there is no need to show them to others.

Back to the hospital with my little daddy's ashes in my arms, it was already afternoon, the sun was shining brightly on the ground, the heat was rolling, but my heart was as cold as ice.

Zhao Xiaolong was lying on his stomach in front of the glass window of the neonatal ICU ward, looking at Yu'er.

Seeing me appear, I was shocked: "Yan Ru!" His eyes stopped on my hair.

After my little daddy came to Milan, I dyed my hair back to black. At this time, what was reflected on the glass window was a head of silver hair.

My sadness, I bear it myself, don't show it to outsiders.

Turned white all night, sad countercurrent.

His eyes hurt, and he came to hug me: "Everything will pass." Warm and powerful.

He reached out to take the ashes; "Have you eaten yet? I'll go buy it."

Shaking his head, he sat by the window holding the ashes; "How is Yu Er?"

"I woke up today, and the nurse gave me 10ml of milk. I also peed and passed out green smelly poo."

"Well. When will Secretary Shen arrive?"

"2:[-]."

Lying on the window, looking at Yu'er, in his sleep, his arms stretched out, his small chest bulging like a small bellows.

Weeping and laughing.

It's okay, it's okay, you stayed.

How important you are, you are the proof that Daddy existed in this world, you and I have exactly the same blood.

How amazing, how touching.

Little Daddy, you are the strongest and most tolerant person in this family who loves us the most.

I watched the nurse go in, change the dressing, breastfeed, change diapers, and massage.

"Little Daddy, look, Yu'er is slowly coming back to life, and he will be fine in the future.

I'll beat him if he doesn't obey.Like you beat me up. "

I can cover his back with one slap, so small.

In the evening, Zhao Xiaolong brought dinner for him. He only drank a carton of milk, so he couldn't eat anything.

Smoking was not allowed in the hospital, so I had no choice but to endure it.

Zhao Xiaolong went to pick up Secretary Shen, and I guarded Yu'er with my little daddy's ashes in my arms, waiting for them to come back.

The corridor at midnight was very quiet, my little dad smiled and put his arms around my shoulders, and looked at Yu'er who was sleeping soundly together; "I'll leave Yu'er to you."

"I'm not ready yet, to be someone's daddy."

"It's also my first time being someone's daddy. Isn't it good to teach you?"

"No, I'm so tired."

"Life is easy, work is easy, life is not easy.

A brave man is not afraid of suffering or sacrifice, but a person who has gone through ups and downs and pains, and still lives with optimism. "

"Little Daddy, don't give me a guide to life. Just don't leave."

"Fate is made by oneself, life is born by heart, let go of one thought, and feel at ease."

"Little Daddy..." Waking up suddenly, the empty corridor was completely silent, how could there be a trace of the fragrance of Little Daddy's clothes?

Holding his ashes, quietly sticking to the glass, looking at Yu'er who was sleeping soundly.

There was the sound of hurried footsteps, and Zhao Xiaolong appeared in front of me with Secretary Shen. I looked up, and the facial muscles of the always steady Secretary Shen were trembling uncontrollably.

"How can I tell Sanshi?" He couldn't help but burst into tears.

"Secretary Shen, please send back little daddy's ashes, I can't send him back.

Yu'er can't do without people, and he can't fly long distances. "

Secretary Shen is on his own, and Zhao Xiaolong reported the specific situation to him in advance. He saw that I had gray hair, so he didn't need to say anything.

I said I can't go back, change someone, maybe I will say that I am not filial, but he knows how sad I am, and will not blame me.

"Yan Ru, you should also pay attention to your health. Now, the Zhong family is counting on you. From now on, you will be the pillar of the family."

I will. "Secretary Shen, Dad, you've taken so much trouble."

I don't know if my father will have a relapse if he knows the bad news.

There is a father with sequelae of cerebral hemorrhage on the top, and a son living in the intensive care unit on the bottom. It is difficult not to grow up.

I originally wanted Zhao Xiaolong to go back to China for the funeral instead of me, but Secretary Shen didn't want anything and asked Zhao Xiaolong to stay here with me.

That's right, Zhao Xiaolong and I have established a tacit understanding. Sometimes, he can know what I want to do without even saying a word.

Yu'er lives in the intensive care unit, and the milk he drinks every day is calculated in milliliters, and there is also a large dose of infusion, so weak and weak.

The feeling that my life is hanging by a thread is tied to my heart like that. I am afraid that his little chest will stop jumping the moment I leave.

Just staring at him motionless.

I can't eat anything, I don't have any appetite, I can only drink some milk, when I really can't bear it anymore, let Zhao Xiaolong stand for me for a while, go out in the garden, and smoke a cigarette.

Slowly tighten the nerves, numb the anxious mood, and temporarily escape from this heavy reality.

The doctor came to check him every day. His small body was like a rubber doll in the doctor's hands.

On the fifth day, the doctor finally told me that his vital signs were stable and he was out of danger, but at the same time, he told me another news: We carefully conducted the newborn hearing screening. Ponic developmental deafness.

I listen carefully to his jargon, what?It's too professional, I can't understand, two people use mobile phones to translate and explain to me.

"Deaf? How come? When Yu'er fell asleep, she would suddenly wave her arms. Wasn't it because she was awakened by the sound?"

"That's just the cuddling reflex of a newborn."

The doctor carefully explained a lot to me before I accepted this reality.

Yu'er didn't develop well in the little daddy's stomach, and the little daddy used all his strength and nutrition to nurture the child, but there were still flaws, and he even put his own life on it.

Like his favorite succulent, he exhausted all his energy to bloom and bear fruit, and then died.

What caused all the current situation is that when the incident between me and Zhong Heng broke out, my little daddy had to take care of my dad and me at the same time, and neither of us knew that little daddy was the one who needed the most care.

Under the circumstances at that time, how much pressure and grievances he had endured alone would definitely affect Yu'er who was pregnant in the early stages of pregnancy.

When I thought everything was over, and I tried my best to ignore the past and forget it, I realized that nothing was over. Destiny just opened a ring, and the rest were dominoes, one on top of the other. , blowing towards my face, pressing on me, so heavy, I can't breathe.

Most deaf people are seriously behind in their studies. Because they cannot hear people's language, it is difficult for deaf-mute children to understand the essence of people's behavior and the essence of mutual relationship, so it is difficult for them to learn from the rich knowledge and experience accumulated by society, and the influence of society on them mostly stay on the surface.

In addition, the inability to understand the thoughts and requirements expressed in other people's language is also prone to misunderstanding and suspicion, and it is easy to generate antagonism with the people around you.

In this mood, children's basic emotional requirements for being recognized and accepted by others are not met, which leads to certain emotional and behavioral problems, such as poor self-control, suspiciousness, aggressiveness, self-centeredness, anxiety, timidity, and withdrawal , Negative emotions such as self-enclosure.

My Yu'er must not come to this point, he must be allowed to live a normal baby's life.

Letting him hear is my biggest goal at present. Going online, learning, consulting, choosing, and installing artificial ear sockets are the only feasible ways at present.

I was immersed in the reality of Yu'er's deafness, when the phone rang, Shen Bing's phone number, I was scared when I saw his number,

"Secretary Shen?"

"How are you over there, how is Yu'er?"

"Yu'er's condition is stable, but she was screened out to be deaf as a newborn and needs to be fitted with a cochlear implant."

"Yan Ru, don't worry, everything will take its time, at least Yu'er's condition is stable and getting better day by day.

Children will create many miracles in life, you have to relax, now that the medical technology is so advanced, we will choose the best doctor and the best cochlea for him.

What's the matter, you call me, I am your elder after all, I have seen more than you.Don't take it on yourself. "

"Thank you. How is my dad?" When people are in trouble, sometimes a word is enough to warm.

"Your father was admitted to the hospital again. Yesterday, I really couldn't drag it on any longer.

The excuse was to go to the hospital for an examination, and he was told in the hospital that he still couldn't stand it.

Fortunately, in the hospital, he passed out and was rescued immediately.Don't worry too much, I'm here.

You take good care of Yu'er. "

"Secretary Shen, I can't go back here, so don't worry about that."

"Yan Ru, we are all fine. Everything will pass. Is it always this difficult. There will always be a good day."

"I know, Secretary Shen."

Only when you are alive can you have the opportunity to transform into a gorgeous one, and if you die, you will have nothing.

I hung up Secretary Shen's phone and dialed Dad's number; "Dad"

He picked it up tremblingly; "Yan Ru." Desolate and weak.

"I'm sorry for keeping the matter from your little daddy."

"I know, you are thinking of me."

"Little Daddy doesn't want you to be sad."

"I know."

"He just wants to make the best impression on you, and he doesn't want you to see his ugly appearance."

"I still don't know his little thoughts?"

"Father, you have to be well. Yu'er and I are counting on you."

"Shen Bing told me that Yu'er is not in good health, and you just gave birth, so you can't come back. I don't blame you.

You take good care of me, and so do I. From now on, the three of us will live a happy life. "

Dad didn't ask Yu'er whose child it was, they were all scars that bleed when touched.