Mosaic

"Black and white grid"

There are always some people in the world who live in smooth sailing, can spend a peaceful and happy childhood, squander sunny youth, and then gradually mature, get married and have children, playing the prolongation and ending sound for a life with almost no ups and downs.

But at the same time, there must be a completely opposite fate on the earth. For example, Chu Han longed for the ordinary things mentioned above, but he never had any of them.

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From a worldly point of view, Wu Li is not a good mother, because she is engaged in the most despised occupation for women, she wears heavy makeup every day, does not return home at night, and rarely even has the opportunity to cook for Chu Han, let alone caring for her. Whether he is hot or cold, happy or sad.But the strange thing is that in the long and lonely life after Chu Han, the person I miss the most is still Wu Li, what I want to eat the most is still the greasy snacks she bought from the street, and what I want to hear the most is still her random The sentence that came with a coquettish smile: Son, mother can only rely on you in this life.

Yes, even though Wu Li has all kinds of bad things, she never abandoned this sick child like her ex-husband did, even though his eyes were born crippled, even though he was taciturn.

In Chu Han's memory, her mother was more often a girlish appearance, doing things upside down, messing up things and messing up things, losing even a few pieces of heartbreak money she earned, and always hiding in the bedroom when she was unhappy When I was in a good mood, I used my savings to buy some seemingly useless gifts. Sometimes it was a few bags of flashy snacks, sometimes it was a piece of clothing that didn’t fit. Among them, Chu Han’s favorite It is a box of 24 crayons. He can use it to match many, many colors, and sit on the small bench next to the bed with a white paper for a whole day.

It was also because of the box of crayons that Wu Li first discovered her son's talent for art.

One morning, she had just finished dealing with a difficult guest and pushed open the door, and saw Chu Han, who was only five years old, sleeping pitifully in the corner of the sofa. You brought fried rice."

Chu Han's appearance followed her, she was very beautiful, she opened her big eyes in a daze and nodded honestly.

Wu Li found the crayon drawing on her son's hand and asked in surprise: "Hey, is this drawing me?"

Chu Han nodded again.

Wu Li looked and looked, and her heart was instantly filled with infinite pride.

Because she is young and beautiful in his son's paintings, not only is she better than many of her peers, but I'm afraid many adults can't match her.

Hungry, Chu Han didn't care about brushing his teeth and washing his face, so he opened the takeaway box, lowered his head and gorged himself.

However, Wu Li went to the side and asked, "Honey, do you want to learn art?"

Chu Han, who was too young, didn't know what his mother was talking about.

Wu Li laughed happily: "There is a teacher who teaches you how to draw."

"Think." Chu Han finally responded, after all it was too lonely for him to be bored in this small room all day long.

Wu Li is not a woman who is good at taking care of calculations. She was sitting by the side and digging out all the money in the small leather bag. When she was thinking about it in a daze, someone knocked rudely on the iron door.

Chu Han, who was struggling to swallow the fried rice, coughed in embarrassment.

Because his cruel and ruthless biological father would appear with such momentum, there would never be another one.

Wu Li took her youngest son back to the bedroom and hid it in an instant. Then she put her broken hair behind her ears and braced herself to deal with her ex-husband who often came to beg for money.

Chu Han covered his mouth, lying in the gap to eavesdrop on his father's ferocious roar, and described his mother with the dirtiest words, and the misery of her mother being beaten and crying. Thin legs vomited out.

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Although money has been very tight, although there are countless troubles to deal with.

But then Wu Li still sent her son to learn sketching, and it took more than ten years after sending her son off, allowing Chu Han to draw from an ignorant child to a tall and tall teenager, until wrinkles appeared at the corners of her eyes and her body Break down, there are no more benefactors to reward.

Although many people have advised this poor woman not to waste money on useless things, the child has an eye disease that cannot be cured, and it is difficult to live independently, so why have extravagant hobbies?But Wu Li always asked with a smile: So what, my son finally came to this world for a while, and he should have done something he was willing to do. This life is only a few decades, and he can live poor and rich. What about luxury?

In all fairness, was Chu Han happy in his childhood and adolescence?

No friends, no complete family, because she grew up so fast that she never had jeans that were long enough, not to mention all the discrimination she received because of Wu Li's profession.

But he was really contented, he worked hard to learn painting, studied hard, and only hoped that one day he would be able to make a fortune, give Wu Li a rich life, let her leave that useless man who was like a trapped animal, and no longer have to fight for survival. sad.

But once God is stingy, he can be ridiculously stingy.

When Chu Han finally got the notice from the Academy of Fine Arts, what Wu Li got was a critical illness notice from the hospital.

She worked hard all the year round, her health was overdrawn, and she was defeated like a mountain before she fell ill.

In the end, he didn't even have time to see his son become a college student, and he passed away.

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Until later, Chu Han couldn't figure out what kind of feelings his mother had for his father.

He humiliated her in every possible way, violently robbed her, and never fulfilled her husband's responsibility for a single day.

But she was still willing to cry and forgive, and even asked her son to read it for the sake of father and son before she died, and she would drag that person as much as she could. There is something pitiful about a really poor person.

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It is not an exaggeration to describe the days of part-time work and part-study as penniless.

During those few years in college, Chu Han's father saw that he couldn't get any oil and water, and it seemed as if the world had evaporated, leaving a quiet time.

He still studied his majors meticulously, and fell in love with the boy JUMP. He drew some comic stories in his spare time, and met his junior Qiu Ci, who was also obsessed with comics, as friends. Even before he graduated, he found a designer in a game company A good job makes the originally narrow life path become spacious in a trance.

But I hope that if you have never had such a luxurious thing, you should not think about it in the future.

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In fact, since puberty, Chu Han has never been confused about sexuality.

Helplessly, he was too exhausted, and he really didn't feel free until he got to work.

At that time, Chu Han fell in love with Lan Qi, the waiter in the coffee shop downstairs of the company, a beautiful boy with big eyes and white skin, he showed his canine teeth every time he smiled, and looked so pure that it made people itch, like the breeze in spring, the breeze in summer. Flowers fly, like all the beauty in the world.

It is said that people with incomplete family ties have incomplete confidence in love.

The secret love in his twenties seems to be a torment that Chu Han secretly kept in his heart.

In order to see the blue flag more often, I must drink three cups of coffee every day.

In order to have a chance to talk again, I always ask for soup and milk.

Lan Qi always dealt with it with a good temper. After more than half a month of getting acquainted, he talked to Chu Han in his spare time: "Handsome guy, do you work in this company?"

Chu Han, who skipped work and sat in the coffee shop to draw a draft, was taken aback, and immediately replied calmly: "Yeah."

"What do you do? I see you are painting every day." Lan Qi asked.

Chu Han briefly explained the content of his work, and then he was a little brain-deprived of oxygen and couldn't find a topic.

Fortunately, Lan Qi was very talkative. He asked him to look through his sketchbook and praised him again and again, asking if he could learn from it.

Thinking about it afterwards, if he hadn't been so inferior and innocent at the time, he wouldn't have fallen into unreal feelings like a fool.

But when it comes to lovers, everyone is an afterthought.

All in all, in those two months, he and Lan Qi got closer and closer, exchanged numbers, made appointments to watch movies on weekends, and took the subway home from get off work together every night.

It wasn't until something special happened one day that the peaceful life was broken.

That night, Lan Qi was very procrastinated in packing up his things. Before leaving, he asked coyly if he could go and see what the game company looked like.

According to the rules and regulations, Chu Han cannot bring outsiders into the office.

But he was afraid that the person he liked would be unhappy, so he agreed after hesitation, took Lan Qi in with his work card for a visit, found him a game console, and went to buy juice, he was in a hurry.

—Maybe it's nothing?

Before the police came around the next day, Chu Han really thought so.

-

Who will believe it?Seeing that such a simple and clean blue flag actually copied the underlying code of the entire project, there was no one there that night.

The headache of financial loss caused Chu Han to be fired, filed a case, and investigated... In an instant, he changed from the most promising designer to a suspect in the scapegoat.

After half a month after the incident, Lan Qi, who was hiding out of the city, was caught. He sold the code for hundreds of thousands, and those hundreds of thousands, caused Chu Han and himself to fall into prison for several years.

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When he was not in handcuffs, Chu Han really thought that having a prostitute mother and a debt collector-like father counted his ups and downs. It turns out that fate is not the most ridiculous, only the heavier blows again and again, but it is also happening It was in the last youthful time when he lost his freedom that he clarified many principles of life and started the process of creating horror comics. It was really true that Qiu Ci endlessly visited prisons to send paper and pens, took away manuscripts, and appeared in magazines. It's like opening a big window to life.

But where does that window lead?

He couldn't go anywhere else by the window, and when he opened the window lattice, all he could see was his own heart.

Stop talking about love.

Really often puzzled, hated, and thought of death.

It wasn't until Ercufang passed that the inner demons could be solved by maturity.

Chu Han later realized that in fact, many things in life don’t need to be seen clearly. Whether it’s black and white, or good and evil, after a long time, it will be blurred into one piece, like a mosaic of years and memories, it’s better to be confused .