[Titanic] Surprise in the bubble

The bodyguard suddenly looked up at me, then quickly lowered his head, and said helplessly, "Mr. Pastor..."

I guessed that the original owner of this body must have something in common with me in this problem, because I finally saw emotions similar to helplessness and understanding in the bodyguard's eyes for the first time.

For this, I suddenly felt a little lucky, and inexplicably got a little closer to this body, "Huh? Is there...?"

"Of course not, sir. Our journey is only a few days long, and the passenger ships of the White Star Company do not have this kind of service... I thought you knew, sir."

"Of course I know! But it doesn't mean I can't find it!" I pressed the hair on my forehead and muttered dissatisfiedly, "Ah...I can't help it anymore, I can't calm down at all."

But this time, without waiting for the bodyguard to speak, I waved him away first.Because I had already walked to the table where Hockley and the others were, I pulled out another stiff smile, put the napkin on my lap, and pretended to say to them: "It seems that I am late?"

"Of course! Pastor, you don't know, just now Mr. Guggenheim told us a joke about a factory manager..."

Factory director? ——I thought of those images in my impression of those wearing blue work clothes, white line gloves on their hands, and stained with oil, and felt that it was completely incompatible with his jokes.

Because in their conversation, the 'factory director' seems to be a guy in a suit and tie. He only buries the first batch of documents and has countless assets at home, rather than a leader who comes down to take the lead in doing work and inspections. The salary is high but only in the middle and upper levels.

So I don't think I'm interested in this topic at all from the very beginning.So Hockley's constant voice made me feel like a frog.I just feel that there is a nerve in my brain that is throbbing constantly, which makes me almost miss the quiet time when I hid in the room and drank tea just now, even if I was in a bad mood at that time.

But it's better than now, I don't know why I suddenly rejected these people so much, their annoying appearances are spinning one by one in my mind like clockwork, and every face almost makes me sick.

I inadvertently saw Rose sitting not far away in my patience. She still sat with a straight face, sitting in a low mood, wearing gorgeous clothes with many layers of lace, and the lipstick on her lips made her look particularly sexy.

But these are not what I care about, what I care about is the careless and dismissive expression in those eyes.

I think at this moment, I suddenly understood the cause of this trouble, because I was already tired of the luxurious decorations and reliefs around me, the carpets that were spread like clouds under my feet, and even the goblet in front of me makes me feel sad.

I suddenly felt that maybe I was really not suitable to live in this world, because it was extremely uncomfortable here, and the white people with deep eye sockets and high nose bridges around me always made me feel that I was a different kind.

No matter how much I pretend, it won't change the fact that I'm an ordinary small group of people in Asia.

I don't know anything about the steel mills or the stock market that they talk and laugh about.

I glanced at Mr. Bodyguard who was standing not far away, and I especially hoped that he would have a reason to let me leave this dining table.

But it's impossible, Mr. Bodyguard obviously thought I was urging him to find a boy for me with my eyes, so he showed a particularly helpless expression, which made me even more anxious.

It seems that since just now, when I think of the dirty sky and buildings, anything can easily touch my sensitive point, making me compare the present with the past again and again.

--what differences are there?Even if I'm on the Titanic, even if it's doomed, even if I can do things I'd normally never dare to do.

But none of it is true!I'm still alone, I'm still alone, there's no one to talk to.I even thought that if I decided to tell them now that the ship was going to hit an iceberg two nights later, they might think it was a silly joke.

I felt that all the sounds around me were sucked away by a loudspeaker, and even their faces were smeared with a paintbrush, spinning around me in circles, until finally I couldn't see their original faces at all. look like.

And in this suddenly blurred world, there are only Rose's sea-blue eyes. Although they are full of boring, even a little dry and lifeless, I feel inexplicably that those eyes are like My own, because of my mood, seems to be the same as those eyes, which are being consumed by this boring and strange world. Sooner or later, there will only be a little indifference...

Because I can't find anyone to talk about the things I am interested in, because those things are not recognized by them, let alone understand.

"Sorry." In the end, I couldn't help interrupting the chatter of these men, and pushed away the veal steak that was just placed in front of me, which was still bubbling with oil, and tore off the napkin, "I'm sorry, everyone , I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, maybe because I stayed in bed for a long time, so I need to go out to get some air..."

"Uh, oh... Sure, feel free, Pastor, I hope you feel better."

"Thank you." I didn't want to continue to face these polite concerns at all, so I just nodded expressionlessly, then stood up, turned around and walked away in big strides.

It wasn't until I got to the deck and got rid of those flashy things that didn't belong to me that I finally felt relieved from the bottom of my heart.

When the fresh air entered the nasal cavity again, the world in front of me became more open and more natural. I almost felt as relaxed as if I had no clothes on, and I could do a chic big split on the ground.

But I still feel lonely... Like, I thought I was finally someone noticed, a lot of friends to talk to, a lot of people to gather around for a meal, but actually, that was just wishful thinking on my part illusion.

And when I saw that figure lying on the railing, with the golden hair fluffed and messy by the sea breeze, I suddenly felt that the temperament of ordinary people in this boy might be The reason why I became abnormal after leaving him...

I originally thought that after venting a lot, I finally got rid of the feeling of fear and fear, and even thought that this body and identity belonged to me, pretending that I belonged to this world.

But now I know that when I am in this luxurious world, I suddenly meet someone who is on the same level as my previous life, and it makes me so restless.

Because it will only make me more able to see that I am just an ordinary citizen, not really a high society son-in-law.

I can use my high society status to scare that boy, use this status to do things that I dare not do, but in fact, I am still running away from the self I have thrown in the corner, the original self.

No matter what I do, I am still me, the self who is always empty and can't even see his own thoughts clearly.

I dropped my suit and tie on the floor and ran up the deck, behind the young man.

He was still looking down at the sea, with a white and fragile neck exposed from the cheap shirt, looking a little thin and pitiful.

"Jack..." I saw his figure froze for a moment, then turned around and looked at me expressionlessly.

His lake-green eyes were half-downcast looking at the ground, as if he didn't dare to look directly into my eyes, and there was no dissatisfaction or other emotions on his face. He was really expressionless, as if he didn't take me at all. Take the previous faux pas seriously.

This made me breathe a sigh of relief, and I didn't want him to hate me for it at all, even though I thought that was what I deserved, "Forget it, if necessary, I apologize for what happened just now."

"What?" He looked up at me in surprise, unbelievably embarrassing me, but I still asked cheekily: "Cough...I mean, if you can, can you accompany me for a while ?”