SAYE

Two beams of chasing light hit Jiang Cheng and Wang Xu, so bright that people couldn't see the things around them clearly, and Jiang Cheng even felt the burning temperature in the beams.

From the side of the stage to the middle of the stage, about five or six steps, beads of sweat appeared on Jiang Cheng's forehead.

It was cold sweat.

The applause, cheers and screams from the audience made Wang Xu very excited. Jiang Cheng saw Wang Xu's brisk steps in the dizzying light.

With his back to the auditorium and walking towards the piano, he didn't have the courage to look back. In this second, he no longer knew what was going on in his mind.

His fingers were cold and a little stiff. In fact, not only his fingers, but his whole arm was also a little stiff and weak. When he sat on the piano bench, he almost couldn't even lift the piano cover.

Peripheral vision was forcibly turned off at this time, only a dazzling light surrounded him, as if all sounds and images were cut off.

Can't hear, can't see.

All I could think about was the empty seat I had just seen.

Gu Fei was no longer in his seat.

He didn't have a blind eye. Although there were still many people standing and walking in the aisle, to him, even if it was just a piece of Gu Fei's clothes, he could see it and recognize it.

Gu Fei was no longer in the auditorium.

He didn't know what kind of mood he was in at this moment, he was too confused to guess and judge, and he couldn't do any thinking.

When I was fascinated by the black and white keys, everything around me was thrown into chaos by the empty space.

"Jiang Cheng," he heard Wang Xu's voice, "Jiang Cheng! Fuck me! What's wrong with you, Jiang Cheng? Are you alright! Jiang Cheng?"

He looked up, and Wang Xu's anxious and nervous face was above the piano: "Uncomfortable?"

"No." Jiang Cheng took a deep breath, and the surrounding things gradually became clear and outlines appeared, and the voice in his ears suddenly became louder.

The applause has stopped, and the screams have become sparse, only a few whistles sounded from time to time.

"If you're not feeling well, let's change to another show," Wang Xu said in a low voice, a little worried, "You don't look very good, are you too nervous?"

"It's okay," Jiang Cheng smiled, "Get ready."

"Okay." Wang Xu adjusted the guitar and swept his fingers lightly on the strings.

With this string of notes, the atmosphere in the audience was once again set off.

Gu Fei was no longer below, he didn't know the reason, he didn't know where he was, he didn't know if he could hear it, or he didn't know if he wanted to hear it again.

Jiang Cheng took a deep breath and didn't think about it for now, it was he himself who chose to participate in the show, he chose Gu Fei's song, he chose to let Lao Xu know.

As for whether the host heard it when Xu Xiaosheng was showing off with other teachers, and why he said it on his own initiative during the announcement, it is no longer important.

All of this has already happened, and now there is no point in being upset, flustered, and confused.

He was still sitting here, facing that piece of music that he had already mastered by heart, he wanted Gu Fei to hear it, but he also wanted himself to hear it.

He rarely thinks about "what if" and "what if", but when the if and what if are in front of him, he still goes forward without thinking about anything.

Jiang Cheng rubbed his hands together, then shook them again. Low laughter came from the audience.

He turned his head and glanced at the auditorium, with a smile on the corner of his mouth, raised his hand, and landed on the keys. When the first note came out from his fingertips, there was a sudden silence below.

Until Wang Xu's guitar chord came in three bars later, he didn't turn his head to look at the piano, but kept looking at the audience, listening to their applause that seemed to come back from the moment the guitar chord sounded.

When the guitar played, he turned his head and looked at his fingers. There was no other sound in his ears, only the melody of the guitar.

Wang Xu played at a super level, he glanced at Yi Jing who had already walked onto the stage and took pictures of them with a camera, Wang Xu turned to her with the guitar in his arms and took two steps, the expression on his face was probably the same as his clothes It's as cool as the silver dragon on it.

After a beautiful portamento, Jiang Cheng's piano sounded again.

Applause and screams broke out again from the audience.

Jiang Cheng smiled, I don't know what kind of mood my mother would feel if she knew that the piano's elegant music was overwhelmed by such noise.

But now his mood is still light.

At this moment, when the music he liked was written by the person he liked coming out of the tone he didn't like, it brought him a piano full of depression and boredom, and gave him joy for the first time experience.

just.

Where have you been, bastard?

You haven't heard me play the piano.

I haven't played the piano for a long time and thought I would never play the piano again.

This piece was played for you, and you ran away.

When the ensemble ended with Wang Xu's guitar strumming lightly, Jiang Cheng gently closed the piano cover, stood up, and bowed to the audience.

"Jiang Cheng, I love you—" a girl below screamed.

Jiang Cheng turned around and walked off the stage amidst the indistinguishable noise from the audience.

The teachers and classmates in the background were also applauding.

"Good! It's really great! This program is the best program in the history of No. [-] Middle School!" Lao Lu shouted loudly while applauding.

Old Xu didn't speak. When Jiang Cheng looked at him, he just nodded vigorously. Jiang Cheng saw tears in his eyes.

Jiang Cheng sighed helplessly, "I'm going...to the toilet."

"How is it?" Wang Xuchong asked excitedly Yi Jing who followed them down, "What did you think just now?"

"It's really great." Yi Jing said with a smile.

When Jiang Cheng came out from the entrance of the stage, the students next to the exit suddenly became commotion, and several mobile phones were raised.

He bowed his head and walked out of the auditorium door quickly.

There were still many students waiting outside the door, and when he came out, he once again attracted onlookers.

"Jiang Cheng," someone called him, "Gu Fei really wrote the song? Isn't it awesome?"

Jiang Cheng didn't make a sound, and didn't look over there. He walked forward along the wall of the auditorium, quickly turned a corner, and shook off the exclamation and discussion behind him.

The originally calm mood was suddenly disturbed by this sentence.

The fluster and unreliability that had sunk to the bottom for a while, the slight anger suppressed in the subtle puzzlement and vague unhappiness, all slowly spun away from the bottom to the top at this moment.

Jiang Cheng didn't want to go to the bathroom, but he went to the bathroom anyway.

Along the way, he put his hands in his pockets, holding his cell phone, but he never took it out. There were no students on the playground, and when he walked to the toilet, he saw only a cleaning lady walking by the playground carrying a bucket.

After entering the toilet, it was only when Jiang Cheng pulled his hands out of his pockets that he realized that his palms were full of sweat.

He stood in front of the urinal for a while, feeling the urge to urinate seriously.

not at all.

Except for the anger that slowly changed from panic and anxiety.

He turned around and walked out of the toilet, took out his phone and took a look.

Just as he had expected, there was no news from Gu Fei, no news, no missed calls, no information that he thought he hadn't heard because it was too noisy before.

At this moment, all his emotions towards Gu Fei turned into anger.

He sat down on the stone bench next to him, took out his mobile phone and prepared to call Gu Fei.

A dog fucked [-] times!

Say what you want, quarrel and fight, what are you missing?

As soon as he dialed out Gu Fei's number, he saw someone walking towards him from the corner of his eyes that had already recovered. Jiang Cheng's finger that wanted to dial the number trembled slightly and stopped.

It's Gu Fei.

Originally, he wholeheartedly wanted to confront Gu Fei head-on, if there was something wrong with him, if there was something displeased with Gu Fei, he could tell it face-to-face, the worst would be a fight.

But now that Gu Fei suddenly appeared like this, he suddenly became nervous again.

say what?

How to say?

Who starts?

What happened to Gu Fei?

The various questions that had been torn apart by irritability and anger all returned to their place, and they became a lump in his throat, and he almost wanted to cough twice to clear his throat.

"Brother Cheng." Gu Fei stood beside him.

"Ah." Jiang Cheng turned the phone around, but didn't move, staring at the grass that came out of a crack on the concrete floor in front of him.

"Let's chat?" Gu Fei said.

"Whatever," Jiang Cheng said, "Talk if you want to, and if you don't want to."

"Let's go," Gu Fei said, "Go for a walk."

Jiang Cheng put the phone back in his pocket, stood up, didn't look at Gu Fei, and walked directly to the back door of the school.

Gu Fei's footsteps followed behind him, but he was always behind him, and he didn't catch up with him as usual.

At this time, the snack street at the back door has not yet ushered in the busiest time of the day. At this moment, there are only a few stalls set up, and the boss is lazily sitting on a chair.

Jiang Cheng didn't know where to go, he just casually walked forward along the road, stepping on the black grease softened by the sun on the ground, the sound of footsteps could no longer be heard.

He tilted his head back, Gu Fei quickly walked up and followed him to the left.

He walked aimlessly all the way to the bridge, Jiang Cheng hesitated for a moment, walked along the broken dirt road at the head of the bridge to the river, stepped on the rotten dirt, and walked forward for a while looking at the river bed that would never have any water. He stopped.

"What did I do to you?" Jiang Cheng looked at Gu Fei.

"Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to play my piece?" Gu Fei asked.

"Just because of this?" Jiang Cheng frowned, "Then I apologize to you, I didn't think about it..."

"No," Gu Fei interrupted him, "I didn't do it for this, you can play and change whatever you want, but in the future..."

Jiang Cheng looked at him.

No emotion can be seen on Gu Fei's face, this person will always be like this, no matter what he says, as long as he doesn't mean it, it will be difficult for you to see what is in his expression and eyes.

"Don't say my name in the future." Gu Fei said.

"What the hell is there to do?" Jiang Cheng leaned back against a small tree. As soon as he leaned up, he felt something on the trunk prick him. It hurt so much that he quickly stood up straight again. The pain made him Some couldn't hold back the anger, "What are you going to do next? Big brother in the third year of high school, this is the only time. Do you think I'm free? I'm rushing!"

Gu Fei didn't speak, but sighed lightly.

Jiang Cheng stared for a long time before turning around to find the point of his words. Although he had already had a hunch when he heard the host say Gu Fei's name, when he actually heard Gu Fei say it himself, he still couldn't help it. Understanding: "What's wrong with your name? Why don't you want to participate in the show, and you can't even give your name?"

"It's nothing," Gu Fei said, "It's not like..."

"First," Jiang Cheng took a step forward, staring into his eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I used your song, and second, I didn't ask me to say the words composer Gu Fei. Only Wang Xu and I were written, and thirdly, when Lao Xu guessed that you were the one who composed the music, it was my fault that I didn’t stare at him and tell him not to say anything.”

Gu Fei looked at him and didn't make a sound.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why you are like this, I'm sorry, I don't know why you can't participate in these activities, I don't know why you keep your distance from everyone, I don't know why you are always separated from normal school life !" Jiang Cheng's voice rose little by little, and all the confusion and troubles he had caused because of Gu Fei's state for so long erupted little by little, "So I'm sorry! I shouldn't have just thought about going on stage with you! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have insisted on giving you a surprise when you don't even want to! I'm sorry! Is this okay? I'm sorry, Gu Fei! I'm so fucking stupid, I don't know what you want!"

"Brother Cheng," Gu Fei frowned, reached out and grabbed his arm, "Don't be angry."

"Don't touch me!" Jiang Cheng yelled and shook his hand away, "I said, if you have something to fucking say, just say it! If you don't want to say it, don't let me know! There are only two ways! If you can't, just say it! Pull J8 down!"

"Okay," Gu Fei looked at him, "Do you think I'm pretty good, I'm pretty good, I'm better than many people around me."

"Don't be shameless!" Jiang Cheng said, "I'll give you some compliments and you're fucking serious! You just have a better face and longer legs, and what else!"

Gu Fei sighed, turned around, took out a cigarette, and squatted down facing the river bed.

Jiang Cheng stared at his back for a long time, and finally said: "Yes, I think you are outstanding, talented, and smart. Not only do I think so, but Lao Xu also thinks so."

"So?" Gu Fei asked again with a cigarette in his mouth.

"So what? So what?" Jiang Cheng asked a little irritably.

"I'm excellent, talented, and smart," Gu Fei tilted his head, "So?"

"So what the hell!" Jiang Cheng roared, "I just want people to know that you are not what you look like, that you are not the same as the trash in the steel factory! I just want you to know! Come with me Everyone I see here will be different! You are [-] times stronger than them!"

"And then!" Gu Fei also roared, stood up, turned around and walked in front of him, staring at him face to face, "And then? Brother Cheng, and then? Do you know what kind of life I lead? ? Do you know what kind of life I have lived since I can remember? Do you know!"

Jiang Cheng was stunned by his yelling. If he remembered correctly, this was the first time that Gu Fei lost control of his emotions. It was the first time he yelled at him like this, and it was still close to his face. He even felt dizzy from the shock.

"What do you want me to know? Know how good I am, how outstanding I am, and let everyone know how smart and talented I am? Then?" Gu Fei lowered his voice, "Brother Cheng, it's out of place here. You know what it feels like, right?"

Jiang Cheng looked at him.

"I fell asleep, so I don't know anything," Gu Fei's voice trembled slightly, "Why do you have to wake me up? You can go, but you have to go, what about me?"

Jiang Cheng suddenly felt that his breathing was a bit labored, and he wanted to say something, but he couldn't.

How does it feel to be out of place here?

He felt it when he got off the train and stepped out of the station.

He still clearly remembers the hopelessness and the gloomy eyes.

This is also the reason why he is desperately trying to leave.

"What about me? Brother Cheng," Gu Fei said softly, "I'm here, I have shackles on my body, I don't know when I can take them off, maybe I can never take them off, and then I just woke up, opened my eyes and watched, I will not be reconciled, I will suffer, do you understand?"

Jiang Cheng looked at him.

"I know I can't live like those people, but I can only live like that now." Gu Fei squatted back by the river and lit a cigarette again. I hope you are happy, keep it simple, and there is no need to talk about these unchangeable things and get upset together."

Jiang Cheng didn't say a word, he fumbled in his pocket, but found no cigarettes, since he was going to be on stage today, he didn't bring any cigarettes with him.

Gu Fei turned back and handed over the cigarette case and lighter.

He hesitated for a while, went to take a cigarette and lit it, with the cigarette in his mouth, he lit it, watching the smoke drifting by in front of his eyes, several wisps of smoke rising up, twisting in the wind, moving left and right very quickly like While dancing, it faded in an instant, from a faint blue to the invisible color of the wind.

What Gu Fei said was something he had never thought about before.

He only thought that Gu Fei was like an eagle tied to a thin iron chain, but he never thought that Gu Fei himself felt the same way, so he closed his eyes, covered his head, and threw away anything other than keeping his balance. idea.

Jiang Cheng didn't know how he felt, he felt panicked, and he suddenly regretted it.

but……

Right now, after Gu Fei said these words, he suddenly discovered that since the day when he was discussing the different places, he always felt that something was wrong but he couldn't figure out where it was, and he had an answer.

That is the desire that Gu Fei doesn't seem to struggle.

"It's Gu Miao, right?" Jiang Cheng also squatted down behind Gu Fei, "And your mother... no, it's mainly Gu Miao, right?"

"En." Gu Fei responded.

"Have you tried it?" Jiang Cheng bit his lip, he didn't know how to express it accurately, "Try to make her accept some changes, little by little, hasn't she already gone to class, you can try... ...Maybe she can't accept that her things have changed, maybe..."

"Brother Cheng," Gu Fei pinched him off and stood up, "Let's go."

"Huh?" Jiang Cheng was taken aback, but he still stood up.

Gu Fei didn't speak any more, and he was also silent.

Gu Fei took him back home, and when he opened the door, Jiang Cheng came back from his dullness, and smiled at Gu Miao who was sitting on the sofa in the living room drawing, "Er Miao."

Seeing that he seemed very happy, Gu Miao raised the painting in her hand and waved it at him.

"Let me see." Jiang Cheng walked over and sat beside her, looked at the paper she was holding in her hand, "Is it a rabbit?"

There are many rabbits drawn on the paper, almost filling the paper. Each rabbit is all green, the same as Gu Fei's head portrait.

Gu Miao took another piece of paper and continued to draw. She persistently used green and drew the same rabbits. It could be seen that she was very proficient in drawing. They arranged them one by one, and soon they would be able to fill the entire picture. A paper.

Jiang Cheng looked at her focused look, and didn't know what to say.

"Er Miao," Gu Fei came over and squatted in front of Gu Miao, "Brother wants to discuss something with you."

Gu Miao took the pen, and while continuing to draw, she glanced at him, and her eyes quickly returned to the tip of the pen.

"Er Miao, look at my brother," Gu Fei said, "My brother has something to discuss with you."

After a pause, Gu Miao stopped writing and turned to look at him.

"Tonight," Gu Fei said slowly, "you sleep in mother's bed, okay?"

Gu Miao didn't respond.

"You don't sleep on your own bed tonight, and you don't sleep on the sofa in brother's room," Gu Fei said, "You sleep on the bed in mom's room."

Gu Miao still didn't respond, but just when Jiang Cheng thought she didn't understand Gu Fei's words, she suddenly started screaming.

The sharp voice cut through the silence instantly, and pierced Jiang Cheng's eardrum like the tip of a knife.

Jiang Cheng only felt that he couldn't breathe, and the invisible huge pressure on his chest from the scream made him just want to go over and cover Gu Miao's mouth.

Gu Fei looked at Gu Miao quietly, took a breath after a while, and spoke to Gu Miao softly.

Jiang Cheng felt that he couldn't hear what he was saying clearly, he just felt bored, bored in his heart, bored in his head, and bored in his ears.

When Gu Miao finally stopped screaming, Jiang Cheng had a strong urge to yell.

"I tried, Brother Cheng," Gu Fei held his hand, his voice was very low, "but it has been many years, nothing has changed, she was born here, grew up here, the scope of her recognition, the farthest, is To the train station, that’s where she skateboards, where she sleeps, right here, her bed, the sofa in my room, you can narrow her down, but you can’t let her go.”

Jiang Cheng looked at him, speechless.

"The cost of the rehabilitation study is not low. I can't let her participate in it for a long time, so I don't know how long it will take for her to make some progress, one year or two, three years or five years, or ten years or 20 years," Gu Fei's hands began to tremble slightly, "Or forever, I don't dare to think about it, I have no way to think about it, I can only keep my head down like this, I don't know how far I can go."

Jiang Cheng hugged Gu Fei and closed his eyes, "I'm sorry, Gu Fei, I'm sorry."

Gu Fei hugged his waist and pressed his face against his chest.

In the quiet air, amidst the swishing of Gu Miao's brushes, Jiang Cheng heard his suppressed low cry.