Pure White Core

Even I myself didn't expect that everything would be so simple. Aunt Wenrui was sleeping soundly in bed like a lump of fat, and her husband was sleeping very peacefully next to her.Under the dim light, the expressions of both of them were very peaceful, like two little babies.

Sister Peiyuan had a complicated expression. She stood at the door at a loss, not even knowing where to put her hands.

She was worried that one pill would not be effective enough, so she gave everyone two pills. I tried it just now, and I couldn't wake up even if I slapped my face, so it was a bit too much.

"Go and wash all the pots and bowls." I dismissed sister Peiyuan, and took a candle to check the window of Aunt Wenrui's bedroom. The larger gaps were blocked by my origami pieces. I also took some rags and spread them outside their bedroom. I tried several times, and I was relieved to confirm that the door gaps could also be tightly blocked.

Sister Peiyuan looked at me stupidly as I inserted the iron plate on the flue of the stove leading to the chimney tightly, and put all the red-hot coals in the stove into the iron washbasin, without saying a word.

The basin filled with large pieces of charcoal was in the center of the room emitting warm heat. I held the water-filled pot and tilted my head to ask the dumbfounded sister Peiyuan: "Do you regret it?"

Sister Peiyuan froze for a moment and quickly shook her head, looking at the two people on the kang with resentment in her eyes: "I don't regret it!"

I grinned, pinched my nose with one hand, and poured the water from the pot onto the brazier with the other to make it steamy. Then I bent down and dragged Miss Peiyuan, who was coughing, out of the room.

The thick quilts on the rags were stacked to block all the gaps in the bed, and the bedroom inside had become a textbook-like secret room.The water vapor and smoke squeezed out a large amount of air in the room, and then the still red charcoal fire in the room would start to incompletely burn to produce carbon monoxide, which is a thousand times more efficient at binding to hemoglobin than oxygen, making the people inside sleep leave quietly.

I was very hungry, so I took sister Peiyuan to the noodle shop and asked her to treat me to a big bowl of beef noodles, fragrant noodle soup and large pieces of beef. He didn't say anything at the side, and looked anxiously at the broken clock on the wall of the noodle shop.

I ate a large bowl of noodles slowly for almost an hour. After eating, I went shopping with sister Peiyuan again, and returned to her small courtyard when my feet were tired from walking.

Sister Peiyuan was standing guard in the yard. I held my breath and opened the outermost door, letting the air disperse for four or five minutes before taking a deep breath to move the quilt blocked by the bedroom door. Compared with Sister Peiyuan, who was not much stronger than me Slowly, I believe in myself more.

When I opened the bedroom door, a strong heat wave hit my face, and the already dying charcoal fire on the ground instantly regained some energy when it met the fresh air.I ran out without looking back, until I reached the middle of the yard before I dared to breathe, and when I was almost slow, I ran in again to put away the paper that blocked the window, opened the window, and let the wind blow for about ten minutes. Pull sister Peiyuan into the house together.

The charcoal fire in the brazier was pinched back to the stove one by one, the windows of the room were closed as they were, and the two people on the bed were still sleeping soundly. I touched the carotid arteries of the two people who were no longer beating, and I nodded at Sister Peiyuan with peace of mind. .

Sister Peiyuan remained silent all the time. She took the key from the man, worked on the bedside cabinet for a long time, and handed me a small wad of money, ten in total, more than I expected.

I didn't say much, just folded the money and stuffed it in the sock.

Sister Peiyuan will be sleeping next door tonight. How she will perform tomorrow will depend on her own performance. I don’t know why I haven’t handed over the ring hanging on my chest to Sister Peiyuan. We have shared a secret now , but I don't want to share any more secrets with her.Sister Peiyuan will have her own life, maybe her money and her house will be divided up by relatives who are like tigers and tigers soon; maybe she will be sent to an orphanage without anyone to take care of her, just like Huihui back then The same disappeared without a sound, and there was no more news; maybe Sister Peiyuan will be brave, to resist, to fight, to protect what she still has...

When I left, sister Peiyuan hugged me, hugged me like a baby like a child, and gently touched my head with her hand.

Her body was fragrant, the smell of jasmine soap.

I seldom look closely at Sister Peiyuan. She is just like I remember, with a pair of beautiful jujube eyes and a round face. When she smiles, her mouth turns into a crescent moon.

"I'll come to play with you in a few days. I bought a lamb, and there are four attics! I'll show you then."

"Ok, I will wait for you."

I was running on the dark path, the snow was falling more and more, I fell heavily on the ice covered with thin snow and fell a long way, but I didn't feel any pain, and continued to go home with a limp Running, I can't tell whether I am happy or sad, I just feel very tired suddenly, I want to go home.

There is not much difference from my imagination. When I open the door to welcome me, there are not only bright lights, a warm fire, but also my mother's stick.

"Where did you go, little bastard! Huh?" Her voice was low and scary.

Before I could throw out the beautiful answer of "doing homework at a classmate's house" that I had prepared, the strong red willow stick hit my shoulder heavily. Obviously, she didn't need the answer.

While clutching my shoulders and screaming, I thought and thought and still didn't turn around and ran out the door. Where could I go in such heavy snow?It's just a beating. I could get through it before, and I'm sure I can now.

I lowered my head and squatted on the ground, trying to shrink into a corner, but the stick and pointed high-heeled shoes kicked me all over the ground. I clenched my fists and clenched my teeth tightly. The hatred in my heart was like coals after watering a charcoal fire. It billowed like smoke.She whipped the stick harder and harder, and finally raised a stick that was not much thinner than a mop stick and slammed it on my leg before I could retract it. I screamed and vomited, and the beef noodles that had already begun to digest vomited. On the ground, I hugged my legs and screamed and rolled, my forehead was dripping with sweat.

I clearly heard a "click" sound from my calf, and the pain caused me to cry like crazy, which frightened her who was still raising the stick to continue beating, and held the stick in embarrassment at a loss.

"Me... baa?"

Trembling, I stretched out my hands to help myself up, but I didn't even have any strength, my eyes were getting darker and darker, I couldn't see anything clearly, and I fell to the ground unconscious.

When I was able to open my heavy eyes slightly, someone was helping me put a plaster cast on me. They said that even if I recovered well, my walking would be affected to some extent in the future, and I couldn’t save money. My mother sat beside me and nodded, weeping softly.

"Are you awake?" The middle-aged doctor in a white coat asked me while fiddling with the cast on my foot.

I don't want to talk, so I turn my face away.The smell of hospital-specific disinfectant smells very good in the nose. The lower part of the cracked white wall has been painted with green paint. It has blistered and peeled after a long time. It looks dirty under the dim light, and you can still see it vaguely through the dark windows. To the rusty wrought iron railings outside.

My mother next to me also stopped crying, but she didn't speak, and she didn't know what she was thinking.

"That's my money. I keep sheep." I looked at her from the back of my head.My socks were taken off, and she took the money, otherwise my mother would not be able to take me to the hospital. I know the county hospital is very expensive.

"Baaaaa, tell mom, where did you get the money?" She stood up suddenly, and pinned my shoulder with her hand to make me face her. I blocked it with my arm, but she roughly held me down.

"Hey! Don't mess with the baby, I'm putting a plaster on the baby!" The male doctor elbowed my mother away: "You sit still."

"Where is the hoop around your neck?" My mother didn't sit down obediently, but stood behind me and asked me sternly.

"sold."

"Sold it? Who did you sell it to?" She pushed forward again: "Who did you sell, and who asked you to sell it? You tell him that the hoop is no longer for sale, give him the money, and ask him to return the hoop!"

My mother's thoughts are not difficult to guess. She probably thinks that if someone is willing to give me a child a full 1000 yuan to buy that ring, the ring itself must be more valuable.

"That's the money I paid for milk powder."

"Hey, baaah, this money is not enough for your leg treatment, who did you sell the hoop to?" My mother wanted to get the doctor away to talk to me.

"Okay! Don't make trouble, let the baby have a good rest." The doctor's voice was already very unhappy.

My legs are still throbbing with pain, but I can bear it.We can't take X-rays here. The doctor said that there are two human calf bones, one thick and one thin. The thick one was broken for me.The situation is very bad. If I go to the city to take an X-ray and have an operation, then there will be no major problems. I just put on a splint and plaster like now. If the recovery is good, there will be no problem in walking in the future, but running may be affected; If the recovery is not good, it may be unavoidable to walk in the future.

1000 yuan can't be used for surgery, that is to say, if I recover well, I will become lame, and if I don't recover well, I will become lame.

But now it's not a question of whether I'm lame or not, it's that I still have a few days to live.

"Hey..." I lowered my head to hide the absurd joy in my heart. I will go to the Pure White Core on Sunday, and it will only be more dangerous than going to the wilderness. What is the difference between going like this now and directly wiping my neck to death?

I guess I didn't think of this when I specifically erased the memory and sent myself back. From the "scarlet core" in the mouth of the light group to the current "pure white core", it seems that I have worked hard to get I changed my mind and started a new life, maybe I wanted to be a "pure and flawless" good person, but the result... well, I don't know if killing Aunt Wenrui and her husband is a good thing or not, anyway, I probably have no chance Go to clean up again.

I hated school, school bored me, but being in the hospital bed made me even more upset.

My mother didn't hold me and cry this time, and she didn't say sorry to me. It probably has something to do with my unwillingness to look at her at all.I closed my eyes from the beginning to the end, neither drinking water nor eating.

Yu Shaorong went on a hunger strike.

Sounds pretty cool, right?I feel the same way, and I wish I could kill myself before Sunday, so that I don't have to go to the White Core, and I don't have to die like everyone else.

My mother fell asleep early lying on the bed. She didn't go to work last night.

I just lay on the hospital bed and closed my eyes to pass the time. I didn't feel a little sleepy until the sky outside the window was pale.

In the dream, I sat on the seat foolishly and watched the classmate in the front row lying on the ground struggling with his neck covered. His face was flushed, and he stretched out his convulsive hand to silently call for help to the people around him, mouthing "help" over and over again, The ideological and moral teacher stood beside him and pulled him anxiously: "What's wrong with you, talk, talk! What's wrong with you?" The boy's struggle became smaller and smaller, and his face turned black... I think Looking at his distorted face, I even forgot to breathe, as if it was me who was suffocating.

The screen turned to the air-raid shelter again, and the simple villagers lined up to take the blood dripping meat from the hands of Priest Kang. Everyone's face was full of respect and longing for a better life after becoming a fairy. Their expressions were serene and peaceful. The gentle, dancing fires printed shadows curled up in the cage in the corner, their small bodies shivering in the cold air, wondering if they would be the next one to be dragged out of the cage screaming.

And Sister Peiyuan, she was holding a screwdriver and staring at me crazily, she pressed the screwdriver to my waist and asked why you meddle in my own business, do you think I will live a happy life from now on? Now, who do you think you are, the savior?You are nothing but a coward, you are nothing!

She turned to go, I reached out to pull her, but she broke free forcefully and pushed me to the ground.

I started to take out my little notebook from my pocket, and arranged my funeral one by one.

"Yu Shaorong, you are mean and dirty, why don't you die?"

……

I'm humble, but I have to live.

Struggling to get up, my forehead was very hot. There was no one in the ward, and it was pitch black outside the iron windows. Only the dim light bulb covered with dust and fly droppings was still on, emitting a nauseating light.

Of course I fucking want to live, I think like crazy, but what can I do?

It's not that I didn't think about giving the ring I hid to my mother and let her go to the Pure White Core with me, but this idea was rejected by me without hesitation.Even though at certain moments I hated her so much, to the bone, I had no doubt that my mother loved me, and I knew that if she had the choice, she would rather break her own leg in exchange for my healthy one.

It is an exaggeration to say that if life can be exchanged, she is probably willing to trade her death for my life.

I don’t know if it’s pity or forgiveness. Anyway, I don’t want to give her a ring, and I don’t want to see her tremblingly holding an iron sword and fighting wild beasts, just because there is a tragic scene of a lame son behind her.

In my sleep, someone shook me and asked me what I wanted to eat. I roughly opened her hand with my arm, and covered my face with a quilt with a strange smell. Don't talk to her either.

My mother was crying beside the hospital bed, and I was upset by crying. She probably thought that as long as she finished crying pitifully, everything would be fine, right?I don't know if she will cry with such skill when she gets the news of my death on Sunday night.

From another perspective, my reluctance to give her the ring may not be pity or forgiveness at all, but a kind of revenge. I want to punish her, and I wish she could see my death.

Not everyone has the opportunity to make up for their mistakes, such as her, I don't want to give her the chance to save me, compared to letting her protect me in the pure white core to get peace of mind and redemption, or even a noble sacrifice, I want to Let her live in guilt and self-blame, forever.

Look at me, a 26-year-old man haggling over every detail with a 20-year-old girl, isn't it tasteless?They all say "a bitch is ruthless". Compared with my mother, I am the best.

It was already noon when I woke up again. My mother was sitting on the empty bed next door, eating noodles with a stainless steel jar. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but I didn't dare.

"Yu Shaorong, are you in pain?" Huihui probed her head.

"you guess."

"I guess you're in a lot of pain." She looked serious.

I squinted and smiled: "You guessed very correctly."