scorching cold

Tao Zhuo's reaction was so straightforward that Qi Ya stared at him for a while, then laughed with a "chi".

"It's like you've never seen the world before." He pouted, stretched his neck so much that he was about to press it over, "Come on, brother will take you to experience it."

"Get out!" Tao Zhuo slapped Qi Ya away, hugged the pillow and leaned to the side, and raised his leg to make up for him.

Qi Ya was kicked face up, collapsed on the bed and laughed for a long time, and finally changed his position to lie down again, and did not bring up this topic again.

Tao Zhuo also rested his chin on the folded arms. Although his eyes continued to follow the plot, his mind was involuntarily turned to the phrase "there are hands and mouths".

He looked at Xiaodouzi, vaguely recalling the intimate scene in Brokeback Mountain, and glanced at Qi Ya.

Qi Ya didn't look like he was hysterical at all. He fished out his mobile phone to play games, watched movies every now and then, and didn't talk to him.

Tao Zhuo was inexplicably guilty, wondering if he had exaggerated just now?It's not that the two of them haven't chatted about erotic things during puberty, and they even watched AV together with their heads pressed against each other, and they always messed around. He didn't know why he was so excited.

"Hey, he picked up a child," Tao Zhuo poked Qi Ya with his elbow, trying to find something to say, "It's so pitiful."

"Damn it!" Qi Ya's hand was slipped, and he threw a big move into the sky, and the opponent took the opportunity to raise his hand to make up for him, directly chopping his bloody skin to the ground.

Qi Ya threw away the phone and pinched Tao Zhuo's neck, Tao Zhuo laughed and rubbed Qi Ya's head in a mess.

After that day, Tao Zhuo couldn't hold back his curiosity, and secretly searched for "gay" on his phone in the middle of the night.

Then he followed the extended links one after another, and finally turned into a bunch of gaudy URLs, which made him dumbfounded and blushing.

You can really... use your hands and your mouth.

The tricks are no less than movies between men and women.

High school is the age when you can hear a noun. Tao Zhuo doesn't think there is anything wrong with his reaction. The man in the video is almost out of the frame with his legs supported. It's a big mistake if he doesn't feel it.

However, after cooling down his mind, he tidied himself up lazily, jumped out of the passionate video website, and went into forums and post bars to browse randomly. The more he watched, the more subtle doubts he felt.

It's not that I wonder about the homosexual group itself, but I don't understand how these people found out that they have homosexuality?

Some people in the forum said that they were born and others said that they were acquired. Tao Zhuo read their stories and felt that "nurture" is better understood than "nature" - "nurture" is nothing more than emotional resonance or physical Sexual stimulation, once you open the door to a new world, and feel that being with the same sex is more in line with your needs and preferences, you will naturally turn around.

But how are the innate ones self-determined?

Prefer boys since childhood?Or is it more desirable to boys?

What kind of feeling is this?

Tao Zhuo, who had never been in a relationship, never felt that he liked any girl and wanted to date her, was puzzled that night and felt that he was really very philosophical.

Because after thinking about it, he felt that his problem had nothing to do with homosexuality, but with "liking someone", which is a larger and more tolerant issue.

He thought of Xiaodouzi, Brokeback Mountain and Lan Yu, his brother Leslie Cheung, and he couldn't help thinking of the only homosexual who had appeared in his life.

It's not right to say "the only one", but his boyfriend should also be counted.

The stories in the stories are just stories, and the stories of the people around you are more full of imagination.

Will Li Wei and his boyfriend be like in the video?

As soon as the outline of the picture appeared in his mind, Tao Zhuo turned over suddenly, bent his back and rubbed his face frantically, screaming "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" silently.

He can't imagine what it looks like in that aspect, mom, it's too shameful!

So is it innate or acquired?

How did he fall in love with that person?

And how did he know that that person was the same as him and could accept him?

Who are they after?

Are they still together now?

Unsolvable questions popped up one after another, Tao Zhuo gradually fell into a drowsiness, and recalled the kiss that he peeped in on a rainy day.

I don't know why, he has forgotten a lot of scenes where Li Li gave him lessons, but that scene is always very fresh, and even the dull thunder is still "rumbling" in his ears.

Tao Zhuo felt a little sour in his heart for a moment - other people's youth is too colorful.

Once the issues of "homosexuality" and "sex" come up, they will be endless. Tao Zhuo enjoys learning painting physically and mentally. He has not started the training camp yet, and there is not much pressure on his studies. His mind is only running on it.

When Tao Zhuo was a sophomore in high school, Tao Zhen was a sophomore in high school. The sophomore Tao Zhen was already chasing Tao Qiwei. When talking to Tao Zhuo on the phone, he smiled and said to him: "You are going to have a sister-in-law."

There was no generation gap between the two brothers since they were young. Tao Zhen probably regarded little Tao Zhuo as another Doudou when he was a child, like raising a small pet. He took him out every day and brought him back to play with him, bullying Tao Zhuo. He was the one who was crying, and he was the one who protected Tao Zhuo and fought with other children.

When he grows up, he stops bullying and tells Tao Zhuo everything, regardless of whether the younger brother can understand or not.

"Oh, then you protect your legs." Tao Zhuo said with a smile.

When Tao Zhen was in high school, she had a relationship with the study committee member of the next class, and was called the parent by the head teacher for no reason. The little girl was gentle and quiet. Cried.My mother rushed over and thought that Tao Zhen had done something to him, so she was about to remove Tao Zhen's legs on the spot.

"The sky is high and the emperor is far away, so I can't beat you." Tao Zhen was also happy on the other end of the phone.

Tao Zhuo listened to Tao Zhen's introduction of Tao Qiwei, and when he heard that he just met two weeks ago, or at some kind of hometown meeting, he interrupted him: "If you chase after me, let me call you sister-in-law. If you know who you are, you will be promoted here."

"When did your brother tell you something unreasonable?" Tao Zhen knew it in his heart, and couldn't explain it to his stupid brother. "Hey", "You don't understand, let's draw your picture."

"Wait a minute, brother," Tao Zhuo called him, "Do you like her a lot?"

"Why are you talking so stupidly today?" Tao Zhen smiled, "Can I chase after you if you don't like it?"

"How do you know that you like her? I mean, how do you know... just why do you know that you like her?" Tao Zhuo said so confusedly that he almost couldn't understand it.

Even if it is explained clearly, it is useless, and his brother's words have the same meaning in his ears: "What's the matter, puppy Zhuo is also going to fall in love early?"

"No," Tao Zhuo was a little embarrassed, "I suddenly thought, it's okay to hang up!"

"Can you not know if you have feelings?" Tao Zhen was still laughing, "It's natural to have feelings for anyone you like."

Tao Zhuo thought in his heart that what he said was like farting, what is the difference between not saying it?If I want to hear such an answer, can't I read pain novels?The sentences are more elegant.

"Brother, protect your legs." Tao Zhen told him.

Tao Zhuo frantically hung up the phone.

It's not like Tao Zhuo hasn't tried to capture such illusory words like "feeling".

At that time, he really didn't know what was going on, and he seemed to be evil, so he wanted to study and understand what was going on with homosexuality.

Qi Ya is the only person who can be used as a test subject.

When going to the cafeteria with Qi Ya to eat, Tao Zhuo looked at Qi Ya's face and thought: If Qi Ya is chasing me...it seems a bit shameless, okay, if I chase Qi Ya, do I want to chase him? ?What would I want to do with him?Do I poke him or does he poke me?

Qi Ya looked up after eating a piece of pork ribs, and saw Tao Zhuo staring at him with an expression as if he had a piece of ginger in his mouth, it was simply horrible.

"What's the matter?" He touched his face in doubt, "Is your good looks bothering you?"

Tao Zhuo: "..."

"Why didn't you fall in love this semester?" Tao Zhuo suddenly thought, "The last one was in the first year of high school, didn't you have no time for three years in junior high school?"

"I don't want to talk anymore, it's boring, it's just for fun." Qi Ya spit out the bones, and raised his eyebrows at Tao Zhuo, "Why don't you spend time with your wife, she is moved."

Tao Zhuo let out a numb "wow", expressing that he was really moved without sincerity.

The experiment failed directly before it started. He could not understand the feeling of falling in love with the same sex, nor could he imagine the feeling. After a long time, Tao Zhuo no longer struggled.

There is no time to worry about it. The next semester is over, and he has to prepare for the exam and prepare for the training camp. All the cultural classes in the first semester of the third year of senior high school are suspended. The training camp lasts from summer vacation to winter. For half a year, he spends all day drawing in the studio from morning to night , Waiting for the art test around the Chinese New Year.

Everyone's level has been greatly and rapidly improved in the past few months, and Tao Zhuo's rhythm has been tightened to the extreme. His foundation is weak, especially for sketching, which is a subject that is piled up by volume, he can only force himself to double Drawing, others sketch twenty sketches a day, he only forty; others sleep at one o'clock, he goes to bed at two o'clock.I suffer like a black-eyed chicken every day, and I have to save up for masturbation.

It was the same with Qi Ya, in the first two months, he could come to see him without any business, but after that, the two of them only met once a month, and the meeting was just to eat and talk.

During those days, Tao Zhuo's greatest pastime was to occasionally go to forums and post bars to read posts, to see those strangers' posts hidden behind countless network fibers, from a corner of the world that he didn't know. story.

Life is full of flavors, so are the posts, there are bitters and joys, some are funny and some are lyrical, some are flirtatious and some are sincere.

What impressed Tao Zhuo the most was a hot post with hundreds of pages in which a poster told the story of him and his boyfriend for five years from the time they met to the present.

In fact, they are all trivial matters. The work, family and daily life of the two, the sweetness and quarrels with their boyfriends, the commonalities in their ideas and the opposite hobbies... are all no different from ordinary people, and the writing is not very good, maybe because It is too real and too tossing, inexplicably makes people want to look down.

Tao Zhuo's mood was ups and downs along with the comments in the building, but he caught up to the end. The host said he was going to get back with his boyfriend.

Taking a closer look at the time, it turned out that the last time the poster replied was three years ago.

People's state of mind and views on the same thing will really change over time.

Tao Zhuo remembered that when he was 17 years old, looking at the post that ended without a cause, all he could feel was the loss and helplessness that could not see the end, and he concluded that the original poster must have failed to recover, and he sighed when he thought about it.

And now, who is about to be 24 years old, recalling the fragmentary fragments in that post, he clearly understands that emotional matters are not so ideal, but he sincerely hopes that he will succeed. Maybe he just forgot the password. In a small house in this city, we talked and laughed while having lunch.

I don't know what my 31-year-old self will think seven years later.

After receiving the lighter from the boss, Tao Zhuo took out his mobile phone to scan the QR code to pay, saw the message An Yi sent him, and asked him why he still took his clothes out, didn't he want to leave?

Tao Zhuo typed "No, come out for a cigarette" and walked out of the convenience store. He took a bite of Li Suihan's cigarette and lit it up. When he turned around, Bei Tian stood behind him and looked at him, pinching a piece of brown sugar glutinous rice cake in his hand. eat.

Tao Zhuo: "..."

No, I wasted two effort in a while!

"Why did you come here?" Tao Zhuo asked her helplessly.

"My uncle asked me to come." Bei Tian said and thought for a while, "Take you back for dinner."

Tao Zhuo wondered whether he was afraid that I would leave or that he would not be able to find a seat for such a big person.

He crushed out the cigarette butt, stretched out his hand to Bei Tian, ​​and said casually: "He really dares to let you cross the road by yourself."

Bei Tian shook her head, looked at the syrup sticking to her hands, and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Tao Zhuo didn't want to go back so soon anyway, he stared at Bei Tian for a while, raised his eyebrows, and suddenly asked: "Bei Tian, ​​do you want to eat roasted sweet potatoes?"

"What?" Bei Tian repeated, "roasted red pig?"

Tao Zhuo re-entered the store to buy a pack of wet wipes and two small roasted sweet potatoes, and came out to sit on a chair by the door with Bei Tian and ate them.

They chatted while eating, what Bei Tian likes to eat, where he likes to go to play, how to go to class when he returns home, what he studies abroad... Tao Zhuo asks whatever comes to his mind, and Bei Tian answers without a word.

"Bei Tian, ​​I'm asking you a question, but don't tell your uncle that I'm asking you this question." Tao Zhuo said to Bei Tian inarticulately after eating a sweet potato slowly.

Bei Tian looked at him strangely and blurted out, "Why?"

"Because we are friends." Tao Zhuo began to fool around with the trick of coaxing children in the studio, "In exchange, you can also ask me a question, and I won't say it."

Bei Tian's expression was a bit perplexed. She looked at Tao Zhuo and then at the sweet potato in her hand. She didn't really want to be friends with Tao Zhuo, nor did she really want to exchange questions with Tao Zhuo.

But seeing Tao Zhuo looking forward to it, she had no choice but to nod: "Okay."

Tao Zhuo thought that there is no need to be so reluctant!There is no shame in being my friend!

He cleared his throat and asked casually and vaguely, "Has your uncle been with anyone in the past two years?"

After saying this, Tao Zhuo panicked with embarrassment, and felt like a dramatist secretly prying for gossip.

"He didn't." Before Bei Tian could speak, Li Suihan's voice suddenly came from behind.

Tao Zhuo's shoulders stiffened, and he turned his head in embarrassment.

Li Suihan came to him at some point, with his hands stuck in his overcoat, like a personable and confident eavesdropper.

"I've answered your question, so let me ask Li Beitian's question." He looked at Tao Zhuo with great interest, and said, "Tao Zhuo, why didn't you just ask me?"