casual and fun

May is the most hated month of the year.

The moment he opened the curtains, he was thinking about whether to ask the head teacher for leave, saying that he had something to do at home and couldn't participate in Friday's moral education activities.

The sun outside was so terrible that the birds were not happy to sing.He dug out a white T-shirt he had worn all weekend from the pile of clothes on the chair and put it on, ready to implement the plan.

However, before he could unplug his phone from the charger, there was a knock on the door.

"Chief, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up..."

"Get up, get up, stop knocking."

Shi Nian had no choice but to turn his head to open the door: "Where is the soul?"

The man outside the door saw his unhappy face, and joked: "Hey, Chief Shi looks a little bad today, did you have a nightmare last night?"

"Dad, can you learn something better?" Shi Nian walked around him to the bathroom.

Last month, the school radio station launched a new column to showcase the talents of the students. The first episode was the principal violin solo of the school orchestra, and the second episode was the cello and piano duet between him and Xie Chen.

As a result, there was a small problem with the equipment in the school’s recording studio on the day of the recording. The students who were in charge of the later stage stayed in school on the weekend to cut the dry sound, only to find that the cello solo at the beginning had an obvious electric sound.In order not to affect the quality of the program, he rushed to Shi Nian's house with the equipment and asked him to re-record this section.

Shi Zhengguo happened to be changing the script at home that day. He probably heard his classmate who was in charge of the later stage call him "Chief Chief", and he also called him "Chief Chief".

"Very well, I didn't forget that I am your father today."

Shi Nian was speechless: "I think you forgot."

Shi Zhengguo glanced into his room, and couldn't help but click his tongue: "You've only stayed here for two nights, and your place is as messy as a pig's nest, no wonder your mother always said that I led you astray."

Shi Nian closed the bathroom door, pretending not to hear.

"Son, can you learn something better?" Shi Zhengguo returned the words to him, went in and handed him the books and music scores that were placed on the open suitcase.

"I know a male screenwriter, he is just like you. We happened to live in the same room when we went out to shoot a scene last time. He lives in a delicate way. He wears the same clothes every day. After taking a shower the night before, he still Iron the clothes to be worn the next day one by one and hang them in the closet, and go to bed after skincare and perfume.”

While picking up clothes for him, Shi Zhengguo raised his voice and scolded him: "Look at you again, can you win the voice of the gay community?"

Sitting on the toilet, Shi Nian replied angrily, "No!"

After going to the toilet and washing up, he just opened the bathroom door when he saw Shi Zhengguo in an apron passing by holding the pile of clothes he had put on the chair.

"The porridge is in the pot, scoop it up yourself." Shi Zhengguo turned into the kitchen.

Shi Nian froze in shock: "Did you move something in my room?!"

"It's too messy, so I cleaned it up casually." Shi Zhengguo said loudly.

"Who told you to clean it up?!" Shi Hou broke out in cold sweat and said angrily, "How many times have I told you not to touch my things!"

He rushed back to the room in two or three steps, and quickly looked around up, down, left, and right to observe what changed in the room.

The qin and bow are still in their old positions.Books and scores are still stacked on the suitcase, but they are stacked more neatly than before.The clothes on the chair were gone, but the black notebook on the desk was still on the page he had read when he woke up.

His legs softened, and he leaned against the door frame with a sigh of relief.

Fortunately, fortunately, I still remember.

Shi Zhengguo took off his apron, sat on the sofa in the living room and lit a cigarette, frowning and looking at his back: "Son, can't you trust me?"

Shi Nian regained his composure, and later realized that he had overreacted. He turned his head and looked at Shi Zhengguo awkwardly: "Dad, didn't I mean to yell at you just now..."

"I know." Shi Zhengguo nodded clearly, "I won't be angry because of this."

There was a moment of silence between the father and son. Shi Zhengguo randomly picked out a magazine from under the coffee table to read, and changed the subject: "On Friday night, you told me that the school will organize you to visit the provincial museum?"

"Just next Friday." Shi Nian replied.

"The whole grade?"

"Well, Minle Building and Western Building are all in one place."

Shi Nian went to the kitchen, planning to have breakfast to calm down.

"Dad, have you eaten? Do you want to scoop up your portion?"

"No, I came to call you after I ate."

Shi Nian opened the cupboard to take the bowl, but his hands couldn't stop shaking.

He paused, pinched the tiger's mouth of his right hand with his left hand, but kept his face calm, and put the bowl beside the natural gas stove as if nothing had happened.

"The provincial museum is well designed, and your school will choose the place." Shi Zhengguo asked in the living room, "But why did you choose to go in May? It's too late for the spring outing."

"Where do we go for a spring outing? In March we have to prepare for the spring recital, in April there is a club carnival, and in May it is the turn of this kind of 'moral education activity'. The third year of senior high school adult ceremony, the second year of picnic, our first year of high school is to visit the museum."

"When I was in college, I called this kind of activity a fellowship, and I didn't care where it went or what it did. It was most important to meet female classmates and say goodbye to being single."

Shi Nian walked out of the kitchen with porridge and a plate of pickled radishes, sat down at the table and began to eat breakfast.

He blew on the heat, lowered his head and said in a low voice, "Dad, I'm going to ask the class teacher for leave."

With a cigarette in his mouth, Shi Zhengguo looked away from the magazine in his hand: "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to go, I want to practice piano at home." Shi Nian replied.

Shi Zhengguo smiled: "Why? Didn't half the term pass? Our chief got another top five in the grade, so good that I, a good-for-nothing father, feel embarrassed."

Shi Nian swallowed a mouthful of porridge, and replied slowly, "No reason. A waste of time."

Shi Zhengguo took a puff of smoke: "Son, cats and dogs can live for at most ten or twenty years, but humans can live for nearly a hundred years. Isn't the extra time just wasted?"

Shi Nian asked inexplicably, "Humans are like cats and dogs? Are they comparable?"

Shi Zhengguo narrowed his eyes: "Eat, sleep, have sex, reproduce, what's the difference?"

Shi Nian: "Everywhere is different. Can cats and dogs appreciate art? Can they restrain their instincts and animal nature? Are there moral constraints? Are there rules and order?"

Shi Zhengguo smiled again: "Cats can nap in the sun, chief, can you?"

"..."

"You don't go to junior high school, and you don't go to high school. It's a good thing to take this opportunity to go out with your classmates. Why are you always so resistant."

Shi Nian stirred the rice in the bowl: "Anyway, I just don't want to go. When the head teacher calls you, remember to round it up for me and tell her that we have something urgent at home and we can't go."

"No time." Shi Zhengguo looked down at the magazine, "I'm going on a business trip to Guizhou tomorrow."

"Then I'll find my mother."

"She is willing to help you with this. I will take your last name."

"...Dad, he's in his 40s, show some face."

Shi Zhengguo changed his words: "Well, if she is willing to help you, I will give you half of the remuneration for the next script."

Of course Shi Nian knew what kind of character his mother was. He was right and wrong, Ding Mao was Ding Mao, and it was absolutely impossible for him to lie for him.

So he had no choice but to threaten: "Dad, if you don't help me, I will live with my mother next month."

Shi Zhengguo put out his cigarette butt, and echoed: "I agree. I can finally order takeout on weekends without cooking. Maybe I can invite friends to go to a hot spring on the mountain, drink some wine and chat for a while."

Shi Nian put down his spoon and completely lost his appetite: "I don't understand. Other parents want their children to be addicted to studying. Where can you be so eager for your children to go out to play?"

"Aren't you just afraid of unfamiliar environments?" Shi Zhengguo looked up at him, "Afraid that I would get lost, that I would forget the faces of my classmates in the crowd, that I would not be able to remember what I had seen, and that I would not be able to communicate with my classmates. Show your horse's feet in front of you."

He suddenly used a stern tone: "You are afraid of everything, that's why you become so anxious. If one day you forget to bring your mobile phone and forget to bring your notebook, how should you live? Don't you want to die?"

"I think your most serious problem now is not amnesia, but panic disorder." Shi Zhengguo stuffed the magazine back under the coffee table, and said, "I just tidy up your room, and you will be in a hurry. If you thank me in the future ——What is the name of the boy you like, Xie?"

"...Thank you Shen."

"Oh yes, Xie Chen. If you talk with Xie Chen in the future and he touches your things inadvertently, I guess you'll have to break up with him in a hurry. Are you talking about it?"

"Don't worry, you won't break up. He is very polite and knows the boundaries." Shi Nian snorted, "You kept saying that you wouldn't be angry because of this, but in fact you were so angry that you cursed us to break up. gone."

"Tsk, do I need this? Let's talk about it after you catch him."

Shi Zhengguo lit a second cigarette: "Little brat, I am both a father and a mother. I help you wash and cook and wake you up. I kindly teach you a few words. I want you to relax and don't put too much pressure on yourself. I was bitten back by you."

Shi Nian snorted again to express his disdain: "You say that I am inferior to cats and dogs, is this called 'kindness education'?"

"Forget it, forget it, I can't offend the chief." Shi Zhengguo waved his hand, "Whether you like to go to the spring outing or not, if your homeroom teacher calls me, I'll just pretend I didn't answer it during the meeting."

Shi Nian stretched his neck to correct: "I said it's not a spring outing!"

"Fellowship!" Shi Zhengguo also stretched his neck and shouted, "Fellowship is okay!"

He lowered his head and took a puff of cigarette, rubbing his forehead and secretly distressed: "If you are like this, you will spend [-] lifetimes in [-] exams and you will not be able to catch up with Xiaoxie, who is in the top five of grades. Alas, miserable."

Shi Nian: "Shi Zhengguo! I heard it! I want you to take care of it!"

Shi Zhengguo: "Shi Nian! Pay attention to your quality! You are the chief!"

"What's wrong with the chief? Can't the chief not be afraid of crowds and going to new places? I went to Qingyuan with the school band to participate in a competition at the end of last semester. After going out for a few days, I suffered from insomnia for a few days. Can normal people like you understand? "

Originally, Shi Nian didn't want to have a serious quarrel with Shi Zhengguo, after all, it's not normal for the father and son not to say a few words whenever they meet.But it was probably because of the school's Friday activity schedule, coupled with the episode of cleaning up the room early in the morning, his panic disorder was suddenly triggered, and now it is really getting more and more uncomfortable.

When he was young, his amnesia symptoms were not obvious. At most, he was a little more active than other children of the same age, his memory was a little worse, his sense of direction was a little worse, and his homework was a little worse, so that he was misdiagnosed in the hospital in Qingjiang. Hyperactivity, supplemented with zinc and selenium for more than a year.

Later, when he was in the sixth grade of elementary school, facing the pressure of entering a higher school, the situation became worse and worse. Only then did Shi Zhengguo and Fu Wen realize that something was wrong, and they both asked for leave to take him to a big hospital in Shanghai to see a doctor.

He went to three hospitals and saw seven days of illness. All three hospitals diagnosed him with amnesia and memory impairment.

Strangers can't remember, unfamiliar things can't be remembered, long-term things can't be remembered, and recent things are easy to forget.

Until then, he didn't feel that he was inferior to other students.The doctor asked him to write a diary every day, so he would write, and the doctor asked him to use his keenest senses to record things, then he would look for it, what a big deal.

At the age of seven or eight, he was misdiagnosed as hyperactivity disorder, and practiced the cello to meditate by accident. He accidentally discovered that his keenest sense was his ears.So instead of being urged by his parents, he voluntarily practiced the piano and asked to buy symphony records to listen to.

The bad thing is that he loves classics and doesn't like fashion. When the classmates around him talk about Jay Chou, JJ Lin, and Taylor Swift, he can't get in a word.

The turning point is in the first and second periods.

Something should have happened at that time, it must be something important happened besides Shi Zhengguo and Fu Wen's divorce.

It was May in the second half of the first year of moving into the current house. On a sunny morning like today, when he opened his eyes, he always felt that something was wrong with him, and his heart was empty and uncomfortable, as if he suddenly appeared on the field that he had cultivated for four seasons. He made a hole, but he forgot what was planted in the hole.

He opened the curtains and looked out of the window, half of which was the opposite house and half of the sky, and there was no other scenery.

Shi Zhengguo knocked on the door and didn't get a response, so he pushed the door open and came in, urging him, if he didn't get up, he would be late.

This is written in the diary: Dad sat next to me and asked me why I was crying, and I said I forgot.He asked me what I forgot, and I said I didn't know, but I was sure I forgot.He comforted me and told me not to force myself to remember, maybe it was a bad thing, and it was just right not to remember, people are like this, everyone is like this.

However, Shi Nian knew very well that it was not the case, not everyone was like this.

He took sick leave that day and didn't go to school. He sat at the desk and looked through the diaries he had written for more than a year, intending to find a possible truth.

To his shock, he wrote a lot of funny stories about him and a boy named "Yangyang" in his diary, and used a lot of bitter words to record how much he missed him.

It seems that there is another "Shi Nian" in the world, and the best friend of this "Shi Nian" is "Brother Yangyang". They play together, commute to school together, do homework together, eat together, and sleep together.

Shi Nian was genuinely terrified.He rushed into the study and asked Shi Zhengguo if he knew who Brother Yangyang was.

Shi Zhengguo held a cigarette between his fingers, looked at him with complicated eyes for a while, and then replied: "Yangyang is the elder brother of the neighbor who grew up with you, one year older than you. Something happened to their family the year before last, so he followed the family He moved to Beijing to settle down, do you need me to call his mother?"

"No, no need..." He swallowed hard, and said softly, "I don't remember, I don't know what to say to him..."

People may forget a few happy things, a good-hearted person who is unfamiliar, but who would forget a happy time that lasted more than ten years, and the extremely important people in this happy time?Can't even remember why he's important.

Shi Nian was in a trance, feeling lost and desolate for the first time in his life.

He later unsurprisingly forgot more things, but he always remembered how he felt at that moment.Overwhelmed and helpless.

Shi Zhengguo finally made that call, and a female voice reminded him that the number you dialed is an empty number.Shi Nian stood by the door, pinching the hem of his clothes, not knowing whether he should be thankful or disappointed.

Seeing that he didn't speak, Shi Zhengguo got up and came to him and hugged him, patted his back lightly, and sighed suddenly: "Niannian, it's not your fault that Mom and Dad divorced."

In fact, looking back now, he can no longer be sure whether he forgot "Yangyang" because of the stimulation of his parents' divorce. Everything can't be traced back, and he doesn't need a reason for forgetting.Even at that time, he was only in shock because of his own symptoms, not because of the Yangyang brother in the diary.

In the middle of the night, he huddled under the blanket in panic and reluctance to comfort himself: It's all right, just remember it in the future, and you can't forget important people and things in the future. Practice slowly, and you will be fine.

Because of this, he became more and more anxious, afraid of accidents and strangeness, afraid of repeating the same mistakes, afraid of being different from normal peers.

So he developed the habit of carrying a notebook with him, because handwriting has a deeper memory; he learned to distinguish new classmates from those he accidentally forgot by sound, because he had to keep the secret of forgetfulness; he recited it every day before going to bed He has memorized music scores no less than ten times, and insists on practicing piano and ear training every day, because he wants to be like everyone else.

Fortunately, it worked.

He chose the right path, got into Qingjiang Yinzhong, got top grades, and even had someone he likes like other young boys in love.

This time he can't forget again, he likes Xie Chen, he has liked it since the freshmen's entrance ceremony.This rare and sustained deep emotion is infinitely similar to ordinary people, which makes him feel fresh and at ease.

Including the first few days of this semester, someone was playing the flute in the woods behind the Western Building. He looked out of the classroom and saw a figure hidden in the shadow of the trees.He also suddenly remembered that before moving, looking out from the bedroom of the old house, there were not only buildings and sky, but also a tree.

At that moment, a long-lost familiarity welled up in his heart, which also made him want to try hard to remember, even though "remembering a tree" sounded like a hypocritical thing.

He raised his head and drank the last mouthful of porridge, Shi Nian put down the bowl, and said to Shi Zhengguo aggressively: "Isn't it just to visit the provincial museum? Go, anyway, if you go back on the same day, you will lose sleep for one night at most."

Shi Zhengguo looked at him with a cigarette in his mouth, thinking: Didn't I just say pay attention to quality, the chief really has the burden of being an idol...

The author has something to say: Note: Panic disorder is an acute anxiety disorder.

Re-note: The reason why the Shi family and the Yang family lost contact will be discussed later, please don't worry.

Re-note: Shi Nian and Yang Sile's parents may be the two pairs of parents that are least likely to be hated by readers in the articles I have written in the past, present, and future. I am happy for them.