Continuation of "Gone with the Wind"

Chapter [-] Open Your Heart

"Originally, this was just a private matter between the two of us, and it shouldn't involve too much. But in a sense, it was you who raised our matter to the level of political belief first, my dear." Disen blamed her, this Let Lanli turn from disdain to surprise: He has always been very polite to himself before.But his next sentence left her speechless: "you haven't forgotten what the Andrew family said when they fled to our house to find shelter?"

There are also several types of blacks. Lanli was educated in this way since she was a child. The status of blacks is directly proportional to their loyalty to white masters and their own abilities.The most loyal black has the highest status, can supervise other blacks, and has the right to teach other disobedient blacks on behalf of the master, but their family has never abused even the most stupid and stubborn blacks because of the difference in black status.So Deason's accusation of slavery in the South was completely regarded as slander by her and she never cared about it until Andrew and his parents escaped from a farm destroyed by the war in Kentucky with the brand of slaves. The so-called "master" complained with blood and tears, and she restrained her disapproval of the crimes of slavery, and her attitude towards black people changed from being polite and polite to trying to bridge the gap caused by skin color.It can’t be said that, it should be to dispel her anxiety about the cruel abuse of black people in the south under the pretext of skin color, so as to make her conscience peaceful.If she had done that earlier, maybe the big black boy Deason brought back from the southern battlefield would not have found a chance to escape. He was still in his hometown in Boston. He was a colonel, and the military rank was not high-actually For a long time, she couldn't tell the difference between military rank and military rank.That big guy named Sam was the only southerner she could talk to when she was in the North, and she didn't care much about his slave status, but she could see at that time that this young man had something to do with the white world. Instinctive fear, unwilling to talk more about what happened when he was in the south, even the simple request of her asking him to sit with her can startle him a lot, and even say "how can that be done, ma'am".Finally he ran away without making a sound.Not long after, she also left under the inspiration of his free spirit or homeland complex.Because she felt that the departure of the big man named Sam did not affect Disson at all, and she believed that she was the same.In fact, she could see clearly that she and the big man had completely different meanings to Disson, and all she wanted was an excuse to escape, no matter how unreasonable it was.The war has been over for so long, and I am no longer his "pillar".It’s just that she’s always guilty, whether it’s from guilt or uneasiness, she doesn’t care about it for the time being, she needs to let herself be quiet, she is destined to be unable to be quiet with Disson, otherwise she won’t go to Hartford first ( In addition to Angela, she also consulted Dr. Duncan a lot to strengthen her belief).This was what she said when she overheard Kevin and Deason discussing Angela's illness.Although this pair of cousins ​​were both veterans in the army, and one of them was left in the army because of his outstanding military exploits, both of them still have a bit of literati air that can't be shaken off—it is probably from the early years of the family. And the result of school education-the speech never avoids people, as if the whole world is open to them.She thought they were stupid at first, but now that she thinks about it, it should be a kind of confidence.

"I'm sorry." Deason apologized to her inexplicably, "I shouldn't let ladies think about such troublesome issues. This is originally a matter for men." She was so stupid that she would think that he was aboveboard. This sentence was a trap that forced her to stop thinking about it.And with her personality, as long as she thinks about one thing, she will definitely be on the right side.This time she was out of luck, Deason was ahead of her.Although he does not represent the truth, he is standing with the truth at this time.

"Well, let's not think about political issues for now. Whether the war is fought for blacks, cotton, or land has nothing to do with us now." Although Lanli used "we", she didn't mean to show closeness, Deason It can be heard that the shadows under his eyes have deepened. "It's just that you can't say that I raised our problem to belief first, didn't you do it first?"

Although it was uncomfortable to be stared at by Disson's scorching eyes, Lan Li still decided to speak clearly: "You told me that you survived until the end of the war because of my photos. I am your spiritual support. Think about it." , how would you feel if you heard this kind of words? Do you think I will be so moved? To hell with you! You don't know me at all, I'm not your ex-wife's stand-in, you want to compensate you by being nice to me Feeling indebted to her, right? But I am not an actor you hired, and I still have the right not to act with you!" She wanted to shout out the depression that had been accumulated in her heart for so many years, but her voice suddenly became dry and hoarse His protest turned into a mouthful of thick phlegm stuck in his throat, and he could barely spit it out.

"Actually, I didn't want you to be moved by what I said to you. Touching and love are two different things." Compared with Lan Li's almost out-of-control emotions, Disen immediately put away his gaze that was staring at her. The tone also became flat, "Don't you understand? I just want to make sure that I really let go of the shadows of the past that have haunted me for so many years."

His words were something that Lanli had never thought of. She always thought that the conclusive facts were overturned by Disson's words for the second time. down.

"My wife, I owe her something. I did love her deeply. Although we made a hasty decision to get married because of the outbreak of the war, I have never doubted this. But I am different to you. Yes, at the beginning I was really not sure that the person I loved was you. In fact, it was not until after you left me that I realized for the first time that I have been in love with you for a long time." When Deason said these words, his eyes kept staring at Looking at her, she could only pretend to be calm and look back, but the more and more forceful tearing movements of her skirt exposed her nervous heart. "You're right, I shouldn't have taken your photo as a spiritual pillar for me to survive, and I still snatched it from your husband, but I couldn't control that much at the time... I can't remember clearly How many people have I killed? I just feel that I am about to collapse... I received a telegram the day before that my wife died of dystocia and my child was not spared. Hate why I joined the army, hate this inexplicable war: If I could be with her by her side, maybe she would not die, I don’t even know whether my child is a boy or a girl, and I will never see it again.” He The tone of his voice sank, and uncontrollable sadness seeped out of his words, which also infected Lan Li who was beside him.Her heart was already soft, and even the tragic experience of the enemy would not make her happy. Besides, he was not a sworn enemy in the first place.Even if, in this war, they lost too many things, it was enough.Lan Li's mind was confused again, just now she was hardening her heart and said that she would never forgive him, why now...

"I forced myself not to think about why I was fighting, but I still couldn't control myself. In that encounter, when the battle was almost over, I still lost my mind and hit his index finger. In fact, I originally aimed at the head, but at that time I don't know why he suddenly shot to protect the heart, and then I almost subconsciously broke his finger with a shot. At this time, a photo fell out of his clothes, and the frame was broken. I Seeing him fall to the ground, the gun was ignored but still struggling to hold the photo in his hand. I didn't want to care about him, but the wind was so strong that day, the photo was blown up all of a sudden, so I saw you " Lan Li concluded that he didn't see the expression on her face when he said these few words just now, otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned his ex-husband at this time.Her impression of him was already blurred, and she only remembered those gray-brown eyes, which had been staring at her closely for more than ten years. The eyes were indeed gentle, but Lan Li just couldn't accept this kind of tenderness.And he was her husband, and she had been educated to love him with all her heart, but she just couldn't.Even if he loves her, she should love him too, but she just can't convince herself, the self-cultivation and demeanor piled up by human beings can't convince her heart to love him, she doesn't know why, she almost forgot about him even in a few years Now, even hearing Deason say how much he loves her now, it just makes her feel sad and worthless for him in her heart, which is not the same as love.On the contrary, it was the man in front of her. How many times she told herself that she would deny everything he had done for her. She even managed to trick herself into leaving him and let time do things for herself that she couldn't. Seeing him, the defense net that he had worked so hard to weave for so many years fell apart.In fact, not only him, but even she doesn't know what the bottom line of loving someone is.

"You sat there with a gentle smile on your face, and the melancholy in your eyes was hidden deep, but I could see it at a glance. You have never had real happiness. Just like me, there was once The happiness I had was very short-lived, and never entered my heart. A person with a happy heart will not be like us. We have too many burdens." Di Sen's words made Lan Li tremble, Instantly understood what he meant. "Actually, we don't need to memorize those."

"I didn't know at the time if it was the feeling of falling in love, because the pain I thought I would always be immersed in was swept away at once, and my mind was full of your shadow. Of course your husband didn't want to say it, but I still checked To your identity. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you, of course you are much more beautiful than what I saw in the photo, even if you are pregnant. In front of your sister, I believe you I was happy, even though the situation you were in was very dangerous. When I saw you for the first time, I swore that no matter what method I used, I would take you out of that ghost place. But I was fighting for the punishment of leaving the team I still haven't done it, I'm sorry about your sister."

"Well, actually—I really can't blame you." Although it was very reluctant, Lan Li said it out, "I blamed you wrongly, and I will say sorry to Kevin when he comes back." Although what happened later Things made them drift away, but their first meeting was beautiful after all, and Lanli couldn't deny the feeling of heartbeat at that moment.