Continuation of "Gone with the Wind"

Chapter 30 Jack's Mind

The snow-white gas lamp was on tirelessly, like a huge brush, smudged everything in the room with a faint ink-like shadow.All shadows are silent, with one exception.The four walls of the house became its dancing stage, quietly recording its regular movement track every time.From left to right, from top to bottom, again and again.

I have been in the United States for more than a year, and I have almost forgotten all my previous writing habits, and I can't even know how to hold a brush.Fortunately, it only took me half a day to learn to use a pen, and I was much more fluent in writing than a brush.Although it won't be long before you have to dip in the water again, but you will be fine once you get used to it.When I was in China, I used to write from top to bottom vertically and then vertically. After arriving in the United States, I wrote from left to right horizontally and horizontally.There is no need to read the classical Chinese that grinds around the dead, and the vernacular is more convenient.

"Why does that little girl look so familiar? Where did I see her before? Why can't I remember? This is not the first time this has happened. It's really helpless. Since I saw this lady, This feeling has come to me more than once. She adopted me, and I'm grateful to her even though it's for herself. But I'm really curious, how much am I worth? I'm afraid it will always be a mystery. Some of the mysteries are There are mysteries, but people don't know; there are some mysteries that have no answers, but everyone thinks they know. My God, what am I talking about, and I'm writing nonsense again. It must be changed from tomorrow, this monastery notebook It’s too thin, if I had known it earlier, I would have taken a thicker one. Today is the last time I write down nonsense in the notebook, so I just finish what I want to say. It doesn’t work, the nonsense can’t be finished. Then Write down all the doubtful things, and you will find out slowly when you have the opportunity. First, how did I get here? I can’t remember anything before the monastery, no, the day I first came here I still remember some things in [-], but I forgot everything else. But I remember those crap things that should be forgotten very clearly. Second, why do I always feel that I can’t remember some things after I get here? What are those things? Third , why the appearance in front of people is obviously not my true appearance, but I have no discomfort, but can get happiness from playing the game of being a good child? Happiness can’t lie to people, I’m really happy. Maybe it’s because It can bring me benefits, but it is obviously not like this. Fourth, I took a pack of seeds with me before I left, but I have not been able to find a suitable place to plant them. There is no extra land in the north, and they are all The factory is occupied; the land in Charleston has not been restored after being burned, it’s a pity that the plants are ashes; now there is finally a manor that has been reclaimed, but depending on the owner’s intention, they already have something to plant, Escarle Miss’s budget-minded character, it is estimated that there will be no idle land. Maybe I should stay, maybe I can get a small piece of land from Mr. Will. Really, a small piece is enough, and there are not many seeds. I should agree. Although I don’t know if Chinese products can be grown in the United States, let’s try.”

After writing his own problems, Jack put down his pen, leaned on his chair and stretched.I looked up and saw the gas lamp hanging on the wall, and I couldn't help thinking that it was much brighter than candles, but unfortunately there was no perilla garden.Why did I think of the place where I abandoned myself again, really.Although I am "alone in a foreign land as a stranger", I don't have the nostalgia of "thinking about relatives every festive season".How can there be any relatives, they are all a group of beasts in clothes who only recognize money but not people, just like the one in the Dream of the Red Chamber, they are like black-eyed chickens, wishing that you eat me and I eat you.I'm looking for anger for myself again, forget it, I don't want them anymore, I think about something else.

Jack turned the notebook forward a few pages, looked at the mixed English and Chinese characters on it, and thought he was really stupid, what was he doing obsessing about other people's names.But then again, who wouldn't do two stupid things in their lifetime?He wanted to tear off that page and throw it away, but he couldn't bear to destroy the previous page, and besides, there wasn't much in this notebook.Forget it, leave it alone.It's interesting to watch once in a while.

"Scarlett, there is only one letter difference from the English of "bright red" that I have learned before, and it should be quite similar to her character. How should I translate it? Scarlett? It sounds like a man, not gentle at all ;Scarlett? It's too Chinese, she's an American, and it doesn't sound good; Scarlett? It's too far behind English; Scarlett? It sounds so like a pervert; Scarlett? It’s a bit out of date, but it’s pretty nice, and it matches her appearance, and it’s artistic. How does that poem say, “The beauty of the world is haggard alone”?. She is indeed sick in her heart, and she is very haggard. From Charleston The traditional Chinese medicine bought back can at most give her a tonic, and it can’t get rid of the root cause (there are actually traditional Chinese medicines in American pharmacies). Heart disease needs a heart medicine doctor. Who is the medicine? It should be her husband, and I can feel them from the beginning Something is not right between the two. That night in Charleston, I heard Miss Scarlett yell something in her room, 'You can't use my money'? If the dispute between them is about money, it's fine Meaning. But it’s not that simple, is it? Oh my god, I’m writing something messy, it’s hard for a clean official to break up housework, so I’m going to get involved, let’s take care of myself first. But Americans are much better than China in this regard Well, at least people allow widows to remarry. If they were in China, they would have sunk into the pool long ago. And there is no divorce, but a 'divorce'. Although women are still not equal to men, it is already very good. If China also It would be nice to be like this. Cao Xueqin should be happy to be born here, but then there will be no Dream of Red Mansions. It’s going too far, come back soon. Rhett? Butler?, what is her husband’s name? Rhett? Ba Lemo? Why is he so awkward? Besides, he is not Italian; Rhett Butler? This sounds more comfortable, but Butler's surname is like a pirate, and he is not very respectful to him. But if I really want to be honest , he really looks like a pirate, especially his tanned face and white teeth. It's really strange that he smokes so much, but his teeth are still so white. Okay, here we go again, let's do this first Come on, anyway, when you meet them in the future, you still have to call them by their English names. What’s the use of having a nice Chinese name? Having said that, isn’t it the American habit that people with a normal relationship only call them by their surnames? Only close friends meet. But why are they not angry when I call them by their names directly? It’s not like they would treat a child like me as a friend? Friend, I really want to have a friend, but they really will Do you consider me a friend? Maybe, didn’t someone tell me before that anything can happen in the United States, and it can happen. But before it happens, let it be.”

Who is this person?When he saw the penultimate sentence, Jack suddenly remembered this.I didn't pay much attention when I wrote it before, but this sentence suddenly came out of my mind, so I wrote it down.Now he knows that this is not what he said, but someone else told him.But why can't I remember who told me where and how?His hand touched the scar on the back of his head again, it was almost invisible, but he could still feel it carefully.Does my memory loss have anything to do with it?

Sleeping with a mind full of doubts is the easiest way to dream, and Jack is no exception.He dreamed a lot, but when he woke up, all he remembered was a thick fog, a deeper darkness, and a few vague silhouettes, which he felt he had seen somewhere.But the memory stops here, and I can't think of more things.

After waking up, Jack's doubts became more serious.It seems that all the dreaming, and the dream "a good sentence can only be obtained when the essence and blood are gathered together" are all nonsense by Cao Xueqin.He obviously hasn't had a dream for a long time, but this time he had such a strange dream again, what's going on?His head started hurting again, and he had to give up trying to retrieve his memory.

It's still early, it seems that I haven't slept for long.Jack picked off a holly leaf and put it near his mouth. He blew a tune that he didn't know when he learned it.The sound is very soft so as not to disturb those who are still sleeping.Every time he has something on his mind, he always uses music to regain his peace of mind.

The music is so melodious, ethereal, with a trace of unique sadness.Only the dew-covered pine trees of Tara and a lingering mist heard it.

We only agreed afterwards.

Now Scarlett had Tara again, which filled her with joy, and even Jack's tentative request to see the whole house was granted.It's just that the visit was not very pleasant, especially after they came to Mammy's room.In fact, Scarlett asked Sister Will how she was doing as soon as she came back, and Will's gloomy expression had told her everything.Mammy didn't die, but the situation got worse.Before she could barely recognize a few people, now she hardly knows anyone.Scarlett gently stroked her drained hand, full of sadness.Jack stood aside, not disturbing her.This time it wasn't entirely out of politeness, but because his eyes were drawn to a portrait of a little girl hanging crookedly on the wall.This portrait was originally discovered by Scarlett from the Yankee soldier she had killed.Later Sherman's army came to rob Tara, and the pearl frame on it was taken away, but the Yankees were not interested in portraits.Melanie, who always loved children, reframed it into a new picture frame and hung it in her room at Tara.Maybe Mammy snatched it away when she fell ill and hung it in her room again.Jack always felt that he had seen this little girl somewhere, but he couldn't remember where.