Continuation of "Gone with the Wind"

Chapter 87 Paul's Change

Rhett himself is very calm, in fact, this is what Scarlett worries or fears the most.His calmness is not the joy of being sure that he will be born, but the calmness of knowing that he will go to the gallows.Now that you already know that you will die, you should live happily while you are still alive. He brought that portrait not only to help Jack, but also to save himself a way out. It is actually a danger And a signal of helplessness: when you are in a desperate situation, let others know that your life is not long, and try your best to inform them to come to see you for the last time.Scarlett couldn't care less about how Rhett met Lanli. She recalled the expression Rhett looked at her when she left the prison, which was exactly the same as when he left her in the smoke of gunfire to join the losing battle. It was exactly the same as when he decided to leave her disheartened. She knew that these emotions had nothing to do with her. He does it alone.She also knew that there was love buried under this calm surface, but it was not the kind she wanted.She was the only person he saw when he was in a desperate situation, and the only person he could see, so in fact, the love was not for her, but for the position she was in.

What's wrong with her, isn't getting Rhett's love back something she's been fighting so hard for?Now what I see with my own eyes is no longer a vague hope like a phantom in the fog, but a real love. Why doesn't she feel happy at all?Is it because that person is about to leave her?No, no, she would get him out no matter what.This has nothing to do with whether he loves himself or not, because I love him, so I do it willingly.She was much more conscious now than she had been before, and she could clearly distinguish Rhett's response to herself-finally.Rhett is right, what she wants is not kindness, not gratitude, not peace-maybe there are these things in love, but none of these things can be called love-but truth, completeness, There is no cheating, no lying, and no love that Ritter calls "decently disillusioned."Now that she understands this, she shouldn't think that Rhett will return to her because she wants to repay her kindness, and she shouldn't be secretly happy because Rhett is in a desperate situation and expresses his love to her. It is doubtful whether love can be maintained after it is out of desperation - it is just to find a spiritual sustenance to give oneself a little courage to live, but love is not a public mailbox, and it is not that anyone can post their own in it It doesn't mean that if you send a letter, you will definitely wait for a reply—and her purpose is to save him from this desperate situation, isn't it?If he came out, what would happen, would he run away from him again?At that time, what should I do?Immediately afterwards, she chased away this idea again, Rhett was still in the prison, it was useless to think about such a thing, let's talk about it after finishing what Rhett told her.

But she still hasn't fully figured out why Rhett came to the north, and she doesn't know where to start.Jack's matter is almost clear, and the client himself has been depressed these days, and he doesn't know if he can't stand the condemnation of his conscience and commit suicide; Rhett told her about Paul, as long as he keeps his mouth shut A little normal behavior would be all right—provided Paul could stand it, and Jack would put aside his personal grievances to help her persuade him; as for Philip?Robillard, if he wasn't here now--she didn't know why she was so sure of it--then don't bother thinking about it.Taking a step back, even if he was here, it would be fine to just take Paul away, she believed he hated everyone in Robillard who drove him out of the house, and would never want to see them again any one of them.She still remembers Rhett's cold face when he told her about his father's death.The prodigal son who is forced to wander outside usually treats the family who cannot go back and the family who forbids them to go back. Without the warmth of the family, he arms his heart with coldness, and slowly changes from pretending not to care to really not caring. Force yourself not to care to the habit of not caring.It won't take long to transition in the middle. If you encounter some major difficulties when you go out alone, and no family members are willing to help, then it is easier to take advantage of the antipathy towards the family. God forces yourself to live alone, then It's good to live alone, what do you want a family, anyway, who is not the only one left in the end?Although she thought so, she was not looking for reasons for Philip's unwillingness to take responsibility.

She was for Rhett.She wants to know the reason for his change.What did he say to himself, "I'm not admitting or regretting what I've done. I'm having a good time—it's boring to be happy, so I want to change it. No, what I want to change is just this Zhang Pi, I just want to relive the familiar things in the past, such as the dullness of pretending to be decent--other people's decency, baby, not mine--the peaceful and decent life of the upper class, the real elegant demeanor, the early years in the world In the meantime, I didn’t realize the charm of this kind of leisurely life.”She couldn't understand this passage at the time, she just felt strange and frightened, but unexpectedly couldn't forget it.In the days that followed, she recalled every word in it over and over again, but she didn't seem to really understand what he meant until now.He had been wandering outside for too long, and he was about to go home. She had never given him the feeling of home. He endured it again and again, and finally he was exhausted physically and mentally, and he wanted to go back to his home to recuperate.How similar is this to myself!When Melly died she had been running about the streets for a while before she realized it was Rhett she was looking for.She followed him from Tara to Charleston, and from Charleston back to Tara, and now she went to the north successively, and never gave up. She thought she was just trying to regain her love, but now she realized that it was just a part of it—— Certainly a very important part, but not all.What she really wants to find is the feeling of home, where Rhett is her home.

She knew she was wasting time thinking about things that had nothing to do with what she was here for.Before, she sympathized with Disson's coachman who toiled in the sun without a break, but now she completely forgot his existence, and even Disson himself didn't care.She needs to think about things that are not so difficult for her, so that she can remind herself that she still has the ability to think normally, summon up the courage to face difficulties, and finally come up with a solution to the problem.The previous self was not like this. Scarlett, who grabbed the opportunity as soon as it appeared, was still desperately seizing various opportunities, and even created opportunities by herself, but she could also feel the change in herself.In the past, she was right about things and not about people. As long as she could solve the problem, she didn't care who used what method. Now she is trying to be right about people and things. Naturally, solving problems is still the first priority, but she doesn't want to hurt others. Feelings.

God, is this still me?Scarlett struggled in her heart for a long time without any result--insinuating things really don't suit her, unless she concentrates on what she wants to solve, it is difficult for her to get inspiration from other things--she simply looks down on the present of myself.What's more, the group of waiters downstairs—fortunately, the little waiter she had a crush on didn't join in the fun—seeing her standing on it for a long time without knocking on the door and whispering, they probably couldn't say anything good, what a bunch of people Uneducated people are even more boring than those old women in Atlanta. Who do you think she is?Her courage can almost be said to be stimulated, but in fact it is also almost out of anger. Every time she gets angry, her fear can be driven away, and this time is no exception.She was still expecting Philip to take Paul away just now, but now she doesn't think so. That guy is unworthy on the one hand, and on the other hand, she doesn't want to be seen as a fool by those annoying waiters.She glared at those people, slammed the door forcefully with authority, and slammed their mouths shut.

"Who?" An eager inquiry came from inside the door, although the tension and panic mixed with it could still be heard through the door.It seemed that two weeks of hopeless waiting had worn out Paul's patience and spirit, and sharpened his nerves and even his voice.He turned into a shivering young vole in the cave, waiting wholeheartedly for the eagle to leave quickly and the parents who went out to lure the enemy to return safely.But if he finds that the person he has been looking forward to has not come, and it is himself who has no deep relationship with him, what expression will he make—more importantly, what expression will he make, will he be unable to control his father? Pass on your anger to your son?

These thoughts crossed her mind, but nothing remained. She quickly adjusted her voice, making sure that she would not frighten Paul, who had become frightened, and at the same time, she could convey the densest information in a short time; "I'm Mrs. Butler. I'm not a bad person. Open the door, Paul. Mr. Butler asked me to come to you."

The sound of hurried footsteps was like a drum beating in full swing, but it was suddenly stopped in front of the door.Scarlett was about to knock twice more—softer this time, because her two knocks just now seemed to frighten him—unexpectedly, the door was suddenly opened, and her hand stopped in the air, looking a little embarrassed.

Paul's appearance didn't change from the last time she saw him in her impression. Except that he had grown a lot, he was completely a child who only cared about growing taller and forgot to develop. Even Jack had started to have a beard. His face was still smooth.In addition, he has been terrified recently, and the whole face is full of shock. After seeing him for the first time, his subconscious reaction is to reach out and try to close the door, as if his hands have eyes, which are bigger than real eyes. sensitive.For some reason, his instinctive behavior of self-protection made Scarlet feel very uncomfortable.Before, she was still thinking about how to act in order to deceive Paul, and what kind of expression should be on her face to be considered normal, but she looked at Paul, who was much taller than her, shivering in the room, and the whole person seemed to be small Like No. [-], she instantly forgot the performance she had painstakingly prepared and her hatred for his father. She smiled at him naturally, and was about to speak to comfort him, but it was Paul who spoke first, with a restrained voice. The unstoppable trembling was like a gust of wind blowing into a person's mouth when he was speaking, even the content felt blown to pieces by Scarlett: "It's you, I thought it was... Butler Where is sir?"

"He, he's dealing with some business matters right now, and he can't get away. Let me pick you up and stay at his friend's house first." Scarlett knew that her words were not convincing, and Paul must also know, but the truth It's too cruel, not to mention the intrigue of adults is too difficult for children to understand - I don't fully understand it until now, and I can't say anything if I ask her - so I can only rely on this clumsy lie.