The Director's Road of Airflow

Lu Ming should have been shocked when he received the news from Qiao Siyu, but he wasn't. He seemed to have expected that there was something wrong with his mental health in the past three years.

According to the information provided by Qiao Siyu, he found a psychological consultation clinic on the edge of the third ring road. After reporting his name, he found that he had made an appointment for a follow-up visit in early February.

After seeing Dr. Li, he had a clearer understanding of his situation.

"So, before my brain injury, my depression has recovered. I was diagnosed with major depression in December 2018?"

Li Ying flipped through the archives, pushed the glasses frame on the bridge of her nose, and said: "Yes, but you still need to visit regularly and observe for a period of time. You should pay attention to the balance between work and rest, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Now look at it , everything is normal."

Lu Ming took a deep breath and said, "Then you have my treatment records, that is to say, you know what happened to me in the past three years, don't you? My behavior seems to be a bit abnormal, and my memory stays at Three years ago, I loved life and was positive, but when I woke up, I was surprised to find myself so depressed."

Li Ying showed embarrassment, struggled for a while, and said: "I have your psychological counseling records, and I know the situation under which you have mental health problems. But, Lu Ming, you were just because you suddenly learned something Things, shock, you got depression. Are you sure you have amnesia now, I tell you what happened, can you digest well? As your psychiatrist, I am worried, I think this may not be a good s Choice."

Lu Ming looked calm, and smiled slightly, and said: "But I will know sooner or later, won't I? Either I learned it from you, or I slowly remembered it. I think I have been in a good state recently. Taking advantage of this It may be better and more controllable when the truth is known."

It was already four o'clock in the afternoon when he came out of the psychological consultation clinic. Only a few bars were open at this time, and Lu Ming entered a bar with almost no people.

He should be careful, he should be cautious, after all, he is a well-known public figure, and he shouldn't just walk into a bar at this time.

Fortunately, he was wearing a mask, so no one recognized him. He found a corner to sit down, took off the mask, and ordered a blue margarita. The bartender was a mature worker in the service industry, and he did not Asked more, but did not show surprise at Lu Ming's arrival.

He couldn't tell how he felt now, he didn't seem to be sad, but he was a little bit lost, and he didn't feel that he would be depressed again because of this, but it was somewhat unacceptable.

In his cognition, his parents broke up peacefully because of emotional discord when he was a child.

But three years ago, when he finished school from Nortel and was about to return to his apartment in Chaoyang District, he saw his father's Bentley Continental parked at the door. After he got in the car, his father drove him to a restaurant.

Things were so weird that in the car, on the drive to the restaurant, his dad had the chance to explain something to him ahead of time, but he didn't.

He kept asking how Lu Ming was doing, how he was eating, how he was sleeping, and how his school was doing. Since his parents divorced, Lu Ming and his father didn't have many chances to see each other, and they haven't seen each other for a year. In several meetings, he also refused any help from his father to his acting career with his own financial resources. They are a pair of father and son who are a little strange.

But before that day, he just didn't have a close relationship with his father, and he didn't have too many complaints in his heart.

Leading him into a pre-booked private room, his father——Lu Feng, bent over and coaxed a little boy who seemed to be about 10 years old, then pointed at him, and said to the little boy: "Hey, Rainbow Dash, call me brother!" .”

The little boy shyly hid behind his father, then turned to the woman standing beside him, Lu Feng's former secretary Zhang Wen, who called "Mom".

Lu Feng rubbed his hands, his face was calm like that of a middle-aged successful man, and he said, "This kid is afraid of strangers, so I'm sorry."

Then he paused and said to Lu Ming, "This is your brother, Lu Yun."

From the beginning to the end, he never looked into Lu Ming's eyes.

Lu Ming felt some air rushing up his head, and he felt a little pain in his head. He resisted the urge to knock on the door and leave, and asked word by word: "How old is he?"

It was only then that Lu Feng showed a trace of apology. He concealed it for a long time, but still said: "I will be 11 years old soon after my birthday in November."

When Lu Ming was 10 years old, his parents divorced, that is, in 2010. The child is 12 years old this year, so he was born in 2006.

How can there be any peaceful breakup?His father not only cheated, but also had an illegitimate child, and kept him in the dark like a fool. When the illegitimate child was 12 years old, he would tell him: You have a younger brother.

Lu Ming's mind was a little blurry, he felt a little unsteady, everything in front of him was so absurd, but he finally asked: "Does my mother know?"

"Your mother filed for divorce after she found out about the child."

"Okay, then I know."

After speaking, Lu Ming rushed out, regardless of Lu Feng's call behind him.

He took the subway back to his apartment in Chaoyang District, in a trance along the way.He didn't know how he was feeling now, and he didn't know who to tell. He admired his father since he was a child. Although he chose a completely different path from his father and refused any help from his father, it was actually because He has always hoped to achieve something with his own strength and become the pride in the eyes of his parents.Divorce belongs to divorce, they are always their own parents.

Even when his father and Zhang Wen remarried, he did not raise any objections. Lu Ming, who was only 12 years old at the time, accepted all this obediently, and told his mother that he hoped that he would not become her burden, and that she also had the right to pursue her own happiness.

But now you tell him that that person is his father's mistress, and when he was only 6 years old, his father had an illegitimate child outside.

He couldn't accept all this at all, and he couldn't accept that they kept him in the dark as a fool.He didn't know who else he could trust.He has a younger brother, and they can keep this from him for 12 years.Did they ever have any respect for him?Did you realize that he is also an individual with an independent personality?

But he can't blame his mother either, it's not easy for her to raise him as a single mother, especially since she is a surgeon and usually busy with work, she tries her best to accompany him and take care of the details of his life.He could understand why his mother hadn't told him about it.What a proud person she is, how can she tolerate her husband's betrayal?Not to mention asking her to tell the child that the father has an illegitimate child outside.She was also afraid of provoking him.

But after being kept a secret for so many years, the bloody truth was revealed in front of his eyes, which had a great impact on Lu Ming.

He was still facing the dilemma of music creation. When he first debuted, his dream was to be an original singer.After singing salivary songs became popular, he always wanted to come up with good music he created, but his musical inspiration became more and more elusive and difficult to capture.

When he was taking the college entrance examination, he considered the current difficulties in the domestic music environment, and in order to live up to the expectations of his fans, he considered again and again and chose to apply for the film academy.

The negative emotions that had been pent up for a long time suddenly broke out. At the end of 18, he was in an extremely depressed state, but as a top player, his personal space was too limited.Not only do I face the camera during the day to hide my collapse after experiencing family accidents, but even after returning to the hotel or apartment at two o'clock in the morning, I want to find a quiet corner to lick my wounds alone, and I am disturbed by illegitimate students from time to time. An inexplicable phone call. After the call was made, the person on the other end said nothing, and sometimes even laughed strangely.

Lu Ming began to suffer from insomnia and was overwhelmed. He finally went to the mental health center for an examination and was diagnosed with moderate depression. He was treated with medication and psychological counseling.

But he didn't tell the people around him, he only told Qiao Siyu, who was far away in the United States, that he didn't want to trouble others, and he didn't want his mother to worry.

Only Qiao Siyu, she seemed strong and reliable, he had to find someone to talk to, and if he kept all his thoughts in his heart, he might go crazy.

When he met Zhang Tianyi at the end of 2019, his psychological defense was already on the verge of collapse. At that time, he even had the idea of ​​self-destruction, which shocked him as soon as this idea appeared.He tried his best to catch all the sunshine that appeared in his life. Zhang Tianyi is a person who is tenacious and loves life.From cross-border pharmacy at Jiaotong University to draft idol, she is not timid, and she is not shy when facing the camera.

They knew each other because Zhang Tianyi's father was an engineer who was once a student of Lu Ming's grandfather, and they met at a dinner.

With Zhang Tianyi, he felt very relaxed and felt the long-lost sense of joy, so he asked if he wanted to date.

Before falling in love, he did not forget the so-called idol standards. He knew that idols would lose their fans when they fell in love. He even had an idea at the time: It would be better if everyone took this opportunity to leave, because your favorite Lu Ming I am disappearing little by little. Instead of being sad when I hear the news that I am leaving forever, or watching me gradually lose my ambition and being disappointed, it is better to leave now.

That way, we all have a chance to breathe.

He tried his best to take responsibility, and disclosed the relationship as soon as he confirmed it, so that Zhang Tianyi could rest assured, and he also gave the initiative of choice to fans.

He also wants to have a good relationship and manage a good relationship, but his depression is getting worse and worse, and he no longer has the desire to communicate with others. His love with Zhang Tianyi stops at a hug, and he really doesn't have the energy to maintain a good relationship Feelings, even lost the courage to break up later, just exhausted.

At that time, he just woke up every day, suffered from insomnia, finally fell asleep, and woke up again, reminding himself to live on every moment, relying on his strong will to survive to fight against depression.

Being able to overcome depression and recover in the first half of 2021, this is a battle won by Lu Ming with his tenacious will and active treatment. He has never given up on loving life. It is just the result of a depressed patient struggling hard. Compared with the original For a young man with vitality, it is not the same, it is far behind, and it disappoints many people.

Recalling these, it was not easy for Lu Ming, but after drinking a glass of blue margarita, he still left the bar, returned to his apartment, lifted the piano cover, and began to play Schubert's "Trout ", nothing could soothe his soul more than this quintet.

In the years when he practiced alone in the piano room, this quintet was his favorite song. In the past, he was just happy. Today, he seems to understand why Schubert, who was imprisoned for political reasons, was grounded It's time to write this song.

It turns out that it is not always gratifying to read something, and sometimes it is indeed bitter to grow up.

Lu Ming, who was lying alone on the sofa and let himself go, thought.

But he really can't fall twice in the same place, he has to change something.

At the age of 18, he went on a long trip and saw violence and brutality, but he couldn't look back. He had to go down and go to the next mountain.

The author has something to say: I have already saved the manuscript, I will not cheat, and I will soon reach a small climax of this article, but I feel that the rhythm of the saved chapter is not right, and it is not cool enough, so I will change it and post it again.