[Comprehensive Writer] Lonely Hell

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———————— I began to miss a person, and I couldn’t think about it

"If I could die in hell with Mr. Akutagawa, then I would be a fearless fighter."

Osamu Dazai's smile was soft and innocent, his golden eyes and the glow of the sky reflected each other, and the soft wind gently brushed the ends of his hair.The red-haired young man rubbed against Akutagawa's arm, his eyes filled with yearning and nostalgia undisguised.

He stood where he was, with the red-haired youth in his sight.There was a rare shock in Akutagawa Ryunosuke's eyes, Dazai Osamu's smile was reflected in the clear pupils, and the pure sadness and joy settled at the bottom of those brilliant golden eyes.

He stretched out his hand and gently covered his heart, his eyes opened slightly wide unconsciously.

The impulse that lived in the secret place of the heart, the spark that symbolized the passion of life, the spark that he thought had been extinguished on that rainy night, the purple spark was ignited without warning, crackling and exploding into a bright field.

"Why..." Akutagawa Ryunosuke murmured softly unconsciously, his deep ocean-like eyes were filled with turbulent waves, "Why would Dazai-kun think that way, obviously as long as I'm alone... as long as I'm alone... alright……"

He used to be afraid of loneliness, but after waking up, he gradually relied on the loneliness that no one understood. When despair was about to overwhelm him, he suddenly encountered another kind of despair.

The two kinds of desperation overlapped each other, and the hope born in the collision was like a young flame, but it made his body, which had never felt warm before, gradually return to temperature.

"Because you are the great teacher Akutagawa!" Osamu Dazai grabbed Akutagawa Ryunosuke's hand, his eyes that had just stopped crying were like sunlight after being washed, and the evening primrose was swaying bright yellow at their feet petal.Osamu Dazai raised his head gently, like a swan, he looked closely into Akutagawa Ryunosuke's eyes, "I really, really miss you when the teacher is gone."

He missed the other party's voice, missed the other party's figure, missed the ups and downs of the other party's breathing and the temperature of the fingers, and missed the way the other party spoke.The constant longing has been eating away at his heart and devouring his flesh and blood.

Osamu Dazai once thought that he was going to be tormented to death by this painful and happy thought.

But perhaps, it was because he had suffered enough before that he was so happy now.

"I miss you so much that I'm dying." He repeated his words again, and said emphatically, "So I will never allow Mr. Akutagawa to fall into hell alone."

"I understand the pain of people who want to commit suicide, so I can't stop your wishes. I even hate those people who don't understand the plight of people who commit suicide and say things like why are you still alive."

"So the only thing I can do is to fall into hell with Mr. Akutagawa." The corner of the red-haired young man's mouth raised a naive and slightly childish smile, "Please don't worry, I am still very good at dying for love , especially with you, Akutagawa-sensei."

He seemed to be stepping on the clouds and turned into a light bird, and said in a dreamy and sincere tone: "That will be the only love for me in the world."

At that moment, Akutagawa Ryunosuke thought of Rasino, Molière and Bauer. He once sincerely envied those people who wanted to commit suicide with their friends, but now he felt that it was vaguely built on the heart The walls of the house have become as thin as paper, a little bit closer, a little bit closer...

So Akutagawa Ryunosuke watched him, slowly showing a vaguely confused expression of thinking.

"Why?" Akutagawa Ryunosuke repeated his own words again, "Even if Dazai-kun said so, it's hard for me to say any words of praise." His eyes gradually recovered a little, but he wanted to continue using those words. asked in a flat voice.

Osamu Dazai smiled again: "It's okay, I survived because of you, Akutagawa-sensei, and it doesn't matter if you die because of Akutagawa-sensei."

"It would be the cruelest if you, Mr. Akutagawa, leave me behind." Dazai Osamu's gilt eyes were filled with almost sad tenderness, "I only care about you, Mr. Akutagawa."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but finally fell silent.

When he first woke up, he didn't want another self to disappear in that world because of himself, and it was difficult to overcome the deep desire to leave regardless of everything.He stands at the junction of life and death, rationality and sensibility, trying to maintain balance like stepping on a tightrope.

The other world wasn't where he escaped from the pain, but it made the pain deeper.

Loneliness is a shadow that can never be shaken off. He knew this after waking up. He could obviously look at another stranger in the mirror, but when everyone looked at him with longing eyes, he would Unable to freely replace another self to die.

He fell into the lonely hell of eternal darkness, and he had already cut off the idea of ​​touching the light.But at this moment, hope came without warning, Akutagawa Ryunosuke stared at Dazai Osamu's golden eyes, as if he wanted to engrave it in his mind and never forget it.

The electric spark in the heart was blooming, Akutagawa Ryunosuke slowly stretched out his hand, and gently hugged the person in front of him.

Together with the loneliness and pain suppressed in my heart that could not be told to anyone in that world before, it seems to be comforted by this hug.

People are qualified to understand others only when they are in similar tragedies. Akutagawa Ryunosuke hugged the red-haired child, and the temperature passed from the other person's body to his heart inch by inch.

The quiet moonlight slowly climbed up to the sky, and then the whole space shook like a wave of water being hit.Akutagawa Ryunosuke looked down at his hands, he saw his body gradually becoming transparent, but his soul resonated deeply like a bell.

"It seems that you are going back, Dazai-kun." Akutagawa Ryunosuke slowly let go of his hand and said calmly.

A beam of light was projected from above, and Osamu Dazai felt himself being pulled outward by an irresistible suction force.His gaze was still fixed on Akutagawa Ryunosuke, who was gradually becoming transparent, he grabbed the opponent's wrist, and shouted with all his strength.

"Master Akutagawa, you must wait for me, I will definitely find you, whether it is hell or the world, I will never give up!"

He seemed to want to burst out all the courage that was left in his life from his heart at once, and the voice of crying echoed between the heaven and the earth.

"So, before I find you, I beg you, I beg you to persevere in living!"

Akutagawa's eyes reflected the distant figure of the other party attracted by the light, and his own body gradually became transparent.

This might be an indefinite agreement, he thought.

But Ryunosuke Akutagawa smiled easily because of the joy he had never had in his heart.

"it is good……"

The author has something to say:

What everyone saw was not Mr. Akutagawa, but Osamu Dazai was the only one who was watching Mr. Akutagawa after he woke up.Therefore, for two people, the other person is the person they long for, and they are also in the lonely hell, their only light of hope.

It is also a love affair, but there is an essential difference between Dazai and Little Cherry.

This is a two-way contract.

Willing to live because of you, and daring to die because of you, this is the most romantic confession I can think of.

感谢在2020-03-1418:42:03~2020-03-1919:22:40期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: Yu Ying Shengge 1;

Thanks to the little angel who cast the mine: I have 3 among all things; Sifang Qingyun, Shanhe Temple, 42148345, Luoyan Chenye 1;

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：柏芝29瓶；玦何为难砄20瓶；古灵黑猫18瓶；AC安生15瓶；落言晨夜10瓶；嘻嘻嘻、想成为学霸浮⒃浦韵5瓶；一剑霜寒十四州、萩槿、津岛中也、小花花送给你1瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!

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