[Comprehensive Writer] Lonely Hell

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—————A golden dream that knows nothing will suddenly appear in the sky

As soon as he left the Yokohama beach, Akutagawa Ryunosuke felt an inexplicable sense of relief.

It had nothing to do with the salty sea, but probably because he was out of the sight of those people who didn't want to see him at this moment.Akutagawa has to admit that even though reason tells him that those people have nothing to do with the people he knows, people cannot be completely driven by reason.

It wasn't that he couldn't see the emotion in the man's eyes, but it had nothing to do with him in the final analysis, and a person couldn't bear too many things that didn't belong to him, so he chose to leave almost coldly.

Akutagawa walked slowly along the stone pavement, he shuttled in the street, the warm wind hit him, he stretched out his hand and held a yellowish dead leaf.The yellow leaves have clear veins, and they will be easily broken and turned into powder with a light touch. Some of the powder is scattered on his lips, shining like winter snow in a trance.

His mood gradually returned to a peaceful temperature, as if any suffering in the world could not overwhelm him.Akutagawa walked slowly to the wooden bench in the park and sat down, holding the dead leaf in his hand.

The eyelashes, like the remnant wings of a butterfly, slowly lowered, casting a gentle shadow under the quiet eyes.The young man was wearing a night-like coat, sitting quietly on the bench, like a peaceful ink painting.

He once again recalled the scene he had just seen, and subconsciously reached for his pocket, but couldn't find any pens.Then Akutagawa finally remembered that his pen seemed to have fallen out of his pocket at some point.

Akutagawa shook his head helplessly. He couldn't go to other places to buy pens at this time, so he had to use his brain to scrape out the materials and rebuild them into a brand new fortress.

I don't know when an old man was sitting next to him. The other party looked at the young man talking to himself with some curiosity, and drew some words on the pants with his fingers from time to time.

"Boy, what are you thinking?"

The thoughts weaving in his brain were suddenly interrupted, Akutagawa turned his head in a daze, and he saw a short and slightly fat old man with white beard, with snow-white hair and eyebrows, and a pair of blue eyes looking at him .

Out of politeness, Akutagawa answered truthfully: "I'm thinking about novel material."

"Ah, are you a writer? Young man?" the old man asked kindly, and Ryunosuke Akutagawa replied, "It's not a famous writer, just a person who writes articles."

"That's it..." The old man seemed to be thinking about something that had nothing to do with this spur-of-the-moment conversation, "By the way, young man, you writers should think about a lot of questions, right? Then do you sometimes feel that you It's not you anymore?"

Akutagawa Ryunosuke was stunned for a few seconds, then he pursed his lips tightly and frowned slightly.This kind of philosophical problem is not a puzzle that only belongs to philosophers, but also belongs to writers, not to mention that his current situation will not be more incompatible with this dilemma.

"You mean, 'The Ship of Theseus'?" Akutagawa immediately thought of a term, and seeing the puzzled look of the old man opposite him, he took the initiative to explain.

"A ship that can sail at sea for hundreds of years, with constant repairs and replacement parts. As soon as a plank rots, it is replaced until all the functional parts are not what they were at the beginning. The end result Is the ship still the original Ship of Theseus, or is it a completely different ship?"

There was a flash of light in the old man's eyes, and he nodded: "Yes, that's it. I've been stuck in this problem recently and can't find any way out. It's like the human body is constantly metabolizing and repairing itself, so after a few years you will be Not you, like a ship is not a ship."

Akutagawa fell into silence. He weighed his words and said: "Actually, what I think is only my own opinion. Whether the ship is still the original ship or not depends not only on its structure, but also on the space and space. Time. The Ship of Theseus has always existed if the shipbuilders thought it was the original ship."

"Death is not just the demise of a life, forgetting is the more essential thing of death."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke sincerely believes that human beings are creatures made of memories.Therefore, after finally recalling everything in the past, his confusion about being Ryunosuke Akutagawa gradually dissipated.

The old man looked at him with his eyes open, and then laughed three times without warning.The young man was frightened by the other party's behavior. He watched the old man seem to let go of some burden that had been weighing on his heart, and even his beard was filled with a relaxed atmosphere.

The old man stood up and stretched his arms. He smiled and said to the young man who was still sitting on the chair: "Thank you, young man, thank you for solving my predicament. Now I can go away easily, wasting your money." Time is really sorry."

"Ah, if I can help you, it would be a pleasure for me." Akutagawa Ryunosuke was still a little at a loss, he didn't know where he helped the other party, those were just his personalization Thoughts like, "Do you have something to leave, so bye."

"Goodbye young man, I hope that I, an old man, will see you in the future." The old man waved at him, turned and left.Akutagawa Ryunosuke looked at his back, and seemed to see the shadow of the white whale for a moment.

The young man blinked, the scene in front of him seemed like no one had ever been there before.He nodded blankly, but his brain immediately instinctively continued to weave the structure of the novel.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke turned his gaze back to the front, the breeze blew by, and the leaves rustled. In fact, the plight of the Ship of Theseus troubled him for a long time, like walking in a spiral maze.Even if he usually doesn't want to think about it, he can always emerge from a dusty corner at an inappropriate time.

At this moment, he even felt sorry and guilty for everyone in this world.

The dim sunlight shone on him, Akutagawa Ryunosuke stretched out his hand and fastened his coat.The slightly cool chill drilled into his sleeves along his sleeves, like a cold snake.He reached into his pocket again and took out a cigarette and lighter.

The smoke was lit, and the white smoke surrounded the young man, as if in a trance, like a fairy in a myth.Akutagawa was once again lost in thought.

He couldn't help admitting that he was relaxed and happy when he passed out at that moment, and even when he woke up again, he still thought about why no one was willing to gently strangle him to death in his sleep, so that he might be To be able to break free from this world of pain and stay forever in that world of dreams, like a lost traveler forever lost in a mirage in the desert.

In the next second, those gilt eyes filled with tears reappeared in his mind, burning like extremely hot flames.Akutagawa opened his mouth slightly, and then sighed as if laughing.

How could he forget that red-haired child, suppressing the desire for death and excluding everything to find his own child, the begging words echoed in his mind.

That pure soul without a trace of distracting thoughts, like the most brilliant golden flame, was like the sun on the plateau had fallen into his eyes.Akutagawa Ryunosuke didn't have this kind of experience before, but he found that he didn't hate him, and even felt the long-lost happiness.

The temperature returned to him little by little, and the young man covered his face and laughed silently.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa, you can't break your promise.

Thinking of this, the long-lost courage surged up again.

But, I miss you all, Natsume-sensei, Hiroshi, Kume, Shiga-san... Akutagawa looked down and thought.

Also, Dazai-kun, I'm already missing you.

A young man in a red cloak stood on the steps. He raised his head to look at the bright moonlight, his golden eyes reflecting the empty courtyard.

The hand hanging by the side slowly clenched into a fist.

The courtyard was still incomplete to him now, and the smile that was always on his face faded slowly as he stood alone on the cold steps.

I still miss you, Mr. Akutagawa.

I miss you more than last second.

The author has something to say:

When I wrote this book, I didn't publish Wenlian animation, so the erosion and subtext in it are all from the settings of my own construction.

Let me explain a bit, Mr. Akutagawa's desire to die still exists, but because of Little Cherry, his desire to live has increased a little. (So ​​little cherry, you have to move fast~

感谢在2020-03-3022:50:28~2020-04-0520:15:42期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: 1 in Qing Xia Wuyun;

Thanks to the little angels who cast mines: 3 in Qing Xia Wu Yun;

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：清书十三316瓶；陌上花开，可缓缓归矣100瓶；Bu84瓶；林默69瓶；vic、泷灵40瓶；萧浅生34瓶；安平笺30瓶；当为天地客15瓶；十束昀9瓶；修治、白百、絮语、瞬零5瓶；嘻嘻嘻3瓶；凉凉有仪2瓶；嫁刀长谷部、江喧和、雨遇鱼语、丘耳、傅浪1瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!

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