The Third Rose

During the second half of the summer vacation, Lu Hao still did not contact Chen Xingze.

On the first day of school, Chen Xingze came to the school with a feeling of apprehension. He was stunned the first time he saw Lu Hao.

"How did you lose so much weight?"

"Yes, I didn't pay attention."

Chen Xingze tried to joke with him, "Is it because KFC in the United States is too bad?"

"possible."

In the new semester, Lu Hao and Chen Xingze still acted together, and they tacitly did not mention the matter of their previous confession.Although Chen Xingze has been trying his best to pretend to be normal, he still feels that the atmosphere with Lu Hao is often awkward.

Chen Xingze began to ask Lu Hao to play frequently, hoping that this would bring him back to his original state.On the court, although they communicate less than before, their tacit understanding has improved to a higher level, and they can understand each other's inner thoughts with just one look.

Chen Xingze was both happy and worried about this.

"Hey!"

Occasionally slipping away, Chen Xingze was bumped on the shoulder. He turned around and saw a boy from Class [-] glaring at him angrily.

"Your telephone pole, you can't even move the pole! If you don't play, you will end!"

It seemed that they bumped into it while returning to defense. Just as Chen Xingze was about to apologize, a black shadow suddenly appeared behind him.Lu Hao went up and pushed the boy, and said in a low voice, "Who are you scolding?"

The boy was puzzled, "What did you scold, what did I scold?"

Seeing that Lu Hao was about to roll up his sleeves, Chen Xingze quickly pulled him back and apologized to him. "I'm sorry, you guys are playing." He pulled Lu Hao to the nearby grape arbor for education. "Have you taken gunpowder?"

Lu Hao lifted his clothes to wipe the sweat off his face, and said as it should, "No, I'm just upset."

"What are you upset about?"

"What do you say?"

Chen Xingze sat next to Lu Hao, Lu Hao stopped to wipe his sweat, silence spread, and Chen Xingze struggled to find a topic.

"The vines...are so lush."

"Ah."

"The grapes will grow soon."

"Ah."

"do you want to eat?"

"Do not want to."

Chen Xingze had never felt that he was such an idiot.

Perhaps because he understood Chen Xingze's entanglement, Lu Hao turned his head and smiled at him, Chen Xingze was dazzled by that smile.

"Why did you cut your hair so short?"

"This one." Lu Hao scratched his head, "I shaved it in the United States, and said it was a soldier's head, handsome?"

"How handsome, like a monk."

"I think it's pretty good, it saves trouble." After Lu Hao grabbed his own, he came to grab Chen Xingze again. "Your hair is long, didn't you cut it during the holidays?"

It was just an ordinary question, but as soon as Lu Hao's hand touched Chen Xingze's hair, both of them felt a subtle feeling in their hearts.

Lu Hao's voice became shallow, and his hands slowly moved back, supporting the back of Chen Xingze's head.

Lu Hao looked at him with a look that Chen Xingze was too familiar with.Infatuation, obsession... Lu Hao treats him too well, Chen Xingze always sees from Lu Hao how he once pursued You Xiaolin like looking in a mirror.

Chen Xingze said, "Don't look at me like that."

"I'm sorry." Lu Hao apologized, "I don't want to, but I'm too stupid to hide things."

Lu Hao's eyes were very red, and Chen Xingze felt that he was to blame for his death.

He kept praying that Lu Hao would not cry, but it didn't work. Lu Hao endured so much that his ears burned, and finally shed a tear.The moment the tears fell, he lowered his head, not wanting Chen Xingze to see it.

Lu Hao lowered his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't expect to feel so uncomfortable."

Chen Xingze's psychological defense was about to collapse.

"I really didn't expect that liking someone would be so uncomfortable. This is the first time for me." Lu Hao pressed his face tightly with his big hand that could only easily grab a basketball. Because of patience, the blood vessels on his temples burst out .

Lu Hao: "Do you remember that I called you once during the holiday?"

Chen Xingze: "Yes."

Lu Hao whispered: "Actually, something happened that day. Someone died in the surfing place. When the body was picked up, it was already swollen. It was disgusting, but the family still hugged it tightly. At that time, I was thinking, what if I die? If it was me, would you feel sick when you saw my dead body, or would you hug me?"

Chen Xingze was shocked.

As birds flew by in the sky, Chen Xingze suddenly thought of his former self, the one who, after being rejected by You Xiaolin, would rather be hit to death by the next car in order to test whether the other party would regret it.

Lu Hao said: "After thinking about it, I was sad for a long time, because I didn't think you would hug me."

Chen Xingze's heart tightened.

"I'm so cold-blooded in your heart?"

"Correct."

Lu Hao raised his head and looked at Chen Xingze with a blushing face, "You are cold-blooded and an asshole! You know that I miss you, but you haven't contacted me during the whole vacation."

Chen Xingze had nothing to say.

Lu Hao vented his anger: "How do you make me believe that you will hug me? You just pretend to be stupid. You know what I want to say and what I want, but you always go around. I think of you first in everything, But what about you, am I a shit in your heart!"

"Who said that!" Chen Xingze retorted, how could it be bullshit.

"What's that?" Lu Hao pressed, "What am I to you, classmate? Friend?" The more he talked, the more angry he became, but he couldn't vent his anger on Chen Xingze. In the end, all his anger was internalized and he began to spill it. "I don't want to do any of this! Chen Xingze, are you fucking gay?! Why do I feel like you're fake!"

"..."

He is the real deal.

It is because the goods are genuine that we cannot agree casually.

Class was about to start, and Chen Xingze handed Lu Hao a pack of tissues.He endured the discomfort and coaxed Lu Hao back to the classroom.

Seeing the increasingly depressed Lu Hao, Chen Xingze began to suffer from frequent insomnia.He couldn't connect the pain with Lu Hao, this boy who grew up with a golden spoon in his mouth, he should always be happy.

He remembered a sentence Zhang Ailing said, "Because you know, you are merciful."Chen Xingze has experienced failure, he knows what it feels like.He was so entangled, and when he really couldn't sleep, he used his mobile phone to visit gay forums, searched for tragic stories about falling in love with straight men, and brainwashed himself over and over again.

One night, he saw a long post, it was a little shou recording his ten-year experience with the straight boy Fa Xiao.Like all similar posts, this story also had a fantastic beginning. They were childhood sweethearts and grew up together. The straight guy found out about Xiao Shou's sexual orientation. Later, under Xiao Shou's hint, the two got together.It's a pity that the good times didn't last long, they broke up three years later, Xiao Shou couldn't get out for a long time, and the straight man Fa Xiao soon got married.

At the end of the post, Xiao Shou dissuaded the same kind from falling in love with straight men. "It's destined to be an unfair feeling. It's like you broke your fortune and embarked on a journey, but he always has a return ticket in his pocket."

After Chen Xingze finished reading the story, he scrolled down to the netizens' comments.Someone left a message saying that a straight male colleague in the company liked him and confessed to him. He didn't know if the other party was impulsive and still hesitating.Someone below replied to him, "Only immature gays waste time with straight men".Chen Xingze looked down again, and the floor master replied to this person, "I understand what you said, but I don't want him to be sad."

During those days of insomnia, Chen Xingze read countless stories and countless posts, but in fact, only this sentence really entered his heart.

Chen Xingze repeated it over and over again, and finally lay flat on the bed, and took a long breath.

As a huge group of human beings, their compassion lies in the fact that no matter what kind of individual, no matter what kind of thoughts, there will always be a bosom friend somewhere in this world.

This is often the case with people. As long as you know that you are not fighting alone, you will feel at ease and gain courage.

Chen Xingze sent a text message to Mi Sheng that night.

After that breakup, Chen Xingze followed Jo's advice and did not take the initiative to contact Mi Sheng.Sure enough, Mi Sheng called him not long after, with the same attitude as before, as if nothing happened before.

Mi Sheng can be regarded as Chen Xingze's only friend in the circle. Although his character is a bit difficult to describe, Chen Xingze still wants to tell him his decision as soon as possible.

——I want to agree to Lu Hao's confession.

He was about to rest after posting, but he didn't expect that Mi Sheng was also a nocturnal creature, and he didn't sleep most of the night, so he quickly replied.

—You think you can bend him.

——I don’t know, but it shouldn’t be so easy to change my sexual orientation.

——Then what do you mean, carpe diem?

Chen Xingze thought for a while and replied.

——It’s okay to say that.

— Well, I'll wait to see your miserable results.

——It doesn't matter, I'm mentally prepared, no matter what the result is, I can accept it.

For a long time, Mi Sheng didn't respond to any messages. Chen Xingze lay on the bed with his cheeks sunk into the soft pillow.

Chen Xingze's relationship experience is very thin, so far only You Xiaolin and Lu Hao, he regards them as the most important flowers in his life.Back then, You Xiaolin didn't like homosexuality, so he watched from afar.Now that Lu Hao wishes to be with him, he can also agree.Even if he knew that Lu Hao couldn't read gay magazines and movies at all, he couldn't help frowning when he saw Zero with an awkward posture on the street.

It doesn't matter.

He is willing to be the soil to support the roses, even if it dries up and cracks in the end, it doesn't matter.

Chen Xingze finally sent a message to Mi Sheng.

——I think, if it really comes to the time of parting in the future, it shouldn't be too miserable.At least I have loved and been loved without reservation.

Mi Sheng stood on the street at midnight, reeking of alcohol all over his body.

"Why hasn't this surrogate driver come here yet?" The people beside him cursed and moved closer to Mi Sheng, "What are you looking at? There's been no movement for so long."

Mi Sheng lowered his head and said softly, "Prescription."

"Prescription? What medicine? Are you sick?" The man looked at Mi Sheng suspiciously, then took two steps back suddenly, and said cautiously, "What disease?"

Mi Sheng put away his mobile phone and said with a smile: "Ah, I'm sick, remember to stay away from me." He turned and walked away, the man caught up with him, and said with a playful smile, "It's definitely fine, Director Gao won't see you long ago if something happens. .”

Mi Sheng turned his head, his slender eyes were full of moonlight, and he lifted the opponent's chin with his slender fingers.

The man was a little surprised, he rarely saw Mi Sheng's expression like this, serious and confused, hazy and intoxicated, beyond beauty.

Mi Sheng said lightly: "Let me ask you, what do you think love is?"

The man was dumbfounded when asked, "Love? What love, you fell in love with me?" He grinned exaggeratedly, "Hey, I love you too, tell me, what else do you want?"

Mi Sheng was silent and said, "I want to be ten years younger."

"what?"

Seeing the man's puzzled face, Mi Sheng woke up and smiled himself.He flicked his shoulder, said softly, "I'm just kidding you", and turned away.