Can't Su

Fanwai·Dagger

【He abruptly turned himself into another person. 】The rain outside the window was pattering, hitting the blades and the windows with a crisp sound, and a few wisps of sunshine that were not brilliant but extraordinarily warm spilled into the house through the window sills, and a few blurred shadows fell on the ground.Under the light and shadow, the child who was only two or three years old was lying in the arms of the simple and honest doll bear, giggling, his white and soft hands clenched into fists, and waving towards the man not far away.

Looking at his daughter's waving little hands, John's originally depressed expression immediately eased a lot.He made a funny face at his precious daughter, and successfully reaped the child's cheerful laughter, which made his expression soften a lot. He looked at his daughter dotingly with brown eyes, and put on a lot of exaggerated appearances.

With a "snap", the back of John's head, who was originally teasing his daughter remotely, was slapped mercilessly. The woman who was clearly wearing loose home clothes had an indescribable taste in her gestures, and she didn't deliberately dress up. Just this home scene Against the backdrop of the outstanding facial features and moving figure, it looks like a painting.

"You'd better get out, the boss wants to see you." Rose was worried about why she would fall in love with such an idiot, and at the same time rushed John, who was reluctant to let go and wanted to hang out for a while, out of the house.

After John kissed his wife on the face, he walked out of the door, and greeted the free carriage on the side of the road with familiarity, and rushed towards Wangcheng.

The speed of the carriage was not slow, and the main road of Sein was as spacious and smooth as ever. John opened the window on the carriage, looked at the scene full of vitality outside the house, and sighed with emotion.

The two sides of the street are no longer empty as before, and the green bushes that have just bloomed with small flowers are stretched in the rain, rustling with the wind.Because of the rain, there were not many pedestrians on the street, only couples in twos and threes leaning together sweetly, holding hands and enjoying the frozen romance on the road.Their eyes were bright and clear that they had never experienced during that dark time, which made John's eyes flash a little smile.

Such a day is very good.

Sein used to be a nightmare existence, with extremely scarce resources, felons, desperadoes, and a few real "people".Even if they couldn't kill directly or fight each other because of the existence of Sein's law, those days were just like the sky in Sein's time, without light—it was always gloomy.

The transformation came in his tenth year of exile in Sein.At that time, it happened that I didn't know which qualifying match was held in the arena, but this was not the point. The point was that that day was also the day when wild beasts attacked Sein, and it was the nightmare of all Sein's prisoners.

In that nightmare, the vast majority of people died or were injured, and most of those who did not die were killed by various reasons in the subsequent struggle for the control of Sein.The main reason why he was fine was that he was on the right team.

He clearly remembered that day they fought against a large number of desolate beasts under the leadership of Amber and Dagger. When they won, they were all exhausted and lay on the ground, unable to recover.

I don't know how long it took, after they stood up one after another, they saw the expressionless dagger opened the barrier and stood in the middle of the main road.At that time, the rain had stopped, the air was full of sticky smell, and the dagger, which was colder than usual, just looked at everyone like this.

"The lone wolf and the knight are dead. The shadow escaped and disappeared."

"Sean, free."

Yes, Sein is free now.After that, the magical elements in the air began to gradually recover, and there were fewer and fewer wild beasts. The sun, moon and stars began to appear, and finally there were green plants and clean water.

They don't know why such a change, but they love it from the bottom of their hearts.During this period of time, the dagger suppressed all the forces that were about to move with thunder, and after killing most of the prisoners, his dominance was confirmed.Sein's law is also gone, and diplomatic relations have been established with outside forces, and it has become a truly independent trade and tourism city.

John was taken to the study room on the second floor of Wangcheng by the butler with a formal smile, and saw the dagger buried in the documents in front of the heavy brown table.The man in his thirties raised his head when he realized he was coming, with a familiar arc on his mouth: "You're here, John."

The man in front of him had faded from his youthful youthfulness, but he also couldn't regain his former vitality.He didn't know what happened in Wangcheng that day, but from that day on, the former leader of their team didn't look like a human being at all.

"Why are you standing still and not talking, huh?" Dagger was a little helpless. He pointed to the chair opposite him and motioned for John to sit down. The smile on his face never disappeared.

John lowered his head uncomfortably and walked over to sit on the chair. The chair was very soft, and it was padded carefully. It was a kind of enjoyment to sit on it.There are many exquisite and delicious snacks on the silver mobile dining table at the side, and that tempting fragrance has been floating in the study room. John couldn't help but turned sideways, moving away from the table.

"Don't like it? Then bring it to me. Let's discuss the development policy for the second half of the year." The dagger took the dessert that John handed over, and stuffed it into his mouth in small bites. coffee.

The captain in his youth also didn't like sweets, and there were other people who really liked sweets.Similarly, there are other people who like to face everything with a perfunctory smile.

The man who was fleeting like a shining meteor.

John is not happy to come to see the dagger, because he very much disapproves of the dagger making himself into such a ghost.He is living like another person now, and that person is indeed very good. He does not deny this, but the dagger is not bad either.But he changed from indifference to gentleness, from minimalism to pursuit of comfort, from not fond of snacks to fond of sweets without any foreshadowing...

He abruptly turned himself into another person.

"Okay, that's it." Dagger nodded in satisfaction, and waved his hand to let John, who couldn't wait to leave, go out.

With the sound of John closing the door, the entire study room fell into silence, so that the dagger could hear his breathing and heartbeat clearly. The place where his eyes touched was the heavy dark red bookshelf, densely packed with books of various colors .This is an environment that makes him uneasy, but it is also an environment that he enjoys immensely.

He doesn't want to recall his past because there's nothing to remember about it.He also doesn't want to think about his present, because now he is only living for a certain obsession.He didn't even want to look into his future, oh—no, if Amber could appear one day, he would be able to look into the future.

He wanted to go back to that time countless times, he hated himself why he had to stop, why he couldn't hold him back, even if it was - being sucked in instead of him!But the final result was that he could only watch helplessly as he was sucked into the black vortex and disappeared without a trace.

For a long time, he couldn't distinguish his true feelings for Amber, or he had been avoiding this topic subconsciously.He would subconsciously dislike anyone who appeared beside Amber, subconsciously act coquettishly, just to enjoy Amber's doting eyes, and subconsciously... suppress his instinctive desire.

He longed to be able to protect him, he longed to be by his side all the time, and he also longed for... certain scenes that would only appear in obscure dreams.The inadvertent touch of fingertips, or just eye contact made him feel unspeakably excited.

Teenagers don't know how to like.

This made him sincerely regret it.He no longer justifiably pursued him and told him his heart.

The ending of everything... was decided in an instant that day.

"I can't think about it anymore..." There was a familiar pain in the head, and the dagger closed his eyes tiredly, leaning on the soft chair.But how could you not want to?

Can't cry.

Can't shout out.

He could only tear open the wound in his heart over and over again, and the pain caused by that could soothe the anxiety he felt all the time.

There was silence in the study room, and a soft sigh came from after a long time.

"amber……"

=================== Well, [-] in [-] is here ==============

Fanwai·Lake

【A heaven, a hell】

This is a secret room without windows, the walls are uneven, and the decoration is very simple, it can be said that there is no room at all.Looking around, precious ancient books were randomly thrown on the ground in a mess, everywhere.The walls look like they have been graffitied by hand, but if you look closely, there are extremely complicated patterns.The elemental ball was hung on the roof, and the soft light illuminated the entire secret room. It could be seen that there were no other things except books, paper and pens.Sitting in the corner was a man in a black robe, with short blue hair, staring intently at the book in front of him, muttering a few words from time to time.

At this time, the sound of heavy objects being removed came from the room.The wall with a slightly different color from the other walls was slowly moved away, and a tall figure in the light appeared at the door of the secret room.

The blue-haired man didn't look up, as if he didn't hear any movement, but just buried his head in the books, as if thinking of something again, he took out a pen and paper from the chaotic pile of books and started writing.

"Food for this month." The man didn't say much. He looked at the blue-haired man with sarcasm in his eyes. He dropped the food and turned away, as if staying for a while would be suffering.

Of course, how could it not be suffering.This... is where Amber disappeared.

After the dagger left, the lake twitched its lips.After throwing the things in his hands on the ground, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.There are some obvious bumps on the back that give a slight tingle when you put all your weight on it.

He regretted countless times, regretting to the point of scratching his heart and lungs, wishing to dig out his heart and crush it piece by piece with his own hands, wishing to shatter his former self into ashes.

But what's the use?He can't come back.

So he endured the desire to die, and chose to stay in this secret room, which was painful to read again and again, to study countless classics, hoping to activate this magic circle again and suck himself into it.It would be best if he could be rescued, but if he couldn't, it would be good to accompany Kohaku to die like this.

What is Amber to me?

The lake has thought about this question countless times.In the end, there may be only one word that can sum it up, faith—or the only salvation.

He is the brother he has sworn countless times to protect with his life.In memory, the thin but gentle elder brother.The elder brother who put his little self under him and accepted the torture of his cruel father instead of him.The elder brother who was always smiling, comforting himself with a smile, rubbing his head with a smile, and pulling out the long-awaited snack from his arms like magic with a smile.

That's why he didn't hesitate to beat his brother unconscious at that time, and replaced him as a bargain between the nobleman and the man who was his father.

The habit of dressing up as a woman was also formed during that time. Originally, he planned to run away to find his brother, but he was thrown to Sein by that nobleman.He wanted to go out like crazy, he couldn't even imagine how that thin brother could survive his father's torment.

My brother is so kind to himself, no one has ever been so kind to him.He was the only ray of light in his youthful memory, so good that he felt that he didn't have to repay everything, that would be to be sorry for him.

Later he met Amber.The guy who was extremely cruel to him when we first met.Logically speaking, he shouldn't have liked him.but……

Amber's gentleness is always only for those around her.

You can feel it when you are around him.The kind of pampering that envelops your whole being will make you wish you could drown in his surroundings.

He had struggled, wanted to escape, wanted to stay away from the atmosphere that made his heart beat.But it can't be done, really, can't be done.Sein, who is forever dull, only by his side can make people feel at ease and make people let go of all guards.Therefore, whether it is a dagger or a lone wolf, the strong who are invulnerable in front of others are willing to act like a baby in front of him and enjoy his pampering, which is an addictive taste.

However, when he realized that he had been poisoned by the poison named Amber and couldn't extricate himself, he had already fallen into a dilemma and could no longer turn back.

He cooperated with the knight and personally pushed himself into a desperate situation.

A heaven, a hell.When he made this decision, he fell into hell, tormented for eternity, and it was difficult to find peace again.

He blindly convinced himself that everything I did was for my brother, and I could abandon everything for my brother.

He forcibly suppressed all the struggles in his heart-brother is far more important than Amber, really, really.

he……

"Amber..." A hoarse and depressing voice came from the silent secret room. The voice was very soft, but it seemed to have exhausted all its strength, with indescribable complex emotions.

He's just kidding himself.

He remembered that after hearing the big movement in the secret room, he finally couldn't help worrying and ran over, but happened to see the scene where Amber disappeared.

He is gone.

never to be seen again.

Don't hesitate, don't struggle, God has made a choice for you.

He knelt on the ground without crying.He never shed tears, but the pain was far better than tears a thousand times.

If the elder brother is the light, he gave himself the courage to survive.Amber is the heart, without him, I cannot live.

When he was young, he once firmly believed that no one in the world could not live without someone.Those so-called feelings are just rhetoric before going to bed.But he himself is exceptionally suitable for such words.

"Huhu, you are just too extreme."

I don't know what someone said clearly appeared in my mind again.

Love desires life, hate desires death, either life or death, this is him.He was the only one who was faced with the multiple-choice question of one thought of heaven and one thought of hell.

The most ridiculous thing is that at the end he learned that the amber that made him so addicted that he couldn't protect himself was the brother in his heart, the brother he was thinking of.

Perhaps this is his punishment—the punishment of falling into eternal hell.

He still didn't cry.

He just smiled and continued to devote himself to the research of the magic circle.

One day, I will be able to find you.One day, I will kneel before you, confess everything, and let you dispose of me.

Before that day comes, I just need to spend my whole life looking for a way to see you, that's enough.

Right, Amber...brother.