Gu Nianruochu

Yin Xu's attitude of resistance is very tough. Even if his body is controlled by drugs and it is difficult to stay awake, he can't use much strength, but as soon as he feels that the other party is trying to touch him, he pushes away as hard as he can, and scolds in disgust, "Getoffme, bitch."

After being pushed away three or four times in a row, Lin Feien finally ran out of patience, and the night she was instigated by those friends to occupy Yin Xu in this way was nothing more than to try the joy of getting close to the person she likes , your love and my willingness are of course the most ideal result, but if she is not only resisted but also reprimanded with insulting words, she will not be able to bear such humiliation.

Lin Feien snatched his phone from Yin Xu's trembling hand, clicked on the text message interface, there was only a dialog box on it, she knew who it was without thinking, she entered the hotel address and room number on it, and then Added a sentence [Come over and pick me up. (Come over and pick me up.)] and send it over.

It was already one o'clock in the morning when Wei Siyuan received Yin Xu's text message. On the street where there was no one in sight, the wind was bleak and everything was still. fall out.

He saw that Yin Xu's text messages were rarely written in English, and subconsciously felt that something had happened. He called again, but Yin Xu still didn't answer, so he couldn't care less about anything and immediately called a car to rush over.

Wei Siyuan came to the door of the hotel room according to the instructions in the text message, and rang the doorbell, but there was no response. He pressed it anxiously for a dozen or twenty times, and his hands began to break out in cold sweat. Finally, a voice came from behind the door. The sound of footsteps approaching.

The door slowly opened, and Wei Siyuan saw Lin Feien who had just finished taking a shower and was wiping his hair with a towel. The loosely tied bathrobe couldn't hide his good figure, and the tips of his hair were still dripping with water. Her face, which was as white as snow, was flushed with a touch of red, looking charming and sexy.

The two looked at each other in silence for a while at the door, Wei Siyuan's head suddenly went blank, Lin Fei'en looked cold, moved a little bit to let him in, turned to look into the depths of the room, "Come in, He's in there."

Wei Siyuan looked in the direction of her gaze, and saw Yin Xu lying on the bed in full clothes, his face was flushed abnormally, there were faint bloodstains on his lips, his forehead was soaked with sweat, his eyes were lax, and his crotch was wet. hold up the shape.

"He was very drunk, that's why my friend sent him here to rest. I didn't touch him." Lin Feien said this behind Wei Siyuan.

Wei Siyuan felt as if a few tons of boulders were tied to his legs, and walked up to Yin Xu step by step with great difficulty, and his breathing began to become tight involuntarily. Yin Xu couldn't see his face clearly at all. Someone's shadow appeared within sight, and he subconsciously drove him away, "Go away."

Wei Siyuan squatted beside the bed, and said to him in a trembling voice: "Yin Xu, it's me, I'm Siyuan."

Yin Xu recognized Wei Siyuan's voice, and reluctantly opened his eyes wide, trying to see Wei Siyuan's appearance clearly, but no matter how he looked at it, it was an out-of-focus double image.

Wei Siyuan put his hand on his face, tears slipped quietly down his face and fell into Yin Xu's palm, it was so distressing.

"Siyuan..."

Yin Xu confirmed that this was the real Wei Siyuan, and the strict security was finally lifted. Panting heavily, he heard Wei Siyuan's vague and distant voice, "I'll take you home."

Wei Siyuan put on his coat, and carried him back from the bed with difficulty. After Yin Xu knew that he was safe, his consciousness relaxed, and when his eyes were dark, he lay on Wei Siyuan's back and passed out.

Lin Feien doesn't like these two people at all, especially Yin Xu's obsession with a man who doesn't seem to love him makes her feel unreasonable and unbelievable.

She lazily leaned against the wall with her arms folded, looked at the back of Wei Siyuan who had walked to the door, and said indifferently, "The relationship between people is very strange. You don't seem to care much about his appearance, but he is so I like you, as if it must be you."

Wei Siyuan walked outside the door, turned around and put his hands against the door, his voice was so calm and without any emotion, "You don't understand anything, so what qualifications do you have to judge others' way of getting along. When Yin Xu didn't care much about me , I already like him very much, I like him more than anyone else, so..." He took a hard breath, and the eyes he met with each other were as cold as a bottomless deep sea without light, " No matter how much he likes me, I deserve it, if he doesn't like me, how can he still like you, stranger."

After Wei Siyuan finished speaking, he slammed the door forcefully, turned around and left with Yin Xu on his back, and took a taxi downstairs from the hotel to go home.

Along the way, Wei Siyuan's mind was as muddled as if it had been poured into cement. Standing in front of the house, his hands trembled so that the keys couldn't be aligned no matter what. He stood at the door of his house and cried helplessly for 5 minutes before he cleaned up. Emotions open the door.

He threw Yin Xu on the bed and pulled the quilt to cover him, and sat beside him, feeling his heartbeat slowly slowing down in the dark.

Some memories have a specific trigger point, which is a long nightmare that Wei Siyuan has lasted for two years and has not ended yet.

Being alone with Yin Xu during this period of time made him so happy that he was in a trance, as if he had lost his memory for a short time, he forgot this nightmare that made him want to die, and now this nightmare finally struck again, carrying the memories of the past, like a torrent Breaking through the floodgates of memories just as violently.

Wei Siyuan finally remembered the questions he still hadn't answered until now, and remembered the most fundamental reason why he couldn't fully trust Yin Xu when he stayed by Yin Xu's side during this time, and couldn't have a real sense of possession.

This is the matter that he and Yin Xu tried to mention again and again, and resolutely avoided again and again.

——Did Yin Xu be like this in the past, when he liked him, he slept with others.

So Wei Siyuan sat calmly beside Yin Xu, who had begun to wear off the effects of the medicine, and collapsed silently. The solid barrier in his heart disintegrated bit by bit, crumbling into sand, and finally turned into a pile of useless cold ruins like despair .

He remained silent beside Yin Xu in a daze, staring at the wall in a daze, unknowingly at five o'clock in the dawn, Yin Xu regained consciousness after the effect of the medicine, and said in a hoarse voice, "Siyuan ,water……"

Wei Siyuan went out and poured him a big glass of warm water, returned to the room, helped him sit up from the bed, saw that he was choking on drinking and coughed, and even swept his back, without making a sound from the beginning to the end, Just quietly watching him finish a large glass of water and then take the glass.

Yin Xu raised his eyes and found that Wei Siyuan was looking at him without any expression, his face was as pale as white paper, and then he heard him say, "Yin Xu, let's separate."

Yin Xu was stunned, blood began to rush to his forehead, his heart almost stopped beating as if it was almost exhausted, he looked at Wei Siyuan in disbelief, "...what did you say?"

"I said, let's separate." Wei Siyuan repeated, even the tone of voice was exactly the same.

Yin Xu suddenly panicked. In fact, he knew very well that the estrangement between him and Wei Siyuan had always existed. Even though they both pretended to ignore it, since their reunion this time, Wei Siyuan's every subconscious reaction towards him was full of emotions. Do not trust, even if the relationship warms up later, it is like a time bomb buried in Wei Siyuan's heart, which may be detonated by an accident at any time.

But he knew that this was all he should bear. When he made up his mind to get Wei Siyuan back, he knew that he would be reminded of his mistake of not being serious about this relationship at any time in the future, but he never expected that Wei Siyuan would be here. At such a time, I proposed to break up with him, and announced the end without even asking him for an explanation.

Yin Xu began to defend anxiously, "Last night was an accident, they put something in my drink, I didn't want to go with her at all, Siyuan, trust me, I didn't do anything with her..."

What Wei Siyuan responded to him was deathly silence.

"You've remembered the past, haven't you?" Yin Xu stared into his empty eyes, panicked, "I used to have nothing with that Xu... Xu, nothing, it's true, I not lying to you."

What Wei Siyuan responded to him was still dead silence.

The air seemed to freeze in this room. Yin Xu didn't dare to look into his eyes anymore, feeling that his heart was about to burst. It wasn't that he couldn't explain, but explained logically and self-consistently. Wei Siyuan didn't trust him. Everything in front of you is nothing but waste paper.

I don't know how long it was silent, Wei Siyuan suddenly spoke, "Yin Xu, let's not run away anymore, some things happened, but they didn't become the past, even if I pretended nothing happened, you pretended that you loved me so much all the time, but actually We can’t lie to ourselves.” He paused, enduring the tingling pain in his heart, “I’m sorry, I tried my best, but I can’t face the reality, and I can’t choose to forget, it’s you who once When I liked you, I took the initiative to give others the opportunity to flirt, or even have sex with you, that's why I was disappointed in you in the first place."

This time it was Yin Xu's turn to remain silent.

Wei Siyuan grabbed the clothes in front of his heart, feeling so uncomfortable that he wished he could dig out the heart that was constantly aching and tormenting him and throw it away, "So don't like me anymore, I promised you won't be far away from you, but If you can't control your feelings for me, then let's not meet for the time being, and when you can calm down and face me, we'll see you again..."

Yin Xu interrupted him with a strong nasal voice, completely unacceptable to such a decision, "Then what kind of relationship will we have then? Ex-boyfriend? Or ordinary friends who only know each other's name?"

Wei Siyuan's lips trembled, Yin Xu seemed to feel that Wei Siyuan pushed a sharp knife into his heart, "I can treat you as my brother."

Nemesis came.A thought suddenly flashed in Yin Xu's mind. In the past, when he separated his relationship with Wei Siyuan in front of others, he always said that Wei Siyuan was his younger brother. Now Wei Siyuan really wants to regard him as his elder brother.

Yin Xu swallowed hard, "So in fact, you still don't want to see me, and you can't forgive me. Nothing I have done during this time can impress you at all. It's just that you see me pitiful, so give me Some temporary painkillers, so that I can finally die peacefully, is that right?"

"It's not that I don't want to see you." Wei Siyuan refuted his words a little excitedly. He felt that he might be going crazy, but he couldn't even shed tears, and his heart was lifeless like a dead river bed. You are attracted, as long as you are close to me, I will still be attracted by you, but we can't be together anymore."

Yin Xu stared at him closely, his lips were dry and white, "Why is it impossible? If we feel the same about each other and are the most suitable person for each other, why can't we be together? If you still mind before, whether it is I can compensate you for anything, and I can find a solution to any problem."

"It's useless! Because the fact is that you can like others but me, and I can't like anyone but you. It's so unfair. I'm with you. I'm afraid of being abandoned at the slightest sign of trouble. As long as there is someone who likes you close to you, I will be reminded of the past, reminded how much you didn’t take me seriously before, and want me to watch others use the temptation to humiliate me, why should I live? In the state of 'waiting to be abandoned', am I trash, trash?"

Another suffocating silence.

"If I say that I liked you very much before, I like you more than anyone else, and I always have you in my heart, can you believe me?"

Wei Siyuan looked at Yin Xu in a daze, dazed for a moment, somehow recalled Shen Yan's words in his mind, "But you gave him five years and he didn't like you, but because you left, he suddenly woke up and started I like you, so indecisive and forced to like you, is it really worthy of your trust?"

He thought that Shen Yan's words wouldn't hurt him, but he didn't expect that the poisonous thorn like a thin needle penetrated deep into his lungs, took root inside and bloomed flowers oozing with poison, which made him suspicious, Yin Xu treated him like this He is good, is it because he can't let go of his habit so he has no choice but to like him, otherwise why Yin Xu has accepted his like for five years, but has to reject him again and again.

Wei Siyuan's voice became hoarse, he coughed in a low voice, and murmured, "...but if you were sincere to me during the five years I liked you, even if you had a little sympathy for me, you would not I will treat the feelings I give you as you like, do not reject others, but also monopolize me - when you are with me, you call others for hours and send ambiguous text messages, leave me at home and let me wait for you Going out on a date, taking someone home for the night after a fight with me, leaving her in the same bed I slept with you, and leaving your house in the same clothes I wore! How do you want me to trust you? Do you believe that I am you?"

"It's been almost two years since I left you, and I still can't figure out why you said you wouldn't leave me alone, but you put unrelated people between us, why I liked you for five years, and you want to Saying again and again that you don't want to be with me, what on earth do you take me for?"

Yin Xu's throat tightened, and he couldn't utter a word in the face of Wei Siyuan's questioning. The pain caused by Wei Siyuan's rejection every time these days, can't compare to the heart-piercing questions now.

"In fact, we had many opportunities to explain things clearly, but none of us took the initiative to speak out, because we actually knew the answers to many questions."

Wei Siyuan steadied his breathing and forced himself to look directly at Yin Xu. The long-term self-repression was finally broken and burst out from the gap.

"If I hadn't left you, would you have made up your mind to be with me? No, I've been by your side even after ten years, and I'm still a dispensable foil. When you calm down, when you decide to be with a girl who is worthy of you and doesn't annoy you, I get an unapologetic 'sorry' from you."

"When I gave you everything without reservation, you just didn't want my love. When I decided to give up, you came after me and said you wanted my love. Don't you think it's too ridiculous? I regret it now , it’s too late. I’ve been cheated and betrayed, no matter how serious you are to me, I’ll have doubts, I don’t dare to get carried away, I don’t dare to believe that I can be liked by you wholeheartedly, I think you’ll get tired of me someday Started to compare me with others as in the past, and then choose others to give up on me."

"You've lost the old me."

Yin Xu remained silent for a long time, and breathed out a few words weakly, each word paused, "You hate me, don't you?"

In the whole room, there were only two people breathing heavily intertwined. Wei Siyuan stared at him, the first light of dawn penetrated through the floor-to-ceiling windows leading to the balcony behind him.

"I don't hate you, really, I'm still very grateful to you for taking care of me, or for taking care of me all the time, thank you for giving me a little hope in every desperate moment, and accompanying me from the hopeless situation of complete defeat The past has come to the present, so that I finally have a future to look forward to, you are the first person in the world who treats me sincerely except my grandparents, and the best person I have ever met."

"But you gave me the deepest despair. After they cancel each other out, I have nothing with you..." Tears finally came out of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, "I can't hate you, I just don't want to I just love you anymore."

"Things that have happened, things that have hurt you, as long as I did something wrong, I will admit it and I will change it. As long as you give me another chance, the last time, I will chase you for five years or ten years. I will not let the things you are afraid of happen, give me a chance to prove it to you." Yin Xu's eyes were also hot, and he begged him softly, "But I really haven't slept with anyone else, except You don't have anyone, what do you want me to do to believe? I haven't done it, you don't believe me, I have to bear this crime for the rest of my life? So you are fair to me? What do you want me to do Only then are you willing to give me a chance to prove my innocence, no matter what I will do."

Wei Siyuan looked at him steadfastly, the dry riverbed in his heart suddenly softened like a stream, Yin Xu was not wrong, he was not there when that incident happened, and no one except the person involved could prove Yin Xu's end Have you ever slept with someone else, so whether you believe him or not depends entirely on whether you want to believe him or not.

He slowly closed his eyes, put away all distracting thoughts, and began to question his heart, what exactly he needed, and what was his first instinct when he didn't care about the past.

Then he heard a very weak voice in his heart telling him, you have always loved Yin Xu, and you really want to give him another chance and trust him again.

Love is selfish and timid, but also tolerant and fearless.

This person and him have been in love with each other, and both have been hurt, but after experiencing all this, he questioned his heart and still felt that he loved this person.

It's not that there are no other people out there who are dedicated and wholehearted, but the person he loved has always stood at a height that no one else can reach, and everyone else looks so ordinary and insignificant in front of him.

He once loved a proud son of heaven, so those ordinary and simple people who spent their entire lives emitting light can only become his shadow, his sunspot.

It's not that other people are bad, ordinary and simple light can also warm people's hearts, it's just that the miracle he loved is too good, if he doesn't love this person, love is meaningless to him.

Therefore, the voice in Wei Siyuan's heart told him, you have to give him a chance to measure his sincerity, you have to put his heart in your hands to know how much his love is, give him this Take a chance, and let yourself go.

Wei Siyuan opened his eyes, pointed at the French windows, "I believe you if you survived the jump, and everything in the past will be erased."

The moment Wei Siyuan's voice fell, Yin Xu ran from the bed to the window without thinking, opened the French window, took a step forward, turned over and jumped off.

Wei Siyuan only lived on the second floor, and the floor was very low, not to mention jumping down on purpose, even if he was thrown down when he was unconscious, he would not die, at most he would suffer a slight concussion.

Forgiveness is not something as simple as a word. Wei Siyuan wants to give Yin Xu a chance, but if this chance has no conditions and no punishment, those things in the past will always recur like old wounds, and each other will understand each other in their hearts. Unbalanced feelings of indebtedness, inability to dispel suspicion without doubt.

So, it had to be like this.

It's just that Wei Siyuan didn't expect that Yin Xu would jump down without hesitation like this. No matter how short the floor is, the height is at least [-] meters, and the bottom is a hard concrete floor. It doesn't hurt so much to jump down with shoes anyway.

Wei Siyuan got up from the bed and walked out of the balcony. The sky was already pale. He lay on the balcony and looked down at Yin Xu, and saw him sitting on the ground covering his feet and raising his head, acting like a spoiled child, "Ah, it hurts so much, Siyuan, You have to kiss me to stand up."

He couldn't help laughing, the festering dark places in his heart seemed to be dug out bit by bit, and the sunlight penetrated all the way into the bottom of his heart, dispelling the shadows, leaving only a warm and clear light.

So those pure loves, after experiencing the harsh winter, with the arrival of spring, all things recover and grow. After receiving sunshine and rain, the withered and withered parts become nutrients and are absorbed again, and then new shoots take root in his heart. Out, indomitable, endless.

Wei Siyuan carried his coat and went downstairs to see if Yin Xu was in any serious condition. Seeing that he was sweating from the pain, he looked at him with a forced smile, "I didn't wear shoes, I twisted it, and I heard 'click' ’ voice, I don’t know if it’s broken.”

A distressed expression suddenly appeared on Wei Siyuan's face. Seeing his expression, Yin Xu was so wronged that he burst into tears. He couldn't laugh anymore. He hugged his thigh and rubbed against his trouser legs. "Siyuan, I'm sorry, please forgive me, give me another chance, please..."

Wei Siyuan covered his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffed, squatted down and leaned into his arms, and buried his face into his neck, "Last chance, if you fail me one more time, we will have nothing to do with you again." Relationship, do what you say."