dream through ancient and modern

Sitting by the balcony, leaning against the wall, Xu Xue held a long and thin cigarette between her fingers.Take a breath, spit it out, and watch the rush of traffic downstairs, a large number of red car tails passing by in a hurry.There was no light in the room, and it was silent, except for the sound of traffic coming from downstairs.After breaking up with Li Juer, Xu Xue moved out of the place where they used to live, and lived alone in a community close to the company.At the beginning, I was always so unaccustomed to living alone, but after a long time, I returned to the way it was five years ago.

Xu Xue was born in Hunan. Her parents, older brothers and sisters all died in a flood. The only survivor in the family was Xu Xue, who was only one year old.When rescued by the People's Liberation Army, one-year-old Xu Xue was flattened in a large wooden bathtub, which had already been filled with two or three centimeters of water and sand. drowned in the basin.When Xu Xue was carried out of the basin, a piece of soaked paper fell from her body, on which her birthday, name and home address were written. The name Xu Xue came from that piece of paper.After the flood, Xu Xue was sent to a local orphanage and grew up there.Xu Xue has been cold on the outside and hot on the inside since she was a child. She is cold towards others but eager to play with the children. How could the children in the orphanage understand this?When she grew up, Xu Xue became the king of the children in the orphanage. She took the older children to take care of the younger ones, led the children to do housework, and helped the children with their homework. But in private, she didn't like to have any contact with any children.The director of the orphanage often told Xu Xue that she should talk to the children, but Xu Xue couldn't do it.Mingming is always watching the children play in the corner, but she can't take the initiative to ask to join, even if a child invites her, she always refuses with a cold face.Mingming really likes the hugs from the social workers in the orphanage, but every time it is her turn, she shyly refuses.Obviously his heart was so hot, but he always made an expression of indifference.Xu Xue hated her personality since she was a child, but as she grew older, this personality became more and more obvious.

At the age of seven, Xu Xue was sent by the government to a local love school to receive compulsory education. Since then, she has relied on excellent grades, scholarships, and part-time jobs during vacations until she graduated from university.In the first year of the university, she was selected as the school belle, but she was busy with her studies and part-time jobs every day, and never paid attention to anyone who had a crush on her, nor did she think about falling in love.After graduating from university, Xu Xue found a job in HR, but her life was not as busy as when she was in university.Holding a high salary, learning to enjoy life, and looking forward to a relationship.Li Juer's confession to her was so sudden that Xu Xue seemed a little unprepared. Although she rejected her with the posture of a queen, she felt a little timid in her heart.Li Juer, who was rejected by Xu Xue, did not let go from then on, but put a rose that Xu Xue liked on her desk every day when she passed by Xu Xue's office.Xu Xue would throw away the cards with love poems on them, but insisted on bringing roses home every day and placing them by the bedside.Li Juer worked in Xu Xue's company for a year, and sent flowers for a whole year.On the day of resignation, Li Juer waited in front of Xu Xue's room with a large bouquet of roses, and told Xu Xue with tears that she was leaving. This was the last time she would confess to Xu Xue. If Xu Xue still refused her, I also hope that Xu Xue can remember that she once loved Xu Xue so much.Xu Xue looked at Li Juer, and her heart was full of distressed words. She thought she fell in love with this person who gave her roses for a whole year, so she agreed to Li Juer.

On the day they were together, Li Juer slept in the apartment where Xu Xue lived, and they had a relationship naturally.After Li Juer fell asleep, Xu Xue leaned on her body, feeling the happiness she had never had in 24 years, feeling her own heart that was already hot.She thinks that as long as she opens her heart and loves Li Juer wholeheartedly, this happiness will last her whole life.So after being together, Xu Xue treated Li Juer well in every possible way, and the careful management belonged to the love between the two of them.Even if someone tells her that Li Juer is not good, as long as Li Juer explains, Xu Xue will choose to believe in the person she loves.But fate will always play tricks on people. The more you desire and protect something, the more you will slip away inadvertently. When you find out, it no longer belongs to you.Li Juer loves to play very much. When they first got together, she would often bring Xu Xue into her circle, but she soon discovered that although Xu Xue got along well with people in her circle on the surface, she never really got along with her. When dealing with others, one's heart is only on oneself.Li Juer, who was born free by nature, felt bored and disgusted by the overly strong feelings. Gradually, the love with a shelf life of less than one year disappeared, and the rest was only financial dependence on Xu Xue.When Li Juer was pursuing and loving Xu Xue, she would often go out to steal food. With that love gone, naturally she would not let go of the colorful world outside.

Xu Xue blindly believed the sweet words on those cards, and was blind for five years. The calmness of the breakup made her suddenly realize that she had never loved Li Juer, but only the love Li Juer had for her at the beginning.What she needs is not someone who loves her, but someone who loves her.At her birthday party half a year ago, everyone thought she was sad about the breakup. Only Xu Xue knew that it wasn't sad, but that she didn't have Li Juer's love, which made her feel lonely again.

Today An Shan told her that Yi Ran was inquiring about her and Li Juer's past, Xu Xue smiled, it's better that someone likes her than hiding alone in the dark and lonely.This idea is in the near future, Xu Xue once told Yi Ran that she thought Yi Ran would be angry and sad.But Yi Ran did not, she just said in Xu Xue's ear, "Fool, of course I know, so I have been waiting for you to love me." That day Xu Xue hid in Yi Ran's arms and cried for a long time, obviously as long as she let go of her love That's all right, why have I been so stupid for so long.Although he is so strong on the outside, he doesn't even have the courage to love in his heart.But fortunately, she didn't miss the only woman she loved in her life because of her stupidity.In the next few decades, although Yi Ran never said "I love you" to her personally, Xu Xue knows how pure Yi Ran's love for her is, so pure that there is no trace of impurity, as long as Xu Xue If she is still in front of her, she will guard him unreasonably.She also knew how strong her love for Yi Ran was, so strong that it penetrated deep into the bone marrow and soaked into every cell. If they were to be peeled off, Xu Xue would be no different from the coma after the car accident.Of course the current Xu Xue didn't know that she would be tied to Yi Ran to that extent.