Stand at forty

If one day, the world is not what you think it is, and the old people are not the faces you remember, what will you do?

Yu Jinhuan encountered such a problem. When he opened the small apartment near Lin University with trembling hands, the layout was still the same, but the furniture was covered with a white cloth covered with dust.

Pushing open the window, drawing the curtains, and taking off the white cloth, he coughed a few times in the dusty light, and then saw the thick stack of documents and the silver computer on the table.

He didn't look at the documents right away, but took out the cleaning tools and tidied up the living room a little. This action is a bit rusty now. He took care of everything here when he was in school, and now he has been there for too many years. No chores were done.

He took a deep breath before picking up the document on the table. The more he looked at it, the more startled he became, and the more he looked at it, the more he couldn't believe it. How could it be like this?His mother was the third party in his father's marriage from the beginning, and his father owed a huge amount of gambling debts. The more he looked down, the more he couldn't believe it. There were so many conflicts and conflicts between the parents who he thought were respectful and loving. quarrel.

He picked it up one by one, and put down one after another, tears had already flowed silently down his cheeks to the pit of his neck.He didn't understand why the people around him changed their descriptions, and he didn't understand the reason, but he could understand one thing, that is, he thought that all this happened because of Yuan Tianyi, which might be the greatest disbelief and punishment for his lover.

Is Yuan Tianyi still his lover?He was not surprised that he still wanted to be the lover of the other party in his heart, but he began to reflect on whether he really loved the other party.

Why did Yuan Tianyi not tell himself the truth about these things, what made them waste the most precious 12 years of their lives with each other? Wrong of this world.

Recalling what he once said he would do, forty is not confused, he wiped away his tears, calmed down, and gradually read the pages of information and documents, then turned on the computer, and carefully examined the documents that proved that he had misunderstood the world. evidence.

It was late in the day that he got up from the sofa, returned to the villa with the documents and computer, and put the photo taken in college in the master bedroom.

In the photo, he smiled happily and relaxed. Yuan Tianyi stood behind him and hugged him, his eyes were slightly squinted, and his eyes were very gentle.

The phone vibrated twice, and Yu Jinhuan, who was taking an elective class, looked down: "Xiaohuan, let's go to grandma's house for lunch at noon, I'm in 302 next door."

"Okay." Yu Jinhuan quickly replied to the text message, and then began to look forward to the end of the get out of class soon. The class that I usually think is very interesting, this time I can't listen to a word.

"Do you have an appointment at noon?" Zhou Jianbin, the buddy in the dormitory, turned his head and asked, Yu Jinhuan paused to pack his things, and then nodded.

"It's nice to have a boyfriend, and I want to find one too." The words were full of ridicule.

"Be careful I tell Xiao Yue this." He replied mischievously.

"Oh, don't, Xiao Yue will eat me up." The other party immediately put on a pitiful expression.

"Xiao Yue likes you so much, I'm not satisfied." He packed up his things, and when the bell rang, he hurriedly slipped out through the back door before the old professor said class was over.

He bumped into a person head-on, he held his nose, looked up, and shouted, "You're here!"

Yuan Tianyi let go of him, "Run slower in the future, I won't run away, why are you still so reckless?"

"Hey." He smiled shyly, quietly scratched the palm of the other party, and walked in front of the other party, "Let's go eat quickly."

After leaving the teaching building, he got on Yuan Tianyi's car—a retro [-] bicycle. He sat in the back, and waited for Yuan Tianyi to ride for a certain distance before wrapping his arms around the opponent's waist, wrapping his body and cheeks together. They are all attached to each other's backs.

"You are always so careful, but not many people will actually look at us."

"Who said that," he said, and then muttered again, "you are so handsome, everyone is looking at you, but you just get used to it, so you don't think it matters."

"What are you muttering again? The wind is a bit strong, I can't hear you clearly."

He didn't answer the other party, but was greedy for the generous back of the other party, thinking that although the society has accepted homosexuality, it's better not to be so exaggerated. If he can hide this person in a place that only he can see, it will be the best. most.

Passing through the teaching buildings, tree-lined avenues, school gates, and bustling streets, I stopped at two traffic lights, played around, and arrived at my grandmother's house, where I ate my favorite West Lake vinegar fish.

Yuan Tianyi pushed the car, and he walked aside, taking a walk in the autumn afternoon sun to digest food, and finally came to the small park they frequented, moved out the tent from Grandpa Cai in the management office, and chose a place with few people, facing Lake water, set up tents, sleep.

Waking up in the midst of laughter, it turned out that a group of primary school students were playing football games here. Yuan Tianyi didn't know what he had said to the teacher who led the team, so he dragged him to join them, and brought the group of innocent children to play together.

It was a great afternoon, and he remembered laughing out loud, and then there was that photo, a beautiful moment.On the way home, Yuan Tianyi went to print it out. The two of them chose that simple wooden photo frame and kept it on the bedside. Wipe it clean.

The knock on the door woke him up from his memories, "Master Yu, dinner is ready, you have lost a lot of weight recently, you should eat more."

He responded, wiped the photo frame clean, put it on the bedside cabinet, stood up and took a look, adjusted the position again, and then went downstairs.The dining table was filled with the meals he and Yuan Tianyi liked. Over the past [-] years of separation and reunion, each other's preferences have long been engraved in their bones, and there is no need to think about it, nor will they forget it.

There was no one on the opposite side of the dining table, and he had long been used to this situation, but at this moment he felt very uncomfortable.He recalled Yuan Tianyi's appearance when eating, sitting upright, his left hand was often placed under the table, his head was not very low, he always drank a bowl of soup first, and then ate vegetables in small bites, the first chopsticks would Hold the shrimp balls for yourself, and then say "eat well".

"Master Yu, what's the matter with you?" Fang Bo looked at himself worriedly. He looked at the chopsticks he stretched out and the shrimp ball on the table. At the corner of his mouth, he said "it's okay", then he lowered his head and started to eat quickly.

Feeling sore and unresolved, when Fang Bo carefully suggested that he bring his friend home to live with him, he was still a bit stunned and just shook his head.After the meal, he still went to the hospital. Although he looked very cowardly, he could calm down only when he was beside Yuan Tianyi, as long as he could see him.

In the ward, the bandages on Yuan Tianyi's head were removed, revealing the shaved white scalp and several hideous wounds.Dr. Hu and the nurse were changing his dressing, and the nurse stood quietly aside. He came to the bed and watched the nurse's every move carefully. He was suddenly worried that the other party would be in pain, and couldn't help telling the other party to be careful and slow down. .

Before leaving, Dr. Hu told him that the wound was recovering well and asked him to pay more attention after the bandage was removed to prevent the wound from becoming infected.He looked at Yuan Tianyi's completely shapeless hair, gently brushed the unwashed messy short hair, and covered the white gauze above the wound with his palm very carefully, thinking that he must heal faster.

"Look at you, you haven't washed your hair for nearly half a month. If you knew, you would feel unbearably uncomfortable. If you want me to wash your hair, get better soon." He began to chatter to Yuan Tianyi. Talking about it, the nurse backed out winkingly, leaving space for him.

"They all said that I don't know you, but I still know you. I guessed the house corresponding to the key right once. I know that what you showed me is not the whole story. I said that I don't want you Investigate the people around me, and I believe you must have done so, so those things should only be the superficial part of the truth."

He played with Yuan Tianyi's fingers. After all these years, they were no longer as beautiful as before. At first glance, they looked good, but there were still thick calluses on the palm of his hand. The scars and joints have also become thicker.

This hand, together with the other hand he didn't touch, was engraved with the traces of their games with the Yuan family. Every time there was an additional trace, he felt sad and painful for it. The proof of Yuan Tianyi's love for him, but he buried it in the bottom of his heart after leaving the other party, and he didn't want to look at it again.

These days he is always crying, crying because of happiness, crying because of sadness, crying because of grievance, crying because of regret, all the sources are in this person, he doesn't want to cry anymore, he wants to be strong and brave, don't Weep where the other party can't see, and only want to vent in the other party's sober arms.

After finishing the daily cleaning and nursing, Yu Jinhuan took out the basket lacquer tin box he brought, which contained all the love letters he received from Yuan Tianyi when he was in high school. He remembered the scene when he first received the love letter .

The table was knocked hard a few times, Yu Jinhuan raised his head from the book, the person in front of him was Li Zhong, who was transferred this semester, and the two had not spoken to each other.

"Yuan Tianyi gave it to you."

Yu Jinhuan took it over, and it was a stack of square yellow leather paper. He didn't open it immediately, but just said that he knew it. Li Zhong looked at him for a while, and then walked away with a bored face.

This seems to be a very common trivial matter. None of the classmates around him came to ask with pride. Yu Jinhuan was not as calm as he appeared, and his heart was already beating up. He was very curious and wanted to find a quiet place. Open that paper.

After school, he left the classroom and walked towards the library.This campus is newly built. There are many camphor trees planted in the area of ​​the library, and there are several small gardens. Because it is far away from the teaching buildings and dormitories, few people go there.

After choosing a hidden corner, Yu Jinhuan sat cross-legged on the grass and stretched out his palm. The corner of the piece of paper had been soaked by the slight tide of palm. The wind blew gently, and he quickly held it tightly again.

Was it really Yuan Tianyi who gave it to him?Yu Jinhuan was looking forward to it, he had a good impression of that tall boy who was always surrounded by a group of people, and that person helped him once, what would he say to me?Are you going to be friends with me?

The piece of paper in the palm of his hand became sacred. He carefully opened it along the original creases, and remembered the poems his father often said: "The king's heart is like a pine and cypress, and the geese pass the pearls with their feet."

When he finally saw the words on it, he fell in love with the strong and powerful characters at first sight. Before he could read them carefully, the sound of a group of people talking came.

"Hey, why do you think Brother Tianyi wants to send love poems to that kid? How can I write poems? I can only find a random poem on the Internet." This is a somewhat sharp voice, and the words are full of I don't understand.

"Don't talk nonsense about things you shouldn't care about. I saw with my own eyes that Brother Tianyi put your poem aside and copied it neatly. Don't miss your words." This voice was in the afternoon Lee Jong who talked to him.

"Brother Tianyi really copied the song I found?"

"Of course, I took a peek at it last night before going to bed, and I haven't changed a word."

"But brother Tianyi can actually write poems, right? He is so powerful, how could he..."

"You kid... don't care... just play..."

The following words gradually dissipated in the wind with the sound of distant footsteps. Yu Jinhuan looked down at the letter paper in his hand. He could understand every word on it, but he already understood that it was not true.

He folded the letter paper with some reluctance, and secretly laughed at his wild thoughts, but he still remembered Yuan Tianyi's handwriting. When he wrote me, the last point was missing, and the end of the stroke and stroke would be aggravated and picked up again. rise.

That's the end of the memory, that letter, or that poem, is the only poem Yu Jinhuan opened and read that Yuan Tianyi wrote to him, in fact, he still remembers every sentence.At this moment, he picked up the uneven paper again and looked at the number and date he marked on it: 1, September 2029, 9.

He smoothed the slightly rolled paper with his hands, and seeing the extremely familiar handwriting, enthusiasm welled up in his eyes. He looked at Yuan Tianyi and began to read gently.

I met you for the first time,

you smile in the sun,

My eyes stick to you uncontrollably.

The second time I met you,

I become your classmate,

But I want to be a book on your desk.

……

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