Sugar paper

I remember that when I was in the guild hall, I had no free books to read. A chef there liked Jin Yong very much, and I borrowed his books.One of them said, "That's all good, but I don't like it." It was the hardest thing in the world.Some people are very good, but you don't like them, but what you like can never belong to you.Therefore, love triangles have endured in dramas for a long time, because love is the most common pain of human beings.It's so common, like a cold, it's not even worth sighing about.

When I met Du Chaoan again, I was able to pretend that nothing had happened. He came to the city where I was studying for a master's degree for a meeting and said that we could meet.We drank together in his room after dinner.

I said, "Break up?"

He smiled: "Tsk, it's not big or small."

I said, "You are so old, why are you still not settled down?"

He said stability is the beginning of aging.He's not yet 40 and doesn't want to grow old.

I said, "That's how I lost my popularity."

He drank and said, "No, Guangxin and I just get together and part ways. Life is different, so of course it's better to separate. And you, you're not young anymore, what's going on?"

I pretended to be relaxed: "Don't really think of yourself as an elder, okay? You are in your thirties and you still don't want to settle down. I am only in my 20s, and I am just a flower. Why am I so anxious? Can't I read countless things in the world?"

It is rare for us to be in a relatively peaceful state of mind, and we can even smile tacitly to each other when we talk about some old things.We were both a little drunk by the end.Of course I am sober.

In the past three years, I have drank more than once until I felt sick. I know what it feels like to be really drunk.

I bolstered my courage by drinking and sat on Du Chaoan's lap.

I said, "I haven't worked with you for three years. My skills are much better. Would you like to try?"

He squinted at me and said, "Are you dating?"

I smiled stiffly: "Only state officials are allowed to set fires, but ordinary people are not allowed to light lamps?"

He touched my earlobe and said, "Don't worry if you make an appointment with me. I'm afraid you're serious."

"Then don't think too much about it, your stuff is not diamond-encrusted anymore, so why miss it?"

I lied, but I knew what he wanted to hear was that I wasn't serious.

I exasperatedly said, "To be reasonable, white people are much older than you."

Du Chaoan smiled and said, "The kid can talk dirty now?"

Then we hugged and rolled on the carpet.I kissed his neck and pulled his pants desperately, for fear that he would repent if I didn't move in time.His hand is the same as it was a few years ago, I can remember every joint, he put his hand from my skirt to rub my back.

"Thin." He told me.

I laughed, and I said, "You haven't licked me yet, and I feel a bit unlucky, would you like to give it a try?"

He was amused by my words, looked at me with dangerous eyes, then hugged me to the sofa, took off my trousers to the bend of my knees, and buried his head.

His technique is not good, but I really want to cry.I covered my eyes and cried without realizing it.

When he looked up, his tongue was still circling, and he didn't say anything when he saw me crying.Just blinked a little unexpectedly.

Through my blurred vision, I saw him serving me with a deadpan expression.I was trembling and released within 2 minutes.Especially disappointing.

I cried even harder.

Then he rolled me over on the couch and stuck two fingers in all at once.I writhed uncomfortably.He said you wait for me to find lubrication.

I grabbed him and said, "No, I'm going to be soft if you get it." Then I wiped the thing I just ejaculated inside myself.

He looked at me like an old fox for a while, then pressed me onto the sofa, and stuffed the things directly into it.

Not lubricated enough and it hurts like the first time I did it with him.

The tears I had just borne back came out again.

He slapped my ass to signal me to relax.It was a code word he used often when we were together.

Patting the buttocks means relaxing, patting the waist means pressing the waist down, and patting the calves means leaning up and hugging the knees to expose the bottom.

three years.I thought I forgot it all, but I remember it all.

He left an indelible imprint on me.

Feeling desolate in my heart, I deliberately said, "It's not enough, hurry up."

He picked me up, joined my lower body together, and walked to the French window with a jolt.Overlooking the night view of the old city from the height of the [-]th floor.

We are two planets in the middle of nowhere.To be separated after meeting.

I knelt in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows and let him slash behind me, I just whimpered and whimpered.Seeing the breath coming out of his mouth mist the windows.

After I finished this time, I left by myself.

Du Chaoan said that he could open a room next to me and let me live there.

I forced a smile: "No, I'm not used to spending the night with friends with benefits."

He waved his hand and stopped looking at me.

This was the penultimate time we met. The last time was when he came to attend my master's graduation ceremony, and I accepted his flower offering in my bachelor's gown.

In short, our last meeting was not a warmth, it was all doing.

Finish as if nothing happened.

I know he also had several friends with benefits at that time.He has this capital to play all the time.

I haven't met him since I finished my Ph.D.

Although I still use the car he gave me back then, and live in the house bought with his money.

He is a very generous person to those around him.Probably because of nostalgia, we have known each other for ten years, and he has been extra patient with me.What's more, he is the least short of money.A person who is not short of money pays you money, that is not proof of love.

His news occasionally appeared in newspapers and financial magazines. After Facebook and Weibo became popular, some platforms would also have his whereabouts and recent photos.

I secretly printed all his photos and stored them in my box of candy wrappers.

Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, I hug the box.

Heh, I feel like I have a disease called Du Chaoan, and I am already dying.

I can't love anyone.And I can't love him.

This is different.

In 2011, I learned online that he was getting married.

I called him to congratulate him. I knew he would not seek out other people when he was in company, and he never lied to others. Besides, he was a man of both sexes, so he didn't have to worry about that lady.Maybe he's met someone and he's willing to settle for that person.

This is the happiest thing in the world. The prodigal son turns back and the boat returns to shore.

He told me that we might meet less in the future, and hoped that I could have a bright future.

He was right, my future was bright and I was already financially independent.But he doesn't know that I don't want any of that, I just want him.

It's just that I don't know what is the difference between me and him.

Is it my fault I was born?From the very beginning, we have been in a relationship of giving and being given, so I will never be able to break through the identity he gave me.God has saved all nations, but God will not marry all nations.

Is the direction of my efforts wrong?My hole card was revealed too quickly, and later I was afraid that he would be entangled in response, so I stubbornly concealed it for too long.Maybe you should pretend to be a pig and eat a tiger, and stay by his side first, and then say something amazing.

Maybe it's my own fault.He just can't fall in love with me, and neither can God.

I suffered from pain for a long time, insomnia every night, and even hair loss.

I couldn't sleep, I was cranky, and I felt like life was boring.

I did counseling for two years, and finally a counselor suggested that I find things that stimulated me. I tried a lot, and everything that gave me a gap in my thinking caused me so much pain.

Finally I discovered that I can do extreme sports, especially rock climbing.

When I was practicing indoor rock climbing, I had a very bad habit, that is, when I climbed to the top, I let go and slid down immediately, until the safety lock stuck me in the air a few meters above the ground.Because I was directly booked and I was a regular customer, the coach didn't need to keep watching, so I was even more unscrupulous.

I found that the thrill of the adventure could counteract the scars that Du Chaoan had left on my heart.

Cigarette quitters sometimes eat sugar to quit smoking, but quitters are likely to switch to sugar addiction.

When I was recovering from Du Chaoan's addiction, I became addicted to adventurous activities.

I gradually tried more and more outdoor rock climbing. The feeling of life and death under my feet excited me and made me feel that I was really alive.Otherwise I am no different from the walking dead.

For Du Chaoan, I was just an insignificant episode in his life, but for my divided life, I was in the quagmire of chaos for the first ten years without knowing it, and the next ten years were all Du Chaoan.

He changed my life, affected my three views, my way of dealing with people, and my view of emotions.Below my skin is all him.

I gradually became a fake of Du Chaoan.I look as gentle and stable as him, I can talk properly, I can make a date, but I am incapable of emotion.

I'm only me when I'm climbing.It's a pity that I fell to pieces long ago on the mountain of Du Chao'an.Never be afraid of any cliffs.

Sometimes it is very empty, and I will chat with my friends with benefits about each other's emotional experiences.Compared with many stories about encountering scumbags, cheating on oneself, and bloody stories, Du Chaoan and I can be regarded as warm.

From the beginning to the end, it was an unrequited wish.

At the beginning of 2013, I saw news on the Internet that Du Chaoan's fiancée was seriously ill.I quietly inquired and learned that she needed a kidney transplant.

I lay in the dark all night, and got up early in the morning to go to the organ transplant bank to actively match.

Of course Du Chaoan didn't know.

My thoughts are very selfish.Regardless of whether Du Chaoan loves this woman or has other interests, the final result is that the two of them will soon be husband and wife.This is a fact that cannot be changed.

If I can't accompany him until a hundred years later, then a part of my body will live in his wife's body, and it will be very romantic to be able to accompany him until the future.At least I will be happy when I die.

In this hidden way, we have a good relationship with him for a hundred years.

I'm so mean.

After waiting for half a month, the people in the matching center told me that I failed to match Ms. Lin.

God does not allow me to be selfish.

I'm back home.

First, I went to the guild hall to look for my sister. I met Miko, who was still the foreman. She said that my sister was married again.When she learned that I had graduated from a PhD in the UK, her eyes were filled with envy, and she said, "I've seen that you are extraordinary since you were a child! Sure enough, you've come out on top, and you're different from people like us."

I laughed and said, "I haven't found a job yet, so I won't brag to you."

"Then you can't find a job? Doctor! Awesome!" Miko said, "It's just that I can't find your sister for a while. After you left, she quickly found someone to take over the job and went back to her hometown with that person. up."

I said, "Where is Ruan Xi? It's my sister's daughter."

She hesitated for a moment and said, "Give it away. It's not easy to marry with a tow bottle."

So bitches are ruthless, actors are ruthless.

I gave Miko a sum of money and left my contact information, and I said, "Can you please help me find out where Ruan Xi was sent to? I just want to see how she is doing now. I want to raise her, of course, if her adoptive parents are good, I won't bother. I don't know the place well here, I don't have any connections, and I still rely on sister Miko for help."

The old guild hall has moved to a new address, and Du Chaoan's room has long since disappeared.I can't miss it either.

I met a friend on the Internet. His online name is Jin Fan, and his real name is Lu Haifan.He is a very generous man, and I decided to climb the mountain for the last time.

It is different from the previous reckless wandering between the cliffs and steep walls.This time, because I have companions, I am particularly afraid of death, and the mountain I chose is also a mountain with relatively complete search and rescue in China.Compared with the ones I have challenged in Europe before, it is relatively safe.

The result was a little surprise.

The two of us were trapped on the Xuepo glacier, and it took four hours for the search and rescue team to come up.

Cangshan Erhai Lake, thousands of shares of feelings.I have always been introverted, I don't have many friends, and I live a narrow and stubborn life. In this environment, I have a strong desire to talk.

I asked him if he would like to hear about my past.

I want to be here, say it all, and forget about it all.