Dig a spoonful of heart meat

From track and field athletes to now being unable to get out of bed and walk around, the contrast is huge.

The surgery went very successfully overall.The doctor said that as long as he rests at ease and recovers well, he can be discharged from the hospital for rest in two months.

The physical education teacher in the middle came to the hospital to visit him once. After hearing the doctor's description of the condition, the disappointment in his eyes was palpable.

Chen Guang and other roommates also came several times along the way.

But what they brought to Zou Shao was only pressure and irritability.

Zou Shao doesn't like the look of pity when others look at him, and he always hates being surrounded by people as a "weak" posture.

He can get used to the dark and sinful living environment, but nothing can erase his innate self-improvement and pride.

It is a principle, and no one is allowed to trample half a point.

He even opened WeChat less and less, blocking class groups and sports teams.Rather than being afraid of being disturbed, it is better to say that he has forcibly blocked himself from life.

He worked hard to get his life back on track, and followed the progress of the school every day according to his previous schedule.But I found that physical discomfort caused more and more psychological anxiety. Even if I read books every day, my efficiency was not even one-third of what it was before.

Even the communication with Tan Weifeng was deliberately avoided.

He could feel that Tan Weifeng was extremely serious about everything, and it was this extreme perfectionism that made him feel pressured.

He was afraid that the other party would ask about his situation, about the dance in the near future, and about future plans.

future……

Because he himself is in a mess right now.

He leaned on the bed and flipped through the chat records of the two of them this week.

8:02 am

Q-Sir: I wrote the code last night until early in the morning. I got up late this morning and didn’t have time to eat. What did you eat in the morning?

13:11 noon

Q-Sir: When I went downstairs to pick up the car today, I felt that the back of a person looked a bit like you.

Q-Sir: ...but definitely not as good-looking as you.

23:30 in the evening

Q-Sir: Have you finished class yet?Or are you busy training these days?Just do your work first, I have nothing to do here.

00:30 in the morning

Q-Sir: I'll go to bed first, good night, and you go to bed earlier.But if you see it, tell me back...

The last message was a missed voice call that hung there the evening before yesterday.

Zou Shao's fingers moved in the input box for a while, but after all, he didn't send out anything, and let the screen go dark by itself.

The last image in his eyes was the photo he took casually for Tan Weifeng in the dormitory that day - with a casual and tolerant smile.

The corner of Zou Shao's mouth twitched, he leaned heavily on the bed behind him, and sighed heavily.

He hates himself now.

He knew he was completely irresponsible now.

They agreed that they would not keep each other waiting too long, and that sooner or later they would stand at the same height as each other, and neither party would give condescendingly, nor would one party benefit confidently.

Zou Ze is quite right, love is not about two children saying they like each other and being able to be together for a lifetime.

Homosexuals tend to be more criticized and challenged, and only when they stand high enough can they have the confidence and confidence to be justified.

But he has nothing now.

He will only drag the opponent to stand still.

He really, really doesn't know what to do now.

It seems that I have entered a dead end, no matter how hard I try, there is no exit.

He can only drag.

Because this matter is not something that can be resolved by two people sitting together and communicating.

If Qin Weifeng found out, he would definitely say "it doesn't matter", and even delay the course to come to help and come to the hospital to accompany him.

The door of the ward was pushed open, and Zou Ze walked in.

His eyes were red, obviously he was about to bring some unpleasant news.

Zou Shao watched calmly as he approached his bedside, waiting for him to speak.

It seems that it doesn't matter what you say.

"Someone has news."

Zou Ze's voice was hoarse. His son was hospitalized and his mother disappeared these days, which made him so busy that he almost collapsed.I haven't shaved my beard for a few days, and the dark circles under my eyes are getting thicker.

Zou Shao turned his head abruptly.

The heart almost jumped out of the obstacle of the chest, and there was only one thought in my mind:

Don't worry about people, don't worry about it!

I'm fine.

In the face of life and death, it seems that all entanglements and hesitation are insignificant.

The feeling of grief when his mother passed away a few years ago is still very clear, but now there is only one grandma who has accompanied him since he was a child.

He cannot accept other results.

Zou Ze opened his mouth.

Zou Shao held his breath, feeling a strong urge to stop the other party from speaking.It seems that if the words are not clear, some things will not happen.

Even if an old man disappears in such bad weather, it is not a good thing; even Zou Ze's red eye circles have already explained most of the things.

"Is she okay?" Zou Shao felt his voice trembling, "She must have been saved by other people like the one I saved, right?"

Zou Ze shook his head, squeezed out a smile that was uglier than crying, and patted Zou Shao on the shoulder, "People always have birth, old age, sickness and death, these...are unavoidable."

Zou Shao only felt that he was resisting slightly, shaking his head subconsciously, trying to block out all the sounds from outside, but he listened to Zou Ze's word for word.

"The police called just now and said that the person was found." Zou Ze tried his best to stabilize his voice, "It was fished from... the river. It was raining too much that day, and it may have fallen into it by accident. They're still investigating..."

Zou Ze mechanically recited what the policeman said to him just now.

Zou Shao felt that his mind was blank, as if he couldn't even breathe air out of his lungs along the field.

I really felt what it feels like to be thundering, there is no shock, no sadness for a moment, only blankness.

Like the deliberate blank space in the painting, the finishing touch is also hidden in the stroke.

It wasn't until a few drops of liquid suddenly dripped onto his hands that Zou Shao suddenly regained his composure.

Zou Ze handed over a few tissues.

Zou Shao didn't answer, and covered his face in the quilt on his lap, "I want to be quiet first."

The sound is normal except for a little muffled sound.

This is the second time he has been so close to death.The pain that I once thought was unacceptable in this life can be accepted again and again.

Zou Shao doesn't know what his current state is like, but he probably won't go anywhere in the world. After all, the most common sentence Zou Ze said to him in the past few days is: Don't hold back when you feel uncomfortable.

Zou Shao himself felt that the current state was very strange.

He didn't intend to curb the pain, but his thinking seemed to become numb, and he didn't have the desire to cry, let alone tears.Blunted emotions include not only pain, but others as well.

This is probably a natural protection mechanism of the human body, which reduces people's sensitivity to emotional fluctuations under extremely strong emotional stimulation.

But every time he looked at the phone screen, the people in the photos would make his heart ache.

That person was able to break into his most private place without hindrance, the closed gate in his heart was forcibly broken open, and the emotions that had no time to vent rushed out crazily.

It was like a torture, and he couldn't bear it.

He silently replaced the screen and chat background with the system's default picture.

The moment Tan Weifeng's smile disappeared, he actually felt a sinful and pleasant relief.

He felt that he was not strong enough.

I feel that I am not worthy of such a perfect person.

He hasn't responded to Tan Weifeng's message for a week.

After that missed voice call, the other party did not send any more messages.

This is normal, everyone has their own busy things, no one will pay attention to a gradually silent person every day.

Zou Shao was lying on the bed in a daze, while Zou Ze was peeling apples aside.

In view of Zou Shao's current mental state, the doctor reduced the dosage of anesthesia and painkillers for him.

I don't know if it's because I feel extremely depressed, but the wound always seems to be aching.

It's not that kind of sharp stabbing pain, it's like a dull pain hidden in the bones, which is bearable but hard to ignore every moment.

It is also like what he is struggling with now, his future plans, and the current relationship between the two people, how to deal with it, how to explain it.

He slowly closed his eyes, trying to calm his mind by blocking his sight.

The sound of the phone vibrating suddenly sounded in the silent ward.

When Zou Shao picked it up and looked at it, he clenched his knuckles unconsciously.

Caller——Dear little cadre.

The author has something to say:

As long as I run fast, you can't hit me