[HP] Complex Touch

Ginny couldn't say yes to Sirius.But even though she knew she couldn't say yes, and even though she had never thought of marrying anyone other than Harry, Ginny still wanted to say yes.The words were on the tip of her tongue, ready to come out, but she couldn't speak.She promised him that she would agree to him, but at that time she didn't know what the drunk Sirius was talking about.Ginny knew she couldn't change the course of time.

Ginny still held Sirius.He wanted her to agree to him, but she really thought about it.Sirius knew they were young, she wasn't even 17, but that obviously meant nothing to him.Sirius just wanted Ginny to stay.

"Sirius," she said sadly.

How could she refuse to be with Sirius?

"I can not do it."

Sirius didn't seem to hear her, still staring into her eyes.So she said it again.

"I can't marry you."

Sirius blinked and turned his head to one side.

"I know your aunt wants you home. I know we have problems." He tried desperately to make her understand. "But we can work it out."

"Sirius, I wish I could say yes to you, but I can't," Ginny continued, trying not to listen to him. "I can't because our problems can't be solved now. Why don't you understand?"

Sirius shook his head.

"Shut up," he called. "You're not telling the truth, you're just saying what you think you have to say."

"Sirius, we are doomed."

"Shut up!" he yelled, stepping back. "Don't do this to me, Ginny."

Ginny was crying, her face flushed, and she was trying desperately to say something.She doesn't want to hurt him anymore.

"If I didn't leave, you wouldn't do it."

"I know. I know, because it's crazy and stupid, but I still want to do it. I still want you. Don't you feel it? You don't feel the need to have this life, to have me and us ?"

Ginny looked at the boy in front of her in distress.She wished he knew that what she was going to do was to keep him safe, to live with her and Harry and all the people who loved him.Yes, she would break his heart now, but she would risk anything for him afterwards.How could she explain it to him?

"I can feel it," she murmured, rubbing her face wearily.

"I want you to stay here. What should I do if you leave?" Sirius asked in a low voice, and he came over and took her hand.

"Be happy!" Ginny exclaimed, throwing up her hands in frustration. "I will only make you unhappy, and you are the only one who didn't realize it."

"That's a lie," he told her hastily.

"And the thing about Severus kissing me is over?"

"Don't call him that! Don't call him by his name like you know him."

Sirius and Ginny stood facing each other, yelling at each other.She wanted him to understand that it wasn't going to work now so that he would be less sad when she left.Once she saves him, they can sort things out.

"You can't just let this matter go, Sirius."

"Well. I'm still half-pissed off about you kissing Snape, but that's not the main problem now. The problem is you're leaving—"

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I can't stay."

I wish I could marry you, Ginny thought numbly, watching his eyes dim slightly.I wish I could stay.

"Is this your way of protecting me?" Ginny exclaimed, trying to clear her head.She couldn't let him win this contest, not this one.

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed. "Damn, yes. But I don't think a living person can protect you, Ginny. You're the most stubborn person I've ever met."

A breeze lifted Ginny's skirt and blew Sirius' shirt apart.The sight of him fighting a must-lose contest is heartbreaking.Seeing that Ginny didn't respond, Sirius also raised his hands.

"Then you want to go? You want to go, stop working hard for us?" Sirius snorted. "I'm not surprised at all. You've been running away."

He shrugged.

"coward."

The word angered Ginny, but she didn't want to be angry with him.Ginny narrowed her eyes and watched Sirius walk away.She ran up to him and pushed him from behind.

"What did you call me? What did you say?" she cried, pushing him again.

Sirius turned around, eyes red.She didn't flinch when he rushed towards her, and he blushed from shouting.

"You're scared, Ginny! Merlin, it's so obvious. You've been scared since I saw you. What a fucking coward."

Ginny's mouth fell open.

"You've always been afraid to get too close to me, to admit that you love me, to talk to me about anything directly related to you. You're right. Problems don't get resolved. Because you don't want to."

They stood facing each other, as if ready to duel.Ginny was shaking with anger, she couldn't believe Sirius had said such things to her.

"You're such a bastard," Ginny whispered, her ears ringing.

She turned to leave.Everything he said made her unable to think rationally.

"Oh, are you insulting each other now?" Sirius asked behind her. "Don't walk away from me, Ginny."

Sirius ran towards her, and Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Don't go, Ginny!" He pulled her towards him. "Arguing, arguing! Arguing with me!"

"No!" she cried. "No! I don't want to!"

"Why?" Sirius yelled.

"Because," Ginny cupped Sirius' face. "Because I'm leaving and I can't—I can't do it. When I know you want me to stay, when you propose to me, when you keep saying you love me, I can't go Already!"

"But I love you, Ginny," he whispered to her. "I really love you."

Ginny shook her head, stepped forward and kissed him.

"Then don't love me," she told him. "Don't love me just yet. Wait for me to come back."

Sirius sighed.

"Don't say that. Stop running away."

"I can't do it now," said Ginny. "sorry."

Ginny kissed him nostalgicly again, engraving the moment in her heart.Remember the smell of him around her, the freckles on his nose, the soft skin in her hands.She let go of him and looked towards the magnificent castle.She doesn't know what time it is.She was going back to the dormitory to pack her things and then went home.

"At least tell me," Sirius said angrily.

With anger comes fatigue.

"say what?"

"You love me. At least tell me so."

His voice was getting sadder.As if he had just realized that she wasn't planning on marrying him, and she wasn't going to change her mind.

"Sirius..."

"Ginny, tell me the truth. If you love me, tell me."

He is so handsome.But she couldn't say it, she never said it to the person she loved.With the Marauders, with Sirius, she struggled with what was right and what was wrong.She shouldn't like him, she shouldn't be with him just because she likes the way he looks at her, talks to her, treats her, knowing that Harry is still home waiting for her.