Like smoke, like a dream, suddenly, startled

"Ms. Liu was a top student in the school, right?"

I nodded, because the university's grades were too outstanding and I was directly recommended to graduate students.

In school, the better you learn, the more teachers pay attention to you.

"Then why does Teacher Liu want to be a teacher?"

"I don't know when I established this ambition, I always wanted to be a qualified teacher!"

"What does Teacher Liu think is the standard for a qualified teacher?"

"Be fair to every student, do not favor the top students, and do not treat the poor students differently."

"Then do you have the confidence to be a qualified teacher?"

"This is a must!" I smiled, with a firm belief in my heart.

I am currently the Chinese teacher of Class Three ([-]) and Class Five (Five).

As usual, I stayed in the office preparing lessons during the period when I was not in class.

Someone sat down across from me. It was Zhang Wei, the head teacher of Class [-] ([-]) in high school. I raised my head and nodded to him.He looked at the notebook pressed by my right hand, except for the place pressed by the hand, the rest, like ants entrenched on the notebook, densely packed.A smile appeared on his fat and greasy face: "Xiao Liu, are you so serious?"

He opened his notebook, picked up a pen to record something in the notebook, and said to me casually: "If you ask me, what's the use of being so serious? If you worry about the child, it's nothing? No good! You, just turn on the computer and play games for a while, and stop worrying about those troublesome things. "

After speaking, he wrote seriously in his notebook without looking at me or speaking.

I lowered my head and didn't close the notebook.Because, the opening ceremony will be in more than ten days. On that day, according to our usual class situation and the average grades of students in undergraduate courses, the best teachers will be selected among all our teachers. There are five places in total and ten thousand teachers will be awarded. A bonus of 5000 yuan.We teachers are overwhelmed and busy, just to be on the stage of the awards at that time of the year.

"Dong dong dong..."

I looked up and saw Zhang Wei also looking at me, he winked at me.

"Please come in."

I looked at the student who came in through the door. It was Qingxue from Class [-], who was not very good at studying. She walked towards Zhang Wei slowly with a pair of rabbit eyes on her face.

Zhang Wei lowered his head and flipped through his notes: "What's wrong?"

Qingxue twitched and said with a sob: "Teacher, Li Kai... Li Kai bullied me."

"Li Kai..."

I turned on the computer and pretended to be focused on the computer. I was actually paying attention to their conversation. When I heard the name Li Kai, I pondered for a while. Li Kai is a famous problem boy in our class. It's the deputy director, who bullies students everywhere in the name of his parents.

My train of thought was interrupted by Zhang Wei's voice, I collected myself and heard: "Oh, you also know about Li Kai's parents, so forget about it, and be careful when you meet him in the future."

I was chilled, yes, the opening ceremony will be in more than ten days, as a senior teacher in the third year of high school, I really shouldn't offend anyone at this time.

I raised my head and glanced at Qingxue. Qingxue's eyes widened, tears filled her eyes, and disbelief was written all over her face.I sighed, because of the power, the fairness was broken, and the students could only silently endure these unbearable and dirty bullying.

Qingxue turned her eyes in a daze, she looked at me with helplessness on her face, and the begging in her eyes made my heart twitch.School will start soon, I took a deep breath and made up my mind not to look at her again.

Qingxue left, and that step by step made me feel uncomfortable.

"Ha." He subconsciously looked at Zhang Wei, with a piercing smile on his face and sarcasm written all over his mouth.Seeing me look, he smiled: "Teacher Xiao Liu is really not a good person, he really did his best for the opening ceremony."

How could I not hear the sarcasm in his tone, I glanced at him lightly, turned my eyes away, and stopped looking at him.

If he is really jealous, then when Qingxue finds me, he should try his best to help, instead of saying soft words and laughing at me after Qingxue left!

"Jingle Bell……"

This is my class, I sorted out the books, picked up the books and ignored Zhang Wei who was looking at me, and didn't say hello to him.

I pushed open the door, looked at the students in the class, and subconsciously looked to the corner.

Qingxue is gone!

The right eye jumped up, feeling guilty for a while, and the palm of the hand holding the book was overflowing with cold sweat.I adjusted my expression and walked to the podium, but I looked into the corner uncontrollably many times during the lecture.

I raised my hand and glanced at my watch, 5 minutes left!

"report!"

I breathed a sigh of relief: "Please come in."

It was not Qingxue who opened the door, but Zhu Huihui, who had played very well with Qingxue in the past. Her quiet face was full of anxiety, and there was still sweat on her forehead, and the ominous premonition in her heart gradually expanded.

"Teacher...Teacher, Qingxue..."

Before she finished speaking, I ran out, and Zhu Huihui followed behind me.

"Where is Qingxue?"

Zhu Huihui's eyes were red, her lips were purple and her face was pale: "Qingxue committed suicide. I can't swim and I was in class. I called for help but no one passed by. I... I just watched her sink into the bottom of the river helplessly." , powerless."

I patted her on the back, feeling sad: "It's not your fault."

Zhu Huihui took me to the place where Qingxue committed suicide. Qingxue's body was floating on the river. There was no trace of blood on her pale face, and her beautiful eyes were closed tightly.

I jumped into the river.

"Teacher, what are you doing, teacher?"

I walked towards Qingxue and said as I walked, "I want to fish her up, I can't let her stay here forever."

At this time, the sun is about to set, and the river water emits a dark green forest light, just like Qingxue's dark and bright eyes.The water in the river is not deep, and even when I got to Qingxue, it only reached my neck. I grabbed Qingxue's hand, icy, and walked towards the bank step by step, and carried Qingxue to the bank. Zhu Huihui also came over. She sobbed softly, tears streaming down her face.

I sigh, a beautiful life is lost like this.

At night, I couldn't sleep, Qingxue's pale face appeared in my mind, and I was extremely guilty of Qingxue's death in my heart, and the cool touch when I stroked Qingxue's hand seemed to be still there.

The next day, I paid attention to Zhang Wei's every move. He showed no guilt and felt nothing at all. I heard him humming a song when I was preparing lessons in the office in the morning.

In the afternoon, I walked out of school with my bag on my back. A group of people surrounded the school gate, and a girl stood in the middle, crying.I slowed down on purpose.

"Xiao Yue, don't cry, it will pass."

The girl in the middle is called Xiaoyue, with tears streaming down her face like a faucet that cannot be turned off: "What should I do, what should I do?"

I took out the phone from my bag, took the opportunity to glance at the group of people when I took out the phone, a girl hugged Xiaoyue, and said: "The current teachers dare not offend Li Kai. It is useless to beg the teacher. You can only Rely on yourself! Xiaoyue, you have to be strong! Li Kai has driven so many people to death and still lives well, so proudly, and so freely. Even if you die, it will not help, and you will not leave a mark on his heart , will only add to his fun and make him do whatever he wants and be lawless."

Xiaoyue shook her head, her out-of-focus gaze was on the lawn: "My life has lost its luster, I have no future... I have no future..."

Xiao Yue pushed away the crowd and walked out.

The rest of the people stared blankly at Xiaoyue, at a loss.

I followed, I couldn't just watch another child die.She walked aimlessly on the road, with her head down, her face covered by her messy hair, her eyes, her steps were light and light, like a soul that had lost flesh and blood.

She didn't look at the traffic light, and walked onto the road rashly. One car after another whizzed by, almost hitting her.

She is looking for death!I must stop her!Before I reached out to touch her, a big truck knocked her out. I opened my eyes wide, and she glanced at me as if she had sensed it. When she was knocked out, she showed me a bright smile, piercing I'm uncomfortable.

If... It would be better if it was earlier, just a little bit.

She was lying on the ground, with blood blooming on her back, she maintained the last expression: looking at me, smiling.

I pushed her desperately, but she was out of breath. I sat on the ground, looking at her young face, feeling suffocated in pain.

The truck fled, the ambulance arrived, the siren sounded, the teachers surrounded me, and I sat on the ground, dazed.

Zhang Wei pulled me up, and I looked at their expressions one by one, seeing nothing in their eyes looking at Xiaoyue, and the hypocritical regret on their faces.

Darkness is no excuse.

Is the heart corroded by darkness when there is no sunlight?

No!In fact, I am not qualified to speak of them, am I not carrying false glory?

They looked at me, I clearly had the same job as them, why did I appear so contradictory?Suddenly very tired, what they care about is fame and fortune, don't I care about these?I care, because I want to take care of these children to highlight my own differences, but this is rejected by the teachers collectively, it is too tiring.The feeling of being powerless in the face of Li Kai is too uncomfortable.In this case, I might as well get along well with other teachers, and use the excuse that the children can be responsible for their own lives when they are teenagers, and stop worrying about these trivial matters.

I stood up numbly and left with the teachers.

I went to class as usual, finished class as usual, and prepared lessons as usual. Suddenly, I found that although the appearance of each teacher in the office was different, they were actually the same. Now, I have integrated with them.

The opening ceremony is about to begin, and I didn't scold the student who did a good job in Chinese in Class ([-]) for not doing his homework. I didn't say anything about the students in class ([-]) stealing food in the last row. The principal is looking at me, so I have to keep smiling.

I heard that the last remaining spot will be born between me and Teacher Zhang Wei.

After I heard about this, I worked even harder. After entering the office, I prepared the lesson without saying a word. Zhang Wei didn’t seem to have time to talk to me. Except for the class time, he also managed the top ten students in the class, and let the students He came to report to his office every class break, and added extra homework to them, distributed homework during the morning break, and gave lectures or discussions during the afternoon break.

On this day, I was pulled out by the principal.

"Xiao Liu, go and see Teacher Wen. You used to be her student, and she's about to die. She's been talking about you all the time!"

before?student?

I've had a severe head injury and can't remember anything before.

After class, I left in a hurry, took Teacher Wen's address given to me by the principal, and went to visit Teacher Wen's house.

Teacher Wen's daughter opened the door for me and took me to Teacher Wen's bedroom. I saw her lying on the bed, breathing weakly and bony.

Teacher Wen opened her eyes and smiled when she saw me coming. Her daughter walked out and closed the door.

"Xiao Liu."

She beckoned and I walked over.

She took my right hand and held it with both hands, it was very warm.

"You were a poor student before, not so good. In a blink of an eye, so many years have passed."

Startled, I looked at her.

She continued: "At that time, there was a classmate in Class [-] who bullied you. You couldn't bear it and wanted to transfer to another school. Your mother didn't allow it, and you almost collapsed. I stopped many times. That classmate bullied you behind my back. After class, he will You get pulled into the library, you get into an argument, you bump into a desk, and you lose your memory."

My head hurt so badly that I stroked it with my other hand.

"It's just a poor student, who cares about poor students!" The boy in the picture pushed me, and I saw a female teacher, she rushed over and drove the boy away...

The boy slapped me, I muttered something in my mouth, I was slapped again, I was unconvinced and cursed a few more words, the boy grabbed my hair and pulled it desperately, pressing my head against the wall... …

The female teacher protected me and was punched by the boy...

The female teacher sent me home...

The boy dragged me to the library and beat and kicked me. He pushed me and knocked me against the corner of the desk.

Memories flowed into my mind bit by bit.

Tears flowed from my eyes, I suddenly hugged the skinny woman on the bed, and wept bitterly: "Teacher Wen..."

She stroked my hair softly with her hand: "You remembered. Alas, I wanted you to live your life happily."

I feel very guilty in my heart. The teacher treated me like this, but I excluded her from my memory.

She sighed and said to me: "I still remember the way you were full of passion when you first came to school. You can't lose your original appearance because of a little tribulation. Isn't your ambition always to be a qualified student?" Teacher? A qualified teacher will not only care about the feelings of the top students, but will pay attention and focus on the top students. Now you are no longer what you used to be."

Holding the body of Teacher Wen, I finally understood why my ambition is to be a qualified teacher, but the moment of understanding brought me unimaginable pain, because before this, my heart was already dirty, The heart that sincerely treats the child has been splashed with black blood...

For more than ten days in a row, Zhang Wei repeated his daily work, sometimes preparing lessons and humming songs. I couldn't understand why he lived more freely and happily after Qingxue's death than before.After meeting Teacher Wen, my heart became extremely heavy and I couldn't calm down to work.

At the opening ceremony, I got it.

Zhang Wei was named the best teacher of the year. When I was sitting underneath, I heard: "Looking at Teacher Zhang's smile, he is so proud. If Qingxue in his class hadn't died suddenly, he wouldn't be able to stand there." up there!"

There was a click in my heart, and I remembered Zhang Wei's sarcasm to me after Qingxue left, and Qingxue's face, just looking at Zhang Wei, looking at the bright smile on his lips, and listening to the whispers of other teachers in my ears.

I closed my eyes weakly and rubbed my temples, but I heard: "Look at Teacher Liu's expression, she is extremely contemptuous of Teacher Zhang for winning the award. In fact, she didn't stand on it in this way last year!"

"Yes, I still remember hearing Mr. Liu say to the child in the office, 'This society is like this, if your family background is not as good as others, don't provoke others, if you don't have that ability, don't slap your face and pretend to be fat, you deserve to be bullied !' That child was not very good, he was forced to death by Teacher Liu! To be honest, compared with Teacher Zhang, there is a gap of several levels between Teacher Zhang and Teacher Liu."

"Don't you treat poor students and students from poor families the same?"

"How can it be compared with Teacher Liu and Teacher Zhang!"

My heart sank, my head was buzzing, and I just wanted to leave this place of right and wrong as soon as possible.

I looked at the chair in front of me, and the image of last year floated in front of my eyes.

At that time, I just came to this school not long ago. I was dedicated to the students in our class. I only hoped that they could all pass the exam. At that time, Li Kai was already notorious in the school. Those who study well are those who are bullied and those who do not study well. At that time, I thought that every child has a future and potential, as long as they work hard, their grades will definitely improve.At that time, the last three students in our class were bullied by Li Kai several times, and each time was more serious. These children did not dare to gnaw at the beginning, but as the number of times Li Kai approached them increased, they couldn't stand it any more. , I finally found me. At that time, I would be desperate for my children. I talked to Li Kai, criticized him, and cleaned him up, but he became more and more arrogant. His mother also came to me for this Countless times, I have been under great pressure and accepted the strange eyes of the teachers every day, and Zhang Wei's cynicism.

Finally, when Li Kai bullied Qi Zhen, I couldn't stand it anymore.

Yes, that child is Qi Zhen, the child I killed.

Li Kai's mother came to me again that day. When I dragged my tired body back to the office, Zhang Wei laughed at me and said, "If you don't have the strength, don't worry about it. Why bother! Teacher Liu is just a newcomer. Teachers, not the parents of these children, no matter how good you do, those children will not appreciate you."

I slumped on the chair, looked up at the ceiling, and was at a loss.

At this time Qi Zhen knocked on the door, I sighed and sat up straight, Qi Xue walked in with small steps.I could actually see that she was walking very hard, and I also saw the purple and blue on her arms, but I was tired, my heart was tired, my body was even more tired, and suddenly I felt that it was actually very good to be like Teacher Zhang Wei.

Her tears wet the school uniform, and she narrated to me intermittently, but I lost my mind.

I didn't even have the strength to comfort her.

In order to send her away as soon as possible, I imitated the tone and attitude of other teachers: "This society is like this. If your family background is not as good as others, don't provoke others. If you don't have the skills, don't slap your face and pretend to be fat. You deserve it." Bully!"

She gasped for air, her chest heaved up and down, her breathing was disordered, her face was flushed with pain.

Li Kai's mother's shrill voice echoed in my ears, so I didn't notice her expression.

The next day, I was notified that Qi Zhen had died. When I went to see her, her eyes were staring, bloodshot, and filled with anger and unwillingness.She just looked at me like that, as if she wanted to swallow me alive, but her body lost its vitality.

Her hand was tightly clenched, and I opened her hand and saw five fingernail marks on her palm. I was heartbroken. I heard from her family that she hanged herself, and I was the one who killed her.

I came back to my senses, until now I can't forget Qi Zhen's appearance after death.

I am a sinner!It was my selfishness that killed her.

Qingxue, Xiaoyue, Qizhen...

I have long since lost my original ambition, and my original ideas have become a machine working for fame and fortune.

Obviously I have also experienced what they have encountered, but I have survived to this day because of a good teacher.But they lost their lives because of me.

On the stage, Zhang Wei smiled brightly, just like me at that time.

A quagmire appeared in front of me, Zhang Wei fell into it, and the teachers who discussed me also fell into it.I looked at it, and it wasn't as big or deep as I thought it would be, but it was enough to sink me in.