hot fire

Ten

Perhaps because of the appearance of Zhao Lingcheng, the relationship between Xi and Qi has undergone subtle changes.

Even though Xi still resisted in her heart, she knew that she couldn't deny it, and she didn't like to know that someone was close to Qi; although she still didn't feel that Qi was "hers", in her heart she began to hope that Qi could only belong to her.

But, that's when I lost her.Xi sighed.

"Miss, you sighed again, you probably sighed a hundred times today." Jun Yoo said sitting opposite Xi.

In the night when Qi was on duty, Xi was found out again by Jun Yoo.

Xi didn't say anything, just flipped through the food on the plate with a fork, eating bit by bit absent-mindedly.

"Hey, let me say, you're not thinking about kittens, are you?" Jun Yoo said again.

Xi glanced at Jun Yoo, but said nothing.

As far as Jun Yoo knew about Xi, she knew that Xi did not deny it.

"How are you all doing recently? I heard from Kitty that someone is chasing you?" Jun Yoo asked first.

"She told you this?" Xi was a little surprised.

"I asked. I occasionally send her a line."

"I was chasing her at first, but after seeing me, I changed my target." Xi said honestly.

"Damn! He's a bad man." Jun Yoo swears.

"Yeah, a bad man." Xi nodded.

"So, did he do anything?" Jun Yoo asked curiously.

"Just send flowers, but I ask the cleaning lady to take them to their building every day." Xi said nonchalantly.

"Hahaha! You are a good motorcycle, but you did a good job!" Jun Yoo laughed after hearing this.

"It's good that he doesn't bother the kitten," Xi said.

"Are you worried about the kitten now? I thought you were fine." Jun Yoo said intentionally.

"Fang Junyou, don't keep trying my bottom line." Xi looked at Junyou and said coldly.

"I just want to force you to understand the importance of kittens to you, otherwise sooner or later you will not even know how you died." Jun Yoo said without giving in to Shang Xi's coldness.

"He died a long time ago." Xi rested her chin on her hand and looked out the window.

"Because you don't want to come back alive." Jun Yoo didn't mean to let her go.

"I just want to protect myself." Xi defended.

"But you've been doing the opposite, you've been hurting yourself, and you've always known you were hurting yourself." Jun Yoo said relentlessly.

Xi was silent.

How could she not know?Indeed, as Jun Yoo said, she used the same thing to hurt herself non-stop.

"Xi, it's been long enough, why don't you want to let yourself go? Xiao Rong's departure, you were never wrong, what are you persistent and insisting on?" Jun You asked this more than once.

"What I promised." Xi's sudden answer made Jun Yoo stunned.

"What did you promise her? What is it? Apart from 'live well', what else did you promise her?" Jun Yoo asked.

Xi just looked out the window and didn't answer anything.

"Xi, don't let the promise of the past become a shackle that binds you to the future. You know it's unnecessary." Faced with Xi's silence, Jun Yoo can only say this.

"I just don't want myself to become that kind of person." Xi still looked out the window.

"Then no one cares anymore!" Jun Yoo still didn't understand.

"I care." Xi said, looking at Jun Yoo firmly.

"But who cares what you care about? How long are you going to let yourself be bound by a promise that the other party has dismissed long ago? You yourself said that she can't come back, what are you doing?" As if trying to wake Xi up, Jun Yoo was a little confused asked excitedly.

"I do not know……"

"Because you idiot never thought about it." Jun Yoo said mercilessly again.

Xi's answer was another period of silence.

"Xi, don't you feel that you are very contradictory? You don't believe in promises, you don't believe in yourself, you don't believe in others, but you insist on going your own way, keeping what you don't believe in—promises." Jun Yoo said sharply.

Xi froze for a moment, "Perhaps, I want to prove something..."

"Prove what? Prove that there is at least one person in the world who will keep his promise, and that person is you—Xia Yuxi?" Jun You's question was still sharp.

Xi did not answer, in fact, she did not know how to answer.

"Please, can you stop these meaningless things? Promising something like this has no deadline and no time to prove it. You can only do your best. If you can't do it, admitting that you can't do it is not a shameful sin." Every time he talks about such topics with Xi, Jun Yoo feels that one day he will have a stroke from anger.

"So, the promise is meaningless at all." Xi said, Jun Yoo knew that this should be a question.

"You have to ask yourself this question. I only know that what you are insisting on now is meaningless." Jun Yoo said angrily, then took a sip from the water glass on the table.

"Then maybe I'm taking revenge." Xi said with a smile on his face.

"What? Retaliate against whom? Xiao Rong?" Jun Yoo almost choked.

"That's right. I think that this kind of self can make her feel guilty, make her feel guilty, and make her feel uncomfortable." When Xi said these things, a kind of indifference appeared on her face.

"Are you happy like this? Do you feel the pleasure of revenge? The point is, she doesn't care at all. Even, she never looked back at you, did she? Xia Yuxi, please wake up, okay?" Jun Yoo wished he could shake Xi hard enough to wake him up.

"I don't know what I'm doing, but I seem to be used to it, and I don't want to change anything..." Xi's voice was still warm.

"What about the kitten? How long are you going to torture her?" Jun Yoo suddenly turned the question to Qi.

"I didn't torture her!" Xi retorted.

"Do you dare to say that you really don't have one?" Jun Yoo looked straight at Xi and asked.

Xi couldn't answer.

"Isn't it torture for someone who loves you to be in an indescribable relationship?" Jun Yoo asked this question in a tone almost as indifferent as Xi.

Hearing what Jun Yoo said, Xi widened her eyes and froze.

The word love has always been something she doesn't want to think about or face.But Jun Yoo said it without any worries.

"It's not that you don't know about this. When will you run away? When the kitten decides to leave you again? Is it still too late?" Jun Yoo continued as if turning a blind eye to Xi's expression.

"I love you, and you love me too..." Xi said this.

"What?" Jun Yoo was confused.

"The kitten told me that before she went abroad." Xi always remembered this sentence, but she tried hard to forget it.

"Isn't it?" Jun Yoo raised an eyebrow and asked.

Xi was silent.

"Let me tell you, Kitty is really brave, to say that to you." Jun You thought about what expression Qi would use to say this.

"So I want her to go..." Xi's eyes dropped.

"Oh, the kitten is too reckless... But she came back in the end... Do you want to let her go again?" Jun Yoo paused and continued, "This time it won't be you who asked her to go, It will be that she wants to leave by herself, and I don't think she will come back after leaving..."

Xi nodded, Jun Yoo was right.

"Don't let this happen, it will make the kitty become like you...you know what I'm talking about." Jun Yoo looked at her seriously.

"I'm not qualified to keep her." Xi lowered her eyes.

"You have it, but you don't admit it, you don't face it. You always know you have it." Jun Yoo said with certainty.

"Yeah... I'm a selfish person, squandering all her feelings for me, but I'm not willing to give anything... I'm so rotten." A contemptuous and sarcastic smile appeared on Xi's face, and she laughed at herself .

"Xi, don't say that about yourself." Jun You stopped Xi from continuing.

"I'm not wrong." Xi raised the corners of her mouth and sneered.

"Okay, that's enough, don't hurt yourself like this." Jun You said, she knew Xi, and knew that whenever Xi said that, she blamed herself very seriously.

Xi looked at Jun Yoo with sad and desperate eyes.

"Hey, let's go to the kitten, you are now, only she can make you better." In the end, Jun Yoo was still at a loss.

Xi nodded slightly.

"Let's go, it's getting late, take me home?" Jun Yoo stood up and looked at Xi.

"Well, let's go."

They left the restaurant together, and Xi drove Jun Yoo back before returning home.

The moment she opened the door, Xi suddenly felt very lonely, and she wanted to see Qi.

Is it dependent?is this okay?

After Xi put away her things, she took her clothes and went into the bathroom.Soaking in the bathtub filled with hot water, Xi thought about the conversation she had with Jun Yoo at night; she also remembered the night when she asked Qi about "happiness".

Yes, having you is happiness.But I just can't promise you, or tell you this myself... I'm so scared that after I say it, I will start to lose you slowly.Qi's smile appeared in Xi's mind.

Suddenly, Xi stood up from the bathtub, dried her body, got dressed, and went out.

She is going to find Qi.

After buying some hot food at will, Xi couldn't help shaking her head at herself in the mirror when she drove into the hospital parking lot.

"Xia Yuxi, you are really..." Xi said to herself as she got out of the car.

This should be Xi's first visit to the radiation oncology department. She has always been in the hospital whenever she has nothing to do, and her activities have always been in the psychiatric department and the basement of the same building.

Xi realizes that she doesn't know where to find Qi.She walked to the ward.Nursing stations are always brightly lit.

"Excuse me, where can I find Dr. Luo who is on duty today?" Xi smiled and asked the nurse on duty at night.

"Duty room, go straight to the end and turn right." The nurse said.

"Okay, thank you." Xi thanked the other party.

At the door of the duty room, Xi took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in." It was Kei's voice.

Xi pushed open the door and saw Qi with a surprised face.

"What? Are you dumbfounded?" Xi asked with a smile.

"Xi...how did you come?" Qi still hadn't recovered.

"I can't sleep, so I wanted to come and see you. Well, it's late, and I can't buy fish, so let's make do with Maixiangyu." Xi handed the paper bag in her hand to Qi.

Qi took it and put it on the table.He strode forward and hugged Xi.

"Xi, what happened? Are you okay?" Qi asked softly.She knew that Xi usually wouldn't do this.

Xi leaned against Qi and gradually relaxed in Qi's arms.

"It's okay..." Qi didn't know why he said that, but he just said it.

"Little cat," Xi looked at Qi, "thank you."

"Thank you?" Qi was puzzled.

"Thank you, it's a kitten." Xi said with a smile, she knew Qi understood.

"I have always been, always have been." Qi kissed Xi's forehead, and she knew that Xi was expressing that she needed her, and she understood.

After eating snack with Qi and chatting for a while, Xi got up and prepared to leave.

"I'll take you down," Qi said.

"It's fine if I go down by myself, it's not good to be seen by others." Xi didn't want Qi to send him off.

"Are you afraid of being gossiped about?"

"Not really," Xi shook her head lightly, "Little Cat, you are still a 'newcomer', so you better be careful."

"Why isn't Xi afraid of being seen when Xi comes?" Qi asked back.

Xi didn't expect that Qi, who always said good things to her, asked a question this time.

"The kitten has grown up..." Xi smiled meaningfully.

"No, I just... Forget it, I just want you to know, don't worry about me so much." Qi frowned and said.

Xi stepped forward, reached out and gently rubbed Qi's frowning brows, "Idiot, I didn't mean to scold you. I just wanted to see you, so I came here."

"Well, thank you, I'm glad to see you." Qi said with a happy smile.

"Then, I'm leaving." Xi kissed Qi's lips, then opened the door and left.

"Drive carefully." Qi watched Xi leave at the door.

After Xi left, Qi returned to the duty room, took out his mobile phone, and passed the line to Jun You.

Qi∣Are you having dinner with Xi tonight?

Not long after, Jun Yoo's phone call came.

"How do you know? Xi went to find you?" Qi Cai picked it up, and Jun Yoo immediately asked.

"Well, she just went back." Qi nodded.

"This guy has finally improved a bit." Jun You said after knowing that Xi went to see Qi.

"What do you mean?" Qi didn't understand.

"Little cat, try to think back, has Xi changed since you met Xi?" Jun You asked Qi.

"Change?..." Qi began to think back.

When she was still an intern, she just met Xi, even if she walked next to her, she felt as if she was in a vacuum state with only herself; later, she gradually understood Xi's tenderness, and became a kitten raised by Xi. She often stays by Xi's side, even sharing the same bed, but she still feels that Xi gives her an erratic feeling. She later learned that that feeling is called "drawing away"; when she crossed the line for the first time, she felt Xi She has an uncompromising insistence on the rules she has set, and even her own emotions can be ignored; during the four years of blankness, she has no news of Xi, and likewise, Xi does not know her situation, it is her The time when she missed Xi the most; after returning to Taiwan, the reunion between her and Xi was something she never thought of.Yes, Xi has become real.

"Kitten? Are you still there?" Jun Yoo's voice pulled Qi back.

"She's getting more and more real...I think." Qi said uncertainly.

"Yes, she is becoming more and more real, at least the feeling of "ghost" has become less. Kitten, I think it is because of you." Jun Yoo on the other end of the phone said with certainty.

"Because of me?" Qi didn't understand why it was because of her.

"Well, maybe it's because you have a kind of temperament that is very similar to Xi... that kind of tenacity to survive from nothing. I don't know what happened to you, but I think it's because of this, so you Being able to understand Xi will also let Xi know that she is not alone, there are people like her who understand what it is to lose everything...Little cat, that is what makes you special." Jun Yoo told Qi what he had observed.

"Having nothing...?" All the past came to mind again. Indeed, after her parents passed away, she really had nothing. She only felt "alive" when she was studying, until she met Xi.

"When Xi brought you to dinner with me for the first time, when I saw you, I knew why Xi would keep you by my side. The warmth you want can only be given by her; similarly, only you can understand her despair .”

"Despair..." Qi recalled what Xi said, "But sometimes, it also makes us worry about gains and losses, and even pain, doesn't it?" That was the first time she clearly felt Xi's despair.

"Xi has always been in despair. The despair before meeting Xiaorong was a kind of despair of giving up fighting for herself. I think it is because of her family. I didn't know before I went to college, but since I knew Xi, the corners of her mouth There is always a smile of "don't care", as if there is nothing she needs to work hard for, and indeed, those things that we need to work hard to get, grades, money, gaze, and even love, are all possible for Xi It comes at your fingertips. I once asked Xi, she is so smart, she can go to Oxford and Cambridge even if she goes back to the UK, why she stays in Taiwan and hang out with our group of busy medical students, why not go back to the UK, She told me with a smile that the seven years of staying in Taiwan to study medical school will be her own life in her life. After returning to the UK, she will follow the script arranged by her father, because it is her daughter's life. "Obligation"..." Qi didn't know the Xi in Jun You's mouth, but Qi found that he seemed to know what expression Xi would use to say those things.

"Well, Xi said that she once had a marriage contract with a man." Qi remembered the ironic smile on Xi's face when she mentioned this "marriage contract".

"Yeah, at that time, she really planned to go back to fulfill that "promise". A girlfriend, but they are not very serious, she knows that it will not last long, so she always tells the other party that there is no possible result between each other at the beginning, at that time, she was a bit like a "player" Well... almost all the girls who were with her felt that Xi was too unfettered and couldn't give them a sense of security. It was true that Xi at that time was very selfish in her relationship, and sometimes I couldn't stand it, but Regarding that topic, Xi has never allowed anyone to participate, only she knows about it. So, Xi's old lovers are reluctant to mention Xi after breaking up, and they all think that Xi is a character that cannot be messed with... Jun Yoo talked about Xi's "love history".

"Why?" Qi couldn't imagine Xi like that.

"I don't know, no one wants to say more. Xi has never taken the initiative to approach anyone, and everyone has approached and chased her. She seems to have a natural attraction, maybe it is beauty and self-confidence. There are many suitors, but she doesn't accept everything, but I don't know what her standards are..." Jun Yoo said honestly.

"So, her college life is just spent in fun?" Jun You's "information" seems to have broken many of Qi's original "ideas".

"Basically...how is it? Are you surprised? Seeing her now, it's hard to imagine what she looked like in college, right? She's like a different person." Jun Yoo's tone contained helplessness and sighs.

"So, what happened to her?" Qi's curiosity was aroused.

"When we started our internship, Xi suddenly put away the previous "playfulness" and started to be serious. I asked her why, and she just said that she felt tired from playing, and the internship should be serious. After all, being a doctor is not a joke. Since then, Xi has never accepted anyone's pursuit, and she no longer plays around. I remember that everyone was frightened by her "seriousness". Oh, why are you so serious all of a sudden? Xi also just smiled and didn't explain much, she always knew what she wanted and what she was doing. It was also at that time that she met Xiao Rong." Jun You first time He mentioned Xiao Rong to Qi.

"Xiao Rong..." Qi heard this name twice, it was from Jun You's mouth.

"Well, Duan Xiaorong. I think Xi will tell you about the matter between them one day, about how they got together and broke up... Xiaorong and Xi are completely different. The similarity is that they both have a kind of quietness. It can make people around you feel happy and relaxed. Compared with Xi’s despair, Xiao Rong feels hopeful about everything in the world. Sometimes they even argue about hope and despair, but the result is always Xi was rendered speechless by Xiao Rong, it's hard to imagine! But maybe it was Xi who let her, after all, Xi is so smart, haha!" Jun You said while recalling.

"Did she make Xi become what she is now?" Qi continued to ask.

"It can be said that. I don't know what is the key to Xi's decision to be with Xiaorong, but the Xi who was with Xiaorong during the period of time was the most real "living" Xi, and I could feel her Emotions, what you want to fight for, it should be Xiaorong's influence on her, it gave Xi the courage to work hard, even, I think you know..."

"Xi cut ties with the family for her sake." Qi then finished speaking.

"Well, Xiao Rong was the first person to walk into Xi's heart, and it was also because Xi let her into her heart and gave her complete trust, so when they broke up, Xi collapsed..." Jun You's voice small.

"Yeah." On the other end of the phone, Qi nodded slightly.

"Right now, Xi's despair is because she feels that nothing in the world is real and sustainable, and she doesn't feel that it is important. Everything she has will eventually be lost when the time comes." Jun Yoo really understands Xi very well.

"If you don't start, it won't end; if you don't own it, you won't lose it." Qi answered.

"Actually, it's very hopeless... That's why Xi is so like a wandering soul. You know, until now, sometimes I still think that the reason why Xi, who collapsed at that time, was able to grit her teeth and live was all because of She promised Xiao Rong that she would "live well", otherwise she might really commit suicide on impulse with her previous extreme personality." Jun You said helplessly.

"Extreme personality?" Qi didn't realize it all of a sudden.

"Yeah, she is only allowed to succeed and not to fail in everything she does, and she has always only done what she is sure of. She can't accept failure. For her, the relationship with Xiao Rong is the biggest thing in her life. Failure... what do you think of her like this?" Jun Yoo explained patiently.

"Well, I understand." Qi recalled the conversation with Xia Lei in the cemetery when he was in England. It seems that Xi inherited Xia Lei's personality of not being able to accept failure.

"I think Xiaorong should also understand, that's why Xi asked her to promise her to "live well". With Xi's stubborn personality, as long as she agrees, she will definitely do it..." Speaking of this, Jun You suddenly stopped Stopped, she thought of what Xi said at night...

"What's wrong?" Qi was puzzled by Jun Yoo's sudden pause.

"It's nothing, Xi will tell you by herself. When she is ready. Kitten, please, don't give up on Xi." Jun Yoo didn't answer.

"Oh," Qi sighed, "Perhaps, it will still be Xi who gives up on me in the end."

"Don't worry, it won't. She went to you, which is already a great improvement. She knows that when she falls into unnecessary self-blame again, she needs to find a support point to hold on to, so she went to you." Jun Yoo comforted her.

"Senseless self-blame? What do you mean?" Qi didn't understand again.

"She, she has a lot of things in her brain, you should be able to ask slowly. In short, she feels owed and guilty towards you to a certain extent." Zai Xi scolded After a few words, Jun Yoo suddenly said seriously.

"Guilt? Why?" Qi had more questions in his mind.

"Ask her yourself! If I tell you, she will cut it off! And I've told you so much today, it should be enough. The rest is up to you, dear kitty. "Jun Yoo's hippie smile suddenly appeared.

"Huh? What?" Qi didn't expect Jun Yoo to end the topic right away.

"That's it! I'm going to sleep, you are on duty to cheer up, good night, break!" Then hung up the phone.

I can understand why Xi sometimes wants to hit people.Qi looked at the phone, speechless.

There was half a glass of unfinished drink on the table, and the straw was bitten flat. Qi smiled, and Xi had the habit of biting the straw.And she also knew that Xi would drink up the drink before the ice cube melted, and then put the ice cube in her mouth to make a crackling sound.

Qi also knows that Xi loves to eat beef, likes red tomato soup, hates green peppers and eggplants, and will have a disapproving expression on his face when he eats unpalatable food; Eat sour food, hate sweets; love to listen to lyrical songs, not fast songs; read books very fast, especially English books; subconsciously frown when working seriously; often forget to wear seat belts when driving, and have to hear warnings It was only when I remembered the sound; I used to sleep on the left side, so it was not easy to fall asleep, but I could sleep very deeply when I fell asleep...

But what about Xi's heart?Qi knows that there is always someone living in Xi's heart, and now she knows that person is called "Duan Xiaorong". Just like her previous guess, she is Xi's "ex-girlfriend". She was once Xi's favorite person, but she also gave Xi the deepest and deepest love severe injury.

As for her, what Xi called her "kitten" to Xi? Emily, Kate, and Jun Yoo all said that Xi actually cared about her very much, and she could gradually feel that Xi needed her, but in what role was she needed?

Duan Xiaorong, I really envy you.Why, after you hurt Xi so cruelly, you still let Xi never forget you?Lying on the bed in the duty room, Qi closed his eyes and fell asleep.