[Wen Ye] Do caged birds dream of butterflies?

Answer. "This is the second time he has asked this question, you are a little distressed," and I don't have the experience of the 'relaxed, healthy and energetic' death method you want. "

Fu Jiang has never had the idea of ​​suicide. If her experience is compiled into a book, it can only be called "Complete Killing Manual".

"But I want to hear it now." He tugged at your hair again.

Alright alright!You don't need to open your eyes to know that your face must be so red that it is almost burning.Since it’s Teacher Dazai’s wish, you can only search your memory and tell him something less disgusting: “It’s really just a pain. It’s okay if the carotid artery is cut, it only takes ten seconds, and you’ll only feel pain in your neck. The burning pain is over when you want to breathe. In fact, you will not feel suffocation. It is unlucky to be stabbed to death. In the abdomen, you will see blood flow out first, then the pain, and the burning of being splashed with sulfuric acid The feeling is a bit similar. Being strangled and hanged is the longest time. When the larynx is squeezed, it feels like the head will be squeezed out. It’s super painful, and the tongue will be squeezed out..."

Wow, what kind of shame play is this!When you say this, your eyelashes are trembling with embarrassment, describing your terrible death to Mr. Dazai, even you have a girlish heart!

So you rarely played tricks and refused to continue, "In short, it is definitely not the answer you want."

"I already knew about this kind of thing."

"Then you still ask."

"Hmph," Osamu Dazai sneered, and then let go of his hand. You were about to step back, but you felt a chill on your face—his hand was on your face.

The eyes you were about to open closed again immediately, you felt his fingertips moving on your face, and his voice became cold again.

"Xiao Fujiang, what were you thinking when you died? Would you be afraid? Would you be afraid? Would you be angry? Would you be unwilling?"

"In the past... I should have done it." If it was Fu Jiang in the past, he would have screamed in spite and fear.Resentful, cursing, screaming, everything is other people's fault, everything is other people's fault.Until he swallowed his last breath, he would not let go of the maliciousness of the splashing sky.

But, it's you who are here now.So, "Not now."

Now death is just death to you.Just like eating and drinking, wind and rain, it is a phenomenon that is on the daily extension line.At best, it's more troublesome to deal with-similar to the trouble of having to wash clothes that are hanging outside the house after being soaked in the rain.

You told him this, and then added: "So Mr. Dazai can't get a satisfactory answer from me, because for me, death is connected with life. Not the other way around."

Live to die.Human beings desperately try to survive based on the fear of death.But you are not, not in the past, not even now - for you who have crossed into Fu Jiang, the boundary line between life and death has been blurred.

"So Xiao Fujiang is no longer a human being."

"probably."

"It's a monster."

"That's right. It's an unkillable monster."

"Is it really impossible to kill?"

"It's true that you can't be killed." You replied, "No matter how many times you die, you can come back to life. Whether you are cut up with a saw or crushed into minced meat, even if you are burned to ashes, you will be resurrected from the ashes."

"What about strong acid?"

"Someone has already tried this method. Even if it is soaked in strong acid, it will become a monster that can adapt to strong acid and come back to life."

"It's horrible. Terrible and disgusting."

"Even if you are pushed into a converter filled with high-temperature molten iron, as long as there is a trace of gasified liquid escaping, you can still come back to life." You think of the comments you read on the Internet before crossing, "It's like a cancer."

"Then," Osamu Dazai's hand suddenly increased strength, and his nails poked your skin, "such a disgusting little Tomie, why is he still alive?"

You opened your eyes, and saw the naked disgust and coldness in the close-up kite eyes.

You suddenly understand the meaning of the word "alive" in his words.He wasn't referring to a biological concept.

The human spirit and reason are fragile things unless based on certain beliefs.Pain will make people yield, and desire will make people fall. Even the hardest enemy, as long as he is caught by the weaknesses of family members and friends, he can easily smash his pride into pieces.And no one understands this better than PortMafia.

And death, the cruel and bloody abnormal death repeated many times, is enough to completely collapse even the strongest people, and completely reduce them to walking corpses—because it is a never-ending hell that does not even exist in death.

So Osamu Dazai asked you, why are you still alive.

You know he must have misunderstood, those who were beheaded, dismembered, burned and chopped up were not you now.But in fact, he didn't misunderstand, because you are Fu Jiang, and Fu Jiang is you.

The moment you opened your eyes in the aquarium, everything represented by the name Fu Jiang flooded into your mind like a monstrous flood—if you really had something called a mind at that time.You even remember the smell of formalin in the liquid you soaked in, you remember the screams of fury and hatred from your mouth, because you saw your own reflection superimposed on the glass. on the countenance.

It was a floating mass of flesh with a woman's face and long black hair.

It's a monster.A woman's voice is an awl that pierces the nerves, twisted thoughts and crazy emotions.In an instant, you were repeatedly killed countless times in your memory. All the ways of death that Fu Jiang experienced, whether it was the sound of blood splattering, or the touch of a knife cutting the skin, for you, at that moment, it was all the same. It has become a reality of personal experience.

This is the instinct from Fu Jiang, in order to eliminate and assimilate you, an occasional foreign body mixed in.

However, she failed.

Because——you laughed, "Because Mr. Dazai."

"lie."

"No, I will not lie to Mr. Dazai."

"Osamu Dazai of 'that world' you love. Not me."

"No, it's the same for me. You are Mr. Dazai, the meaning of my existence."

"Then, what if I die?" He stared at you coldly, deep in his pupils, there was a certain emotion surging, "If I die, will Xiao Fujiang still want to live in this world? "

——Will most people say "yes" at this time?

— but you will only say...

"Yes." You smiled, looking at his slightly widened eyes, "Someone once told me that a person's death is divided into two stages, one is the demise of sex, and the other is, It is the death of existence. You are only truly dead when the last person who remembers you dies."

Dying, disappearing, not existing in anyone's memory, there is no trace of your presence in this world - how lonely this is.

So, do it the other way around.As long as you can remember, no one can erase Dazai-sensei from the world.

"I will not die. Because I want to remember you."

This is the real reason why you once gave up suicide and now you can resist assimilation-no one can touch your memory, because there are traces of Mr. Dazai there, even Fu Jiang is not allowed.

As long as you think that your personality carries the memory of Mr. Dazai, no matter how many times you are killed, no matter how many times you are resurrected, even if the boundary between life and death has long been blurred, even if the concept of human beings is far from yours, you Still choose to live as a human being.Suppress the "traits", stay awake, freely drive this body and order it to grow at a normal speed, and feel and spend every day in a human way.

It has always been so, and it is still so now.

The young man suddenly covered your eyes with his hand, and the cold darkness enveloped him. You waited quietly, and after a while, you heard his dry voice.

"So, if I say, let Xiao Fujiang die with me?"

08

08 Final revisions

08

"So, if I say, let Xiao Fujiang die with me?"

The beautifully decorated and spacious study is located on the upper floors of the building. There are no other tall buildings outside the window, only the blue sky of Yokohama Port is dazzling.The bloody sunset ignited the clouds, shone through the open window, and landed on the ocher carpet in front of the sofa, like large bloodstains dragged out.

Within reach is the light-dark boundary line divided by the window edge. There are flying birds passing by in the sky, and the thin black lines disappear in the light.

In the silence, the boy put his hand in front of the girl and said softly.His voice was a little dry, but his tone was like a light feather. His heavy eyes fell on the girl in front of him. Under the empty and barren color of the kite, there were tiny rays of light flickering.

He is waiting for an answer.

Then, he heard the girl speak.

***

"So, if I say, let Xiao Fujiang die with me?"

When you hear this sentence, for a moment, you even doubt your ears.

This is really an invitation that was beyond your expectations. You were hit by such a huge surprise, and you stayed for a few seconds before you were sure that you really understood what he meant.

You heard me right, Mr. Dazai is really inviting you to die with him!

You subconsciously put your hand on your chest, feeling your heart beating wildly.If it wasn't for the wrong occasion, you would have rushed out and asked Mori Ogai to set off hundreds of thousands of fireworks for you at the gate of Hong Kong and Hei.

What a supreme invitation this is!