[Wen Ye] Do caged birds dream of butterflies?

It is for this reason.

But it doesn't matter - because Mori Ogai paused for a moment.

"That's it," he was judging—whether to tolerate your petty capriciousness—or probing, and then, "Then I came just in time!"—and came to a conclusion.

——The conclusion is: Yes.

So he immediately skipped this topic, the so-called raising it high and lowering it gently.He turned his head and waved to the boy who had been standing quietly by the door, "Dazai-kun—"

"What did you say?" You interrupted him suddenly.

"Eh?" Mori Ogai opened his eyes wide, showing an expression of surprise that seemed to be frightened, "Ah, I want to introduce a playmate to the young lady. This Dazai Osamu--"

He said, Dazai Osamu.

Your mind goes blank.You didn't hear a word of what Mori Ogai said next.You just looked at the boy following his movements, from his soft and fluffy black hair that looks good to the touch, to his delicate and slightly immature face; from the bandages wrapped around his forehead to his arms , to his iris-colored, round eyes that opened because of your sudden reaction.

You have never looked at a person so carefully and intently.The look in your eyes at this moment seems to want to tattoo his appearance on the flesh and blood, and engrave it into your brain.

——No, it's not like.

The young man's face was full of bewilderment, and he was obviously frightened by you.

But you can't care about these now.

"Dazai... rule...?"

"Ah, yes."—who was answering?Mori Ogai is still a boy?No, it doesn't matter now.

"Is it... Dazai Osamu who wrote 'Dazai Osamu'?"

"It is indeed these Chinese characters."

"Is that the name from the beginning?" Your gaze didn't change, but the speed of your speech suddenly increased, "I mean, is there no other name?"

"Yes." It was the boy who answered you, his voice was unbelievably clear, not at all hoarse like that of ordinary boys in the period of voice change.Under your gaze, you saw him slowly put away that dazed expression and put on a smiling expression—or, in other words, a "mask".

"Miss, do you know me?" He tilted his head and walked towards you, "But, how do I remember that we should meet for the first time?"

Even if it's a mask, when he smiles, he looks innocent and well-behaved, very pretty.

but--

【...That smile doesn't look like a bird, but it's as light as a feather. It's just a blank sheet of paper...】**

In the iris-colored pupils that are getting closer, you can see your own reflection more clearly.The blackness of your hair is superimposed on the iris, like the feathers of a wet waterfowl wrapped in amber.

But under the amber, there is only a void.

【...Amazingly beautiful... However, it is unbelievable that people can't feel the anger of a living person...】**

Ah... this is really...

"Osamu Dazai..." You took a deep breath, heard yourself speak, and read out the boy's name.Completely different from the excitement just now, the voice flowing from the young girl's throat at this moment was as soft as snowflakes falling on a silver bell, and she was so careful that she almost trembled, as if she was afraid of disturbing the sleeping dead.

"Huh?" The boy stopped in front of you.

"When is your birthday?"

"Is this the last question?" He said, "After the lady finishes asking, it will be my turn to ask?"

"it is good."

"It's June 6th." He stared at your face, and then raised his brows with interest in the next second, "It seems to be the answer that Miss wants."

"Ah, yes." You nodded and repeated, "Yes."

Then laughed.

——This is something that cannot be "expected" and is almost non-existent "possibility".

Uncontrollable, full of joy, and extremely happy, he laughed.

——"Vision" has become "reality".

It was as if a dying swimming fish had been thrown back into the water, as if a dying dandelion seed had fallen into the soil.

In the empty body, something sweeter than honey, hotter than lava, heavier than lead and iron, softer than clouds was slowly but surely filled in.This is a feeling that is both familiar and strange to you. Familiarity is because you know this thing is called "happiness", and strangeness is because the feeling this time is stronger than any other time.

You looked at the boy in front of you, and felt that you had never been satisfied.It's like seeing the world clearly for the first time, with the bright, clear sunlight shining on everything in front of your eyes, and even the little dust in the air sparkling like diamonds.Everything around becomes so beautiful and gorgeous in an instant.The world is beautiful at this moment like a miracle.

You laughed out loud.

Probably because your performance was too incomprehensible, the boy's smile paused for a moment, and his iris-colored eyes suddenly sharpened, like a cold and gloomy shadow reflected on the surface of a stormy lake.But even so it's very pretty.No, it can even be said that he is more attractive than before - because compared to the smile just now, he looks more real.

It's so real that you almost want to reach out, touch his heartbeat, feel his breath with your own hands.

But you didn't do that.On the contrary, you just restrained your smile contentedly and very contentedly under his gaze, took a step back, and changed your address as if to widen the distance between you.

"We are indeed meeting for the first time." You answered his question just now, "Mr. Dazai, nice to meet you."

***

You pass the time reading and writing, but you never claim to be a literary lover.You have a considerable degree of affection for literary giants from ancient and modern China and abroad, but you never talk about your love.

Except for one person.

Except for Mr. Dazai.

You are madly in love with this man, his "Disqualification in the World", and Oba Yezang written by him.Even if you know nothing about the real him, even if you are in different times.

Because it is he who pulls you out of the darkness with words and gives you color, and it is Oba Yozo who cuts open his soul to tell you, look, we are the same, and you are not alone in this world.You can't even explain to others the trembling feeling after watching "No Place in the World" in words.

It is he who makes you feel that "death" is no longer a cold term, but Eden in the abyss.Because he is there, that black and sweet sleep is your common destination.

Different paths lead to the same goal - what a beautiful word.

It is he who makes you want to continue to live, and it is because of him that you know that your existence is meaningful and valuable.

It's a pity that before today, even with all your might, you couldn't give your heart to a phantom on a page, a dead soul who has rested.

But after today, you can.

*) Yanyousha: The first literary group in modern Japan. In 1885, it was initiated by Ozaki Momiji and Yamada Miyoshi. In 1889, Guangjin Liulang joined.

**) The original text of "Disqualification in the World"

04

04

"Now, it's your turn to ask questions," she said.

***

The rhythmic almost mechanical heartbeat suddenly accelerated, the steady and almost false breathing quickened, vivid emotions were revealed on the beautiful and indifferent face, and strong love surged in the dead black pupils.

His name was like some mysterious spell, and the puppet came to life.

This unfolded beyond his expectations. In the boy's kite-colored eyes, the usual lethargy and depression were replaced by interest and curiosity.

The girl in front of her did not know anything about herself. Before Mr. Sen called out her name, her eyes never stayed on her.Even though the name attracted all the attention, her eyes full of love were still mixed with the novelty of meeting for the first time.It's not nostalgia or empathy, if you want to compare it, her expression is closer to that of a believer who has seen a miracle.

However, even fanatics would not look at their gods with such eyes.

Because what is revealed in the girl's eyes is not devout worship, nor distant longing, but the depth and enthusiasm that can be recognized at a glance by human beings who still have sensibility. Trembling love.

——She really loves herself.

Just because of a name.

This is so much fun.

Osamu Dazai narrowed his eyes as if there was an emotion surging in his chest that he had never tasted before.

***

"Now, it's your turn to ask questions." You stared at the boy in front of you happily, waiting quietly for him to speak.

What kind of questions will Dazai-sensei ask?You know that your abnormal reaction just now was definitely beyond his and Mori Ogai's expectations, and they are probably brainstorming to reorganize their language at this moment—because they are obviously here to test you.

But what does it matter.Because it is Dazai-sensei, it is easy to use temptation, as long as it is something he wants to know, you are very willing to answer and you will never lie.Because this is Mr. Dazai, even if he asks for your heart, you will be very happy to give it with both hands.Rather, it would be an honor if he could accept it without disdain.

At this time, you suddenly feel that it is great that you are Fu Jiang-Fu Jiang is the most beautiful, so Fu Jiang's heart must also be the most beautiful heart.

So, come and ask.You stared at the young man in front of you, watching his expression change from surprise to calm, and then from calm to cold, and then the coldness settled down again, falling to the bottom of the iris-colored lake, replaced by the rising Ripples of Curiosity.

Maybe there's something else hiding in this lake - because it's Dazai-sensei - but you can't tell for now.

But it's okay, you just pay attention